Carpe Diem
by Fantasy0506
Summary: Their lifestyles just can't mix. Edward meets hotel manager & recovering alcoholic Bella in London and falls hard. Bella has ended a long term relationship and is fighting for her sobriety. A/N: some editing. End rewrite following soon.
1. Chapter 1 Epiphany

Chapter 1 Epiphany

Bella stretched, feeling the tension in her shoulders. She glanced at the clock and winced – late for dinner again. Mike would not be happy. She quickly tidied her desk, before heading downstairs to the hotel foyer. A brief glance reassured her that all was well in her hotel. She stopped at the Concierge to check on VIP bookings for the night and to wince slightly at the full house the hotel was carrying. The shareholders loved a full house, but it was murder on the staff.

-j-

She was greeted by a scowl as she walked through the door of the apartment, and felt her heart sink. 'Sorry I'm late, honey. We have a full house at the hotel, which means general frenzy for everyone. '

Mike continued to scowl, but remained silent. Great. The silent treatment. Resentment flashed through her at his juvenile behaviour and the now familiar frustration at his refusal to accept the exigencies of being the General Manager of a leading boutique hotel in London. Being a major shareholder could be useful when decisions had to be made, but it also added considerably to her workload.

He slammed the plate down in front of her, making the spaghetti and sauce slide into her lap. She stared down at the mess in her lap for a second before anger ripped through her. "What the hell? Do you have any idea how much this suit cost me? And you ruin it because you're sulking?"

Mike exploded. "I am not sulking! I have the right to be pissed with you! Do you know what today is? Did you even remember? It's our bloody anniversary, Bella! We've been together 4 years today!" His rage and frustration boiled over. "Are you _ever_ going to set a date for the wedding? Do you still want to marry me? Do you actually want to be with me? I am tired of being last on your list of priorities, Bella. Decide now, once and for all – is it me or that fucking hotel? In fact, your friends - your fucking car - are more important to you than I am! I'm done trying! Either you rearrange your priorities or get the hell out!" He was towering over her, hands clenched into fists, face puce.

Bella flinched and pushed away from the table, anger and guilt warring for dominance, each word making her cringe. She turned her back on Mike, making her way around the table to the bathroom.

"We'll discuss this after I've cleaned up," she threw over her shoulder.

"Oh, no. We discuss it now! You will _not_ walk away again!" He lunged at her, fingers closing around her wrist. Knocked off balance, she tripped. Mike's grip on her tightened, bending her wrist back on itself. The breath left her body at the searing pain, and she screamed.

Mike let her go, staring at his hands in horror, staring at Bella, collapsed on the floor in front of him, cradling her wrist. "Oh God, Bella, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you! What should I do?" Tears poured down as his face contorted.

Bella looked up at him, pain warring with anger and guilt. Guilt won as she looked at his horrified face. "This is what I've done – I've caused a good man to hurt me. A good man is looking at me with anguish and guilt because of my actions. Because I can't commit. Because I have stayed with him because it's safe and convenient." She opened her mouth to tell him, but backed down again.

"I'm fine Mike. Just leave me be."

Mike looked at her, rage again filling his face. "Fine," he spat, "I'm going to bed – sort yourself out since you won't allow me to help. This is what you always do, Bella. You don't allow me in. I thought that over time, you would, that you would allow me to take care of you. I do not want to continue like this. The ball is now firmly in your court. Either you commit fully, marry me and make me a priority in your life, or we're through." He stormed up the stairs, slamming the bedroom door behind him.

Bella looked at her wrist, which was swelling alarmingly. She grabbed her keys to drive herself to the ER. She drove to the hospital on autopilot, the confrontation with Mike running over and over through her mind. Even the joy of driving her MX5 couldn't distract her. She grimaced, recalling Mike's accusation that the car was more important than him.

The ER visit went slowly. Her mind was going round and round the fight with Mike. By the time her wrist had been X-rayed and verified as a sprain and taped, the weight of the guilt was too heavy to bear, dragging her through the rain, back home. The apartment was in darkness and silent as she had a quick bath and climbed into bed.

Bella looked at the man lying next to her, sorting through the feelings welling inside her heart. She twisted the engagement ring, sighing. Mike had been pushing her for a date for over a year, and so far, she'd managed to avoid the issue. Did she love him? She shied away from the answer, but it came through just the same – the plain bald truth that she was no longer in love with him. How she had fallen out of love was easier to answer – she loved her job more. The hotel would always mean more to her than the man in her bed.

She couldn't wait a minute longer. She climbed out of bed and wrote a letter to Mike, ashamed of her cowardice, but unable to face him directly. A Dear John letter – how awful could she possibly be?

_Dear Mike_

_Please know that I have never meant to hurt you. You deserve better than this, but it seems I am a coward._

_I cannot marry you. I am not ready to commit to you. No, that's not accurate – I am not able to commit at all. I will never be able to be what you want of me – a wife, partner and lover. I have stayed with you for the worst of reasons – because it is comfortable. I owe you so much for standing by me through my fight for sobriety, but I cannot stay from a sense of obligation. You deserve so much more. _

_I have left our cheque book on the kitchen counter. There is more than enough money in our joint account for you to find yourself another apartment, and to furnish it. Please take whatever you want to from this apartment. I want you to be comfortable in your new home, and it will lessen my guilt to know that you are secure._

_I will stay at the hotel for a week, which should give you time to sort out your new living arrangements. _

_The engagement ring is in the envelope. It wouldn't be right to keep it._

_Love_

_Bella_

She hastily packed a suitcase, and walked away from the last 4 years of her life.

Appalled by the callousness of her epiphany and ashamed of the letter, she did what she always did when unwilling to face emotion – she went to work.


	2. Chapter 2 Meeting Edward

Chapter 2 Meeting Edward

An half hour later, dressed in sweats, she was at the hotel. She paused, watching the Reception and Front of House activities. Despite the lateness of the hour, Reception was busy. She made a mental note to shuffle shifts so that there was more staff on the floor. In the meantime, she would help out. Ten minutes later, dressed in a suit, she stepped behind the Reception desk and began greeting guests. Jessica threw her a grateful smile, whispering a quiet thank you.

She began checking guests in, running through the basic welcome spiel. A high pitched voice interrupted her, impatiently demanding attention. Bella's attention flicked to the guest, taking in a tiny woman with short blond hair whose voice was getting louder and more uncivil. Jessica struggled to answer the increasingly rude questions fired at her while remaining calm and professional.

"Is this what we can expect at this hotel? Incompetent staff, lost bookings and poor service? This is absolutely unacceptable. I demand to speak to the hotel's manager, right now. I don't care if you drag him from his bed! "I have a good mind to find another hotel better able to handle a VIP guest!"

"Good luck with that," thought Bella. London's boutique hotels maintained an informal reciprocity agreement so that guests could be easily relocated in the event that the hotel was full, or received a VIP last minute booking. Other hotels were equally busy and not likely to have space.

Jessica sent Bella a pleading glance, and Bella stepped forward. "Good evening, madam. I am Isabella Swan, the General Manager. How may I help?"

Pale blue eyes looked her up and down and her mouth curled into a sneer. "You're the GM?"

"I am. I gather that we don't appear to have your booking? May I have your name, please?"

"I am Jane Arnold. I reserved a suite for..." She glanced over to the foyer, at a man standing, arms crossed. Irritation was clear in his body language. He was scowling at a pot plant, shifting impatiently from one leg to another and running his hands through his hair. Bella waited for the woman to finish her sentence, very embarrassed that she didn't know the man's name. He looked familiar. Her hotel was a popular venue for the Rich, Famous and Opinionated. It was rare, though, that Bella didn't recognise these guests – it was her job to know the industry, so that they could respond accordingly.

The woman turned back and hissed, "_Edward Cullen!_ Get on with the check in, please! I cannot have Hollywood's leading man standing around in an hotel lobby!_"_

Bella was well aware that there was no booking for Mr Cullen. She was notified of all VIP reservations – staff had to be aware of security and confidentiality, and the inevitable special requirements the VIP Prima Donnas demanded. She was also aware that there were no suites available. She did not relish the thought of telling the woman in front of her that there was nothing available.

_'Once more into the breach',_ she thought wryly. "Ms Arnold, I'm afraid that we do not hold a reservation for Mr Cullen, and unfortunately, the hotel is full..."

She was interrupted by Ms Arnold screaming,"you WILL find him a suite, or I will fucking sue you!"

"Please, Ms Arnold, lower your voice! Please consider other guests! If you will allow me..."

Again, Bella was interrupted by Ms Arnold, who had now moved on to threats. "You had better find a suite, or I will spread the word in the industry that your hotel is fucking incompetent."

"Jane! That's enough!" A voice as smooth as silk slid into the conversation, effectively shutting up the loveable Jane Arnold. She turned to glare at the man standing next to her.

"I cannot believe the disgusting service we're getting from the Metropolitan, Edward! This is completely unacceptable, not to mention embarrassing!"

"Jane, the only one who should be embarrassed is you! You are making a scene that is attracting attention – attention I'm trying to avoid! Which do you think is more likely? That the hotel would lose a VIP booking, or that you did not, in fact, confirm the booking? This is not the first time you've messed up like this!" He glared back at her, clearly very angry.

Bella stood watching the exchange, grinning inside. So far no Prima Donna from Mr Cullen, and Ms Arnold effectively gagged – brilliant! "Good evening, Mr Cullen. I am sorry for this inconvenience. Please allow me to try resolve this. I will try our sister hotels to look for a suite for you."

Bella looked at Edward Cullen directly for the first time and caught her breath. The man was gorgeous. Body of a model, hazel eyes framed by long, sooty lashes. Messy reddish-brownish-bronzish hair flopped over his forehead. She smiled to herself at the adjective overload – bronzish? Said hair was cut short over his ears and into his neck. High cheekbones and straight nose, lips made for kissing completed a, capitals required, SEX GOD.

Edward Cullen gazed at her and she watched his eyes become darker. She couldn't identify the emotion that crossed his face. He smiled at her, the side of his mouth quirking. "Actually, Ms... Swan, is it? It is I who should apologise for the bad behaviour of my staff. I would be grateful if you would find me somewhere to sleep tonight." His gaze dropped to her bottom lip.

_What the hell,_ thought Bella. _I've met some of the most gorgeous men in the world, A-list stars and not one of them looked better in person than on screen! But this man... He looks way, way more... fuckable!_ She giggled inside. _Bloody hell – I'm giggling!_

Bella took a breath and smiled at him. "Give me a minute and I'll see what I can do. Would you like to wait in the bar? It might be more comfortable, and is certainly less public."

Mr Sex God Cullen smiled his thanks and walked across the foyer, his 'staff' trailing behind him. Jane paused and shot a look of loathing at Bella, who smiled sweetly in return. Picking up the phone, she called Jacob in the bar to tell him that all Mr Cullen's drinks were on the house, and began calling around to find a suite for Mr Cullen and the poisonous Jane.

Twenty minutes later and ready to pull her hair out in frustration, Bella still had no bed for Mr Cullen. She checked through her bookings again, but the only room available in the hotel was the one christened 'The Sweat Box' by the staff. Every hotel has one – a room that is so awful that it isn't used. This one's air con didn't work properly despite the best efforts of hotel maintenance, and the plumbing gurgled and groaned. The lift shaft was next to the room and didn't help the wretched ambiance. It was also where she had would be sleeping for the next week while waiting for Mike to clear out of her apartment. _Guests must come first_, she thought. _I wonder if Mike has cleared out yet?_ She shuddered at the thought of a confrontation with him. No way was she going home! _I can sleep on the couch in my office._

Bella made her way to the entrance of the bar to find Mr Cullen and the loveable Jane. She looked around in bewilderment when she didn't see them. "Are you looking for me?" A smooth voice spoke in her ear. Bella jumped slightly as a tingle shot down her spine. She turned, to find him watching her bottom lip again. Bella nervously licked it while trying to fight the tingles running through her body. _For god's sake, Bella. You're not a teenager!_

"Um... yes, actually. Where is Ms Arnold?"

He frowned. "She is no longer in my employ."

"Ahh." Bella really didn't know what to say to that, so instead she plunged in. "Mr Cullen, I'm afraid I haven't been able to find you a suite at any hotel within an hour of us. The best... in fact the _only_ bed I can give you is in the Sweat Box." _Oh, God, tell me I didn't just say Sweat Box_.

Edward looked confused. "The what?"

"I'm sorry! I shouldn't have called it that. It's the very last room available in the hotel, which we don't usually occupy because it is so... um... uncomfortable." Bella grimaced, waiting for the predictable explosion of a person to whom only the very best was acceptable.

Edward's face creased and he threw back his head and laughed. It was a deep, genuine laugh that made the other bar patrons smile and look at him. Bella smiled too, but was honestly bewildered – her considerable experience with VIPs did not include those who laughed so heartily at bad news, especially when that news was about their comfort. "I do apologise, but if you could put up with the discomfort for one night, I'll have a suite available for you tomorrow. How long do you think you'll be staying at the hotel?"

Edward continued chuckling, wiping the tears from his eyes. "Well, it was supposed to be two nights, but since I no longer have a personal assistant, it will have to be a bit longer while I find another one. Do you know the names of any agencies?" Once more, the corner of his mouth lifted slightly.

"I'll have some names for you tomorrow morning," said Bella, feeling not even slightly guilty at the termination of Ms Arnold's employment.

Edward glanced at his watch and grimaced. "It's now midnight, so I might as well try to get some rest in your... Sweat Box." He grinned. "Would you take me, please?" Strictly speaking, the bell hop should have taken him, but in light of the evening's events, Bella nodded and crossed to Reception to get the key card. "I need to give Housekeeping a half hour before I take you up. Would you like to have a meal while you wait?"

"Would you join me for a late meal at Nobu, rather than eat here at the hotel?" Edward asked. Bella hesitated – fraternising with guests was against hotel policy. "I think it's the least you could do for me, given the drama tonight," cajoled Edward.

Bella made the mistake of looking up into those beautiful eyes. Rational thought marched straight out of her ear, leaving behind a tingling spine and slightly wobbly legs. She nodded, not trusting her voice. She called Jessica over to take Mr Cullen's bags to the Concierge. Bella was surprised by the one trolley bag that he had – in her experience, VIPs came laden for even the briefest stays at the hotel.

Edward caught her looking at it and smiled at her expression. "No, Ms Swan, I am not your average VIP. I prefer to travel light, and where possible, in _incognito_."

Bella smiled, and blurted, "That makes a pleasant change from our usual guests!" Her eyes widened and she covered her mouth with her hands in embarrassment. Edward burst out laughing again at her slip, and reached up to take her bandaged hand. The laughter died as he looked at it in concern.

"Are you alright?" Edward spotted her bandaged hand.

"I... um... fell." Edward held it in his hands, thumbs gently rubbing over the bandage. He watched her for a moment, raising it gently to his lips before releasing it.

Bella looked into his eyes again, caught by the genuine concern in them. Embarrassed, she snatched her hand back and turned to the desk, "Jessica, please would you make a booking at Nobu for two, under the hotel's name?"

Turning back to Edward, she found his eyes on her. "Would you mind waiting a minute while make the booking, please." Taking a deep breath, she tried to regain her composure as she watched him walk to the foyer. The view from the back was almost as good as the front.

"Bella, should I contact James?" Jessica held the receiver, waiting.

"Yes, thanks, Jessica," Bella ducked into the back office to straighten her hair and makeup, and, if she was perfectly honest, get her raging hormones under control.

James was waiting at the Concierge's desk. Other than his size, he was entirely unremarkable – dirty blond hair, light eyes, a nose, a mouth, eyebrows – all the usual that added up to forgettable. He was also very, very good at his job. Although he carried a weapon, his speciality was unarmed crowd control, essential when dealing with celebrities and their followers.

"James! Thank you so much for helping out on such short notice. I appreciate your dedication!" James was not a man of many words, so Bella was not surprised when he simply smiled.

"Our guest is Edward Cullen. At this point, the paparazzi don't seem to be aware that he's staying at our hotel, so security should be fairly light. You know what to do if anything escalates. From now on, please call him Mr Eider. We'll meet you outside."

She made her way to Edward, telling him the taxi was waiting. James walked out in front of them to open the taxi door, his eyes scanning the area. Edward stepped aside to allow Bella to get in to the taxi. James frowned, shaking his head and gesturing for Edward to get in first. Edward grimaced, before following the instruction, sliding across the seat so that Bella could get in. The journey to the restaurant was quiet, partly because the large security detail in the shape of James in the seat opposite and partly because Bella was unable to string a coherent sentence together.

Edward pulled a black beanie on his head. "What's the beanie for?" asked Bella, grateful for the distraction.

"It's the best way to hide this ridiculous hair of mine. For some reason, that and my eyes seem to be a beacon to every teenage girl and her mother - who really ought to know better." With that, he put on a pair of thick horn rimmed glasses. Bella almost burst out laughing – from the hottest man on the planet, he'd become the hottest librarian on the planet.

"When you've got it, you've got it," she teased.

An eyebrow arched over a gorgeous eye. "And you think I've got it?" Edward's smile lit the taxi.

Bella laughed. "Very definitely!"

They were shown to their table, located as far from the entrance as possible. They looked at their menus while the sommelier brought a wine list.

"Bella? Would you prefer a red or white wine?" An eyebrow rose over those beautiful, beautiful hazel eyes.

Bella looked away, her hands twisted in her lap. "I don't mind. Suit yourself." Turning to the sommelier, she asked for a club soda.

The wine arrived – a deep red cabernet. Bella licked her lips, pulling her eyes from the glass, searching for something else to look at, something to take her mind off the siren call of the glass in front of her. She looked up to see Edward watching her, confusion evident. His expression smoothed out. He raised a hand for the sommelier. "Please take the wine. I've changed my mind. My apologies for the inconvenience. Please bring me an Appletizer instead." With enviable style, the sommelier removed all evidence of the glasses and bottle.

Bella released a breath she hadn't realised she was holding. There was a pause while Bella looked at everything other than the man in front of her. Edward lent across the table to gently put two fingers on her bottom lip. Her eyes snapped to his, trying to read the message in his eyes. He was telling her something, but the feel of his hand scattered her thoughts. Her gaze lowered to his mouth, the tip of her tongue touched her lip, accidentally touching his fingers. The shock froze her in her chair and suddenly she was gulping air, trying to regain some equilibrium.

Edward's eyes didn't leave hers as he raised his fingers to his own lips, gently wiping them across his bottom lip.

That smooth voice slid between her thoughts again. "May I ask what, in your opinion, 'it' is?" The tone was teasing and... gentle?

Bella smiled to give herself time to compose a rational thought. "Hmm... a tough one, that. Could it be the ability to stop all conversation in a room just by walking in, although in your case, just walking passed would probably have the desired effect. Perhaps it's the gorgeous body that screams sex. Perhaps, and I may be way off base here, that panty dropping smile that you're giving me right now?" The look on his face was priceless, and she couldn't help but giggle.

Four years of working in a 5 star luxury hotel should have equipped her for dinner with an A-lister, for heaven's sake! Instead, in the space of an hour, her verbal filter had failed, her brains had marched out her ear, she was giggling like a teenager and her entire body was tingling like a fly stung horse. She giggled to herself again at the mental image of Bella twitching. Unfortunately, the image quickly morphed to a naked Bella leaning over a table while looking over her shoulder at a fully clad Edward Cullen, her body shuddering. Bella prayed to any deity listening that her thoughts weren't visible on her face.

"Your hotel – you – really do know how to deal with the Rich and Famous! I gather that James is security for my stay at the Metropolitan?" Edward's eyes seemed to glow, alight with amusement and... what?

Bella laughed. "Thank you! Yes, on all counts. We take the safety and privacy of our guests very seriously. That's why we give our VIPs pseudonyms – so that they can stay at the hotel with complete anonymity. From now on, when you book in at the Metropolitan, you will be Donald Eider. We'll know who you are, while hopefully fooling the Press. We also track your special needs – I don't suppose you want to bath in yak milk or something, do you? We get some rather peculiar requests from our VIPs " she teased.

Edward burst out laughing again. "Tell me that isn't Eider as in eider down - duck? Donald Duck?"

Bella's jaw dropped. In the 2 years she'd been assigning the pseudonyms in the hotel, not once had a celebrity made the connection between their code names and Disney characters. It had been her own little joke that kept the histrionics and temper tantrums of the Rich, Famous and Obnoxious in perspective.

She could feel the blush rising, frantically trying to think of something to say. To deny it was obviously not going to work, but to admit it was embarrassing – not to mention potentially detrimental to the hotel.

"Don't worry about it, Ms Swan – I think it's very funny!" He was still chortling to himself, so she had to assume that he was telling the truth.

The only way out was through, so with as much éclat as she could muster, she laughed too. "You're on to my secret! I am sorry – I'm beyond embarrassed! With that knowledge, you get to call me Bella!"

"Well in that case, you can call me Edward – or Donald – whichever you prefer," he grinned at her.

They burst into gales of laughter, attracting the attention of other patrons. Edward looked over her shoulder and stopped abruptly, the hilarity of the moment snuffed by the scowl on his face. Bella looked behind her, bewildered by the sudden shift in atmosphere. Several patrons had their camera phones out, snapping pictures.

"Bugger! Edward, I'm so sorry. So much for helping you fly under the radar. So much for 'the Last Word in Discretion that is the Metropolitan'!"

"It's not your fault, Bella. I've loved having dinner with you, and with the best intentions in the world, I doubt that I could have kept my presence in London secret for more than another twelve hours – max." Edward's hand lifted towards her face, only to pull back quickly. "I think we should go, though."

Bella looked down at her plate, realising she had no recollection of actually eating a meal, let alone placing an ordering. She grinned at him before sending a quick text to James to let him know they were done, and were likely to have a posse. The bill arrived, resulting in a light hearted tussle. She rapped him on the knuckles with the pen. "Uh uh – I get you on expenses!"

Edward laughed again. "Well, best I make sure you get full value!"


	3. Chapter 3 Running

**AN: my first lemon, so let me know if it was okay, please!**

Chapter 3 Running

The journey back to the hotel was peaceful. Bella could feel the weight of almost 24 hours with no sleep crushing her into the taxi seat. Edward seemed equally tired, his head tilted back against the seat with his eyes closed.

They arrived at the hotel to find the entrance mobbed by cameras, fans and paparazzi. Bella glanced at Edward, whose face was fixed in a grimace. Even from inside the taxi, the screams of fans could be clearly heard, asking for everything from a posed photograph to kisses and autographs. Camera flashes lit the sidewalk. James instructed the driver to take them around to the tradesmen's entrance, hurrying them inside while checking the surrounds for cameras.

Bella hurried over to the Concierge to retrieve Edward's bag and key card while James went to hold the elevator. Edward's body was rigid, the tension rolling off him in waves. Despite the countless VIPs and resulting paparazzi frenzy she had experienced, she had never really had insight into their world, and the reality of it was far from glamorous. No wonder many of her guests made outrageous demands – anything to avoid the goldfish bowl that was their lives.

"So I finally get to see your "Sweat Box"," Edward's face was still tense, but he tried to smile to ease the tense atmosphere. "Do I get a guided tour?"

The intimacy of his tone made the lift feel very small. Electricity flickered between them and through her body, making her skin tingle and ground itself between her thighs. A different kind of tension in the lift ratcheted a notch when her eyes met his. She watched his eyes darken before flickering to James. James was stoically looking into the middle distance, apparently unaware of the atmosphere. She sighed audibly with relief when the elevator dinged and the doors opened. James preceded them, checking the hall, before waving them forward.

Bella opened the door for Edward, immediately hit by the heat in the room and by the smell of her perfume. _Damn! Housekeeping hadn't been able to remove the scent – no doubt because of the dreadful air con. _Edward walked in to the room, placing his bag on the bed while Bella thanked James.

"You did a great job, James. Thank you very much. Are you good for the rest of the day?"

"Any time, Ms Swan, glad to be of service. I'm good." James smiled, nodding.

Bella smiled and closed the closed the door.

"Right – the personalised tour. Over here, you will recognise a bed, and possibly the bedside tables. As part of this wonderful suite, you will find the bathroom 5 steps to your left and through the door . The bathroom, if I say so myself, is the last word in luxury, sporting an overhead shower. If you're lucky, you will hear the wonderful symphony of the plumbing, punctuated by the beautiful sounds of the lift shaft..."

It worked: Bella's light hearted tour made them both laugh, easing the stress of the shit storm downstairs.

Edward looked at her in confusion. "Why does this room smell like you?"

Bella caught her breath for the umpteenth time. _He recognised my perfume. _"I'm so sorry – Housekeeping should have done a better job."

"Don't apologise – you smell delicious." He stepped closer, raising his hand to brush her cheek. Unable to help herself, she leaned into his hand. The atmosphere thickened, surrounding and cocooning them as he leaned forward to kiss her gently. Her hands rose unbidden to his neck and she flinched at the pain in her wrist. She dropped her injured hand while pulling him closer to deepen their kiss. Edward gently slipped her jacket from her shoulders, raising her banaged hand to his lips. His hands slid along the nape of her neck, twining his fingers in her hair.

They fell on to the bed together, Edward cradling her hand gently. "You are so beautiful. I've wanted to taste your skin all night. Do you feel how much I've wanted to?" He placed her hand on his crotch to feel the bulge and buried his nose into the crook of her neck.

Bella's brain was shouting at her, a litany through her mind – _guest, Mike, Star = man whore. _Her body though, was purring as his lips moved along her jaw, kissing and nibbling the spot behind her ear. Her mind stuttered and became mute when his lips returned to her mouth, running his tongue over her bottom lip. The sensuality of his tongue on her lip, the tension between their bodies, pooled between her legs, soaking her panties.

Rational thought drowned in the feelings washing through her body when his hand lightly tracked up her thigh and brushed against her panties. Her hips bucked at his touch, searching for the feel of his hand again. "Hmm... you are so wet for me, Bella." She looked up at him, drowning in his eyes, some part of her brain noticing that they were dilated and almost entirely green.

Her hand slid under his shirt, the feeling of his taut abdomen beneath her fingertips silencing any last rational thoughts buzzing in her mind. Her entire being was focussed on the man lying next to her, the push of his erection against her hip. Passion took over rational thought andshe pulled his shirt over his head, her lips traced his collar bone, tasting his skin. His breathing hitched as her hand slid down to the button on his jeans, coaxing them over his hips. He lifted slightly so that they slipped down, taking his boxers with them. Her fingers trailed down his chest, to his belly button, down the little path of hair towards his cock. His hand stopped her, and she glanced up at him, questioning.

"My turn, my Bella." The sound of his voice, the "my Bella" went straight to her clit, making her crave more as she ran her hands back up his chest, her tongue flicking his nipples. "What the hell are you doing to my body, my Bella?"

Bella squirmed, gasping as he brushed the inside of her thigh. He went to work on the tiny buttons on her blouse, hissing in frustration at the delay. Without warning, he ripped them apart, tossing it away. The tearing sound made her whimper, her hips pushing against him. He unzipped her skirt, sliding it down while her hips bucked to be closer to him. Her panties followed as they lay side by side, his erection pressed between their bodies.

She arched her back to get closer to his hands as they slid down her back and over her hips. He laughed softly at her need, whispering in her ear. "No, my Bella. I am going to make love to you until you don't know your own name. I promise you that you will beg for your release, again and again and again." Bella gasped at his words that bypassed her brain to settle in the tightness between her thighs. The throbbing was almost painful when his teeth bit down gently on a nipple, his tongue flicking it.

He rolled her on to her back, trailing kisses down her body and spreading her legs. He gazed at her body, breathing in the scent of her arousal, sliding the tip of one finger over her clit and circling her opening. Bella's hands clenched the sheets before fisting in his hair to push his mouth closer. His tongue flicked down her slit, circling her clit, before diving into her opening. His teeth grazed her clitoris. He steadied her hips as she bucked.

Bella was vaguely aware of a ragged voice begging, pleading, calling Edward's name, calling him home. "Shhh, my Bella. Patience." She barely recognised Edward's voice, his silky tones grown thick and deep. He returned his attention to her clit, sucking and licking. The surge careening around her body abruptly broke, wave after wave of sensation pummelling her as she came on his tongue. "There, see? Worth the wait, I should think." Bella was barely conscious as she felt him move away from her body and whimpered at the loss of contact.

She felt, rather than saw him roll a condom over his erection, sighing in relief when she felt his body move up hers. All feeling was centred on the throbbing between her legs as she felt him slide into her. He paused, giving her a second to adjust to him, but her body craved more and her hips jerked up. He growled as he pushed further into her. "Look at me, my Bella."

She opened his eyes to see him staring down at her. Her body jerked again in response to the passion in his dark, dark eyes. He slid in, pulling back, only to push in deeper, setting a pace that neither would be able to stand for very long. Her eyes closed, again, lost in the feeling of his movements filling her, retreating and filling her again. She whimpered as he pulled out, almost entirely. "No, my Bella. Eyes open. I want to look in your eyes as you come."

Her eyes snapped open and he rammed back into her, his eyes never leaving hers. He hitched her legs over his shoulders, pushing even deeper into her. Her whimpers became panting as her orgasm curled around her stomach. He began pumping, each time getting deeper and creating more friction on her clit. "Come with me, my Bella. Watch my eyes while I watch you come." Her orgasm exploded in her, around him, gripping him so hard he followed.

They gazed into each other's eyes, both sated, both speechless from the intensity of their orgasms. Edward moved first, carefully removing the condom. Bella's thoughts were blurred as she lay on the bed, her body buzzing and twitching with pleasure. She raised herself on her elbows to watch him walk back to the bed. "That was..." her hand waved limply and she fell back on to the bed.

"And what makes you think that was 'it'?" He leered at her.

She burst out laughing, "There's more?" Her body picked up its humming.

"Oh, yes, my Bella, much, much more!"

She watched him walk into the bathroom and nestled back under the covers. The last thing she heard before she fell asleep, was a gentle laugh as a warm arm wrapped around her waist.

An alarm ripped through Bella's sleep, jerking her awake and pulling her up in bed.

"Ow! Bloody hell, woman!"

Bella looked at Edward, stark naked, with a hand over one eye. "You better not have given me a black eye!" He burst into laughter at her horrified expression.

"I am so sorry! I didn't mean to... Oh, shit! That's my wake up alarm! It's 6am!" Bella began scrambling, looking for her clothes. "Oh hell. Housekeeping has taken my belongings to my office."

"So you _were_ using this room? Is that why the room smelled like you?"

She looked up distractedly. "Um... yeah... I'll be staying at the hotel for a while. Now I have to figure out how to get to my office unnoticed."

"Where were you going to sleep last night if you gave me your room?" Edward looked confused. He pulled on boxers.

"On the couch in my office."

"Why could you not go home?" Edward looked at his feet, before looking up at her. "I apologise, Bella. It's none of my business."

Bella looked away, trying to think of something to say. Her mother's etiquette lessons hadn't covered making light conversation with a one night stand. Her heart clenched painfully at the thought of her mum, making her words stilted and cold.

"Thank you Edward, for a wonderful night. Since I do run this hotel, I will definitely see you again while you're here. Please enjoy your stay at our hotel and be sure to let us know if you have any special needs."

Thanking any listening deities that her jacket could be worn without a blouse, she buttoned it up and walked out, closing the door quietly behind her.


	4. Chapter 4 Aftermath

Chapter 4 Aftermath

Bella made it to her office mostly unnoticed. James had seen her leave Edward's room, and would therefore know that she'd been there for the rest of the night. She was fairly certain that he wouldn't say anything though – after all, she supplied his employment.

Her body still smelled of Edward; his scent alone made her knees slightly wobbly. She took a shower, trying to get her head around the last 6 hours. 1. Dinner with super star. 2. Battle with a glass of wine – the first in months. 3. Mind blowing sex with said super star. 3. Running like hell from said super star. 4. What next?

The more she thought about it, the less it made sense. This was not her normal behaviour. Normal Bella behaviour involved avoiding alcohol and environments containing alcohol. Restaurants were firmly in the 'To Be Avoided' category. Normal behaviour certainly didn't include sex with a man she had known for less than 6 hours. The last time she'd done that, she'd been too hammered to walk. She flinched at the memory. And lastly, thoughts of her mum were usually ruthlessly repressed.

A shudder ran through her and her legs folded beneath her. The seal on the door called Mum cracked and broke open, flooding Bella's heart with razor blades, exposing the cuts to the air for the first time in a year. It was almost 3 years since her mother's suicide.

She had known how illusory her mother's stability was. She had lived with her mother's Bipolar Disorder for most of her life, at least since her father died. It was Bella who made sure she took her medication, Bella who called the psychiatrist when Renee's moods began swinging. And it was Bella who had walked away, leaving Renee to commit suicide, alone, in a bath of water.

If only she hadn't moved up to London. If only she had stayed. If only. The two saddest words in the English language.

She had no idea how long she had been on the floor, trying to reach the surface of the sea of pain. It was the freezing water that finally broke through the waves that were pinning her to the floor. She got up painfully and prepared for a long day.

Dressed in a suit, hair neatly coiled on her head and make up on, all traces of Edward were gone and Bella began her day.

By 10am, she was exhausted. She was heading up on 2 days with no more than a couple of hours sleep. She shook her head, knowing that she'd have to deal with Edward Cullen and the issue of his suite, since she usually handled the VIP suites herself. Perhaps she could get Angela to handle it. She was the Assistant GM after all.

As if on cue, Angela's head popped around her office door.

"Hey, Bella! Looks like you were fielding lots of drama last night! What happened? The Concierge left notes that Edward Cullen is booked in the hotel, but I can't find his room number and you didn't leave the code name."

"And good morning to you too, Angela! I don't understand a word you're saying as I'm severely under-caffeinated. Grab a cup, pour me one, and I'll give you the run down."

Angela smiled. "Sorry. But you have to admit that having Edward Cullen in the hotel is definitely noteworthy!" She poured two mugs of coffee before sitting on the couch.

Bella sighed internally, knowing that she would have to heavily edit to make it even vaguely PG. Perhaps if she went into work mode... 10 minutes later, she had run through the pertinent facts to bring Angela up to speed. Angela would capture the information against the VIP's profile and she could breath a sigh of relief that Mr Edward Cullen aka Donald Eider could be handed over, to be dealt with as any VIP guest would be.

"Is he as good looking in the flesh as he is on screen?"

Bella raised an eyebrow. "What? Since when do you come out with swoon lines like that?"

Angela grinned and wagged her finger, "well, not usually, but then Edward Cullen is not the usual!"

Bella tried to laugh, which unfortunately sounded like a strangled bleat. "Yes, I think it's safe to say that he can climb on the 1st place pedestal as the one star who really _does_ look better in the flesh."

Instead of the expected laugh, Angela looked worried. "Bells, what the hell happened last night? You breezed over details of the restaurant, but were you really okay? What happened when he ordered a drink?"

"Relax, Ang. I didn't have a drink. Actually, he was a complete gentleman. When he realised that I wasn't having anything alcoholic, he sent back the bottle of wine he'd ordered and had a soft drink instead."

"It couldn't have been easy, though, Bells. Are you sure you're okay? I haven't seen those shadows in your eyes for over a year. Maybe give your sponsor a call. At the very least, give Alice or Jasper a call."

"I'll think about it. Now off you go and impress our newest celebrity. We need to find the names of some agencies so that he can find a new PA. He fired the delightful Jane Arnold's arse last night."

Angela laughed, "I wish I had seen it! Why is it that VIP support staff are often worse than the VIP? Do you think I should let our favourite PR guru know? Just in case there's a backlash."

_This is why Angela is Assistant GM, _thought Bella. _She understands the big picture while keeping a finger on the details. _"Good call, Ang. Do that. Oh, could you also give me the shift sheets, please? I want to do some juggling to get more bodies on the floor for night shift."

With a quick salute, Angela left the office, leaving a pensive Bella staring at the screen of her laptop.

_Angela's right. I should call someone. I can't risk falling off the wagon._ She reached for her mobile and scrolled to Kate's name. Kate's mobile went straight to voicemail, so she left a message. "Hey, Kate, it's Bella. Could do with a quick word. Give me a call when you can."

Before she could call Alice, her mobile rang. "How do you do that, Alice?" Bella laughed, "I was just about to give you a call!" Alice's tinkling laugh made Bella grin. She could just picture Alice bouncing up and down at her desk.

"Hello, Isabelly! It's your favourite fairy godmother, here to solve your problems and turn your pumpkins into carriages!"

"Has Angela contacted you already? That was quick! Do you think the hotel will pick up any bad press from The Cullen – Arnold debacle?"

"No, Isabelly, I haven't heard from Angela, and I am blessedly unaware of that which you speak. I just had a feeling I needed to call you, so here I am, hanging on your every word with bated breath!"

"Ahh... my personal psychic strikes again! Actually, I have several things I want to talk to you about – some work, some personal. Are you free for lunch?" Bella eyes pricked as she took a deep breath, knowing that Alice would pick up on the emotion in her voice.

She was right. Alice's cheerful tone changed immediately, replaced by concern and love. "No problem, Bella. I'll see you in 15 minutes. Bella? I have a feeling you need to speak to Jasper too."

"As usual, my fairy godmother, you're right. I'll give him a call now. See you in a bit."

Bella's next call was to Jasper's practice. "Good afternoon, thank you for calling Dr Whitlock and Dr Hale's rooms. How may I help?"

Bella smiled at the warm voice, "Good afternoon, Esme. It's Isabella Swan. How are you?"

"Isabella! How wonderful to hear your voice! We haven't seen you here for several months! Would you like me to book an appointment for you?"

"Yes, please. That would be great. Sooner rather than later would be perfect, if possible?"

"Yes, of course. How does 9:30 tomorrow morning sound?"

One of the great things about Esme was that she didn't pry and didn't ask how you were. If you were calling Jasper's office, chances are that you weren't fine. People phoning a psychologist who specialised in addiction were very, very unlikely to be 'fine'. She was a motherly presence without being smothering, and caring without being intrusive.

"That sounds great, Esme, thank you. I'll see you tomorrow."

"You're welcome, Bella. Keep safe till then."

Bella's mobile chirped with a text from Alice that she had arrived. Giving Angela a quick call to tell her she would be away from her desk, she went to the foyer to meet Alice.

"Hey, Isabelly !" Alice jumped up to give Bella a hug, before dragging her out the hotel entrance. "I wish I could say you're looking good, but you actually look like shit. Way too beaten for us to chat in your hotel. Let's indulge in the anonymity that is Costa and go sit in Green Park."

Alice was a speed talker. In general, her words were unintelligible unless you were concentrating – very hard. Bella looked down at her best friend, trying to make sense of what sounded like a run on sentence, but gave up. It was usually easier just to wait for Alice to finish, or if Jasper was around, to get the cliff notes from him. Jasper was a walking Alice decoder.

Alice and Bella picked up their order and made their way to Green Park, Bella listening to Alice chatter about her job. Alice really was one of the best PR managers in the country, which is why Bella had her on retainer for the Metropolitan. Bella was so deep in thought about the PR profile of her hotel that it was a minute before she realised that Alice had stopped talking.

She glanced at Alice, who was looking at her with a smile. "When you're ready, Belly, talk. I'll wait for as long as you need." Alice's smile was gentle. It snagged on Bella's heart, knowing that Alice would love and support her, regardless of the mess she was currently generating in her life.

Bella's throat closed as she fought for breath. She looked out at the park, watching tourists and Londoners relaxing and walking. Alice was right – the anonymity was soothing. Where to start, though?

"Ali, I've managed to turn my life in to a shit storm in 48 hours and I'm barely treading water. The quick synopsis? I left Mike, almost had a drink, slept with a stranger and..." Bella's throat closed again.

"And what, Bella?"

"And my mother crept up and clubbed me over the head." Bella tried to smile, but it slid from her face as a sob broke free.

Alice put her arms around Bella as she broke down, sobbing on her shoulder. Alice held her, comforting and undemanding, waiting for Bella's tears to run dry so that she could continue. Bella straightened, fighting for composure.

"I don't know where to begin straightening out this mess, Ali. I'm afraid that any action will push everything off balance and I'll find myself at the bottom of a bottle and my life in the toilet again. I don't think I'm strong enough to come back from that place again."

Alice was quiet for a moment. "Bella, it seems to me that you have to begin with 2 choices – either continue on your own, or get input from an outside source. Which option do you want to take?"

"Right now, I have no faith in my own decisions. That's my problem, Ali! I'm scared to make any decisions! At this point, even a wrong breath will have me in free fall and I don't think I can make it through another relapse. I've let you down, Jasper, Mike... who else?" Bella began crying again.

"Do you trust me to make the choice for you? " Alice took Bella's face in her hands so that she was forced to meet her eyes.

"You know that I do. I trust you with my life."

"Well then, I think you should deal with the drinking first. If you can stay on top of that, it will at least be possible to deal with the rest. Did you call Kate? When last did you go to a meeting?" Bella flinched, knowing that it had been far too long.

"I left a message for Kate to give me a call. The meeting's tonight, so hopefully I can see her there. I also have an appointment with Jasper tomorrow morning."

Alice beamed. "Can you see, Belly, that you actually have already made some decisions, and they're the right ones. You already knew to handle the drinking first, before I suggested it. I'm so proud of you, Bella. You're more in control than you think."

Bella smiled at Alice's enthusiasm, feeling the words soak into her battered brain, easing the despair so that she could draw breath.

"Bella?" Alice's tone caught her attention. "You know that Jasper and I will prepare for an intervention just the same?"

Bella nodded, gathering Alice in a hug so tight she squealed.

"Okay, so let's move on to the rest of your woes." Alice burst out laughing. "That sounds so... dramatic!"

"Ali, dramatic is what you do best!"

Alice shrugged. "Actually, I can't wait to hear how you finally got Mike Newton out your life."

Bella's jaw dropped. "What? I thought you liked Mike? You've never said anything about not liking him!"

"Well, you were definitely not in any place to hear that I think he's a lazy, opinionated shit who's kept you from healing because it's safe for him to stay with you." Alice's expression was uncharacteristically hard. "You've been too scared to move on and he's been too comfortable to put you first. He's not a bad person, Bella. He's just bad for you."

"You may be right, Ali, but I still feel guilty as hell. I'm the one who has been avoiding any commitment, after all. I'm the one who's kept him waiting for a wedding date for over a year. I'm the one who wrote a Dear John letter, for Christ's sake, then did a midnight bunk!"

"A Dear John letter? Ooh, Belly, that's cold!" Alice tried to look disapproving, but a smile tugged at her mouth. "Seriously, Bella. That relationship has been bad news since your mother passed. You've been trying to inject meaning into it to ease the guilt you carry over your mum's death, but bad is bad, no matter how many pretty ribbons you tie around it."

Bella felt the blood drain from her face as she panted, trying to breath around the hole in her chest. Her ears were deafened by roaring and she watched Alice's lips move, desperately trying to make sense of the words. Alice pulled her close, resting Bella's head against her heart. Bella concentrated on the steady beats, slowly swimming up through the pain.

"Belly? Are you okay?"

Alice's gentle voice ghosted over her, lending her strength to keep breathing, keep living until she could find her own energy. Even the ridiculous nickname was a beacon, promising love and comfort.

"Yeah, I'm okay, Ali. Thank you." Bella hoped that Alice could hear all the emotion loaded in that thank you. Alice and Jasper had been there for her, day and night, true friends who had come through for her time and time again. The debt of gratitude was huge.

"It's probably best if you talk to Jazz about your mum. You really should be in a secure, controlled environment when you tackle that pain. Would you like me to be there with you tomorrow morning?"

"No. Thank you Alice, but no. I need to face it flying solo."

"Bella, you're a brave, brave woman. You can do this. If it gets too much, just ask and I'll be there." Alice stopped for a minute, examining Bella's face carefully. Clearly satisfied with what she saw there, she nodded to herself, before glee coloured her voice again. "Okay, so next part! Tell me all about the stranger you slept with!"

Bella blushed. "Now there's an elephant in the room! He's a new VIP at the hotel. He rocked up at the hotel last night without a reservation. I ended up having dinner with him – which is where I had to look a glass of Cabernet in the eye – and going back to his room."

Alice's expression darkened at the mention of the wine, before bouncing back into smiles. "Who is he? Was the sex good?"

"Would you believe me if I told you it was Edward Cullen? And my God, those were the best orgasms of my life!"

Alice practically drooled. "Belly, you sure do have good taste, I'll give you that. When you decide to step out, you do so in style!"

Bella laughed. "I hope he doesn't think it's part of the service the hotel supplies! I'm already having to look for agencies for him after he fired his PA last night. Maybe I should add it to the bill!"

"Impossible! You're class, babe, make no mistake! Alice sat for a moment, lost in thought. "Bella, would you mind introducing me to him? I've a business proposal I'd like to run passed him."

Bella blanched. "You're kidding, right? I'm trying to work it so I don't have to see him for the remainder of his stay! I've handed over his entire profile to Angela! Besides, wouldn't there be some sort of conflict of interest?"

"No, I don't think so. I'd like to discuss his plans to employ another PA. I'm thinking that he would be better served by a PR expert who can run interference at the coal face so to speak." She giggled at the mixed metaphors. "Think about it, Belly. With direct access to PR services, he could have immediate control of any exposure, positive or otherwise. My team could handle the logistical aspects that a traditional PA would fulfil. If I do my job right, it would cover publicist services too."

"Ali, it does sound like a good idea. I'm still not keen to introduce you to him myself though, so I'll ask Angela to set it up, okay?"

"Chicken!" Alice made clucking noises, complete with flapping wings.

Bella rolled her eyes, kissed her goodbye and headed back to the hotel.

There was a message to contact Angela when she got back to her desk. _Oh, hell. What now. Why is it that I just know it's Edward Cullen? I need to leave soon to make the AA meeting. Shit, fuck, damn. _

"Hey, Ang. I got your message. Please tell me there's no more drama with Mr Eider?"

"Hi, Bella. No, no drama. Man, that guy is hot! I went personally to his suite to check on him, and to give him the names of the agencies. He was very polite, but here's the thing: he wants to deal with you. I told him that you weren't in the hotel, and he smiled sweetly and said he'd wait. I have to say: he's one of the nicer VIPs we've had. His ego actually fits in the room!"

Bella grimaced, although in all honesty, it wasn't such a strange request. VIPs demand senior management – it's just part of the whole Rich, Famous and Obnoxious thing. In this case, though, Bella was fairly sure that it wasn't motivated by the usual of the RF&O ego. And there really was no way that she could realistically refuse to meet him.

She sighed, standing up and straightening her suit. _This is going to be awkward! I suppose if all conversation fails, I can fall back on Alice._

The elevator took her to penthouse, leaving her in the foyer of his suite. She raised her hand to knock, only to have the door open under her hand. The suite's butler, Tyler opened the door. His face lit up when he saw Bella.

"Ms Swan! What a pleasure to see you!"

"Thank you, Tyler. Your service is 5 star, as usual. No wonder the Dorchester is trying to head hunt you!" She winked at him. It was actually true, but for reasons best known to Tyler, he had declined all offers.

"Ah, Ms Swan, you flatter me! Let me check if Mr Eider is able to see you now."

That gorgeous voice slid into their conversation from the next room. "I most definitely am able to see Ms Swan, Tyler."

Tyler frowned slightly and stepped aside to usher Bella into the suite.

Bella did a quick scan of the suite, noting that all was in order. Tyler was very good at his job, keeping the suite in pristine condition. All the suites had the services of a butler, to cater to, coddle and fulfill the slightest whim of the RF&O. It also helped her avoid meeting Edward's eyes.

"Thank you for coming to see me, Ms Swan. I appreciate you making yourself available. I know how busy your hotel is and have experienced first hand the personal service you give your guests. It must keep you extremely... busy."

She flushed at the double meaning of his words, furious with him for being so indiscreet in front of her staff. "Please don't mention it, Mr ... Eider. It's part of the service we offer _all_ our guests. If you have any special needs, please ask Tyler. He will be pleased to be of service."

Edward's face flushed too. Their eyes snagged, Edward's angry and Bella's challenging, Edward looking away first. He ran his hands through his hair. "Tyler, please would you bring a bottle of sparkling water to the lounge."

Tyler nodded, his eyes moving between Bella and Edward. "Certainly, Mr Eider. I'll bring it through directly."

"Ms Swan, please join me. I would like to discuss the list of agencies that Angela gave me." Without another word, he walked out the room.

Bella stood for a moment, wanting to bolt. Wanting to stay. Wanting to do something about the surge of heat between her thighs at the sound of his voice. She sighed and followed him into the lounge.

He was standing at the window, side on to her. Grateful for the breather from his attention, she studied his body. He really was a beautiful man. He was tall, over 6", with a physique to match. Broad shoulders, defined chest and narrow hips. His hands were beautiful too: long tapered fingers balanced a large palm. She smiled, thinking about the bits she couldn't see – a perfect six pack, a gorgeous happy trail and, frankly, an awesome cock. She pulled her mind from the gutter, moving up to his face. The corner of his mouth curved, making her wonder what he was thinking. Embarrassed, she looked out the window, meeting Edward's eyes in the window's reflexion. He'd been watching her while she eye fucked him.

Tyler knocked on the door, putting the tray on the butler's station at the door. "Sir, Ms Swan. Is there anything else I can get you?"

"Thank you, Tyler. That will be all." Edward turned back to the room, indicating that Bella should take a seat. She chose the Queen Anne chair so that he couldn't sit next to her. He laughed softly, seeing through her transparent choice.

"Bella, why did you run like that this morning?" He demanded. "I realise that it was somewhat... inappropriate to wake up with me, but hell, woman! I've ever had a woman scarper on me like that!" He winced. "Fuck! That makes me sound like a man whore! I've been thinking about you all day, trying to find the right words to ask what the fuck happened and instead, I shoot myself in the foot."

Bella couldn't help but laugh. From sex god to pouting teenager in 0.2 seconds. "Edward, I am sorry. You're right about being inappropriate, though. I broke hotel policy. I could lose my job."

"So why did you sleep with me?"

"Bloody hell – have you ever looked in a mirror? Sex on legs almost, _almost,_ describes you!" Her face burst into flame at her verbal vomit. "Now it's my turn to say 'Fuck'! I'm sorry, Edward. That came out wrong." She sighed. "I honestly don't know. I've just ended a long term relationship and one night stands are way, way down my 'To Do' list."

He moved closer till he was leaning over her, his eyes on her bottom lip. "So we've established that we both behaved out of character. Why don't we see where this," he gestured in the space between them, "takes us? Last night was magical. I don't want to walk away from that."

Bella looked away. She didn't want to be so close to him. He smelled so damn good, her pussy salivated. "Edward, you don't know me at all. I have a complex, difficult life, one that is threatening to explode, depositing shit in a very wide radius. Your life is lived in public view. The two just can't meet. Yes, the sex was great. In fact, I'll even give you mind blowing. But there really can't be anything else."

Edward looked like he wanted to argue, but what, after all, was there left to say? Several expressions crossed his face, settling on friendly. "Okay. Enough said", said Edward cheerfully. "Let's be friends then, even if it's without benefits." He flopped down onto the couch, grinning at her with that damn panty dropping smile that made her pussy wet. She wriggled uncomfortably, fairly sure he knew exactly what he was doing to her.

"Um... okay. Thank you." She struggled to move her focus from the throbbing between her thighs so somewhere further North. And to ignore the pout from inner Bella.

"Actually, I do have some business I wanted to discuss with you. I really can't face interviewing hundreds of girls. Would you mind shortlisting for me? If you use the same judgement that you use to run this hotel, I'm sure I'll end up with someone suitable." He grinned at her, a friendly smile this time that carried no sex, no innuendo. His scent was still a problem for her hissing pussy, but at least her brain could function. How the hell could he turn charm on and off like a light switch?

"No problem – I'll help out with pleasure. Have you received CVs yet?"

"Tyler?" Edward called.

"The door opened immediately, "Yes, Mr Eider, how can I help?"

"Please bring me the CVs from the study."

"Certainly, Sir." He returned with a 10" pile of paper.

"Jesus! If I'd known how many there were, I wouldn't have agreed so quickly!" Bella laughed. "This is going to take a while. Do you mind if I take them home with me?"

"Well, I don't know..." Edward tapped his lip, thoughtfully. "They'd just be in a different part of the hotel, so they might as well stay here. Which means you should just work here in my suite tonight!" He threw her a mischievous grin.

Bella's heart sank. "I have a meeting tonight, and won't be up to working when I get back. Can we pick this up tomorrow?"

"Yeah, no problem." Edward stood up to pour the water. "I don't want to leave it much longer though – I really do need to get a PA on board before I go back to LA."

Bella hesitated, "You know, I think I actually do have a solution for you. I would like you to meet the hotel's PR Exec. She was running some ideas by me at our last meeting, and I suspect you'll like what she has to say. Can I give her a call to set up an appointment?"

"I'm curious. What does she have in mind?"

"Na-uh – I'll leave Alice to tell you. She'll be able to give you full details. What time will you be available tomorrow?"

"I'm going to be here all day reading scripts, so I'll fit in with her. I might take the Jacuzzi for a test drive. Care to join me?" Edward leered at her and burst out laughing at her expression. "I was kidding, Bella. Lighten up!"

Bella had to giggle at him. So far, she had seen Gentleman Edward, Sex God Edward and Pouting Teenager Edward, but this one, Teasing Edward, was her current favourite.

"Let me give her a call now to finalise." Bella dialled Alice and stood up to pour more water. Alice answered immediately, with a characteristic bounce in her voice.

"Hey, Isabelly! Let me guess... You're standing in Edward's suite, calling to make an appointment for me to meet him!"

"Ali, one day you will explain to me how the hell you do that! You're spot on! Edward wants to hear your proposal. Can you make time tomorrow? Also, take it down a notch – he can hear you from across the room!"

"Abso-fucking-lutely! How does 11:30 sound?"

Bella raised an eyebrow at Edward, who nodded. "Okay, 11:30 it is. I'll organise a light lunch for the three of us. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Belly, are you going tonight? Did Kate call you back?"

"Alice, I can't talk right now, but yes, I am and no, she didn't. I'll call you tonight if it's not too late." Bella cringed, hoping that Edward hadn't heard that bit of the conversation.

"Oh, sorry, love. Okay, big hugs, kisses and loves from Jasper and I. I'll speak to you later."

"Bye, Ali."

She looked up to find Edward watching her closely. "I gather she's a friend as well as colleague?"

"Yes, she's my best friend, but it has no bearing on the meeting you're having with her."

"Sorry, Bella, I wasn't implying anything; I was just curious. And a little jealous."

This conversation was getting way too personal again. Bella checked her watch, glad that she really did need to leave immediately if she was to make the meeting.

"I need to leave now if I'm going to make it across the river for my meeting, and you know what traffic will be like. I'll see you tomorrow at 11am, with Alice Brandon. I'll tell Tyler on my way out. Have a good evening, Edward." She smiled at him, holding out her hand. He took her hand, but instead of shaking it, he pulled her closer to place a gentle kiss on her brow.

"Take care of yourself, my Bella. Sleep well." He turned away and walked into the study, leaving a dazed Bella with very wet underwear.

Tyler was waiting in the foyer for Bella as she stepped out of the room, letting him know that Edward... Mr Eider... had an 11:30 appointment.

"Have a good evening, Ms Swan,"

"Thank you, Tyler. Please know that I appreciate your loyalty to the Metropolitan. It's a pleasure to have you as part of the team."

"Ms Swan, it's a good team because you run it. My loyalty is to you, not the Metropolitan. I'm sure that many of my colleagues feel the same way."

"That is kind, Tyler. Thank you. Good night."

That wasn't good. As personally ego boosting as his comment was, it was undesirable for the hotel. Ultimately, the hotel paid salaries, not Bella. Perhaps she should meet with HR, just to make sure all was in order. She shelved the thought for tomorrow – right now, she needed to focus on herself.

The drive to the AA meeting was as awful as she'd anticipated, and she was pissed off and ratty by the time she arrived at the church hall. The parking lot was full, and Bella debated if this was a good or a bad thing. Big meetings meant late finishes, but small meetings could be tougher. She walked into the hall and found a seat near the front.

After the usual preliminaries, the group leader opened the floor. Bella stood up and walked to the front.

"Good evening, everyone. My name is Bella and I am an alcoholic. I have been sober for 379 days. I know there are some of you who are at the very beginning of your journey. I don't want to dishearten you, but for me, today, it feels like I'm on Day 1 again. I let my guard down for a split second and found myself face to face with a glass of wine. The defences that have taken 378 days to build collapsed in an instant because I dropped my guard. Please, all. Make yourselves safe. Create a safe environment for yourselves in which you can lead a normal life. It is possible. Thank you for letting me share."

The Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity  
to accept the things I cannot change;  
courage to change the things I can;  
and wisdom to know the difference.


	5. Chapter 5 Dealing

**AN: don't own anything Twilight-y. Just like making SM's characters do interesting things.**

Chapter 5 Dealing

As expected, the 'Sweat Box' was awful. Between the plumbing and the lift, Bella only managed 5 hours sleep, leaving her a decidedly unhappy camper. Come to think of it, pitching a tent in Trafalgar Square would probably have been more pleasant, and definitely more peaceful. With the day she had ahead of her, she really needed a decent night's sleep. She ran over her schedule and winced. It was going to be a long, long day, starting with Jasper at 9:30.

Bella called the Concierge to check if the hotel car was available. She didn't want to risk driving herself back if the session got choppy, and at least she would have the chance to compose herself before coming back to the hotel. Dressed in sneakers and jeans, Bella slipped out the back of the hotel. Thankfully, she didn't know the driver, since the hotel contracted out the chauffeur service; having to make small talk when her stomach was in her throat would have been torture. She gave the driver the address and sat back, trying to calm herself.

Arriving at Jasper's offices, she asked the driver to collect her in an hour and a half and plunged in. Esme was waiting, and came round the desk to give Bella a hug.

"Isabella, it is so good to see you. I'll get you a cup of coffee – you're looking so tired. Go right in – Jasper's expecting you." Being in Esme's presence was as good as a half hour of therapy. Clutching her coffee, Bella knocked on Jasper's door.

"Bella, darling! It's good to see you. Is your hotel still standing? I'm sure it gets rickety every time you leave the premises!" Jasper stood up and opened his arms.

Bella smiled. "Jazz, it's good to see you too, and yes, it was standing when I left half an hour ago!" She stepped into Jasper's arms, welcoming his embrace. It felt good to relax completely, knowing that she was safe and protected.

"Bella, you know how this works. Just know that I will keep you safe in this room so that you can focus on you. Know that if you get sea sick, I'm here and will hold your hand for as long as you need me. "

Bella took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Jazz, I don't actually know where to start. I'm feeling completely overwhelmed. Jazz, I'm scared. No, scratch that. I'm fucking terrified. I started with an alcohol situation and ended up freaking out over of my mother! Where's the connection there, for fuck's sake?"

"What happened that made you think of your mother?" Jasper's calm was implacable – it's what made him such a good therapist.

Bella blushed. "Getting out of the bed of a one night stand?"

Jasper laughed, "I can see why that could be unnerving!"

"Yeah, one minute I was wondering what to say to him, because my mother's etiquette lessons didn't cover that situation, and the next I..." Bella's breath caught as she fought for air, but the door had cracked again, releasing a torrent of pain that pushed her head below the surface.

Jasper's calm voice kept talking, reminding her to breathe deeply, reminding her she was safe and grounding her in the present.

"Bella, I think we should tackle this with hypnosis. Your emotions are so immediate and so strong, I think that having some distance will give you the control you need to work it through."

Bella nodded through her tears and leaned back in the chair.

"Okay. You know how this works. It's familiar, so listen to my voice. I want you to focus on your body. Focus on your pinkie toe. Tense it, and release. Shift your focus to your heel; tense and release." Jasper's voice remained calm and smooth as he gently walked Bella down into a trance.

"Look back, Bella, into the emotions you're carrying. Can you describe them to me?"

Bella nodded, her voice clotted with tears. "It's a sea. A rough, high tide sea. There's a little rock poking up and that's me, but the waves keep swamping the rock."

"Can you see a shore?"

Bella nodded again. "It's not far from the rock. My mum is sitting on the sand, reading a book."

"Try to imagine a pathway from your rock, to the shore. Can you see it?"

Bella hesitated. "It's there, but I'm scared to stand on it. It's very shaky."

"Do you think she would hear you if you shout to her?"

"No, I don't think so."

"What would you shout if she could hear you?"

Bella's tears spilled down her face. "I would tell her I'm sorry. I would tell her that I love her, and that I'm so, so sorry I let her die. I should have stayed."

"Okay. Say goodbye for now, Bella. I'm going to count backwards from 10. When I reach 1, you will wake, alert and rested. When I reach 1, you will feel calm and clear headed." Jasper counted down to 1, watching Bella as she slowly opened her eyes.

Bella shook her head, trying to sort through the experience, trying to make sense of her reactions.

"What are you feeling right now, Bella? Your expression is pretty fierce."

"Jazz, right now, I'm feeling very, very angry. I'm so angry that I want to punch something. I'm angry with her. Mum was Bipolar, and I was the one who had to look after her. It was debatable which was worse – the depression or the mania. Scylla and Charybdis.

Do you know what it's like to coax your mother out of bed, to lead her to the lounge? To come back from school, and find her in the same spot. Having to clean her up when she soiled herself, because she was too deep in her depression to function? Do you know how many hours I have sat on suicide watch?

And the mania! Oh, God, if possible, it was worse! I would wake up at 3 in the morning to find her painting walls – in bright garish colours. By 6am, she would have progressed to cleaning the kitchen cupboards. There would be weeks of frenetic activity, but at least she was lucid – the twitching and garbled speech I could cope with. If we couldn't get her controlled, she'd get hypermanic, and that's when the real shit storm would hit. She was aggressive and paranoid and eventually be in such a frenzy that she couldn't function. She'd end up back in hospital, and I'd end up sitting suicide watch again.

Bella was panting, drenched in sweat, fists clenched.

"Bella, listen to me. I want you to take a deep breath, count to 3 and then let it out slowly. You have done so well today, and I need you to be calm to hear me. Can you do that?"

She dragged in a breath, fighting for control. "I'm okay Jazz."

"Well done, Bella." The sincerity in Jasper's eyes made Bella cry again. "Do you have any idea of just how far you've come in this session? Anger is a good response. You have every right to be angry at having to be a parent to your parent. You have every right to resent her for forcing you into that role. And you have every right to mourn the loss of your childhood."

"Jazz, it's going to take me a while to process all of this," Bella wiped her tears. "and it's going to take a while for the anger to simmer down. Right now I want to kill someone." She gave Jasper a watery smile.

"Give yourself as long as you need, Bella. You've dealt with intense stuff here, so go easy on yourself. Knowing you, you won't, so I'll bargain with you – how 'bout _if_ you go easy on yourself for the rest of the day, we'll have you over for dinner?"

Bella laughed. "It's a deal! Although, I do need to make sure my hotel is still standing..."

Jasper laughed. "See? Told you so. And you can still come over for dinner!" His smile faded. "Bella, I'd like to see you twice a week. You're doing really well and it'll be good to keep up the momentum."

Bella nodded. "I'll book it now with Esme."

-j-

Bella made it back to the hotel with minutes to spare and was back in a suit when Alice poked around her office door.

"Hey, Isabelly! Your PFG has arrived!"

Bella laughed. "And what, pray, is a PFG?"

Alice giggled, "why, your Personal Fairy Godmother, of course!"

"And does my PFG come bearing gifts?"

"Yep – Costa coffee, just as you like it."

Bella groaned and mock swooned into her chair. "You really are the best PFG I have. Oh, wait... you're the only PFG I have!"

Alice, never one to beat out the bush, came straight to the point. "Bella, how did it go with Jasper?"

Bella thought for a minute. "You know what, Ali? It went really well. Intense, but well. We're going to meet twice a week. Oh, and I'm invited for dinner."

Alice grinned. "That sounds good." She dusted her hands, "Right. Let's go meet your man!"

Bella grimaced. "Alice! Don't go there, okay? This is business. Edward and I had a chat this morning, and I made it very clear that what happened was a one night stand only. There will be no repeats. We've agreed to be friends."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Fine. But just so you know, I have one of my 'feelings' about him. I'll bet you a month's supply of Costa coffee that you'll end up more than just friends. And you should know by now that it's no use betting against me."

"Easy, tiger! Let's go meet your future boss. And for the record, he's the one who suggested that we be friends." Bella felt a little guilty about leaving out the details of the conversation, but with a month's supply of Costa coffee up for grabs, it was guilt that she could easily live with.

Tyler opened the door on the first knock. "Ms Swan, Ms Brandon, how wonderful to see you! Thank you for coming – it is a pleasure to see you both!" He grinned and winked.

Bella laughed and winked back, "Why, thank you Tyler! The pleasure is mutual! How is our guest? I trust he's treating you well?"

"Of course, Ms Swan. All is well in the Penthouse. I'll let him know you're here. He's in the study, reading scripts. Please come through." Tyler ushered them through the door, and left to get Edward.

"Bella! How are you, _friend_?" Edward walked into the room, grinning hugely. _That damn smile. It really ought to be banned as a public health hazard._

"Good morning, Edward." Bella cleared her throat. "May I introduce Alice Brandon? Alice is a PR guru, and is considered one of the best in the country. The hotel is actually one of her clients, which is why we hold our position as the hotel of choice for high profile people. I am also lucky enough to have her as a friend."

"Hey, Alice. It's great to meet you. I've heard of you, so your reputation precedes you."

Alice beamed. "That's great to hear! Positive reviews are always good, which is why I'm here. You need to get a better control of your public persona. Right now, it's all over the place, and it's damaging your credibility. That's where I come in."

Edward blinked, taken aback by Alice's exuberance and bluntness. He glanced at Bella. "Is she always like this? I've known her for less than a minute and she already has me by the balls!"

Bella laughed, "Yes, this is pretty much Alice, live and unplugged. Good luck, Edward – you may well need it. It helps if you keep in mind that she's less than 5" in her stockings, which means it should be easy to hide the body." Bella gave them a wave and walked out the suite. By the time she reached the door, their heads were bent over the table.

"Tyler, please would you organise lunch for those two when they come up for air." She laughed, "It doesn't look like it's going to be any time soon! Let me know if they need anything. I'll be in my office if you need me."

Two hours later, Bella's mobile chirped: Alice was demanding her presence in the Penthouse. Her workload was insane with the time she'd been out of the office, and since she'd be seeing Jasper twice a week, she needed to get ahead. She sent back a text apologising that she didn't have time. 5 minutes later, Tyler knocked on her door.

"Hi, Tyler. Is there a problem with Mr Eider?"

Tyler didn't smile. "Mr Eider has asked you to join them for lunch. Quote, "Do not come back without her," unquote."

Bella studied Tyler's expression. "Tyler, is there something worrying you? You seem... distracted."

Tyler's smile was stiff. "No, Ms Swan, all is well. If you would follow me, please." His tone seemed hostile, most unlike his usual professionalism.

Bella shrugged mentally. She had over 300 employees and though she tried to touch base with them, it simply wasn't possible to have personal relationships with them all. Still, Tyler was one of her star staff, and deserved extra effort. "Will you let me know if there's anything troubling you? I would do my best to help."

Tyler's smile was warmer. "Thank you, Ms Swan. I have some personal issues that are proving... distracting, but I assure you that all is well and it isn't impacting on my work."

"I'm glad. We value you, Tyler. The hotel is lucky to have you." She stood, smoothing her skirt. "Let's go. We can't keep our VIP and PR wizz waiting!"

-j-

Tyler began serving lunch as soon as Bella arrived and was seated. She was feeling the stress of the day, and was exhausted. She listened to the lively conversation between Alice and Edward, smiling to herself that Alice had worked her usual magic and had Edward wrapped around her little finger. Alice's face was animated as she bounced ideas off Edward. That 5"-nothing body housed a 6" 6' personality, and not many people could resist her when she was in full spate.

Her gaze moved to Edward. He was a beautiful man. His hair was actually a mixture of colours, stylishly dishevelled and cut short in the back and over his ears. His skin was pale, dramatically highlighting almond shaped hazel eyes with thick sooty lashes to make a woman weep. His jaw was covered in light stubble that was rather more red than his hair and accented the strength of his jaw line.

Her eyes slid down the open necked shirt that showed a little hair on his chest. She could vividly recall the feel of it under her fingertips, and the slide of muscle under his skin. Her eyes moved to his hands, watching the almost feminine way his hands moved as he ate. His touch was light, but sure, made for lovemaking... She glanced up, trying to catch the thread of the conversation. Edward was replying to a suggestion from Alice, but his eyes were on Bella. She looked down quickly at her plate, realising she had barely touched her meal.

Tyler moved around the table clearing their plates. "Ms Swan? You haven't eaten much. Would you like me to find you something else?"

"Thank you, Tyler, but no. I'm just not very hungry. It was lovely. Please make sure the kitchen knows."

Tyler moved across to Edward. "Sir, may I get you anything else? Perhaps a glass of dessert wine?"

Edward glanced at Bella. "No, Tyler, thank you. Just coffee in the lounge, please."

Bella put her head back against the chair, vaguely listening to Edward and Alice discussing the Brand that is Edward Cullen. Her thoughts drifted to the morning's session with Jasper. It seemed odd to her that she'd walked into Jasper's office so desperately sad, and walked out desperately angry. It seemed even more strange that right now, she felt calm. She idly wondered if it was from the auto suggestion of the hypnosis, or just the aftermath of so much intense emotion. She smiled slightly. Whatever it was, it felt good.

-j-

Bella woke up in a dark room, disorientated by the unfamiliar surroundings. She didn't recognise anything and had no idea where she was. She listened for a minute, trying to figure out where she was. Somewhere fairly close, a sound system was playing and someone was humming along. A faint hiss sounded like frying.

Fumbling around, she found a light switch, and gasped. She was in the second bedroom of the Penthouse suite in her bra and panties, with absolutely no recollection of getting there. She frantically search through her mind for last memory. The last time she'd woken up somewhere unfamiliar had been following a drinking binge. "No, oh God, please, NO!" She wrapped her arms around herself, desperate to find some firm ground.

The door banged open and Edward ran into the room. "Bella. Are you okay? Sweetheart, calm down. You're safe. Shh, my Bella. You're okay. I'm here." He wrapped his arms around her, rocking gently, holding her as the shudders ran through her body. She clung to him, grateful for the comfort of his arms.

"Edward. Please be honest. How did I end up sleeping in your suite? Did I..." She bit back the words.

"It's nothing too alarming, my Bella. You passed out in the lounge after lunch. Alice and I decided not to wake you, so we put you in here."

"I... passed out? What did I drink?"

Edward was silent for a moment, making Bella's heart hammer with fear.

"Hey, calm down. You just fell asleep! Alice said you were seriously sleep deprived, and I thought that you'd sleep better here than in your 'Sweat Box'.

"Oh, thank God." The relief washed over her as her eyes teared up.

"Bella, I don't want to pry but..."

Bella's stomach lurched. She couldn't think of anything to say to him that didn't involve a confession of her alcoholism.

A smell of burning wafted through the room and Edward's expression became panicked. "Oh, fuck! That'll be our dinner burning!" He jumped up and ran out the door to rescue whatever it was he was making.

Bella looked around the room for her clothing, but couldn't see it. She made her way to the en suite to wash her face, before deciding to go the whole hog and have a shower. Perhaps the hot water would help with the nausea crawling in her belly. 15 minutes later, feeling vaguely fit for human consumption, she put on the hotel's complimentary gown and made her way to the kitchen.

Sitting on a bar stool, she watched as Edward, dressed only in boxers, tried to rescue the cremated remains in the pan in front of him. "Oh, hell! "'tis a sadness", he quoted. "The steaks have officially gone to meet their maker!" She giggled at the doleful expression on his face. "Do you think you can live on risotto alone for a while?"

"You cook? I'm impressed, Mr Eider! A man of many talents, many of them hidden!"

He grinned. "Actually, yes, I can. I get so tired of restaurant and hotel food that I try to feed myself something home cooked as often as I can. As for the hidden talents, feel free to investigate further! Oh, and Ms Swan? Please call me Donald."

Their eyes met and held. The playful banter stilled immediately, replaced by unmistakable lust. Her breath caught in her throat as his eyes slid over the robe. Carefully switching off various appliances, he rounded the kitchen island and took her in his arms. Without another word, he lowered his lips to hers. His tongue licked her bottom lip, gently coaxing her mouth open.

Bella clung to him, her entire body limp. Her head fell back and his teeth gently nibbled their way down her throat. He shrugged the robe from her shoulders, his hands skimming over her shoulder blades and down to her breasts. He lifted her on to the counter, leaving the robe behind.

His breath quickened as he raised his eyes to hers. "You are so, so beautiful, my Bella. I could make love to you for the rest of my life and die a happy man."

Unable to speak, Bella simply pulled him closer to her mouth. Her hands slid under the elastic of his boxers to brush against his cock, making Edward hiss. The room was quiet except for their panting, the atmosphere thickening.

Bella wrapped her legs around his waist as Edward gently lifted her from the counter. They both gasped as his cock nestled between her thighs, just touching her opening. Their attention snapped to the passion building between them, a passion that was strangely gentle while drowning lucid thought.

Their lips met and they fell into each other, cocooned in a world of gentle touches and soft sighs. Edward carried her back to the bedroom and lowered her on to the bed. His lips slid along her collar bone, making their way to her breasts. His lips skimmed a nipple before moving to its twin. Her body arched to get closer to his mouth, and he complied, his teeth alternating with tongue and lips.

He moved further down, stopping briefly to tickle her belly button with his tongue.

Her hands fisted in his hair as his tongue slid down her slit, making her pant. She cried out as his teeth brushed her clit, her hips bucking to get closer. He grasped her hips to keep her still as his tongue circled her opening, returning again and again to her clit. He circled her swollen clit with a long finger while his tongue plunged in, creating a gentle rhythm. Her body began to shake as her orgasm built, making her cry out as she came against his tongue.

The sensation of his hand cupping her pussy was excruciatingly good. Her body was so sensitive that it was almost painful as his thumb rubbed circles over her clit and he slid two fingers into her opening, searching for the spot that would bring her crashing and. He found it and her body rushed headlong over the cliff, into free fall of the most powerful orgasm of her life.

Bella raised herself up on her elbows, watching Edward lick his lips. It was possibly the most erotic thing she had ever seen. She grabbed a fistful of hair, tugging gently for him to move up her body and kiss her. She could taste herself on his lips, along with the sensual taste of Edward himself.

"My Bella, I want to be inside you. I want to feel you around my cock. I want to push in so deep that you feel me beneath your belly button. Lie back, My Bella. Let me make love to you until your brain stops functioning."

For the life of her, she couldn't articulate a single word, so she just nodded. Edward reached for a condom, quickly sheathing himself. He nudged her legs apart with his knees, settling in between her thighs. He pushed in immediately, stilling to give her body a second to adjust to the feel of him. He pushed in further, her body welcoming him home. He lifted her leg to rest over his hip and he reached even deeper, watching her eyes all the while. She could feel him getting harder as his orgasm approached and she rocked her hips to give him a deeper angle. If her orgasm had been free fall off a cliff, his was a freight train that bore down on him, pushing him deeply into her. He released, throwing his head back, the tendons in his neck standing out.

He collapsed on top of her, his breathing ragged. He smiled at her, and she smiled back without reservation. Right now, right there, in that moment, was just the two of them.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"I should thank you, my Bella. That was quite literally, mind blowing."

"Shall we agree then, to thank each other? That was without doubt the best sex of my life."

Edward laughed quietly. "Ditto, my Bella, ditto." He rolled over to use the bathroom and dispose of the condom.

Edward crawled back into bed. Taking Bella's face between his hands, he kissed her gently. They fell asleep in each other's arms.


	6. Chapter 6 Interlude

**AN: don't own anything Twilight-y. **

Chapter Interlude

Waking up in Edward's arms was: she paused, analysing what she was feeling... Blissful sounded sappy. She tried again. Wonderful? Too vague. Safe? Yes, safe covered it nicely. She giggled to herself. Actually, there were a slew of words to cover it, including embarrassing, exciting and sexy. She stretched, smiling quietly to herself at the lassitude in her body. She glanced over at the man at her side, and looked straight into his eyes. She smiled at him, stretching again, this time wriggling sinuously.

"Good morning, lover." She snuggled into him, his arousal obvious against her hip.

He laughed. "I know how to make it a better than a 'good' morning!"

"Really?" she purred. "Care to explain?"

"I also know something better than explaining –I can demonstrate." His eyes darkened.

Somewhat taken aback by her own brazenness, she met his gaze, "Well, what are you waiting for? A gilt edged invite?"

With pleasure, my Bella. I'm actually waiting for flying elbows so that I can avoid a black eye!"

Bella laughed and leaned over to kiss him. "Give me a minute. Morning breath!" She bounced out of bed and dashed to the en suite. Using the complimentary toothbrush, she quickly brushed her teeth. Edward joined her, and they stood side by side, for all the world like an old married couple. Bella leaned over the basin to rinse her mouth, glancing up at Edward's reflexion. He was frozen, toothbrush in hand, his eyes fixed on her bottom. He swallowed audibly and he rinsed his mouth in record speed.

He placed his hands on either side of her body, brushing her hair over her shoulder and tilting her head to give him access to her neck. Bella watched in the mirror as he nibbled and licked, the image of him touching her so erotic that she whimpered and pushed back, rubbing her buttocks into his very erect cock. Edward's expression was fierce as he rolled on a condom. He drove into her, the scent of sex filling the bathroom. Bella tried to get closer, to get his cock to hit That spot, rocking back against him, using the vanity as leverage. Edward's body slammed into hers and he pushed her down against the bathroom vanity, holding her hips tightly. she could feel the shudders through her body, each thrust bringing her closer to orgasm.

He twisted a hand into her hair, jerking her head back and making her back arch. There was no tenderness in their love making, just raw, primal need. His other hand slid between her thighs and he pinched her clit hard, to the point of pain. She exploded, the force of her orgasm pushing her into him. His reaction was savage and he drove into her, panting, unable to hold back as she clenched around him. He fell forward, breathing hard, his body shuddering as he came.

Edward slid his arms around Bella to take the weight of their bodies pressing down on the bathroom vanity. His head rested on her back while she dropped her head back against his.

"Edward, my legs aren't going to hold me much longer." She smiled as their eyes met in the mirror. Edward's arm slid down under her knees and picked her up, carrying her to the bedroom. She draped her arms around his neck, burrowing her nose into the crook of his neck, smelling herself and Edward's own scent on his skin.

"Now that, my Bella, is how you should start your day! Do you think your legs can do their job of holding you up? I ask because I'm really happy to hold you up all day, if necessary. In fact, I'm fairly sure that I could hold you up for the rest of your natural life!" He placed a gentle kiss on her nose.

"Hmm..." Bella cocked her head as if in serious thought. "I don't know. Put me down, and I'll give it a bash."

With a laugh, he lowered her feet to the ground. "Well, would you look at that? They're keeping you up. That's a shame. Perhaps what they need is round 2?"

Bella pushed him away, "sorry, lover boy. I have to get going so that my hotel doesn't fall apart. Plus, I have to do the walk of shame to the Sweat Box to get clean clothes."

Edward ducked, a wide grin on his face. Bella looked at him, suspiciously. "And now?"

"As I said earlier, just keeping out of the way of your flailing elbows..." He dodged as Bella playfully smacked him on the bum.

"See you in 5 – I'm going to have a quick shower," she paused at the door, looking over her shoulder. "Care to join me?" He moved so quickly, he was virtually invisible. She burst out laughing as he threw her over his shoulder.

A good deal more than 5 minutes later, she stood in the bedroom, looking for her clothes. "Edward?"she called. "Where are my clothes from yesterday?"

Edward stuck his head around the door, grinning evilly. "They've gone for dry cleaning."

"Are you trying to tell me that I'm stuck in your suite with no clothing?" She was not amused.

Edward looked at her with wide, innocent eyes. "Don't blame me – Alice took them. I _think_ she thought she was doing you a favour."

"A favour?" she screeched. "How the hell am I supposed to get to work with no clothing?" Maybe, if she paid him a lot of bribe money, Tyler would fetch her case from the Sweat box. She cringed at the thought.

Edward smirked. "Oh, what a catastrophe. You'll just have to work in my suite for the day. If you're polite, I'll lend you a T-shirt?"

"Polite! Polite?" Bella's voice was now so high, the bats were afraid. "Where's my phone? I need to get hold of that poisonous fairy godmother of mine, to give her a bollocking!"

She glared at Edward, who was just about rolling on the floor laughing at her. "Calm down, my Bella. Look in the closet in the bedroom. Alice fetched your stuff and brought it up here."

Slightly mollified, Bella stalked into the 2nd bedroom and flung open the closet. "EDWARD! There's nothing in here!"

"That's because it's in the master bedroom!" Edward's eyes were streaming.

Flouncing as best as one can in a dressing gown, she went to the master bedroom. Alice had indeed brought everything. She dressed hurriedly as the enticing smell of fresh coffee wafted passed her. _Edward for Prime Minister_ _for making coffee_, she thought. She grinned. _Edward for Prime Minister for making lots of things!_

Edward was sitting on a bar stool at the kitchen counter, and without a word, handed her a mug. She smiled her thanks, coming to stand between his legs. They sipped quietly, enjoying each other's company.

A knock on the door startled them both. Bella stepped away from him, trying to think of way to salvage the situation. Being caught in a guest's suite at, she checked her watch, 7 in the morning would be disastrous.

"That's probably Tyler," Edward said. "Before I acknowledge the knock, what's your game plan?"

"Shit, shit, shit... I don't have one!" Bella panicked. "What the hell am I going to say to him?"

"I tell you what – I'll send him off to get me some Costa coffee. When he goes, you can sneak down to your office." Edward's eyes gleamed. He really was enjoying this way too much.

Since she didn't have a better plan: correction: she didn't have _any_ plan, she nodded and went to wait in the bedroom. She could hear Tyler's greeting and Edward quietly talking. As soon as she heard the door shut, she dashed out of the bedroom, grabbed her laptop and handbag, and made for the door.

"Oi, not so fast, lover girl!" Edward strode across the room and pulled her into his arms. He kissed her deeply, before placing a light kiss on her forehead. "Now you're ready for work!"

Since her brain was too mushy to reply, she smiled at him and walked out the door.

-j-

Angela was waiting for her in her office.

"Hey, Bella. Do you know – I think this is the first time ever I've been in before you!"

Bella smiled weakly, "Um, yeah... I worked late last night, so I had a slow start this morning." Trying to steer the conversation away from that potential mine field, she asked Angela for the weekly departmental reports.

They went through the feedback together, documenting requests for later discussion and prioritisation. Bella combed every report, looking for potential problems. Even with Bella's ability to read between the lines of the reports, it was clear that all was well in her hotel.

The next 6 months were going to be difficult. If she could lull the rest of the Board with a stellar operational report, it would be that much easier to get them to endorse her renovation plans for the hotel.

It was glaringly obvious to her that the hotel was underequipped for functions and conferences. The current facilities were sufficient for them to retain their 5 star status, but, in Bella's opinion, were not themselves 5 star. The communications capabilities of the conference facilities were substandard, and the hotel would benefit from a modular system that could increase their head per day count.

Her plan would mean the renovation of the entire Conference Centre, but would also mean that the yearly renovation of one of the suites would have to be put off till the next financial year. She was fairly sure she could sell the idea based on the potential increase in revenue from the Conference Centre. Still, the Board could be balky, and required careful handling.

She was startled when Angela checked her watch. "Good grief! It's 3pm. No wonder I'm starving! Bella, I'm going to take a quick break, if that's okay with you?"

"Yes, of course, Ang. I didn't realise it was so late. Will you bring me back something to munch on, please?"

"Sure thing, boss." Angela called as she walked out the office.

Bella checked her mobile for messages. She groaned at the number sitting in her inbox and began reading.

**I'm lying in bed in the 2****nd**** bedroom of my suite, smelling you. Have I told you that you smell like honey and spice? Donald**

She smiled and began typing.

**Dear Donald. Haven't you got anything better to do with your time? Surely a famous film star like you has a full diary?**

She moved on to the second one, not waiting for a reply.

**Would you have dinner with me tonight, please? Donald**

Smiling to herself at her body's reaction, she replied:

**Dear Donald. It would be highly improper for me to dine with you. However, since you are holding my belongings hostage, I cede defeat and gracefully accept.**

Her mobile rang. Edward's silky voice slid over her, "Good afternoon! How has your day been treating you?"

"It's insanely busy, thank you for asking, which is more than yours would appear to be!" She grinned to herself – even over the phone that voice made her knickers wet.

"Hmm... your breath hitched. Tell me, has your body reacted to my voice, the way mine has responded to yours?"

Bella took a breath.

"Hearing you breathe is making me very, very hard, Ms Swan. Are you alone?"

"I am at the moment, but that will change in the next few minutes."

"Well then, you're going to have to make it up to me. I want some dirty, even skanky, phone sex with you. Since you can't, I'm going to have to do it to you in person. I'll see you at 6pm."

"I'm sorry, Mr Eider. I cannot make 6pm. Would 7pm suit you?"

"Ahh... playing hard to get will just make it... harder... on yourself," he purred.

"Bring it on, Oh Horny One!" She hung up before he could respond.

Angela walked back in, thankfully diverting her attention from her uncomfortably damp knickers. "I got you a BLT – is that okay?"

Bella groaned and rubbed her stomach, "my favourite, as you well know!" She made a snap decision: "Ang, we've been working flat out for hours, and we both deserve a break. Take the rest of the afternoon off and I'll see you tomorrow – possibly at the same time as today."

Angela looked at Bella. "If I didn't know better, Bells, I would say that you're getting laid. You're way too cheerful."

"What? I'm always cheerful! See – smile on face equals cheerful!"

"Well okay," said Angela, unconvinced. "I note though, that you didn't respond to my comment." With a laugh, she jumped up. "Bye, Bells."

So – Bella had cleared her afternoon, but what to do with said afternoon? _Like I have any choice in the matter – I'm a slave to my pussy!_ She quickly slid her knickers off, packed up her laptop and handbag, and hit the lift for the Penthouse.

She knocked on the door and was startled when Edward opened it himself. The smile on his face lit the room and he grabbed her hand to tug her inside. His arms slid around her and his mouth found hers. His hands slide down, lifting her skirt around her waist.

"You're not wearing knickers? Oh, babe, I can't be held responsible for my actions!"

He pushed her up against the door, fumbling with his jeans. She wrapped her legs around his waist, and the second his cock sprang free, he pushed into her. They both gasped at the feeling, before rational thought again wandered out the room. He slammed into her, making the door shake, again and again. Bella's body was crying for release, urging him into her harder and harder. He adjusted slightly, changing the angle of his thrusts. It was too much and Bella came loudly, rocked to the core by the surge of passion.

He lifted her slightly, kicking away his jeans and boxers and carried her to the kitchen counter. He pulled his shirt over his head, leaning down to run a tongue down her slit. He pulled away quickly, easing off her blouse and bra. His tongue darted down her slit again, flicking lightly over her clit and moving up to kiss her deeply so that she could taste herself on his tongue.

His teeth latched on to her nipple and she arched, trying to get closer. While his tongue laved her nipple, his fingers were stroking up and down her thighs, almost reaching her pussy, before sliding down. Her body was aching for him and she caught his hand, placing it directly between her thighs, pushing him into her.

"Sit up, my Bella. I want you to watch me go down on you."

She did as he asked. He bit gently on her clit, and she came almost immediately, watching as he lapped up her juices, feeling the throb as he licking his lips with satisfaction.

"Well hello to you, lover boy. _That's_ how I want to be greeted in future. And now, it's your turn."

He turned on a 1000 watt smile, picking her up and all but running for the bedroom. He lay back on the bed, knees bent over the edge. "Your turn to sit up. You get to watch _me_ go down on _you._" She hesitated – "would you mind if I don't swallow? I have a terrible gag reflex."

"No, my Bella, I don't mind."

She knelt on the floor in front of him, gently running her fingertips up and down the sides of his shaft. He was panting, hands fisted in the bed linen. She lowered her head, swirling her tongue around the tip before pulling back to continue running her fingertips down his shaft. She slid him into her mouth, deep, deeper, as deep as he could go, tightening her lips around his shaft, sucking and nibbling and pulling. She looked up at him into his beautiful, beautiful eyes, and he gazed at her, the expression in his eyes making her heart thud. She swirled around the tip, licking, using her hand to pull his foreskin back. He hissed through his teeth, fighting for control. Once more, she took him into her mouth, her hand gently tickling and massaging his balls.

His head fell back and he gasped, "Oh god, I'm coming". His hands curled into her hair pushing her head down, guiding her mouth. He grunted as he came in spurts, 3 hard spurts that hit the back of her throat with force. She continued to lick him before discretely emptying her mouth onto the bed linen.

He lay back, his breath normalising while she crawled on the bed to snuggle into his side. He turned on to his side and put his arm around her, pulling her closer. "That was incredible!" He started to laugh.

"What's so funny, Mr Eider?" Bella asked, although she had a good idea what he was laughing at.

"Do you know what the differences are between spitting, swallowing and gargling?" His eyes were wicked.

Bella cringed... "No?"

"It's lust, love and showing off!"

Bella laughed through her embarrassment. "Well in that case, until I can do something about my gag reflex, I'm stuck with lust!"

Edward's eyes were serious. "Does that mean you're falling in lust with me?"

Bella stilled. "Actually, it's something much nicer: I'm falling in like with you."

Edward looked at her and then looked casually away. "Super! Now let's find something to do that doesn't involve spitting, swallowing or gargling!"

They curled up on the couch together watching 'Rocky Horror Picture Show' and eating popcorn and Chinese take out. They threw popcorn at the screen in all the appropriate places, laughed, talked and simply enjoyed each other's company. Bella eventually fell asleep with her head on Edward's shoulder.

Once again, she woke up in a strange room. She sat up, trying to get her bearings. The bed next to her was warm and smelled of Edward. She could hear the murmur of voices and a door closing. Edward walked back into the room, climbing back into bed. She smiled gently, snuggling down, falling back to sleep.

"Bella! Bella?" a gentle voice called her and she groggily opened her eyes. Edward was leaning over her, dressed only in boxers. "Sweetheart, you need to get up. It's half seven."

She sat up and pouted. "Why didn't you wake me earlier? I wanted to start my day with a bang, like yesterday!"

Edward laughed. "Actually, I tried. Did you know that you can be quite violent if woken too early?"

"I am not! Am I?" She blushed.

"No, I'm kidding you. Except maybe for the elbows. As much as I enjoyed our morning "bang", you needed your sleep."

"I will give you my body in perpetuity if you bring me coffee?" She fluttered her eyelashes at him.

"No need to go that far – it's ready. Jump in the shower and room service will be up with breakfast."

"You're kidding – I can't have room service see me here!" She dived for the shower.

"Relax, love. I gave Tyler yesterday afternoon and today off so he wouldn't cramp my style, and Alice is coming for a breakfast meeting."

"Oh, God. That's even worse! You don't realise what you've done! I now owe her a month's supply of Costa coffee!"

"Oh? How come?"

"Alice bet me that we'd end up as more than a one night stand..."

"Tell you what, I'll make you a deal. Since I'm technically the one who made you lose the bet, I'll sponsor her month's supply. But then the debt transfers to me – you'll owe me. By the way, why Costa? Starbucks is closer."

"Really, Edward. No need to use foul language! Foul coffee, foul language = Starbucks! Costa is so much nicer."

Bella bounced into the shower. Every bit of her was feeling warm and fuzzy. She liked the feeling and fully intended for it to continue as long as possible. Her thoughts drifted to Edward. She had no idea how long he'd be in England. She shook her head. She'd just have to make hay while the sun that was Edward was shining.

The door banged and she heard Alice's dulcet tones yelling for her to get out of the shower. Bella rushed through her morning toilet and poked her head out the room.

"How does someone so small manage to make so much noise?" Bella grinned at Alice.

"Yeah, whatever. Get dressed, you lazy tart! You're going to be late for Jasper. I've put your jeans and a blouse out for you. Your suit is on the bed for later."

Bella slipped into her jeans and sneakers, looking at the suit on the bed. There was _a_ suit on the bed, but it wasn't hers. Clearly Alice had been shopping for her again. How could you argue with your PFG when she had such impeccable taste? Best not to look a gift Alice in the mouth.

The three of them sat down to breakfast while Tyler kept their coffees and orange juice topped up. Alice and Edward seemed to have formed a formidable team and were apparently already planning next year's celebrity diary. It looked like Alice would be spending a good deal of time in LA with Mr Cullen.

"Ali, what does Jasper think of this plan of yours? Sorry, Edward, I realise this is a bit personal to be discussing in front of you, but Alice, it's an important question since it seems you'll be in LA a lot."

Alice looked uncomfortable. "Belly, Jasper and I have discussed this already. At the moment, it looks like we'll be moving to LA. You're going to see Jasper later – maybe run it by him?"

Bella just looked at her, the wind knocked out of her body. Her entire body was numb, her mind stuttering. She nodded, not trusting her voice.

The suite phone rang, breaking Bella's trance. Tyler answered, replying and hanging up. "Ms Swan? The hotel car is downstairs."

She barely heard Edward and Alice saying goodbye, or Tyler wishing her good morning. She felt adrift, floating on a current whose direction she couldn't know.

* * *

By the time she reached Jasper's offices, she'd begun to shake. Esmé took one look at her and steered her into Jasper's office.

Jasper looked up and froze at the expression on Bella's face. "Bells? What happened, darling?"

Bella burst into tears. "Alice just told me that you are moving to LA! Jazz, what will I do without the two of you? You two are 2 of the 3 pillars that keep my world up! I don't know how I'll survive without you. I'm trying to be supportive, but I just can't! I can't live without you!"

Jasper put his arms around her and she sobbed into his shoulder, deep, soul wrenching sobs that shook her entire body. He led her to the chair and gently pushed her into it.

"May I ask what the third pillar is, Bella?"

"The hotel."

"Bella. Look at me for a second. What would you do if your hotel burned to the ground, right now?"

"Um... have a heart attack and hope like hell the insurance was up to date?"

"No, Bella, no hiding behind humour. Consider the question a serious one."

"Well, I guess I'd probably get paid a salary from insurance while it was being rebuilt. Dad's estate left me a wealthy woman, so I wouldn't have to rely on that income anyway. I suppose... I would look for a job in another hotel, I guess."

"Can you see, then, that the third pillar isn't an _actual_ thing – it's the idea of the hotel. The _what_ of the pillar is changeable, in this case, with any hotel."

Bella considered this. It was a radical thought for her. Her breath hitched as she thought of the amount of work she'd sunk into the Metropolitan, but on the same line of reasoning, it was just work. It could be replicated anywhere and didn't have an intrinsic value of its own.

Jasper watched while Bella processed this. With exquisite timing, he said, "can you imagine replacing the idea with... well... anything else?

Bella's mind drew a picture before her eyes: herself, belly rounded, one hand holding the hand of a little girl with long, deep red hair, the other holding the hand of a man, his head turned away looking at something outside the frame of the picture.

Jasper leant forward, "Bella, what are you seeing?"

She described it to him, surprising herself at the tears running down her cheeks.

"Have you never given thought to having a family, Bella?"

"Come on, Jazz! What a great idea – an alcoholic having a family? Passing down all those wonderful addiction genes to my unsuspecting offspring? I think not. There are some things that are just too painful to be borne, and watching a child of mine battling with addiction like I do is one of them. People like me should not be allowed to procreate."

"You and I both know that alcoholism is not necessarily hereditary. Alcoholism can appear in any family, anywhere along the family tree. In many cases, it has a situational rather than a genetic trigger. That's what I believe happened in your case. There is some research that suggests it is genetic, but it is highly speculative.

"Do you recall your first drink?"

Bella laughed, without humour. "Oh, yes – clearly. My very first party at University."

"Besides the obvious, do you have any recollection of the experience?"

"Yeah, surprisingly, I do. Mike gave me a shot of Jager. I liked the taste, so he gave me another... several down the road, I was numb. It felt great! Just numb. That's what I chased for the next 3 years – numb."

"And the numbness was to avoid...?"

"Pain. Guilt."

"Over what, Bella?"

"The fact that I'd leave my mother at home, ill. Knowing that she really shouldn't _be_ left on her own. Pain at the thought of what might happen, guilt that every time I wasn't there, there was a very real chance that she'd kill herself while I was gone. God knows how I managed to get through University. By third year, the only way I could get through the day was a shot of vodka for breakfast. Did you know I had a hip flask? I'd top up through the day.

"And then she did kill herself. Do you see that my pain and guilt were right, Jasper? Just as I feared, I wasn't there. The pain and guilt, warned me, trying to get me to do the right thing.

"The guilt and pain became so, so big, it felt like it was swallowing me whole. Alcohol did a great job of keeping the beasts away. Only when I was hammered did the pain ease. So that's what I did – stayed hammered, as often and as long as I could.

"You and Alice were there when reality bit my arse hard – when I tried to stop and found I couldn't. It was you and Alice who forced me out of the bottom of a bottle, who lent me your strength to dry out.

"I've lost so much of my life to booze. It's not just the past that I don't remember, or am trying to forget. It's taken the future too. The things we take for granted – barbeques with friends, cocktails with the girls, romantic dinners, clichéd dates involving red wine in front of fires. They're lost, killed before they got to live."

Bella ran out of steam, suddenly too weary to even speak.

Jasper sat, fingers steepled in front of him, watching her. "Bella. You are not the same person you were a year ago. Yes, Alice and I gave you our support, but it was support, not strength. Drying out cannot be done on someone else's cognisance. It's on your own, or you stay drunk.

"You've just put yourself through a very therapeutic ringer, so I'm finishing up the session. I am, though, giving you homework. Consider what decisions you took personally to get yourself out of the bottle. Think about what _you_ actively did. I think that if you do, you will see that the real hard work, the heavy lifting, you did yourself.

Alice and I will be there for you, no matter when, no matter what, no matter where. We both love you. Where we physically live is irrelevant. Practically, you may have to shop for your own clothes, but for everything else, we're always with you." He smiled slightly, before standing and opening his arms.

"I'm going to give Alice a call to meet you at the hotel. She's with Edward at the moment, and I think it would be good for you to have some company for a while."

Bella hugged him back, before walking out of his office.

* * *

As promised, Alice met her downstairs, whisking her up to the Penthouse. Edward was nowhere to be seen.

Alice noticed her looking around, and grinned impishly. "Don't get a crick in your neck, Belly! Your man is in the gym."

Bella grimaced. "Given my headspace right now, that's a very good thing. I'm going to change into my suit – thank you, by the way – and start on some number crunching for the board meeting next week. When my headspace has calmed a little, I'll go to my office."

"Ah, I see no argument about the 'your man' epithet? We have progress! Okay, I know when I'm not wanted!" Alice grinned to take the sting out of her words and sashayed, Alice-style, out the suite.

Bella left the suite a little over an hour later to find a nervous Angela waiting in her office. "Bella, where the hell have you been? Mr Volturi has called repeatedly. He's asked me to prepare the Operational Report for tomorrow. Why would he need it for tomorrow unless they're moving the board meeting? He wants to speak to you asap."

"Okay, Ang, deep breath. I don't know what's going on. Give me a chance to call him and I'll get back to you. It is strange that he didn't call my mobile though." She reached for her phone, only to find that it was switched off. She'd forgotten to switch it back on after her session with Jasper.

"I wonder why..." She shook her head. No use speculating without all the available info.

She picked up her phone immediately to call Caius' office. His phone was answered by a high pitched voice that was vaguely familiar.

"Mr Volturi's office. Good morning."

"Good afternoon. This is Isabella Swan. I am returning Caius' call."

"Please wait, Ms Swan. Mr Volturi will be with you as soon as he can." _Did I catch a sneer on the Ms Swan? I definitely don't think I missed the pointed 'Mr Volturi'. How odd._

Caius never kept her waiting this long and she felt a prickle of unease. At last, without an apology, Caius answered his phone. "Ms Swan. I'm afraid we've had to move the Board meeting to tomorrow."

"May I ask why, Caius? Is there something going on that I need to know about? If so, surely you could drop me an email, or even pick up the phone to speak to me?"

"I did pick up the phone, Isabella – you weren't available."

"Caius, stop beating around the bush. What the hell is going on?"

"The Board is hoping that you will be able to do shed some light on just that. Be ready with the Operational and Financial reports, as well as you mid and long term strategy planning documents. We'll be at the hotel at 09:30." He hung up before Bella could respond.

"Angela? If you have plans tonight, please cancel them."

**This was a very difficult chapter for me to write. I hope I got across some of the emotion of the issues.**


	7. Chapter 7 Slipping

**AN: don't own anything Twilight-y.**

Chapter 7 Slipping

Angela and Bella worked flat out to prepare the reports for the board meeting the next day. Bella thanked her lucky stars that Angela was so organised; most of the reports were already in advanced stages of completion. Even so, it was close on midnight before the operational report was finished. All that was left was updating the mid and long term strategic planning documents, which Bella would have to finish on her own.

"Ang, you can pack up now. You've done all you can, so there's no need for you to stay. Thank you so much for your help and dedication. I know it's a small thing, but to say thank you, you and Ben can go to any restaurant in London, on me."

"Bells, it's really not necessary, " said Angela with a smile. "It's part of my job, just as it's part of yours."

Bella scowled at her.

"Okay, okay, we'll take you up on your offer. How much longer do you think you'll be busy here?"

"Another hour or so should see me finished. I think I'll finish up in my room."

"What? You're voluntarily going to spend more time in the Sweat Box than is actually necessary?"

Bella blushed. "Yeah, well, um, change of scenery and all."

"Okay, if you think it'll help." Angela looked at her, about to comment, but decided against it. "I'll see you tomorrow, nice and early, to do a final run through." She walked out, pausing at the door. "Bella, it will be okay. You've done nothing wrong and the reports speak for themselves. You'll be fine."

"Thanks Ang." Bella's heart jumped into her throat. That wasn't strictly true, as Bella was painfully aware. Sleeping with a guest definitely fell into the 'Something wrong' category. She and Edward had been reasonably discrete – okay, perhaps not the last word in discretion, but it shouldn't have been obvious to the casual observer. Her nerves were fraying as she packed up and made her way to the Penthouse.

Edward once again opened the door for her, pulling her inside. "You're late this evening, sweetheart. I hope your hard work doesn't go unnoticed by the hotel bosses." He wrapped his arms around her, kissing the top of her head.

Not even the feel of Edward's arms around her could still the anxiety churning in her stomach. "Edward? Do you think it's possible that someone in the hotel has proof on you and I?"

"That's a difficult one to answer." Edward frowned. "If this was an interface between, for instance, myself and the public, I wouldn't hesitate to say no. Your hotel's discretion is superb. But internally? I don't know. I guess Tyler would be the greatest threat to exposure, but he seems to be very fond of you and extremely good at his job. Where's this coming from?"

"The Board has moved the meeting to tomorrow morning, and I get the distinct impression that I'm going to be hauled over the coals. I'm positive it's not an operational issue, and I can't think of anything business related that they could have a problem with."

"This isn't how I planned to tell you, but I need to fly back to LA tomorrow, so perhaps the entire issue of me will become moot?"

"Do you have any idea when you'll be back in London?" Bella's heart sank.

"Not at this point. Alice knows that I want to come back to see you as soon as is humanly possible, but screening for the new movie begins next week. Let's discuss it with her, and see what she comes up with. Bella?" His hands cupped her face tenderly. "Do you have any leave due? Maybe you could come out to LA to see me?"

"Yeah, I do. I'm just not sure if it's a good idea. Edward, I've enjoyed our time together, more than I can express, but what you're asking takes us to a different place. Are you sure this is what you want? I mean, the sex has been phenomenal and I love spending time with you, but, well, this would sort of make us a couple." Bella was beyond embarrassed, trying to look everywhere but at the man in front of her.

"Bella, please look at me." Bella reluctantly made eye contact. "I have never been more sure of anything in my life: I want to spend more time with you. If it makes you feel any better, drop the title of 'sort of couple'. We can stick with 'best friends with benefits' if it's easier for you. As long as it doesn't do anything to your libido, I'm a happy camper!"

"Okay, I can live with that." She grinned at his neat symantics. I'll let you know about the leave story. What time do you have to go tomorrow?"

"I'll need to leave here by 6:30." Edward looked as dejected as she felt.

Bella mock-stamped her feet. "Shit, fuck, bugger! I still have to finish my Strat plans and am going to be a while. Looks like I'm not going to get my hit of you before you go. I've become addicted to Edward... injections..." They both burst out laughing. "Okay, Mr Eider. Go get a good night's sleep and I'll join you as soon as I'm done." She stretched up to kiss him.

"Hurry up and be done, then, woman!", said Edward, his expression mournful.

She opened her laptop and got to work. An hour later, beyond exhausted, she fell into bed. Edward's arm snaked around her waist, pulling her closer. She was asleep within 0.2 seconds, surrounded by the almost edible smell of Edward.

Bella's alarm went off at 6 am as usual. Groaning, she turned over to an empty bed. Edward was sitting on the end of the bed, watching her. "Is it time for you to go, already?"

Edward nodded. "I didn't think it would be so difficult to leave. Please, please try to get some leave and come to LA?"

A lump formed in her throat, so she just nodded. She climbed out of bed, walking around to stand between his legs. Placing a gentle kiss on his lips, she tried to think of something to say that wasn't sappy or banal. Edward seemed to be struggling with something similar, because he stood, wrapped his arms around her and buried his nose in her hair before walking towards the door. He stopped at the door, looking back at her. "I love you, my Bella," and left the suite.

Bella went rigid with shock. Love? Is he completely mad? _He's got to be kidding me!_ But, twisting it any way she could, she couldn't doubt his sincerity, or the message she'd seen in his eyes. Nor could she doubt the leap in her heart at his words, or the heartache at his absence. She emptied the closet, gathered up her belongings and made her way to her office. _I'll think about him later. I can't deal with this now. I have a board meeting to prepare for._

It took a long time to prepare the board packs, even with Angela helping. Laden with documents, she made her way to the boardroom, arriving early to make sure that it was pristine. Housekeeping and Catering had already been through the room, so Bella poured herself a cup of coffee and set up her laptop for the presentation. The boardroom was impressive. A dark solid wood oval table was surrounded with black leather armchairs. The room itself was somewhat sombre, the deep red curtains and flash of colour of pictures on the wall giving the only relief. Personally, she hated the decor and looked forward to renovating it.

By 09:30, the entire Board was seated. Since she was to present the figures, she was surprised to note that she didn't have their attention. Instead, all eyes were on Caius Volturi. Trying to recapture the initiative, she thanked the Board for attending. Their eyes refused to make contact, sliding back to Caius. Her stomach tied in knots at the atmosphere, sensing a drama about to unfold. Struggling to maintain her demeanour, she sat down. "It would appear that the Board is here to discuss something other than the hotel's performance. Please, Caius, be so kind as to continue. It would appear that you are the spokesman here."

Caius smiled at her. It didn't reach his eyes. He looked up at a knock on the door, clearly expecting it. A woman with short blond hair entered, carrying an envelope. Bella's heart stuttered when she recognised the woman as Jane Arnold, late of Edward's employ. What the hell was she doing here?

Caius looked down the table at Bella. "Ms Swan, please meet my new assistant, although, from what I hear, you've already met her? This is Jane Arnold. Jane, meet Isabella Swan, although, as mentioned, I think you know her."

The venom in Jane's voice was unmistakeable. "Ms Swan. Isn't it interesting how things come full circle? Caius, here are the documents you requested." She shot Bella a vituperative glare before leaving the room.

"Ms Swan, the Board has been made aware of some... distressing allegations regarding your conduct. Specifically, that you have been fraternising with guests. Or let me rather say, guest. We have it from an unimpeachable source that you have in fact been involved in an intimate relationship with one of our VIP guests, to whit, Mr Edward Cullen."

_What a pompous git_, she thought. "May I ask, Caius, what relevance this has to my ability to run this hotel? How does this affect the fact that this hotel is in doing extremely well? To put it bluntly, please explain how my personal life has in any way affected your bottom line?"

"The Board recognises that under your leadership, the hotel has done quite well." Bella snorted internally: _Quite well? How about bloody brilliantly?_

"However, the company policies are there for a reason. It is the opinion of the Board that you must step down as General Manager, with immediate effect."

Bella gaped. This could not be happening. Pulling together the remnants of her concentration, she smiled at Caius.

Surprised, Caius smiled back at her with relief, clearly glad that she was not going to put up a fight. _Not bloody likely, you blood sucking bottom feeder. Oh no, fuck wit. I don't walk away so easily._ She looked around the table, trying to read the faces of the rest of the Board. Their expressions ranged from embarrassment to annoyance. She found no allies around the table.

"Caius. Do I need to remind you that I am a major shareholder? You simply do not get to fire me on a whim, and certainly not without some proof of these allegations."

"Ah, my dear. I was afraid that you would raise your shareholding issue. Let me be perfectly blunt. You are a major shareholder, but you are not the majority shareholder. With everyone around this table in agreement, we hold that privilege. I will not repeat myself. Your employment at this hotel is terminated. Should you refuse or create difficulties in any way, the ah... proof of your inappropriate behaviour will be leaked to the press, along with the information of your ah... addiction."

Bella's mind reeled. "Why would you threaten me with that? It could only damage the hotel, which would damage your bottom line. Is there something personal going on here? You seem to be hell bent on destroying my reputation, without considering the collateral damage that the hotel would sustain."

"Let us just say that we are taking evasive action. You may choose to resign or have your employment terminated. The choice – and it is the _only_ choice you are being offered – is yours. As you are no longer employed by the hotel, please leave the room."

Bella tried to understand the words, her brain numb with shock. She stumbled as she stood, bumping the table, hard. On auto pilot, she began packing up her laptop.

Caius' voice filtered through the fog in her brain. "Ms Swan. The laptop is the property of the hotel. Please leave it."

She nodded and picked up her handbag instead, walking out the room. Sitting next to the door was Jane Arnold.

"Payback's a bitch, isn't it." She smiled maliciously. "Enjoy unemployment. Have a drink, I'm sure it'll help."

Bella tried to follow, but failed, not understanding the words or the expression on Jane's face. She simply looked at her before walking back to her office.

Angela looked up at Bella as she walked in. "That was quick! Did you forget someth... Bella? What's wrong?"

Bella just stared at her, unable to speak.

"Bells? What happened?"

Bella's body began to shake and Angela quickly led her to the couch. Angela tried again to get a response from her, but she just sat on the couch, staring at the wall.

"Bella, I'm going to call Alice." Angela sighed with relief when a flicker of recognition crossed Bella's face at hearing Alice's name. Other than that, Bella remained virtually catatonic.

"Hello, Alice Brandon speaking."

"Alice, it's Angela Johnson." Angela's voice was shaky.

"Oh, hey, Angela. I thought you might be in the boardroom with Bella. How are you?"

"Alice, I'm fine, but Bella isn't. Please come to the hotel."

"Angela, I'm in a meeting for the next half hour, but I'll be there as soon as possible." Alice suddenly realised that the shake in Angela's voice was panic. "Angela? Has something happened to Bella? Where is she now?"

"We're in her office, but... Alice, she's completely frozen. I can't even get her attention and she seems completely unable to talk." Angela began crying. "Please, Alice, please get here. I'm lost here – I don't know what to do."

"Just stay with her, Angela. Don't leave her side, do you hear me?" Alice's voice was stern, lending Angela a bit of calm. "I'll call Jasper immediately and we'll come get her. Just don't leave her alone!"

"Should I call the hotel doctor?" asked Angela

"That's a good idea. It'll take Jasper and I at least half an hour to get to her. I'll see you as soon as humanly possible. Just keep talking to her, try to get her talking." The line went dead.

"Bella? Bells? Please, please speak to me." Angela was sobbing, terrified for her boss and friend.

A light tap on the door made Angela's head shoot up, desperately hoping it was the doctor, Alice or Jasper. Instead, it was Tyler. Tyler's eyes zoomed straight to Bella. "Ms Johnson, are you okay? Is Ms Swan ill?"

"I don't know, Tyler," a sob tore through Angela. "Bella's unwell. I need to get the hotel doctor, but I can't leave her."

"Why don't I wait here with Ms Swan while you look for the doctor. It will be much quicker than waiting for him to answer his pager." Tyler suited actions with words and sat down next to Bella.

"Thank you, Tyler, thank you so much. Please, please don't leave her. I'll be back as soon as I can find him." Angela sucked in a breath, trying to get control. Without waiting for a response from Tyler, she dashed out the door.


	8. Chapter 8 Missing

**AN: don't own anything Twilight-y.**

Chapter 8 Missing.

Edward sat in yet another first class lounge, waiting for yet another flight that would exile him from England yet again, to deposit him in his chosen country of work. Even after more than ten years in the US, it did not feel like home. He was an Englishman, born and bred and would always consider America foreign soil. He had never felt such reluctance to go back before, and knew it was because he had left his heart in London with a beautiful woman called Bella.

She was everything that Hollywood strove to create artificially. There was no artifice in Bella; everything about her was genuine and natural. In less than a week, he had fallen for her – how could he not? She was smart, articulate, sexy as hell... He grinned to himself at the adjective overload. He had many more that suited her perfectly.

He wondered if he'd scared her away by telling her he loved her. He didn't think so, but then Bella frequently reacted in unexpected ways. He was fairly certain that she cared for him too. After all, she had broken all sorts of rules to be with him. Once the initial reluctance to break the rules had passed, she'd been one hundred percent involved in their relationship. He felt a twinge of guilt at that. If there were consequences, she would have to shoulder them alone.

He had no intention of assuming that his feelings were reciprocated: he was taking nothing for granted. She had told him very little about herself. In fact, if he was honest, she'd shared virtually nothing. A lot was obvious by its omission. He was aware that she was in therapy, and it was clear that she had an issue with alcohol or some kind of addiction. She went pale every time any kind of addiction was mentioned, even obliquely and never went near alcohol.

It didn't change the way he felt about her, not one bit. He was more certain of his love for this woman than he had ever been about anything. He fully intended to broach these issues when she came to visit him. His mind wandered, reliving his stay at the Metropolitan. He lingered over each memory of Bella, the wicked glance over her shoulder, the way she slept with both hands tucked under her cheek and the lovemaking... it was truly making love, whether soft and gentle, or savage and passionate.

The boarding call for his flight came, and with heavy heart, he got on the plane.

As expected, the paparazzi were at LAX in full strength. Today, all was well in his world and he went to meet them with a head held high, if not quite a joyous heart. All manner of questions were thrown at him, most too ridiculous to even consider answering.

In every Pap pack, there are a couple of journos who aren't the spawn of Satan. His favourite (if he could have a favourite parasite) was Seth. Seth made a concerted effort to not be intrusive, or at least as little as his job allowed, and it was usually his questions that he chose to answer.

"Edward, how was London?"

He paused, but he couldn't help the smile on his face. "London was good. It was great to be home."

"You're looking happy and relaxed, Edward. Did you meet someone? What's her name? Will she be joining you in LA?"

Just like that, without even knowing it, Seth overstepped the line. He stopped responding and made his way to the chauffeur car. On edge, he considered the Pap's line of questioning. Maybe they did know something. It riled him that he'd have to wait for tomorrow's tabloids to get a feel for the situation.

He thought about the coming weeks and winced. They were likely to be insanely busy, but come hell or high water, he was going to make time to talk to Bella every day, more often if possible.

Alice would be taking over from his current agent, and facilitating that move would be gruelling. They'd set aside the first week for the basic handover, but realistically, it could take months. They'd briefly discussed the position of Edward's publicist, but had mutually agreed to get the agent side of things nailed down first. He went straight into filming the week after, and after that... Bella would be here, in LA. He surreptitiously crossed his fingers so as not to jinx it.

Home in LA was a square double story in a gated suburb. Security 'villages' like his were common in Hollywood, and the only way to live if you wanted any privacy at all. The driver helped him with the suitcase (not really necessary considering it was a trolley bag, but that's chauffeur services for you) and he let himself in.

The house was deathly still. Edward had never noticed before just how soulless it felt. He walked through the house, flicking on lights. The entrance hall was tiled in beige travertine, dominated by a staircase with a beautiful wrought iron railing. The kitchen was to the right, a dramatic contrast of charcoal and grey tiles that ran to the ceiling. Sparkling modern appliances were Edward's addition. He loved to cook and was a sucker for all the toys and gadgets that went with it. It was partially open plan with bar stools at the counter.

Beyond the kitchen was an enormous 'play' room. It was filled with big chunky sofas and easy chairs of black leather, chosen for comfort rather than appearance. An massive flat screen TV dominated the far wall. A black entertainment centre housed an enormous DVD collection, a Wii, an Xbox and a top of the range sound system. Speakers were mounted around the walls. A well stocked bar filled one corner and a pool table filled most of the back of the room.

Ceiling to floor glass doors covered the length of the room and led to a large pool deck that ran the length of the house. A Jacuzzi sat in the corner near the house next to a door to a guest bathroom. A barbeque, sadly underused, occupied the far corner of the deck. A ten seater patio set was next to it, chairs folded and covered in protective plastic. The pool was enormous because swimming laps was part of Edward's fitness regime and a means of unwinding. He was fairly indifferent to the rest of the house, but this room felt like home and was where he spent most of his time.

He barely glanced into the rest of the rooms. To the left of the foyer was a formal lounge. Beige carpet, uber modern cream leather sofas, a chaise longue, dark wood shelving with indifferent ornaments... It held nothing personal. He snorted to himself: _who the hell actually uses a chaise longue, much less finds them comfortable?_

Next to the lounge was a formal dining room. God knows why he had a formal dining room, since he rarely entertained, and never formally. Maybe it was in the hopes that he'd fill the 5 bedrooms upstairs. Still, the furniture was beautiful. The twelve seater cherry wood table was surrounded by high backed chairs that were upholstered in beige and black striped fabric. A matching cherrywood server stood against the wall to one side. The only thing in the room that he actually liked was the magnificent chandelier that hung over the centre of the table. It was old fashioned, with delicate loops of crystal suspended between the lights, before dripping down like fragile icicles. He switched on the light to watch the light refracting, sending rainbow coloured droplets around the room. He wondered if Bella would like it too.

He made his way upstairs with his case. He stood in the middle of his bedroom, seeing it with new eyes. The best way to describe it was... boring. Had he been so busy working that he'd missed how drab his surroundings were? More beige. More brown. More black. At least his bed was great. It was enormous, the cover a deeper beige with a gold damask pattern. But the headboard! Dark brown leather. It really needed to go. He was definitely going to do some home decor shopping with Bella. He wanted to feel her in every room in his house.

Bella. He wanted to call her, needing to hear her voice, despite it being the middle of the night in London. He wavered, torn, then settled on sending a text. That shouldn't wake her up... He went downstairs to the play room and flopped into couch, switching on his mobile. His phone lit up like a Christmas tree, the message beeps coming through steadily. "What the fuck?" The screen showed ten calls from Alice and was still updating when he pressed reply.

"Edward. Thank God you've called." Alice's voice was rough. "Why didn't you call me back, damn you?"

"Alice? Hey, sweetie, I'm sorry I didn't return your call – I've been on an airplane, remember?" he said, teasing her. "Besides, it's after one am in London. Surely even Fairy Godmothers have to sleep sometime."

"Edward, I..." she burst into tears.

"Alice, what's wrong?" Edward began to feel faintly nauseous. He heard a fumbling noise as the phone was passed to someone.

"Edward, hi, it's Jasper." He didn't stop for pleasantries. "Look, there's no easy way to tell you this. Bella's missing."

A hole opened up under Edward's feet and he fell in, instinctively knowing that this is where he'd remain until Bella was safe.

Jasper was now yelling into the phone, "Edward? Are you there?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm here. Jasper, what happened?"

"Bella was fired." Jasper hesitated. "Apparently the Board found out about her relationship with you."

He could hear Jasper saying his name, and he tried to reply, but he was on all fours retching.

Oh God, this can't be happening, oh, God, please say this isn't happening. He didn't realise he'd spoken aloud until Jasper snapped at him. "It's happening, Cullen. You need to get yourself together, and you need to do it now. You're not helping Bella any by falling to pieces five thousand miles away."

Jasper's words were like a dousing of cold water. Edward tried to get up off the floor, but his legs wouldn't obey the command. "Jasper, what information do we have? "

"Alice got a frantic call from Angela, saying that Bella was unable to speak. It sounded like Bella was in shock. She asked Alice if she should get the hotel doctor. Alice told her to do that, but to not leave Bella alone." Jasper took a deep breath. "Apparently, Tyler came in and offered to sit with Bella while Angela scoured the hotel for the doctor. When they got back to Bella's office, she was gone. Tyler had stayed there to let her know that Bella has asked him to call a taxi for her. She wouldn't tell him where she was going."

"What do you need me to do? Edward's head was spinning. "I'll catch the next plane back to London. Maybe we should hire a PI."

"Edward, calm down, man. We're doing everything we can. We've notified the police and are tracking down any friends that she may have contacted." Jasper's voice was calm again. "Stay where you are for now. I know you want to drop everything and run here, but it's not going to help. The press is bound get wind of it, and then we'll have that shit storm to handle too. Please. I know it's asking a lot, and Alice has told me that you care deeply for Bella, but I'm asking you, Edward, to stay where you are. We'll keep you posted, hourly if necessary.

"I know that this is going to be very, very difficult for you, but you have to continue your life as if nothing has happened. Edward, listen to me. The Board threatened to leak your relationship to the Press."

"I don't give a shit about the Press! Do you think I'm some shallow fuck up who lives for the fame? You don't know fuck about me, so don't presume! Bella means more to me than anything. I will walk away from Hollywood without a blink for Bella!" Edward was shouting, his chest heaving.

"Edward, what I am about to tell you is against the law. I am breaking patient confidentiality, and I'm only doing this is because I think you may have an inkling of it anyway. Bella is a recovering alcoholic. That is what the Board used to force her out the door – they threatened to leak your relationship and Bella's alcoholism. Do you see why we don't want you here? We have to try salvage the situation with minimum exposure for Bella."

Edward curled over on the floor feeling his heart break. Jasper was right. It would be best if he stayed away. _Oh, God, the pain. Bella must be in even worse pain, and I have done this to her._ Jasper tried to get his attention again.

"Edward? Is there anyone you can call, someone who can stay with you for a while? You're fragile right now. You need support."

"Yeah, yeah... um... I'll call my sister." Edward was battling to stay focussed on the phone and Jasper.

"Okay, we're going to hang up now. Call at any time, Edward. We're with you and we all love Bella. Goodbye."

He sank to his side again, struggling, and losing, the battle for consciousness.

* * *

Edward reluctantly swam up towards awareness. Someone was patting something cold on his forehead. He opened his eyes, trying to remember why he was at his house in LA, and not in his suite at the Metropolitan. As the word crossed his mind, he clenched his eyes closed as he leaned over the bed to retch. He had had nothing to eat for a long time, but his stomach continued to churn. Dry heaves wracked his body again and again.

He felt a strong arm lift his body back on to the bed, but he kept his eyes closed. Maybe, if he didn't open them, the reality of the world would go away. Maybe, on the other side of his closed eyes, his Bella would be safe. He began to cry.

"Edward? It's Rose. Can you open your eyes for me, please?"

Edward didn't respond. What, after all, did he have to say?

"Emmett and I have come to stay with you. You don't have to say anything, honey. Alice called us from London, so we have a bit of an idea of what you're going through. I've cancelled all my upcoming shoots and we'll be here as long as you need us." Edward's sister Rose was a model, a very, very successful model, her name and face almost a household name around the world.

He felt Rose get up and say a quiet word to Emmett, before leaving the room.

"Hey, bro. I'm not good at the warm and understanding thing. That's what Rose is here for. I'm here to make sure you get out of bed and at least go through the motions of your life. I'm going to give you that kind of support. I'm giving you today to get your head together, because tomorrow, you have a press junket.

Edward's eyes flew open. "You're shitting me, right? How the fuck am I supposed to sit in front of those fucking vultures answering inane questions? How am I supposed to answer how good my fucking life is when Bella is..." He started to cry again.

"Rose and I have talked to Alice and Jasper, and we'll be calling for hourly updates for you when you can't. All we need you to do, is put one foot in front of the other. Go through the motions. Bro, you _will_ do it because firstly, you are contractually bound to do it, and secondly, it will be good practice for next week when you go to set, which you are also contractually bound to do.

"Edward, this situation sucks. I know that doesn't nearly cover what you must be feeling. But you have to keep moving.

"Bro, I know you probably don't want to hear this right now, but I'm sorry. I love you, man, and I'll be here for you to lean on for as long as you need me. Rose too. I'm going to leave you alone, now. Please come downstairs, at least for a bit of lunch." Emmett gently punched Edward's shoulder and left the room.

Edward gazed up at the ceiling, trying not to think. He laughed grimly. Do you know how hard it is to _not_ think? For every thought he squelched, another two popped up. So instead, he tried to grey out his mind. It must have had some effect, because he woke up later, needing the bathroom.

He swung his legs out of bed, appalled by how weak he was. He felt like an old man shuffling to the en suite. He used the toilet and looked at himself in the mirror while he washed his hands. He did not recognise the man looking back at him. The man in the mirror was _old_. His skin pulled tightly across his cheekbones, but had bags under his eyes. His eyes were flat, neither reflecting nor absorbing light. They were unnervingly inhuman. _That_ man's hair was lank and greasy. His fist smashed into the mirror, glass exploding.

Edward looked down at his clothes. He tried to remember what he'd being wearing on the airplane, and suspected that these were them. They reeked of sweat and were now covered in blood from his injured hand. He suddenly couldn't bear the smell and feel of them against his skin and stepped into the shower, still clothed, turning the sprays on as hot as he could bear it. A memory of showering with Bella crashed into his mind and he leant his head against the tiles while the shower spray washed away his tears.

Leaving the wet clothes on the bathroom floor, he walked to his wardrobe and put on a clean pair of jeans and t-shirt. He winced slightly at the pain of his hand. He wondered if any of the clothes he'd taken to London would have Bella's scent on them. He looked for his case, but didn't see it. He flew down the stairs, startling Rose and Emmett in the kitchen.

"My case, Rose. The case I took to London. Where is it?"

"It's in the hall closet, Edward. I put your clothes in the wash for you." Rose looked at him uncertainly, unsure where this was heading. "Should I have left them?"

Edward temper flared and he clenched his fists, wanting to punch something. It wasn't Rose's fault. His shoulders drooped and he shook his head. "No, it's okay. Thanks, Rose."

"Edward, what was in the case?"

"It's okay, Rose. I was hoping that one of my shirts would smell like," he tried to clear the lump in his throat, "like Bella."

The sympathy and understanding on Rose's face clawed at his heart, and he turned away abruptly.

"What did you do to your hand?" Rose took it and touched the cuts with gentle fingers.

Edward didn't respond, so Rose fetched the first aid kit. "Some of these are quite deep, so I'm going to bandage your whole hand."

"NO!"

Even in sweats and an apron, Rosalie was a breathtakingly beautiful woman. She and Edward had similar colouring: auburn hair that spilled in waves down passed her shoulder blades and hazel eyes framed in thick eyelashes. To say her body was perfect was no exaggeration. She stood five foot 10 in her stockings and she shared with Edward that indefinable sex appeal that made them irresistible to the opposite and sometimes same, sex. She was also a good deal more head strong than Edward and didn't take shit from anyone. Edward wasn't surprised that Rose ignored him and began bandaging, but how could he explain that seeing his hand bandaged made him think of Bella? He turned his head so that he didn't have to look at it.

"Have you contacted Alice and Jasper?"

"Yes, Emmett spoke to them about a half hour ago. There's no news."

Edward shut his eyes, trying to keep his breathing regular.

"Edward? Please sit down. I'm about to dish up Lasagne for our human Hoover here. You haven't eaten properly today. Please try to eat something." Rose held a plate up in invitation.

"Thanks, Rose. That smells great." Edward took a seat next to Emmett, who was already eating. He managed to get down a few mouthfuls before his stomach clenched again. He pushed his plate away, trying not to look at Emmett wolfing down his lunch.

"I'm going to the play room, maybe catch a game." Edward stood, taking his plate to the dishwasher. "Where's my mobile?"

"I put it next to your bed for you."

Edward sprinted up the stairs, diving across the room to pick up his phone and dialled Alice.

"Hi, Edward." She started crying. "We've got nothing new."

"Okay, thanks Alice. I'm sorry if I'm bugging you."

"You're not bugging me, Edward. We'll be in touch."

Edward walked slowly down the stairs, holding his phone like a lifeline. He grimaced: right now, it was his lifeline. He went to the play room and switched on the TV, flipping through channels till he found a game.

Rose and Emmett joined him, Emmett flopping onto the sofa next to him. Emmett was a bear of a man, tall and built like a wrestler. When Emmett jumped and down, as he was when supporting his team, it was impossible to avoid his elbows. Even that reminded him of Bella.

"Hey, man, can I get you a beer?"

Edward looked up, realising that the game was over. That meant he could call Alice again.

"Eddie? Do you want one?"

"Yeah, please," he looked up distractedly as he called.

Jasper answered this time. "Hi, Edward. Still no news. I know it's difficult, but try to stay positive. It's not even forty eight hours yet."

"Jasper, she could be anywhere, she could be hurt, or lost or..."

"I know, it's hard on all of us. We'll keep you posted, I promise" He ended the call.

Emmett passed him the beer and he took a long pull, only to choke. "Oh God, she... drunk somewhere, she can't drink... she's... " Edward dropped his head into his hands.

"Edward. Here's the thing." Rose was clearly not going to beat about the bush. "I realise that you are in agony, worrying about Bella. But please. Stop for a minute and listen to me. She's missing. Not dead! You've gone into mourning for her! Listen to Jasper, if you won't listen to me. It's only forty eight hours. Please Edward. For your own sanity, focus on the fact that she's NOT DEAD!"

Edward shot up off the couch, fists clenched. Emmett leaped behind him, grabbing his arms. Rose stood in front of Edward, not backing down at all. "We all know that you won't hurt me, Edward. Emmett, let him go. He's angry, but not with me. Emmett! Let him go!"

Reluctantly, Emmett let go of Edward's arms, but moved to stand just behind Edward's right arm in case he did take a swing. Edward continued to stare at Rosalie, who stared straight back.

"Rose, I'm so sorry. You're right, I would never, ever hurt you. I am angry." He tried to smile. "I'm not angry with you. I'm angry with myself." He flopped back down on to the sofa. "This situation... Bella is in this situation..." he took a deep breath. "It's my fault."

"How is this your fault? " asked Rose, her face creased with a frown.

"I should never have got involved with her. I wanted her from the moment I met her, and had to have her, and screw the consequences. She told me..." his voice broke and he cleared his throat, trying to talk through the lump. "She told me on day one that she'd broken the hotel's rules by sleeping with me. She told me that she could lose her job. She told me we could only ever be a one night stand. And what did I do? I focussed on myself, on what I wanted. I wanted her and nothing was going to stop me. I was so damn sure that we are meant to be together that I just stomped over her life.

"Do you know what I was thinking while I was waiting for my plane back? I was hoping that there wouldn't be consequences as she'd have to handle them alone. How could I be any more selfish? Could I possibly be any more superficial?"

"I love her, Rose. I love her more than my own life. But you know what? Love isn't supposed to injure the person you love. How do I live with the fact that my love for her has destroyed her life?"

Edward was shaking, bone deep tremors that shook his entire body. Rose sat on the couch, pulling Edward's body towards her. She held him gently, wordlessly offering love and support until he pulled away. Emmett watched from the other couch, clearly out of his depth and comfort zone. His heart was breaking for his brother-in-law, but he didn't know what to do to help.

Edward's mobile rang, startling all three of them. Emmett snatched it up and looked at the screen. "It's Alice."

"Hi, Alice and Jasper." He listened for a minute. "Hang on, I'm putting you on speaker."

"Hi, guys. We have some information. Edward, do you know a Jane Arnold?"

"Yeah, she was my PA." Edward gasped. "I fired her at the Metropolitan the night I checked in, the night I met Bella. But what the hell does she have to do with Bella?"

"Edward, don't freak out, okay? Hear me out first." Alice's voice was cautious. "It seems that Jane got a job working for Aro Volturi, who is on the hotel Board."

"But, Alice, are you sure it's not just coincidence? Surely Jane wouldn't have enough clout to convince this Volturi guy to fire Bella? Or evidence, for that matter."

"On the face of it, no. For this story to make sense any kind of sense, I need to back up a little, to the morning that Angela called me." Alice took a shaky breath before continuing. "Angela went looking for the hotel doctor while Tyler stayed with Bella. He called a taxi for her. Angela didn't read too much into it – none of us did. The thing is, Tyler disappeared for the rest of the day, and didn't go to work today.

"But Alice, Tyler adores Bella. He..." Edward's heart clenched with fear.

"Angela checked his Personnel file to get contact information. Edward, there's a connection between Jane Arnold and Tyler. She's his sister. That must be how the Board got the information about you and Bella."

Strangely, for the first time since Jasper had called to tell him that Bella was missing, his brain began working. It was a very different man who spoke.

"Alice, I think I can help. I have plenty of clout in this industry. I think I should give this Aro Volturi a call. I can make a very real threat of my own; I can threaten the reputation of the hotel. I'm not boasting: I really can spread the word through Hollywood to avoid the hotel. I am fairly well connected in London, too. That should checkmate the threat he has hanging over Bella's head. I can do something positive to gag him so that he doesn't publically 'out' Bella's alcoholism. It's also one that I can maintain indefinitely. What do you think? Could it work?"

"That's a really good idea, Edward." For the first time, there was hope in Jasper's voice.

"Well, it's a bit of hope that we all need right now. Jasper, I'm covering my commitments here for the next two days, but then I'm flying to London. Please don't argue with me, because it's not up for discussion. I need to be there. I'll make the call to Volturi when I'm in London."

"Okay, Edward, but can Rose and Emmett come with you?"

Edward looked across at them.

"Definitely, Jasper. Rose and I will be there for Edward for as long as he needs us." Emmett paused, clearly uncomfortable at the sentimentality. "We're there for you guys as well." His sincerity was unmistakeable, causing a beaming Rose to lean over and kiss his cheek.

"Alice, I know it's a lot to ask at the moment, but I need you to go into Agent mode for me. Can you clear my diary, please?" Edward was pacing, running his hands through his hair.

"No problem, Edward. I really need the distraction. I'll get on to it right away." No time lines were discussed: neither knew, and neither could bring themselves to ask, how long it might be for.

The next two days were torture, and not just for Edward. His temper was on a hair trigger and he was apt to kick off at the slightest provocation. Emmett shadowed him everywhere, explaining his presence as new security. Rose sat off camera during every single interview, giving him updates from Alice and Jasper during the breaks and lending support from the sidelines.

Edward was aware that he was being shitty to Rose and Emmett, but when he tried to apologise, they blew him off. Emmett shook his head, "Bro, don't worry about it. We both know that this isn't you." After the second apology, both of them refused to listen.

Finally, they were finished in LA and on the way to the airport in the chauffeur car. Edward was exhausted, mentally and physically. He hadn't been eating or sleeping well and he knew his reserves were low. He would have to get some sleep on the plane if he had a hope in hell of being of any help in London. He was dreading having to face the paps at LAX and hoped that he was a good enough actor to get through them without kicking off or punching someone.

The chauffeur stopped outside the terminal and removed their cases from the boot. By unspoken agreement, the three of them hesitated, mentally straightening their spines, before getting out to face the hordes of cameras. Edward walked in front of Emmett and Rosalie, answering questions randomly. He saw Seth and smiled, answering his question about how long he'd be in London.

"How do you guys always know where I'm going, even before I do? Not sure how long I'll be there at this point," he laughed. _God, I hope it didn't sound as fake as it felt._ Waving to the pack, he entered the terminal.

Rose and Emmett joined him and they made their way to Security.

"Somehow, those damn Paps knew I was flying to London. Where the hell do they get their information from? I swear they could find Elvis if they were paid for it." The breath left Edward's body with a hiss. "Em, Rose, I have an idea. Get Jasper on the line, please."

Rose moved them off to the side so that they wouldn't attract any more attention and dialled Jasper.

Edward didn't wait for Jasper's greeting before launching into his explanation. "Listen, Jasper, I have an idea. I've just run the gauntlet of Paps at LAX, who already knew I'm on my way to London. I know it's risky, but I'd like to try use their network. They can help us find Bella. They're better than blood hounds and the best PI rolled into one."

"Are you nuts?" Jasper sounded furious. "We're trying to keep the press out of this! How can involving them possibly be a good thing? Edward, you're not being rational. Don't you DARE discuss this with them, am I making myself CLEAR?" Jasper exploded, beyond livid.

"Wait, hear me out, please..." Edward begged, but Jasper had put down the phone.

"Rose, Emmett, what do you think?" Edward knew he sounded like a pleading child, but really didn't care.

"Edward, it's a stupid idea. Once the genie is out of that bottle, there's no way in hell we'll get it back in. Even if they do find Bella, we'll have no control over what they do with the information." Rose's hands gently cupped Edward's face. "Honey, please keep it together. You've a long way to go yet. Don't lose it now."

"That's not what I have in mind, Rose." He blinked away tears. "I have a fairly good relationship with one of the decent journos. His name's Seth. I want to try get his confidential support. I do have something to sell, you know."

Emmett looked at him in confusion, but Rose was frowning, sensing where the conversation was going.

"Myself. I can offer him every exclusive for the rest of his life if necessary, in exchange for his help, using his resources." Edward looked from Rose to Emmett. "Please tell me that it's not an insane idea," he begged.

"Let's get on that damn plane and discuss this some more. We're not exactly in the best place for a confidential conversation." Rose peremptorily terminated the conversation and hurried her men through Security. Their boarding call sounded immediately and ten minutes later, they were in their first class seats.

Edward opened his mouth to continue their discussion, but shut it quickly when Rose scowled at him. "Wait till we in the air, you idiot." Edward had to smile at that. It felt like life was almost normal if Rose was insulting him. Trust Rose to keep an even keel.

The second the seat belt sign went off, the three of them began discussing Edward's idea. Rose immediately scuppered Edward's hopes. "Edward, we can't. Seriously, think it through again. Even if Seth keeps his word, we have no leverage on his British contact. Please drop the idea. It can't work."

Edward continued arguing, desperate to get their agreement. He finally gave up and sat back in his seat, demoralised that he was unable to make any meaningful contribution. He was desperately tired, so he chose a single memory – Bella smiling at him over her coffee mug – and hugged it to his heart as he fell asleep.


	9. Chapter 9 Lost

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Twilight.

Chapter 9 Lost

Emmett woke him up before they landed by punching him. Edward's shot open, looking straight at Emmett's grin. "Bastard. I'm going to get you for that."

"Come on Sleeping Beauty. Pack up. The plane's landing."

Edward switched his phone on the second they reached the terminal, hoping for some news from Alice, but there was nothing new. He helped Emmett get their bags off the carousel, trying to delay the inevitable loose maul waiting for him outside.

"Edward!"

He whipped around at the sound of Alice's voice. She was running towards him, tears on her cheeks.

"Alice. What are you doing here? I didn't expect you to collect us." Dread washed over him. "Oh, God. Is there news? Tell me what happened," he demanded.

"Jasper's outside waiting for us. Sorry Rose, Emmett. Can we do proper introductions later? Let's just get the hell out of here."

"Emmett, walk upfront with Edward and Alice to get the paps to keep their distance. I'm going to follow behind and hope that I'm famous enough to deflect some of the attention from you." Rose briskly issued instructions and they fell into formation as instructed.

Edward was struck by how fragile Alice looked. She was naturally tiny, but now she looked like an undernourished child. He put his arm around her, keeping her face against his chest as he once again walked through a press scrum. Emmett was physically menacing enough to keep most of

paps at bay, and Rose, being Rose, was fine following them. As a top model, Rose was good at handling the press and, unsurprisingly, an expert at dealing with cameras. Edward refused all requests for pictures and ignored any questions, following Emmett's broad back to Jasper's 4 x 4.

Emmett threw in their bags while Edward helped Alice into the back seat. Rose and Emmett jumped in on either side of her, and Edward baled into the passenger seat. Jasper took off without a word, waiting till they were on the highway before greeting everyone.

Although Edward and Jasper had been speaking hourly for the last several days, they had never actually met, so full introductions were needed on both sides. This was the sort of situation that Alice excelled at, but she sat quietly in the back seat. Edward looked over the seats, realising again how she seemed to have shrunk. He remembered Bella teasing him that since Alice was so tiny, hiding her body would be easy. He flinched from the memory.

"Guys, I hope you don't mind staying with Alice and I? If Edward stays somewhere public, it's just going to cause a media shit storm. Our place isn't huge, but it's big enough that we'll all be comfortable." Jasper glanced over at Edward and then caught Rose's eyes in the rear view mirror. "It will also do us good to be together. We can all do with the support."

"Hell, yeah, we get to stay in an Englishman's castle!" Everyone laughed as Rose cuffed Emmett on the back of the head.

Edward was suddenly glad that Rose and Emmett had come with him. Emmett was irrepressible; adversity never got him down for long. He was a good man to have around in a crisis.

Edward looked out the window, watching the English countryside fly by. Something loosened deep inside him at being home, really home, in England. "Where do you live, Jasper?"

"We're in Surrey, about 20 miles outside London. It's close enough for an easy commute into London, and far out enough to be in the country. It's also a fairly small village, so keeping your identity under wraps will be a bit easier. We'll be there in fifteen minutes. We can catch up there once everyone's settled in."

The silence in the car was broken when Alice began to weep again, her little body shaking. Jasper watched her in the rear view mirror, distress clear on his face. Rose gathered her into her arms and held her close, murmuring quietly in her ear as she snuggled into Rose. She was so tiny that she could easily be mistaken for Rose's child.

Jasper pulled up in front of a double story free standing house. It was mock Tudor, with characteristic exposed black beams and lead paned windows. He leapt out of the car and went straight to the back door, helping Rose out before sweeping Alice into his arms. They stood together for a minute, just holding each other, while Edward and Emmett got the cases out the car.

Alice opened the front door, standing aside for them to enter. "Please, everyone, come inside." Alice's voice was shaky, but stronger. "The bedrooms are upstairs. Edward, your room is the door at the end of the hall. Rose, Emmett, you're second door on the right. Your room has an en suite, but sorry, Edward, you'll have to use the guest bathroom, which is the first door on the right at the top of stairs.

"It's almost dinner time, so you have an hour or so to settle in, unpack or whatever. I've tried to make sure you've got towels and toiletries," she gave a watery smile, " but I'm not at my best right now. Come down when you're ready."

"Alice, it's great. Thank you so much." He glanced at Rose and Emmett, who nodded. "We're all grateful to be here. It's perfect." He walked over to Alice, bending slightly to kiss the top of her head. He grabbed his case and walked up the stairs and down the hall to his room.

He closed the door behind him, feeling the fear and fatigue drag at his body, looking around the room. Even in his current frame of mind, he could appreciate that it was a beautiful room. The walls were a pale egg shell blue. Instead of curtains, the windows had bamboo blinds lined with blackout. The bed was covered with a stark white cover embroidered with small sprigs of blue flowers. Enormous blue pillows with the same sprig design in white rested against a pale wood headboard, with standard white pillows in front of them. A patchwork quilted comforter was folded at the bottom of the bed. In the corner of the room was a rocking chair, on which bath towels had been placed. On top of the towels, was a small bag. Edward knew, without looking, that Alice would have filled it with toiletries.

There was a quiet knock on the door. Alice stood outside. "I'm sorry to interrupt you, Edward, but Rosalie mentioned to me that you had looked for clothing that smelled like Bella." She thrust some fabric at him. "It's Bella's T-shirt." She cleared her throat. "I thought it might help."

Edward buried his face in the material, trying to hold back his tears. "Thank you, Alice." He tried to say more, but couldn't speak. Alice seemed to understand, because she stretched up to kiss his cheek, and walked away.

The smell of Bella was indescribable. He sighed, letting it wash over and through him. For the first time in days, the despair retreated.

Sighing again, he carefully put the shirt under the pillow and began packing his clothes and belongings into the wardrobe. Picking up the toiletry bag and towels, he walked down the hall to the bathroom. He could hear Rose's voice and Emmett's, slightly louder, replying. He hesitated, then knocked on the door.

Emmett opened it, wearing only a towel around his hips. "Hey, Bro. You unpacked already?"

"Yes, all done. I'm going to have a shower before dinner. Listen, can I talk to you and Rose, please? Is it a good time?" He gestured at the towel that Emmett was wearing.

"No problem, come in." Rose smiled at Edward as he walked in, crossing the room to hug him.

"I... um... Well, I guess I just wanted to say thank you to both of you, for looking after me, for agreeing to come to England and I guess... just... thank you." Edward shrugged helplessly, unable to find the right words.

"You don't need to thank us, Eddie. Rose and I love you and we'll be here for you as long as you need us to be." He put his arms around Rose and Edward, giving them an uncomfortable three way group hug. "Now get the hell out of here. You smell!" He grinned, wafting his hands towards the door.

An hour later, they were seated at the dinner table. Alice had cooked curry (from a bottle, she hastened to assure them) and everyone was kept busy passing dishes while Jasper poured wine. Everyone's appetite seemed to have failed, other than Emmett's, and they were picking at the food on their plates. Eventually, Edward put down his knife and fork. "Please, Jasper, I have to know what's going on. I'm literally going out of my mind. I need to know." He took a sip of wine.

"I know Edward, and I'm sorry. I thought that if we could all relax for a bit... It was a stupid idea." He took a deep breath. "We think that Bella's drinking again."

"Why? Why would you think that?" Edward's hands were shaking and he carefully put down his glass.

"I don't know how much you know about Bella's previous partner. Did she tell you about Mike?"

Edward shook his head. "I knew that she'd recently broken up with him, but that's it."

"They were together for a long time. He'd been pushing her for a wedding date, and to cut a long story short, she told him she didn't want to be with him, and left. The flat belongs to Bella, so she stayed at the hotel and gave him a week to leave, also leaving their joint account cheque book for him to set up. Mike let her know that he was out, but she hadn't gone back yet."

Edward flinched. She'd been with him at the hotel.

"When we first realised that she'd disappeared, her flat was the first place we looked, but it was clear that she hadn't been there in a while. When we realised that Tyler was involved, we tried the address that was on his personnel file, but he no longer lives there. Right now, we still don't know where Bella is."

"But why do you think Bella's drinking?" Edward fought to stay in his seat, but fear was licking at his control.

"We went back to Bella's flat, really more from desperation than plan. Someone had been there. Mike says he left the cheque book at the flat, but it wasn't there. Some clothes had been taken, but according to Alice," he glanced at his wife, "only the expensive, high end stuff. Designer wear."

"Bella gave me primary signatory permission on her bank accounts. It's something she asked us to do in case she began drinking again. Her Intervention Plan. Several cheques have been cashed, so far totalling more than five thousand pounds."

"But then surely we can get information from the bank?" Edward interrupted.

"The cheques have been presented at different branches. We've requested information, but it's taking a while to come through. But that isn't the main reason we're sure she's drinking again. It's her credit card usage. Several purchases have been made at bottle stores and off licences."

"But, maybe her purse was stolen, or her handbag or something. It doesn't have to mean it's her using them." Edward was clutching at straws, desperate to find another explanation. "Maybe Mike is taking revenge. He'd have access to all that stuff. It's got to be him!" Edward was shouting looking wildly around the table.

"Edward. Edward!" He glanced down to find Rose's hands covering his. He looked up at her tear streaked face. "You need to calm down, honey. Please calm down. Let's talk this out, okay?"

Edward took a shuddering breath. "I'm sorry, everyone. I'm not the only one terrified for Bella and I'm behaving badly. Please, Jasper, can we hear the rest?"

"The majority of the purchases have been made in north London, around Camden. At this point, though, we have nothing to go on that might help us pinpoint where she is. You know what Camden is like, Edward: if you don't want to be found, it's a good place to go."

Edward did know Camden. In a world full of cooky, off beat places, Camden must be near the top of the list. It is a haven for the crazier elements of society – Goths, bums, metal heads, out of work actors. He knew it quite well, having lived there while he was one – an out of work actor, that is. He'd actually loved living there, the bohemian atmosphere appealing to the actor in him.

It was a maze of flea markets, food stalls and down at heel buildings. It also had a thriving drug trade. He didn't stand a snowball's chance in hell of accidentally bumping into her on the street. It was also very touristy, so he wouldn't be able to go looking himself.

"Have we factored Jane into this fucked up situation?" Edward asked.

"No. Why?" Jasper looked confused.

"Well, she was clearly out for revenge and she is British. She must have a home of some description in England, surely?"

"It's worth pursuing, "said Jasper, deep in thought. "But how are we going to find her address? The police won't, not without some proof. In fact, the police haven't been much help at all. Given that she's an alcoholic, finding her is not a priority for them. We're on our own."

"What about a PI? Since you think my idea of using the paparazzi is a bad one, let's at least hire a PI."

Jasper looked around the table. "What does everyone else think?"

"At this point, I don't think we have a choice," said Alice. She was practically jumping up and down in her seat. "Seriously, Jasper, let's do it. There's not that much risk of exposure if we use a reputable agency."

"Rose, Emmett? What about you? Do you agree?"

"Yeah, I'm with Edward on this one," said Rose, glancing at Emmett for confirmation. He nodded.

"Alice? Do you have any contacts? You are always very well connected." He smiled at her.

"Damn right I do! Give me a second." She jumped up and dashed out the room. Edward and Jasper shared a wink, relieved to see some of the old Alice back.

"Is she usually so... lively?" asked Rose, grinning at Alice's enthusiasm.

"Yes!" Jasper and Edward said together and laughed.

Alice came back to the table, mobile phone to her ear. Obviously continuing a conversation, she nodded and said, "Right, we'll see him tomorrow at eleven. Give him our address. Thank you, Tanya, I owe you one." She looked up at the expectant faces and beamed. "All done. His name is Alec Garrett. He comes highly recommended, and has a reputation of discretion."

The relief in the room was palpable. Just knowing that something constructive was being done released a good deal of the tension of the last few days. They sat around the table, drinking wine and getting to know each other. Rose kept them in stitches with stories of Edward as a child, while he gave tit for tat.

"Adult Edward has been just as good for a laugh," Rose grinned. "You should have seen him when I brought Emmett home for the first time. He went all Big Brother on me. It was something to see." She wiped the tears from her face. "Don't let it go to your head, please, brother mine, I mean you are tall, with a good physique and all, but seeing you get in Emmett's face was hysterical. I mean, look at the size of him," she flapped a hand towards Emmett, "He's built like a brick shithouse, for God's sake. But no, Edward was going to make sure that Emmett knew not to fuck with me. Thank God Emmett is a teddy bear, or the headlines would have read something like 'Supermodel's brother beaten to death by boyfriend'."

Edward pretended to scowl at her. "Actually, it would have read, 'Supermodel's boyfriend beaten to death by brother'. At the very least, I hope that it would read 'Supermodel's brother beaten to death by **EX-**boyfriend'. I mean, really, Rose. I hope you would have the grace to at least break up with him in the unhappy event of my death."

Everyone was howling with laughter, and it felt good, necessary. The bonds they were forming would give them the strength to keep going. There was a long way still to go, and the end was nowhere in sight.

"Jasper, may I ask you something?" Edward's face became sombre. "You and Alice are Bella's best friends. She's an alcoholic. We're sitting at your table, drinking wine. How does that fit together?"

"It isn't always easy, Edward. We love Bella, and have her over for dinner as often as we can. On those days, the house is dry. But we do continue to live our lives, which does include alcohol. We have wine with our dinner or Pimms in the garden. We have friends over for drinks, or meet at the pub. But the fact remains that Bella cannot be part of that side of our lives. We don't live our lives for Bella, nor does she live her life for us."

"I want Bella to come live with me in LA. I want to marry her. I want to spend my life with her." Edward ran his hands through his hair, struggling to find the right words. "I just don't know how to make that work. LA, and especially the film industry, is an alcohol saturated society. Everyone drinks, all the time. I can't put her in harm's way."

Something like approval crossed Jasper's face. "I think you'll find that our entire society is lubricated by alcohol. It's not just your world. Alcohol is a legalised drug that most people use, not realising how truly dangerous it is. It's as bad, if not worse, than smoking." Jasper paused. "Do you drink heavily?"

"No, I don't." He shook his head. "I'm pretty health conscious and have to maintain an exercise regime. I don't go to pubs – it's just not possible to go anywhere without the paparazzi. I don't do much entertaining because I'm just too busy. But yeah, I'll have a couple of beers watching a game, usually with the 'Brick shithouse' over there." He grinned across at Emmett, who showed him the finger. "The truth is, I don't know what I'm letting myself in for, and I'm scared."

"I'm a psychologist, Edward, specialising in addictions. I have a lot of reading material for you, if you're interested. In general, addictions cannot be cured, but they can be controlled. If you're serious about being with Bella, then the best advice I can give, is to educate yourself."

"That would be great, thanks." Once again, he felt hope surge. Reading Jasper's books was a step in the right direction, was taking concrete, tangible action.

"Edward?" He looked up at Alice, who was watching him, her expression gentle. "It's not as bleak as it sounds. Bella and I regularly have lunch together, or meet to chat. It is possible to lead a 'normal' life that doesn't include alcohol. I can see how much you love Bella, and you seem aware that you're going to have to make sacrifices. But I also know that Bella cares deeply for you. Together, you will find a way."

Edward's heart soared to hear that Bella cared for him. He didn't reply to Alice, but his smile said it all.

The conversation signalled the end of the discussion, and they all made their way to bed.

**AN: Please may I have some reviews? Thanks!**


	10. Chapter 10 Movement

Chapter 10 Action

In spite of jet lag and very little sleep, Edward was showered, dressed and downstairs by eight o'clock. Since the rest of the house was still sleeping, he pottered around the kitchen looking for the makings of coffee. He was already on his second cup when a very rumpled Alice walked into the kitchen in her pajamas. Her hair was sticking out in all directions, making him grin. He felt a kinship with Alice's hair – his own hair looked like that all the time, despite the best efforts of hair products, brushes and stylists. At least he got to call his sex hair and make lots of money out of it.

Alice was clearly not a morning person. She shuffled around the kitchen, frowning at everything in sight. She scowled at the coffee machine, grumbling as she poured herself a cup. Still glaring down at her cup, she sat at the table with Edward.

Several cups of coffee later, Alice still using monosyllabic sentences, Jasper and Rose appeared, greeting them. Edward loudly shushed them and mimed talking to Alice and then having his throat slit.

"Yes, well, that's my wife for you. She needs a long run up to get all that energy airborne!" Jasper laughed when Alice scowled at him. "Give her another half hour and another cup of coffee, and Automaton Alice will be up and raring to go. Where's Emmett?"

"He's watching TV." Rose snorted. "He's watching Cbeebies. I _think_ he knows it's a kids' show, but he's loving it. You know what's even weirder? He watched TV in bed last night and he actually enjoyed it! Who the hell likes British TV, for fuck's sake?" She, Edward, Alice and Jasper roared with laughter. British TV is great if you like soap operas, reality TV and game shows.

"Hey," said Alice, still laughing, "Don't knock the quality of the British Investigative reporter. They're a different breed to paparazzi."

"Just a different breed of parasite, Alice, honey," Edward bumped cups with her. "Good to see you've left the land of the Zombie to walk among us again."

"Yeah, well, I want to get breakfast sorted and was hoping to be far away when Emmett sees it. Rose, we don't do a full English breakfast, and I can picture Emmett's face when he sees toast, yoghurt, muesli and cereal on offer." Rose looked at Edward, and together they chanted "'Feed me, Seymour'!"

"Don't worry about Emmett, Alice. I'm used to living with a human Hoover. I'll pop down to the closest Tesco's and stock up." She smiled. "So get your orders in now, family."

Emmett's reaction went exactly as predicted and he was only partially mollified by the promise of a big lunch and the assurance that he'd get a 'proper' breakfast the next day.

Emmett began the shopping list immediately, getting huffy when they couldn't think of the British equivalent.

"Emmett, I don't think you can get Lucky Charms in the UK," said Jasper, looking over his shoulder. "You also might want to approach English muffins with caution. Pancakes are the same although my mum calls them crumpets. Thank God we have a big deep freeze – it looks like you're planning on buying an entire pig worth of bacon. Rose, you'd better use my car. There's no way you'll fit all this in to Alice's Porsche!"

"Alice and I do our shopping on line."Jasper started to laugh. "On line shopping is the saving grace of our marriage. I truly think I'd throttle hetr if I had to go shopping with her too."

"Actually, dear, it's because my Porsche is above activities as common as shopping!" Alice giggled.

Emmett moved on to lunch and dinner ingredients.

"Ah, and half a cow, I see too," smirked Jasper. "Emmett, have you checked the weather? Barbequing in the UK is a hit and miss affair. You know, you don't have to buy it all at once. If you behave well, I'm sure they'll let you back into the store again. Rose, check the groceries in the pantry first, I think. I'm fairly sure we have maple syrup and peanut butter!"

Edward and Alice sat together at the table, laughing at Emmett's deep concentration that flickered to panic at Jasper's teasing.

"Come on, Em, let's get this done. We need to be back here at eleven to meet the PI." Rose nudged Emmett. "We'll buy you as snack to eat on the way home, dear."

Edward walked with them to the door, handing over his Amex credit card to Rose. "Everything, Rose, and I mean _everything_ we get while we're in England, I will cover. You guys have upended your lives to be with me right now, so it's only right that I pick up the tab. Deal?"

"No problem, Edward. It's not necessary, but if that's how you want to do it, fine." She took the black card from him, looking at it. "You might live to regret this though... I mean, a black one, Edward? You obviously earn more than I thought!"

Alice appeared at the door, photo albums in hand. "Did 'mine ears deceive me'?" she misquoted. "A BLACK Amex?" She swooned theatrically. "That, honey, is my idea of heaven!"

"Well, then Alice, I'll give it to you for a day, so that you can have your heaven." Edward laughed at her dumbfounded expression.

"Oh, boy. Edward , you're going to regret that offer. If there's one person who can reach the limit of a black Amex, it's Alice." Jasper looked concerned.

Alice flicked his arm, "Don't you have work to do in your study?" She pulled Edward with her to the kitchen table. "I've taken out the photo albums so that we can give some pictures of Bella to the PI. I thought you might like to look at them? "

"Thanks, Alice, I'd love to. Edward nodded enthusiastically.

Edward paged slowly through the album, looking closely at every picture that Bella was in. It was bittersweet, seeing her smiling back at him, or captured by the camera man doing something daft.

He paused at a candid shot of Bella in a bikini. Her beauty was breathtaking. She was smiling at the camera, deep brown eyes shining with one hand on her hip, her long hair falling down her back to touch it. Some spilled over one shoulder, covering her breast. The sun caught its rich auburn sheen, pinning a halo to her head.

The shot captured the creaminess of her skin against the deep blue of the bikini. The hand on her hip emphasised the beautiful swell of her hips, while the top displayed the roundness of her breasts and a startling amount of cleavage.

"Alice?" Edward's voice was tight with emotion. "May I have this picture, please?"

Alice glanced over at it. "Yes, of course. Take that one, I have a copy. I don't think we should give that to the PI anyway."

"Damn right! I don't want anyone's dirty eyes to see my Bella like this." Edward flushed. "Sorry, Alice, I didn't mean to go all Cave Man on you."

Alice put her hand over Edward's, squeezing gently. "I know you love her, Edward. We love her too."

"What if the PI can't find her?" Edward's eyes filled with tears. "I will never stop looking, Alice. I'm going to finish up my commitments in LA, and then I'm coming back to England. For good. I'll walk every inch of North London if I have to."

"And we'll be there with you. Every step of the way." Tears trickled down Alice's cheeks. "But he will find her, Edward. You have to have faith in that."

They smiled at each other through their tears and turned back to the photo albums to look for suitable pictures to give the PI.

At eleven sharp, Alec Garrett rang the doorbell. Edward virtually ran to open the door for a dapper little man with short dark hair. He looked so... British! Everything about him was neat and tidy, from the perfect Windsor knot of his tie to his perfectly polished shoes. Even his briefcase and Burberry matched.

"Good morning, Mr Cullen," said Alec.

Edward's jaw dropped, and Alec laughed. "No, it's not through my superior detecting skills that I could greet you by name. Your face covers every inch of my daughter's bedroom walls, and my wife watches your movies so often that I feel like I know you already!"

Edward laughed, liking Alec immediately. "Well in that case, please call me Edward. Please come in. We'll have to use the dining room table because the kitchen resembles a Tesco Express right now. My very American brother-in-law and sister are unpacking groceries. In fact, the owner of the house is in the dining room already." He laughed again. "Introductions are all arse about face today." He led the way to the dining room.

"Alice, this is Alec. I'll fetch Jasper." He left them to get Jasper, taking the stairs two at a time.

By the time Edward and Jasper made it back to the dining room, Rose and Emmett had finished packing away and were on their way out. "We're going for a walk, Edward. We can't help out with this, so we're going to get out from under your feet for a while." Rose kissed Edward's cheek. "Be strong, honey. You're doing the right thing." She smiled at Edward, giving him a hug, following Emmett out the door.

"Alec, this is my husband, Jasper Whitlock, and of course, you've met Edward." Jasper shook his hand and took a seat.

"Alice has already told me that we're looking for Isabella Swan." Alec dived right in. "What I need now, is to get as much of a profile of her as you can give me. The more I know about her, the better my chances are of finding her." He caught the tension on Edward's face. "Everything you tell me will be kept in strictest confidence." He looked around the table.

They began filling in the pieces for Alec, sometimes interrupting each other as they thought of something important, slowly losing the fear of exposing Bella. Alec took notes while they spoke, deftly putting the pieces together, teasing out information or double checking facts, all the while managing to keep them focussed on the information and not the emotion. Two hours later, Alec was able to say with confidence, that he had a thorough brief.

"Guys, this is the difficult part." Alec paused. "I need to understand as much of the 'why' she disappeared as you know."

Alice looked nervously at Jasper. He smiled at her and started giving Alec the details of Bella's alcoholism, describing her behaviour in psychological terms. It helped, a bit, to hear the details said in Jasper's calm 'therapist' voice, but not much.

By the time it was Edward's turn, he was nauseous. He felt like a voyeur, displaying their passionate relationship to strangers. His voice kept failing and he'd pause, cough, clear his throat, sip coffee... anything to keep going. It helped to watch Alec's face. He kept his face smooth, expressionless as if he was listening to a radio, and Edward clung to his professionalism to get the words out.

Jasper took over again, relating Tyler's involvement. When he mentioned Jane, Edward excused himself from the table. Alice watched him walk into the kitchen.

"Alec," asked Alice, "Could we take a break, please? This is very painful for us and I think we could use a breather."

"Of course, Alice. Forgive me, I should have stopped you sooner. When you're ready, I'll be here." Alec began reading through his notes, jotting comments in the margins.

Alice and Jasper followed Edward to the kitchen. He was standing with his back to them, apparently looking out the window.

"Edward, this isn't your fault," Alice watched him from the door. "Please, don't take this on your shoulders."

He turned around and both Alice and Jasper flinched at the pain in his expression. "How is this NOT my fault, Alice? _I_ introduced Jane into the equation. _I_ am the guest who slept with her. Just those two things are the reason why Bella got fired.

"If I hadn't met her, she'd probably still be safe with Mike and she'd definitely still be working.

"The minute I met her, I wanted her. I pursued her. She told me after our first night together that she could lose her job. I should have walked away right then, but I couldn't." He began to sob.

"I got her fired, Alice. If we hadn't been sleeping together, the Board woudn't have fired her. And if the Board hadn't fired her, we wouldn't be looking for her now, knowing she's drinking."

Alice put her arm around his waist, leading him to the kitchen table to sit down. She and Jasper took the seats opposite.

"Edward, it's important that you understand this; hear me out." Alice took a deep breath. "Bella stayed with Mike because she could not believe that anyone else would be willing to take her on, being a recovering alcoholic. She was going through the motions, Edward. But Bella is too strong and too honest to live like that. She walked away from Mike.

"You know that Bella is very professional, but what you _don't_ know about Bella is that she would never break the rules unless what she was feeling for you was powerful. What I'm saying is that Bella would have broken the rules, regardless, for you. You have become more important to her than the rules, more important than the hotel.

"She frequently had run ins with the Board, and Aro Volturi does not like to be thwarted. The entire dynamic was highly political." Alice met Edward's tortured eyes. "Bella is a big girl, who made a decision to care for you, and stuck by that decision. Don't belittle her choice by implying that she was a passive participant. She wasn't."

Jasper took over. "Bella's drinking is always going to be a curve ball in your life. Do you know that the first time you had dinner with Bella was the first time in months that she'd been confronted with alcohol?"

Edward nodded, feeling even worse that he'd been the cause of temptation for her.

"It's not a bad thing, Edward. She reacted entirely appropriately by seeking help. She has a very good understanding of her addiction, and she came to see me immediately. The progress we made in our first session was phenomenal. By our second session, she was deeply involved with you and it showed. She has made more progress since she met you than she has during the entire passed year. You are making her sparkle. You gave her a reason to be something other than a highly successful hotel manager and an alcoholic. You're the reason she's demanded more from her life and is redefining herself. And for that, Alice and I will stand by you, no matter what. You've woken a piece of Bella that has been asleep for a very long time."

It was a long, emotional conversation and all three of them had tears in their eyes. Jasper was the first to move. "Come, let's finish with Alec so he can get going on finding Bella." Without a word, they stood and followed Jasper into the dining room.

Alec looked up from his notes, waiting for them to take their seats. "I've been going through my notes, as you can see," he glanced .down at his notebad, "and there isn't much more I need other than initial information to source. The first is a picture of Jane," he looked at Edward.

"I've never kept any picture of her, but I'm sure we will find some on line. I'll fetch my laptop." He stood to up, but Alice shoo'ed him down.

"Here, mine's right on hand." He smiled his thanks and went to work.

"I also need a photo of Tyler," said Alec.

Edward looked up in dismay. How the hell was he going to find a photo of Tyler?

Alice just grinned and picked up her mobile. "Angela? It's Alice. No, but we're working on it. That's why I'm calling. Is there a photo of Tyler on his personnel file? We need it urgently. Could you scan it in and email it ,please? Thank you, darling. We'll keep you posted." She put down her phone, looking smug. "Photograph as requested!"

"Alec, there is something else that I'm able to do, but I wanted to discuss it with you first." Jasper took a deep breath. "I have primary signatory status on Bella's bank accounts. I am therefore able to suspend her accounts in the event that she starts drinking. She insisted on this arrangement so that we wouldn't be enabling her habit. Do you think I should? Maybe if we cut off her access to money, she'll have to go home."

Alec's reply was immediate. "No, don't do that, at least not yet. It's our only way at the moment of determining a general location by tracking purchases. As difficult as it must be to realise she's buying alcohol, we have to know where she's buying it."

Jasper nodded, clearly unhappy, but agreeing with the logic.

"I can get going now. I will contact you twice a day with an update," he glanced across at Edward, who had gasped with dismay. "Edward, if I'm not calling, it's because I'm actively looking. I'm not going to waste time and money calling to tell you that nothing's changed. Hang in there, son. I'll find her."

He shook hands with them all, and left. The hope that had grown while he had been in the house withered, leaving all three raw and emotional. Jasper put his arms around Alice, holding her in silent comfort.

"Edward, would you like lunch?"

"No, thank you. I think I'm going to take a nap if that's okay?" His mobile chirped. "Rose and Emmett are at a pub having lunch, so we don't have to worry about feeding Emmett for at least one meal."

Their lives settled quickly into the routine, set by Alec's updates.

Jasper went back to work, unable to stay away from his patients any longer. Alice was able to work from home most of the time and Emmett and Rose had discovered the local golf course.

It was Edward who had the most difficulty filling his time. He was so used to every minute of his day being planned for him, every waking hour focussed on a career growing activity that now, without it, his days seemed very long. He couldn't get Bella out of his mind, even for a second. She was with him all the time, waking and sleeping. At times, she felt so close that he'd turn, expecting to find her in the room with him, only to have his heart break again.

He was sitting in the rocking chair in his room, gazing at the photo of Bella when Alice stepped into the room.

"Edward, you need to stop doing this," she waved a hand in his general direction. "You're moping. What you expect to achieve with this behaviour, I really can't decide, but it needs to stop."

Edward looked at her in shock. She of all people should understand the agony he was in. "Alice... That's uncalled for. I'm doing the best I can." Anger flickered under the pain.

"Re-evaluating your life is a good idea. Deciding what you want to change and how you're going to do it is constructive. You're just moping around the house. I know you're in pain, Edward, but channel it, focus it. Try to make some decisions." Alice threw a manuscript at him. "I'm still your agent, and until I hear the words that you're leaving acting, it's my job to keep pushing you. Don't toss this one into the corner. It's a remarkable script, with a story that's close to home." She turned on her heel and walked out his room, closing the door with a bang.

Edward looked at the manuscript in his hands. "Drowning, by Gordon Vandon. The Broken Memoirs of a Drunk." He opened it and began reading.

He read the entire manuscript in one sitting. It was the most visceral story he'd ever read and he knew, without a doubt, that he wanted the part. It was a direct, unflinching window into Bella's world and he was grateful to have the chance to experience it. He got up, stiff from sitting for hours and walked downstairs.

Everyone was at the table, about to start eating dinner. Alice looked up and smiled. "I gather you liked it?"

"I don't know if 'like' is an appropriate word," Edward frowned and ran his hands through his hair, "but yes, it's great. I'm in."

"Yay, my first movie with my kick ass new client, Mr Edward Cullen. This calls for a toast! Edward has just read a script that is going to win him an Oscar." Jasper poured him a glass of wine and once seated, they clinked their glasses together.

"Alice? Just so you know: this is going to be the first and last movie you get to do with your 'kick ass new client', okay? I'm waiting for Bella before I make a final decision, but I'm packing in acting after this."

"I know, Edward. If I hadn't found that script, I wouldn't have given you anything else, at least for a good long while." Alice beamed. "Things are moving, everyone. I can feel it!"

Edward's mind was still on the script as he watched his family talking over dinner. Thanks to Bella, Jasper and Alice were as much a part of his family as Rosalie and Emmett. He owed her so much. In such a short space of time, she'd turned his world upside down. He wanted her back, back by his side so badly he wanted to weep. He excused himself from the table, just making it to his bedroom before the tears began to fall.

"Edward! Jasper!" Alice's shrill voice cut through Edward's sleep and he was down the stairs and in the kitchen before his eyes were properly open. It was early, before eight, so Edward was shocked to see Alec, as neatly dressed as ever, sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in his hand.

Edward's heart skipped a beat, then began pounding. "Have you found her?"

Alec hesitated, "We've found Tyler. He's in Camden, living in a flat off Lock Street. It's in a nice part of Camden."

"And Bella? Have you at least seen her?" Edward demanded.

"No, we haven't seen her. It's Tyler who's been using her credit card."

"What are we waiting for? Let's go get her!" Edward yelled. "Rose, Emmett, get down here. I need you!" Rose and Emmett came clattering down the stairs.

"Edward, hang on a minute. We can't break in to the flat and get Bella. We'll all end up in jail for Burglary, and in your frame of mind, exacerbated by assault. We need to know for sure that she's in the flat." Ignoring Edward's reaction, he looked at Jasper. "It is time to freeze Bella's bank accounts, Jasper. If Tyler isn't able to buy her liquor anymore, she may be forced to leave the flat. We'll be watching the flat, and her."

Jasper nodded and made his way upstairs to his office to make the call to the bank. Rose began cooking breakfast for Emmett, while Alice watched Edward paced down the hallway. "Edward, please stop it! You're getting everyone more on edge with your pacing." Edward tensed, then flopped onto a kitchen chair next to her.

Emmett broke the silence. "Alec, you know the English Legal System, I don't. What kind of trouble would I face if I went in to that apartment with you? I want to be the 'hired muscle'." Alec said nothing for a minute, his eyes running over Emmett's brawny physique.

"It's a good idea," he said at last. "My partner Felix is the brawn of our partnership, but I need to plan this before we do anything. I know that nothing is going to keep Edward away, so it might work best if you're there for _his_ protection." He was interrupted by Jasper.

"It's done. I've contacted the bank and with immediate effect, Bella's accounts have been frozen. Another five thousand pounds of cash cheques have been written, so at least that will stop now." Jasper looked exhausted. "What do we do now, Alec?"

"Now, we wait. We wait, and we plan our next move. Let's move to the dining room table for this."

Alec looked around the table. "I want to make sure that everyone is on the same page with this. You all need to understand that this isn't the movies, where the hero bursts in, kicks the crap out of the bad guy and leaves with the heroine in a swoon, clutched to his chest. The only legal, safe way of doing this is to have Bella agree to leave voluntarily.

"So, first scenario. Bella leaves the flat herself. What do we do? Someone will need to speak to her, convince her to get into our vehicles. Who do you think she's most likely to respond to?"

They looked at each other. Edward tried to speak, cleared his throat and tried again. " I want to try, but there's too much at stake here. Alice. Alice, it has to be you. If you can't convince her, I'll help you get her into the car." Alice looked appalled at the thought of manhandling Bella and clung to Jasper's hand.

"Second scenario. Tyler leaves the flat. We wait till he's gone, and we go in. Convincing Bella to leave the flat will probably be more difficult if she thinks she's safe there. Alice? Are you willing to try under those conditions?" Alice looked terrified, but nodded.

"There is no way my wife is going in there without me, or Emmett to protect her." Jasper looked furious. "No matter what the situation is, I am not putting Alice in danger. We have no way of knowing if there are any potential dangers in the flat."

Emmett leant over to Jasper. "I'll be there, man." Jasper nodded and relaxed slightly, pulling Alice, chair and all, closer to him. He looked across at Edward. "Bro, I'll get her into our car in either of the scenarios, okay? Just make sure that you're in the damn car to take her." Edward nodded, unable to speak.

"Okay, guys. These are good plans. It means that you're all going to have to stick with me until we can get to Bella. You're going to be in the vehicles, all day, every day till something happens."

Everyone nodded, except Rosalie, who would be staying at home.

"What happens when we have her?" asked Alec. "If she's been drinking, she needs to go somewhere to dry out. Will you bring her back here? Can you book her into a rehab clinic? You need to make these decisions fairly quickly.

"I want to join Felix at the flat before lunch, so I'll be leaving shortly. We'll be here at six am tomorrow with both cars to pick you up." Alec thanked Alice for the coffee and left.

"May I _please_ have my breakfast now?" Emmett's voice broke the tension and everyone laughed till their sides ached. Taking action, any action made them feel hopeful and they sat around the table grinning at each other like idiots.

Late that night, Edward lay in bed cuddling Bella's t-shirt and looking at the photo propped up against the bedside light. His fingertips reached out and gently touched the picture. "I'm coming, my Bella. Be strong, my love. I'm coming."

**AN: Please let me know if you're enjoying my story. I would really appreciate some reviews.**


	11. Chapter 11 Action

Chapter 11 Action

Alec was at the house at six am as promised. Alec introduced Felix and after a brief recap of the plan, they piled into the cars, Jasper and Emmett with Felix, and Alice and Edward with Alec.

It took hours to weave their way around London to Camden. The cars parked on opposite sides of the street and they settled in to wait. There was a bit of silly waving between them, a couple of stuck out tongues from Alice and a few fingers from Emmett.

"Alec, I don't want to break cover, or whatever the term is, but um... I could really use a loo." Edward felt like a child asking to leave the classroom.

Alex laughed. "Welcome to surveillance, Edward. Rule of thumb? Pee before you leave, and don't drink anything unless you're about to dehydrate. There's a Starbucks around the corner with a public toilet. Hang on a minute." He scratched around under his seat and pulled out a baseball cap. "Here. The last thing we need is someone to recognise you." Edward smiled his thanks and got out of the car.

He looked in the mirror while he washed his hands, trying to analyse the emotions that were flitting across his face. A big part was anticipation at the chance to end this situation and get Bella back, but there was also fear, exhilaration and... disbelief? Yeah, disbelief described it well. The entire situation was surreal, like he was playing a role. He half expected to hear the director call, "Cut!" and then run through the scene with him because he was unhappy with his delivery.

He was almost back when he saw Emmett and Felix explode out of the car, barrelling across the road in front of on coming traffic. Alec leapt out of his car, running. _Wait, this isn't part of the plan!_ Edward's mind seemed to be working in fits and starts, because one second he was watching Jasper get into the car with Alice, and his next conscious thought found him running upstairs behind Alec.

Emmett ran straight at the door, putting his shoulder down. The door blew open, bouncing back as Felix and Edward ran in at a dead sprint. They froze in the entrance hall, waiting for a reaction to the noise of the door bursting open.

"What the hell happened, Alec? Why're we all here? What went wrong with the plan?" Edward hissed.

"Tyler left the flat, Edward, but he was carrying suitcases." Alec whispered. "They're obviously leaving. Best guess is that they've discovered that Bella's accounts are frozen."

Edward looked around the flat, hoping to find a sign of Bella. The kitchen was filthy, pizza boxes and beer bottles on every surface. Two full bottles of vodka stood next to a handbag lying open on the kitchen counter. The bag looked vaguely familiar, but he couldn't be sure that it was Bella's.

The lounge was, if anything, worse. Takeaway cartons lay discarded with food strewn on the floor, along with several empty bottles of vodka. The entire flat reeked of booze and cigarettes. Three doors were on the far side of the room, one closed.

"That door must be a bathroom. There's someone else here. Listen. Can you hear the shower?" Felix moved to stand behind the door.

Edward made for the first bedroom, Emmett on his heels. The curtains were drawn and the light was murky, but from the door he could make out a shape on the bed. He gagged at the smell as he walked into the room.

"Bella?" he whispered. The person on the bed tried to roll over and groaned. He flew to the bed, trying to lift the body. Pushing aside filthy, lank hair, he looked into Bella's face. He knew that this moment would haunt him for the rest of his life. Her face was gaunt, her cheeks sunken. Her skin was strangely puffy and mottled, with a line of bruises along her cheekbone. But the smell of her! She smelled like urine, alcohol, vomit and sweat.

Edward couldn't help the reflex – he twisted away and retched on the floor. He tried again to lift her, realising she was pinned down. He looked closer at the bed and retched again. "Emmett, help me. She's been chained to the bed."

"I'm going to fetch Alec, Edward. He needs to see this." He came back with Alec in tow.

"Alec, they've fucking chained her to the bed." He cradled Bella in his arms, his tears dripping into her hair.

"Good God," Alec was speechless. He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. "Edward ,hang in there. This changes everything. This is a crime. For fucks, sake, they're holding her here against her will. I'm calling the police." He left the room, dialling 999. Edward could vaguely make out his voice calling Emergency Services, but there was no way he was leaving Bella. He remained curled around her, cradling her to his chest.

"Edward, someone's coming out the bathroom." He didn't react, not really caring as long as he had Bella in his arms.

And then he heard the one thing that could make him move.

"What the fuck are you doing in here? You're breaking and entering you are."

He would recognise Jane's voice anywhere. At the sound of her voice, Edward went beserk. He launched himself at her from the doorway, fully intending to kill her. Emmett leapt between them, trying to pin Edward's arms.

"Get the fuck out of my way, Emmett. I don't want to hurt you, but I will if you stop me. Let me go!"

"Aw... isn't that sweet," taunted Jane. "Protecting the poor, poor Isabella Swan. You're not going to want her after this, though. She's been earning us a bit of money, while she's been on her back, not that she's likely to remember much. Do you know that your precious Isabella Swan likes the Sauce? Do you know what your precious Isabella Swan will do with her body to get booze?"

Emmett hung on to Edward, his face grim while Edward struggled to get out of his grip. He slumped suddenly, shaking his head, trying to clear his thoughts.

"I'm okay, Emmett. Please call the police again, find out how far away they are."

"The police," mocked Jane. "And get your pretty face smeared across every newspaper in the world? All for that whore?"

This time, Emmett missed Edward's lunge at Jane. He leapt at her, his body hitting her so hard that she flew through the air, landing in a heap against the wall. He grabbed Jane around the throat, slamming her again and again against the wall. He was screaming and swearing when Emmett grabbed him by the scruff of the neck, pulling him away.

In that second's silence, the sound of a gun cocking was deafening. Everyone froze.

Tyler stood in the doorway, holding a weapon.

"What have you done to my Bella?" His tone was calm. "She's perfectly safe. I even chained her to the bed so that she wouldn't wander off and hurt herself. Did you try to unchain her? Really, Mr Cullen, you're being very irresponsible. She could have been injured."

"Mr Cullen?" He sounded like a school teacher. "Did you hurt Jane? I can't really punish you for that, since Jane is already in trouble for hurting my Bella. Now if you would excuse us, we need to leave. Jane, get up." Impatience tinged his tone. "Get up now." Jane didn't move, still slumped unconscious on the floor.

"What did you do to Jane?" Everyone flinched at the sudden scream. He pointed the gun at Alec. "Tell me what you did to Jane, or I'll shoot him!"

"Tyler, she tried to hurt Bella. Our Bella." Edward stuttered. "She said that Bella was giving sex for booze. You wouldn't let her hurt Bella like that would you?"

"She is not OUR Bella. She is MY Bella. I heard you, you know, in the suite, calling her your Bella. She's never been YOUR Bella!" Spittle was flying as he screamed at Edward. His tone changed abruptly, back to a teacher dealing with a difficult student. "She's right. Jane, I mean. She did let Bella earn money for her alcohol with sex. I made her stop though, when we got her cheque book and bank cards and stuff." He frowned. "Did you steal Bella's money? I couldn't buy her anything today because her card didn't work." He didn't wait for a response, walking over to Jane.

"Jane? Come on, we need to go. I have to find somewhere safe for my Bella." Jane groaned slightly and managed to sit up, leaning against the door.

Alec caught Edward's attention, mouthing, "Keep him talking," before turning away slightly. Felix was moving up stealthily, angling himself so that Tyler's back was to him.

"Tyler?"

"Yes, Mr Cullen?" Tyler turned towards Edward.

"Can I help you find somewhere safe for Bella?" Edward was desperately trying to keep a conversation going, without triggering an irrational response.

"Not 'Bella', Mr Cullen – MY Bella!"

Edward stuttered, terrified by the rage in Tyler's voice. "Sorry, Tyler, YOUR Bella. I'd like to help. I have lots of money, so you can even fly somewhere if you want."

"Jane, you must stand up, dear. I need you to hold the gun while I fetch my Bella." He put the gun in Jane's hands, closing her grip around the weapon.

Everyone froze again, adjusting to another change in the dynamics of the room. Although Jane was groggy, she was still able to pull the trigger.

Moments later, Tyler appeared, holding Bella up under one arm. She could barely walk and Tyler carried most her weight. He took the gun back from Jane.

"Okay, my Bella, say goodbye to these nice people. See, even Mr Cullen is here to say goodbye."

"Edward?" her voice was a hoarse whisper. She tried to lift her head.

"I'm here, Bella."

Her head tracked towards his voice. "Ty...ler, don' wanna go. Wanna stay with Ed..."

Jane screeched with laughter, "Do you see, Tyler? No matter what you do, she's not going to want you! Why would she when she' got someone like Cullen pussy whipped? Like I said, you dumb fuck, the only way you'll get her is when she's hammered. That _is_ why you've kept her drinking, right? So that you can fuck her?"

That was when all hell broke loose.

Felix closed the gap to Tyler, knocking Bella out of his grasp and trying to wrestle the gun from him.

Jane threw herself at Bella, kicking punching and scratching any part she could reach.

In the space between heartbeats, Edward launched himself across the room to knock Jane off Bella, throwing himself over her to protect her from Jane. Time sped up again and he felt himself being lifted bodily off Bella. A small part of his brain realised it must be Emmett.

Jane was screaming at him, at Tyler, at Bella, a vile stream of profanities.

A shot rang out and the room was abruptly quiet.

Alec recovered from the deafening noise first, scanning the room. Tyler still struggled in Felix' grip, Emmett had Edward in a head lock, but the small pile of humanity that was Bella and Jane was still. He stepped towards them, recognising the tinny smell of blood in the air. He gingerly touched Jane, her body rolling over and off Bella. Her eyes were empty, gazing at nothing. There was a neat hole in her right temple, where the bullet had entered. The mess at the back of her head made it clear where it had exited. The bullet was lodged in the floor less than an inch from Bella's head.

He turned, gesturing to Emmett to let Edward go. Edward collapsed to his knees next to Bella, cradling her unconscious body to him.

"Felix, the police will be here any second now. You know the drill. Hand him over to them, like that." He glanced briefly at Edward and Bella, hunched on the floor. "Emmett, please be prepared. The police are probably going to arrest you. Don't panic and don't resist. This has turned into a shit storm and it's going to take a while to clear up." He crossed the floor to Edward.

"Edward look at me." Edward's eyes were glazed, pupils fixed in shock. "Listen to me, son. It's important." Edward nodded. "The police are going to be here in a minute. I will try to convince them to let you stay with Bella. Best case scenario is that they'll put a uniform in the ambulance with you. Can you handle that?" Edward nodded again. Alec sighed. He doubted that Edward had understood a single word he'd said. He picked up his phone and dialled 999, this time reporting the gunshot and requesting an ambulance.

-j-

**AN: The next one is very short, but I think you'll like it**.


	12. Chapter 12 Saviour

Chapter 12 Saviour

Bella was walking across a square, hurrying because she was late to meet Edward. He wouldn't be angry, bless him, but she was annoyed at herself. She was desperate to see him, and lateness was a shoddy excuse. He was leaning against a shop wall, running his fingers through his hair. He looked up and beamed at her. "My Bella..."

"My Bella, it's okay, I'm here, I'll take care of you now." The words seemed right, but the wrong person was speaking them. She tried to focus, but nothing was making sense. She was still caught in the dream, trying to understand why waking didn't bring any clarity.

"My Bella, have a sip of this, it will make you feel better." She raised her head, but pulled away sharply when she smelled the alcohol. "No, no, come, drink this down, my Bella." One hand held her head tightly while the other tipped the drink down her throat. A remote part of her brain registered: Vodka.

Consciousness was coming at her in waves, but reality was patchy. She thought she saw Jane Arnold, but that made no sense, so couldn't be real. Tyler was weaving in and out of her mind too, and that made even less sense. The only constant in this weird half life was the craving in her body for a drink. With no other point of reference, she clung to that, welcoming it.

Someone was touching her body. She was vaguely aware of her body. It felt achy and sore, so she wished she could thank them when she felt her clothes being removed. Something pressed down on her body, and a name rose up through her consciousness. Edward? She thought she must have said something because someone laughed.

Cruel. The laughter sounded cruel. For the first time, fear trickled into her mind. She tried to understand why the fear was so sharp, but there was nothing to compare it to. There was only the craving of her body, and now, the fear.

Someone was holding her. The smell was familiar: she loved that smell. A name connected to the smell. Edward. She could hear screaming. She tried to make out the words, pushing against the heaviness of her mind. Edward. Blackness rolled over her again.

* * *

Bella was walking across a square, hurrying because she was late to meet Edward. He wouldn't be angry, bless him, but she was annoyed at herself. She was desperate to see him, and lateness was a shoddy excuse. He was leaning against a shop wall, running his fingers through his hair. He looked up and beamed at her, scooping her up when she reached him, swinging her around. "My Bella," he whispered as his lips moved against hers and she melted into his arms.

There was a deafening bang and Edward jerked. She looked down, watching a bizarre red flower blossom on his chest. His hand traced her cheek and then fell back. He was dead.

She woke up, ears ringing as her screams ripped apart the night. Someone was close to her, close enough to place a soothing palm on her forehead. She felt a prick in her arm and she fell forward into blackness again.

She became aware of the sameness of her existence: nothing, then Edward, then screaming, then blackness. She had no concept of time; her existence seemed to be on a loop that she couldn't stop.

* * *

Bella was walking across a square, hurrying because she was late to meet Edward. He wouldn't be angry, bless him, but she was annoyed at herself. She was desperate to see him, and lateness was a shoddy excuse. He was leaning against a shop wall, running his fingers through his hair. He looked up and beamed at her, scooping her up when she reached him, swinging her around. "I love you," he whispered.

Her eyes popped open and she instinctively closed them against the brightness of... wherever she was. She lay quietly, waiting to see if consciousness would leave again. She waited patiently, but nothing changed: she was still lying somewhere... bright. She listened to the silence. It was peaceful. Someone cleared their throat, her head turning towards the sound.

"Bella?" That voice. The one she had recognised even in her nightmares, was saying her name. She looked up, to meet the most beautiful eyes in the world, eyes that were brimming with tears, full of immeasurable love.

"Edward?" Would this reality warp too?

"Oh, God, Bella. I love you, I love you, I love..." his voice dissolved, tears pouring down his face. He leant forward, kissing her forehead. She closed her eyes, then opened them again quickly, afraid he'd be gone. But he was there. Her Edward was still there, leaning over her, telling her he loved her. She tried to speak, but consciousness faded again, this time peacefully, into sleep.

**AN: Sorry it's so short. It just seemed right to keep it as a stand alone chapter.**


	13. Chapter 9 Outtake: Threats

**Chapter 9 Outtake: Edward's call to Aro Volturi.**

"Good morning, Mr Volturi's office."

"Good morning, Jane. May I speak to Mr Volturi, please?"

There was dead silence on the phone. Edward waited it out.

"May I ask who is calling?" Jane's voice was little above a whisper.

"Oh, I think you know exactly who is calling, Jane. In fact, I'd venture so far as to say you know exactly why I'm calling."

"I... I'm afraid Mr Volturi isn't available right now." Jane's voice was a little stronger.

"Really? Are you sure about that? I think you should make very, very sure of that, Jane. You see, if you don't, Mr Volturi may find himself in a heap of trouble with Bella's hotel.

"Perhaps I should also remind you that I can have your personnel file sent directly to him. I wonder how long you would keep your job if he was aware of just how incompetent you are? So I'm asking you again: may I speak to Mr Volturi, please."

There was a click on the line, and Edward heard Caius's voice.

"Mr Cullen, how wonderful to speak to you. Before anything else is said, may I just say how sorry I am that you received such dreadful service from Ms Swan. Please rest assured that she has been taken care of and no longer works at the hotel."

Edward stood and began pacing, his hand running through his hair again and again, struggling to keep his temper.

"Mr Cullen? Are you still on the line?"

"Yes, Mr Volturi, I am. Thank you for bringing that up so quickly." He paused, letting the tension build.

"Please, call me Caius, Mr Cullen."

"Thank you, Caius. Please feel free to call me Mr Cullen."

"I am well aware that you and the board fired Ms Swan." There was a sharp indrawn breath.

"Yes, Caius. I imagine that your shock is considerable. What you clearly do not know is that I am aware of the threats you used to force Ms Swan to step down.

"Perhaps I need to refresh your memory? The first was leaking to the Press that she and I had a relationship. Would you care to share with me the second reason?"

"The hotel took the steps it felt was necessary to protect itself, Mr Cullen. Those reasons are not your concern." Caius's voice was cold, all pretence of civility dropped.

"Ah, you see, Caius, that is where you are wrong. It is very much my concern. And it should be yours too.

"How can you live with yourself, knowing that you're destroying a good employee, a good woman? What could possibly be your motive? Your threat to expose her alcoholism is a personal, vindictive attack, one which doesn't have a rational explanation. But threatening to leak Ms Swan and I to the Press? Well, that's just stupid. It will hurt the hotel a lot more than it will hurt me, or Ms Swan.

"I have to think of the hotel," barked Caius. "You are by no means the most important or famous person we have as guests. I have no intention of losing their business."

"We are reaching a place where we can understand each other, Caius. I will spell this out for you so that there is no chance of a misunderstanding: if you leak any details either of Ms Swan's alcoholism, or of hers and my relationship, I will make it my mission in life to ensure that you get no more VIP guests."

"Are you threatening me, Mr Cullen?"

"Yes, Caius, I am. I am extremely well connected in the industry, as you no doubt know. It will not be difficult to spread the word that the Metropolitan's discretion is questionable.

"My reach, Caius, is a good deal further than yours. I guarantee that within a month, you will have virtually no A-listed actors at your hotel. Within two months, word will have spread to the film industry's peripheral industries, and, I am quite sure, to most of the Rich and Famous."

"You're bluffing."

"Please accept my assurance, Caius, that I am _not_. In exchange for your silence regarding Ms Swan, I will agree to bite my tongue. But one word, one sniff of a tabloid around Ms Swan, and our deal is off.

"If I may be so bold, you may want to start by ensuring that your assistant keeps her mouth shut. She has a dubious track record of confidentiality. Good day Mr Volturi."

Edward cut the call and took a deep breath. His hand were shaking badly. He looked at Alice. "How did I do?"

"That was excellent, Edward. Well done. We've made the threat, and after hearing that conversation, I don't think he'll drag Bella through the tabloids."

"I hope it works. At least that's one less burden for Bella to bear."

-j-


	14. Chapter 13 Treading Water

Chapter 13

Bella woke up a while later, still unsure of where she was. The light in the room was muted, so perhaps it was late afternoon; she must have been asleep for a while. She tried to pinpoint her location in time, tentatively probing her memory, feeling for her last conscious thought. She had a confused impression of shouting, a deafening roar and sirens.

She reached back further, but she couldn't make sense of the memory. It was patchy, as if she was walking in thick fog. She tried to see through it, but it was an impenetrable, solid grey. She felt dread lick at her mind; there was danger in the greyness. She flinched from the fear and once again sank into blackness.

She woke up to the sound of her name. She kept her eyes closed as she assessed her situation, feigning sleep as she felt for dread. She recognised the voice. She felt again for fear, but there was none attached to that voice. She opened her eyes.

"Bella!" The relief in the voice was unmistakeable, full of joy and tears.

"Alice?" Was that her voice? It sounded hoarse, barely audible. She tried again. "Alice?" She didn't seem able to inject any volume into it.

"Honey, I'm right here. How are you feeling?"

What an odd question. She considered it for a moment, turning it over in her mind, feeling for any dread. There was none. In fact, the emotion attached to the voice was... happiness. "Where am I? Have I been ill?"

Alice leant in to hear the whispered words. "Yes, honey, you've been very, very ill. Do you think you're strong enough to say hi to some people? We've been waiting a long time to see those pretty eyes of yours."

Bella nodded, an unfamiliar feeling akin to pleasure curling inside her.

"Come on in, everyone, Bella's awake," called Alice. Bella flinched slightly at the loudness.

She watched the door anxiously, still anticipating fear. It fled when she saw Jasper, Rose and Emmett walk in, and her face broke into a wide smile.

"Hey, Isabelly, you're looking damn fine!"

Rose smacked Emmett on the back of the head, "Quiet, you great oaf, not so loud!"

Bella laughed at the interchange, and laughed some more when Jasper and Alice rolled their eyes.

"Hey, Bells, I've missed you, darling," Jasper gently raised her hand and brought it to his lips.

Alice looked on, tears pouring down her face.

"You have no idea how good it is to see you guys. You're all looking pretty good yourselves." Her voice was growing in volume.

"How are you feeling, Bells?" Jasper's eyes were sombre, although the glad smile stayed in place.

"I'm feeling pretty grim, Jazz. How long have I been ill for?" Another thought occurred to her. "What did I have? My body feels like a bus hit it and then reversed for good measure, so it must be serious."

"That's to be expected, Bells. You've been through some serious trauma. How much do you remember?" Jasper watched her face carefully.

"Not a lot, to tell the truth. I seem to have a thick grey fog in my brain."

"That's probably a good thing right now, Bells. Let's wait to see what the doctor says before we rush any fences, okay?"

Her eyes darted to the door, where Edward stood, leaning on the door jamb. "Hey, stranger. Don't be all the way over there. Come and be right here next to me." Bella patted the bed.

Alice startled out of her reverie. "Come on, you lot. Let's get coffee and give these two some space. Belly, do you want some?"

Bella just nodded, her eyes on Edward.

"Hey, Beautiful. How're you feeling?"

"I'm tired and sore. I hurt all over. Actually, I'm good, now that you're next to me." She ran the back of her hand over his cheek. "You look tired, too."

"It's been a few weeks, my B... , um, Beautiful."

Bella's heart clenched. _He almost said, 'my Bella'. I love it when he calls me that, so why am I so afraid?_

"Edward? Please hold me," her voice broke on a sob. "I'm frightened. Please, please, hold me."

Edward gathered her into his arms, stroking her hair and murmuring in her ear. She wove her fingers into his shirt and relaxed against him. As she relaxed, he pulled back, but she clung tighter.

"Please don't leave me. Please stay here with me."

He lay down on the bed next to her, pulling her into his arms. The fear receded and she drifted once more into peaceful sleep.

Several days went by, each similar to the one before. Panic and fear would rise repeatedly, to be beaten back by Edward's arms. All was well in her world while Edward was with her. She shied away from any discussion about her illness, and she didn't bring up where she was again.

* * *

"Here, Ms Swan, drink some water. It will make you feel better." Tyler held out a glass to her.

"Thank you, Tyler." She took a sip, tasting vodka. Terror flooded her mind and she looked up at Tyler. "What have you done?" she whispered. She watched her arm reach out to put the glass down, to find it back on her lips taking a deep swallow.

He said nothing, watching her drain the glass.

"Come, Ms Swan, let me get you a taxi." He handed her an open bottle of vodka.

Her mind was in free fall, fighting for the willpower to pull away from the bottle. She took another swig, directly from the bottle, and knew she had lost. She followed Tyler to the tradesmen's entrance, where a taxi waited for her. She heard Tyler give an address to the driver, but the demon in her was roaring for another drink. By the time the taxi pulled up at an unfamiliar building, two thirds of the bottle was gone.

After that, everything was grey: a deep, impenetrable grey.

* * *

Bella woke up screaming. The echoes bounced back at her, beating her eardrums. She kept screaming, and screaming, and screaming. A divorced part of her brain wondered when her voice would fail, hoped that it would be soon.

"Shh, Beautiful, I'm right here, Bella, look at me, love, I'm right here." Edward held her in his arms, feeling the moment she let go, her screaming subsiding to sobs. Someone entered the room, speaking quietly about sedation.

"NO! No, please, please don't sedate me," Bella pleaded. "Please don't send me back into the darkness alone."

"Will you be okay, Mr Cullen? I want to fetch Dr Riley, but only if you'll manage here."

"I'll be," he paused, "We'll be fine. Just get Dr Riley as fast as you can, please."

"Edward?" Bella's voice was muffled as she spoke into his chest. "I remember, Edward. I remember."

"I'm here for you, Bella. We'll get through this together, okay? I'm going to give Jasper and Alice a call." He pulled out his mobile and dialled.

"Jasper? Bella's awake. She's remembering. I think you'd better come down to the clinic."

Bella's shell shocked mind latched onto the word. Clinic. _I'm in a clinic. Why?_ Her mind supplied the answer. _I'm drying out._ The demon inside roared at being acknowledged. _Oh God. How am I going to fight you?_

A man walked into the room, greeting Edward, before addressing Bella.

"Good morning, Bella. I'm Dr Eric Riley. I head up our Alcohol Dependency Unit. Please call me Eric – we might as well do away with the formalities since we're probably going to spend lots of time together."

Bella looked at him blankly. "Where's Jasper? Jasper's my therapist. Why would I need you?"

"I've been working very closely with Jasper, Bella. We've decided that Jasper has become too close to the situation and it would be better for you to work with someone else, someone who is completely neutral."

"NO! I don't want to talk to you, Dr Riley. I want Jasper." She began to cry, burying her face in Edward's chest.

"Bella?" She looked up at the sound of Jasper's voice. "Dr Riley's right, darling. I'm just too close to this to continue as your therapist." He paused. "Also, you're going to need a psychiatrist, who will be able to prescribe drugs. I'm not walking away from you, I promise. I'm here as your friend, as I've always been."

"Please, Dr Riley, Jasper, please just leave." Bella felt rage building in her, the demon rejoicing and taking over. "Get OUT!" Jasper and Dr Riley left the room quietly.

"Bella? Do you want me to leave?" Edward asked.

"Yes, you too." Her heart clenched at hearing his voice break. The thought of him leaving made her weep. "Just give me an hour alone, okay?"

"Okay, Beautiful." He kissed her forehead. "I'll see you in a bit. I love you."

Bella swung her legs out of bed and made her way to the bathroom. She gazed at herself in the mirror, shocked by the reflexion. Fading bruises covered her face. There were scratches down the side of her neck, the scabs already peeling. She could see more scratches above the neckline of her pyjama top.

She stripped off, looking down at her body and gasped. A livid bruise covered her torso from her breastbone down and under her arm. More bruises ranging from deep purple to greenish yellow peppered her body. Another one, dark purple, curled from her belly button down to her thighs. _Surely I'd remember a beating bad enough to cause all this?_ She tried to remember, but it was part of the memories surrounded by grey fog. She gingerly poked at one of the darker bruises and winced.

She turned on the water in the shower and stepped in. Every muscle in her body protested at the movement and she had to grit her teeth against the pain. There were toiletries in the shower caddy, all her favourites. _Thank you, Alice. _Standing under the water was divine; the hot water soothed her aching muscles and cleared her head.

She thought about Dr Riley and Jasper. Jasper always looked out for her, and if he felt that she needed a different therapist, she had no good reason to distrust him. So why had she felt such violent antipathy towards Dr Riley? The answer wasn't difficult: the thought of opening up to a stranger filled her with dread. It was obvious that there was a large part of her memory missing and she was terrified of facing it without Jasper's comfort and love. Still, it seemed like she was missing a piece of the puzzle.

She gasped; maybe Alice and Jasper were leaving for LA soon. For that matter, Edward probably needed to go back too. That would leave her here, in England, on her own, with only a stranger to talk to. She flinched at the thought of not having Edward near, the tears beginning to fall.

A memory surged through her – Tyler over her, looking down at her and a vague feeling of discomfort between her legs. No, that can't be right. Did she have sex with Tyler? The demon purred, bringing her need for a drink front and centre. Shame and pain washed through her and she curled up in a ball on the floor of the shower, fighting the demon. She was vaguely aware that she was screaming as she fought for control.

"Bella, it's okay, love, I'm here." She felt Edward's arms around her, lifting and cradling her to his chest. His shirt was sopping as she snuggled into his arms, holding on to him for dear life.

He pushed her hair away from her face as he tried to dry her off with one hand clutching a towel. "Did you remember something?"

She nodded, unwilling and too ashamed to give him the details.

He looked at her for a moment, trying to find the right words that would ease the shame in her eyes. It was probably best that they waited for the doctor before discussing the events that she couldn't remember.

"Edward, are you leaving? Are you going back to LA?" He stilled, looking down at her.

"Not right away, love. I will need to go back at some point in the next two weeks, but I'm here with you."

"And Alice and Jasper?"

"You'll need to ask them, love." He temporised. "It's not for me to discuss their plans."

"Would you mind fetching Jasper, please? I really want to know what's going on."

"Your wish, my command," he grinned at her. "But first I need to find some dry clothes. I've been virtually living at the clinic, so I have a case with all the sartorial requirements."

She giggled at his over the top language. It felt good to be treated normally and not as a fragile patient about to break down. _Even if I am_.

"Hello, darling. You okay?" asked Jasper.

"Yeah, I'm good. I'm sorry I shouted at you earlier."

Jasper waved it off.

"Jazz, I asked Edward to find you because I want to know if you and Alice are still going to LA."

Jasper glanced across at Edward. "Yes, we are."

Bella's heart sank. "When do you leave?"

"The plan is to leave in a fortnight, but we're putting it on hold until you're stronger." Jasper met her eyes. "Bells, don't overreact, darling. We really don't mind staying."

"It all just seems so sudden, though. Even with Alice's superhuman organisational skills, how did you get it together so quickly?" She intercepted a glance between Jasper and Edward. Edward shook his head slightly.

"Bells, you were missing for three weeks, and you've been in the clinic for one." He smiled at her dumbfounded expression. "So you see, when you factor in Alice's 'superhuman organisational skills', it all makes sense."

"Take me with you," blurted Bella. "Please don't leave me here."

"What?" Jasper's eyes widened with shock.

"Jasper, please. You, Alice and Edward are all I have, and all three of you are leaving England, leaving me behind, to go to LA. I can recover there just as well as here."

"Did you know about this?" Jasper glared at Edward.

Edward put up his hands, "No, definitely not, this is the first I'm hearing of this. It's very risky, Jasper.

"Please, Jasper, discuss it with Alice. I can't be left behind on my own, I just can't." She began to sob quietly.

"Bells, I'll talk to Alice. I'm pretty sure she'll agree, but it's still something we'll need to discuss." Jasper smiled at her. "Don't cry yet, darling."

Bella gave him a watery smile and nodded, holding out her hand for Edward's.

"You'll like LA, Bella. It's warm all the time, at least, compared to England. I'm scared for you though: it's a hard drinking society; it might be too much for you to resist." Edward brought her hand to his cheek. "I'm being selfish by wanting to be close to you, and I think we need to discuss it thoroughly before we make a decision."

"Okay, I can live with that." She yawned and her eyes began to blink.

"You get some rest, Bells. I'll talk to Alice while you're sleeping." Jasper leant over to kiss her cheek.

"Edward?" Another huge yawn shook her frame.

"What is it, love?" Edward kissed their entwined fingers.

"Please stay with me." Bella was already almost asleep.

"Always, love." He lay down on the bed next to her, pulling her into his arms.

* * *

"Wake her up, dammit!"

Bella woke to the impatient demand of Alice.

"Leave her alone, Alice. She needs her sleep." She felt Edward's reply drumming in his chest against her cheek.

"Well, this is important, she'll want to hear it." Alice was practically yelling.

"Hear what?" said Bella sleepily.

"Oh good, you're awake. You're coming with us to LA." Alice was practically jumping up and down on the spot.

"I am?"

"Yes, Bells. Alice, Edward and I talked about it. We discussed it with Dr Riley, and have decided that it's worth the risk. Having support right now is essential to your recovery. We'll be able to limit your exposure to... temptation if you're with us."

"Edward? What do you think?" She blinked, trying to unscramble her thoughts.

A huge grin spread across his face.

"Okay, I think I got your opinion," she giggled.

"Bells, before you start packing," Jasper's tone was serious. "There will have to be ground rules at first. You've been through drying out before, so you know what to expect. I've spoken to one of the partners at the practice I'm joining and she's agreed to take over therapy. That's rule one: you may not miss a single session." Bella nodded.

"Rule two: no substitutes. That means not suddenly taking up smoking, no non-alcoholic beer and no drugs, other than those prescribed by a doctor." Bella nodded again.

"Rule three: no sudden change in status of relationships. You know what sort of headspace you'll be in, so no running off in the middle of the night to marry Cullen here." Bella scowled at that one, Edward looked offended.

"Jazz, Edward and I are already in a relationship. I agree to not run off to marry him, but I'm not walking away from him." She grabbed his hand. He smiled at her, sighing with relief.

"I realise that, Bella. Just don't do anything precipitous, okay? Which leads us to Rule four. This one was at Edward's insistence. You will not be attending any functions with him, at least for six months. You will also not go anywhere in public, casually or on a date, for three months." Bella looked at Edward, who shook his head firmly.

"Bella, I'm not trying to hide you from the world. I want you to have all the breathing space you need to recover, and if you get sucked into the spotlight that is always on my life, it's going to seriously jeopardise your sobriety." The love and concern in his voice brought tears to her eyes.

"Rule five:" Jasper ticked of another finger. "You have to have blood tests once a week."

"What? That's not reasonable!" Bella felt anger stir.

"Bells, it's not about reasonable or unreasonable. You know how devious alcoholics can be. We need to be sure that the plan we've put together is working. If it isn't, then we need to know so that it can be changed." Bella nodded again, this time reluctantly.

"Rule six: You will attend your AA meeting every week, without fail. Alice has already investigated what's out there, so I gather that that bit is sorted.

"Rule seven:"

"Jesus, Jasper, how many more rules do I have to agree to?" Bella crossed her arms across her chest with a mutinous expression on her face.

"Rule seven:" Jasper continued as if she hadn't interrupted, "This one is not set in stone, so we'll play it by ear: no working for at least two months, and then you need to show caution about where you work." Bella couldn't argue with that: it was only sensible.

"Rule eight: you have to live with us for the first two months."

"Okay, that's it for now." He grinned. "I reserve the right to make more if necessary."

"Bloody hell," Bella laughed. "Ten steps, eight rules – thank God my maths is good!" Her face became serious. "Guys, I really appreciate this. This is a huge commitment on your part. Please know that I'm aware of it. The demon is aware of it too."

"The what?" asked Edward, confused.

"The demon. It's he who reminds my body that I need a drink." She held up her hand to show Edward the trembling. "My mind is fighting and winning. My demon is talking to my body. Unfortunately, he's also winning." She stopped for a minute. "I shouldn't make light of it – it doesn't help my recovery to trivialise my craving. The craving – the demon – reminds me, and my body, all the time, how good a drink would feel. Sometimes he screams, other times it's a soft, seductive whisper. My mind is aware of the consequences." She flinched. "My body doesn't always listen."

"I wish I could carry this burden for you, Bella," Edward buried his nose in her hair.

"Edward, that's something you'll need to watch for. You can't carry this for me, and even trying to can be enabling my habit."

He nodded his understanding.

"Alice, we need to talk." Alice had been quiet through the Reading of the Rules, but now she bounced over to the bed.

"Damn right. There's lots to discuss," and with that, she took off, talking nineteen to the dozen.

"Edward, we'll be a while here. Why don't you go do something useful instead of staying with me? You must be sick to death of this room, Babe."

"Wellll... I see you're in good, if somewhat hyperactive, hands. I'll see you in a bit, beautiful." He kissed her forehead and walked out.

Bella tried to catch up with Alice. "Wait, wait, back up a bit. Did I understand you correctly? You've already packed up my flat?" Bella's mouth hung open.

"Close your mouth, Belly, you're catching flies." She looked smug. "I've packed your clothes – at least those I didn't throw out or give to the closest charity shop." She hesitated, "Jane stole a good deal of the decent stuff too, so there wasn't much left."

"_Jane_ took my clothing? Why? How?"

Alice looked panicked. "It's a long story, Belly, one that you're going to have to face, but not now, okay? Can we shelve it for a later discussion, please?"

Bella recalled visions of Jane weaving in and out of her consciousness. She'd thought it was just her imagination, though. She probed the greyness again, trying to place Jane in context, but came up with nothing. She looked up at Alice, who was watching her closely, worry on her face.

"Okay, Ali, duly shelved. Back to the flat. What the hell?"

"Well, Mike pretty much cleaned the place out when he left. He took most of the linen, crockery and cutlery. Most of the furniture was gone too. I packed up the personal stuff, you know, your books, photos and stuff, but pretty much everything else went to charity. None of it was special to you, so it can easily be replaced when you get your own place in LA."

Bella was speechless. That her life in England could be wrapped up that easily was a bit depressing. "What about the actual flat, though? Do you think I should sell it?"

"You can make all those big decisions later, Belly. I've registered it with an agent so you can let it out for the time being."

"Okay, Wonder Woman. Is there anything else I need to do? What about stuff like my Visa? Oh, shit, what about my bank accounts?" Her heart sank. "Ali, how much money did I lose?"

"All in all, about £12,000."

Bella blanched. "That's pretty much cleaned me out. I'll have to sell some shares to get liquid again. Please would you speak to the Clinic to get the bill finalised too. I'm betting this place is costing me a fortune."

"Let me answer in order: no, there's nothing else you need to do right now. Jasper and I are sorting it all out. No, you don't need a visa, although we'll have to apply for a special leave to remain later. Your bank accounts are fine and have been unfrozen. Jasper is processing the sale of shares and is arranging the funds to be paid into a bank account in the States." She took a breath, "and Edward has paid the bill for the clinic."

"What? Why?" Bella's jaw dropped.

"Belly," Alice sighed. "Close your mouth – flies, remember? Edward paid because he loves you. We've not talked about it, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out that you are probably broke right now. He wants what we all want: to remove as many of your burdens as we can so that you can focus on yourself. Please, Belly, don't give him grief about it. In the bigger scheme of things, it's really not a biggie."

"I hadn't thought of it like that. It's a wonderful thing to do for me, isn't it." She looked thoughtful before giving Alice a big smile. "He really does love me, doesn't he?"

"Yes, he does."

Bella jumped a little at the sound of Edward's voice. He was leaning against the door jamb, smiling.

"More than I know how to express."

"Thank you for paying for the clinic. I'm very grateful." Bella couldn't stop the big grin spreading across her face.

He crossed the room and gently put his hands on either side of her face. "You are welcome, beautiful." He kissed her forehead, then the tip of her nose and then her lips. He deepened the kiss until Bella was hanging on to his wrists, her head spinning. He drew back, moving back up to kiss the tip of her nose and then her forehead before pulling away.

Bella sat in bed, knowing she had a stupid smile on her face, but didn't give a shit. She was on an intensely difficult path, but knowing she had support somehow made it seem less daunting.

"Maybe we should ask for Rule 9?" Bella giggled.

"And what would that be?" An eyebrow arched over a beautiful hazel eye.

"Unrestricted sleep over permission for you." Bella had an evil grin on her face.

Edward looked at her, shocked. It was clear from his expression that he didn't know whether to laugh, scold or jump for joy.

"It's okay, Edward. I'm in recovery, not a nunnery." Bella burst out laughing, "Edward, you're blushing!" Alice joined in, much to Edward's chagrin.

"What's so funny?" Jasper walked into the room, looking between Edward and the girls who had tears streaming down their faces.

"You don't want to know," said Edward hastily, glaring at them, causing fresh gales of laughter. "Don't mind me, I think I'll go look for some coffee. If you promise to stop laughing, I'll bring some for you."

"No fair, babe! Okay, see, no more laughing. Must. Have. Coffee." Bella said with a snigger.

"Okay, see you in a bit. Nice to know the key to Bella: coffee." He grinned and walked out.

"Bells, I know this is going to dry up your laughter, but I want to discuss the next couple of weeks with you." Jasper sat on the side of the bed.

As predicted, all laughter died. Bella plucked at a blanket, knowing that some form of therapy was long overdue.

"Dr Riley and I both think that we need to bring you up to speed on the three weeks you were missing. Some of it we know, and will tell you, and some we'll be able to access through hypnosis. There's a big portion of it that you were comatose through, so I doubt we'll be able to get those memories. You need to know as much as possible, though, so that you don't get a curve ball later in your recovery.

"Bells, I'm not going to hide the truth from you: it's going to be brutal. We want to try do it in one session, and we want to do it tomorrow," he frowned slightly, "which is why we're deviating slightly from normal clinical practice, and are suggesting that you have someone with you."

"Edward. I want Edward." There was no hesitation in Bella's response.

"Are you sure? This is likely to get grim, and you two haven't been together that long..."

"It needs to be Edward, Jazz." She paused, trying to get the words right. "He loves me, but he doesn't know all of me. I can't count on his love until he knows the worst."

"The worst of what?" Edward stood at the door, a carrier of coffee in his hands.

"I'll leave you to explain, Bells." Jasper hesitated, then turned away.

"Thanks for the coffee, man." He and Alice grabbed their cups and hurried out the room.

Bella looked at Edward, wondering how to phrase her request, beginning to doubt her decision. It was a lot to lay on one man, especially one new to the world of alcohol dependency.

"Bella? Worst of what?" He handed her a cup of coffee, before sitting on the bed next to her.

She sighed. "Edward, before I go there, you need to know that you can say no, no questions asked." She looked at him expectantly. He nodded.

"Jasper wants to do a session to fill in the blanks of the three weeks I'm missing. Some of it I'll have to be told, but some will be accessing my memory through hypnosis. It's going to be rough, so Jasper wants to have someone with me."

"And you want to ask me to be there, but you're scared I'll freak out when it gets bad." Edward supplied the rest.

"That's about it, yes." Bella nodded.

"And you're testing my love, to see if I scarper when I see how bad it is."

Bella looked up in shock. "I hadn't thought of it like that." She looked away. "I guess you're right though. What I said to Jasper was that you don't know all of me. That I can't trust your love until you've seen the worst."

"Okay."

"What, that's it? Just 'Okay'? 'Okay' you'll be there or 'Okay', you won't?"

"Okay, I'll be there. Bella, we already have a good idea of what you went through, and I'm still here." He raised her hand to his lips. "It must be hard for you right now, doubting yourself, doubting me. I'm not afraid of what we will find out, Bella. I am afraid, though, of what it will do to you. I'm afraid that you'll push me away before there is a 'we'." He sighed. "The truth is, we haven't been together for very long. From the outside looking in, falling in love with you so quickly is insane. From the inside, it feels right and good. Necessary, even."

"You, Ms Swan, have turned my life inside out." He grinned. "Edward Cullen the Man Whore was mostly a tabloid title, but there is some truth in my..." he paused, "uncommitted approach to relationships. One night stands were the reality of my life. And then I met you. Our first night together, I knew I wanted more and by the time I was dodging elbows the next morning, I knew I loved you.

"You know," he mused, "I'm an actor – I earn a living by reproducing emotions for others to enjoy vicariously. But love: that's a difficult one. I've acted more manifestations of love than I care to count. The reality is very different. There's something visceral about what I feel for you. It isn't polished and petted: it's raw, primal. I could no more stop loving you than I could stop breathing. If I could take on every burden you carry, even what you're dealing with now – especially what you're dealing with now – I would do so without hesitation. The only thing that I could not do, is watch you walk away."

"So you see, Ms Swan," he smiled, trying to lighten the sombre mood, "wild horses won't keep me from your side in that room."

Bella gazed at the man sitting next to her. Maybe this man was some deity's remorse for fucking up her life with alcohol.

"Edward, I love you too."

"But?" His face remained calm.

"We're about to go through a shit storm. I don't know what will come out on the other side. I'm saying that I love you based on the few days we had together before... all this happened." She waved her arm vaguely. "I'm basing it on how I felt when you walked out of the suite that morning on your way back to LA. But I'm not brave enough to guarantee that I'll be the same on the other side of this. I guess what I'm trying to say... Hell, I actually don't know what I'm trying to say." A tear trickled down her cheek, to be fielded by his thumb. She leant against his hand.

"I'm not as sure as you are. I can catalogue a long list of your many perfections, and the faith you have in me would be right on top. I don't want to disappoint you, and right now, even that is an emotion I can ill afford. I need to focus on me, or I'll never succeed in drying out. And if I don't succeed in that, there can be no us." She looked up at him, afraid of what she'd see.

Edward's face was still calm. "Bella, I understand, better than you think I do. Let's just get through one shit storm at a time, okay?"

Bella laughed shakily, and Edward's face broke into a beautiful smile. He puffed her pillows and laid her down, carefully covering her with the blankets, before snuggling in behind her.

"You know I can feel your erection through the blankets, right?"

"What?"

"Yep, and it's impressive, if I may be so bold as to compliment you."

"Oh, God," his voice was muffled, "I think I'll just die now, quickly, of embarrassment."

"Don't do that – put it on ice for later."

"Ice – bloody hell, that sounds painful."

"Oh yeah, ice plus erection won't work, will it? Okay, how 'bout you keep it warm for me?"

Edward's body shook with laughter, "Deal. Now go to sleep, you wicked wench."

**AN: Those who've dealt with alcoholism will know that some of the above is unrealistic. It's difficult to find a line between story telling and real life. **

**Thank you, all, who've added me to their favourites / upates list. Makes me feel warm and fuzzy!**


	15. Chapter 14 Illuminating Black

Chapter 14 Illuminating Black

Edward watched, his heart aching, as Bella stood outside the door. He waited quietly, ready to go with whatever decision she took. She glanced over her shoulder at him, then back at the door.

"'Screw your courage to the sticking place', Isabella," she muttered to herself, and opened the door.

For the hundredth time, he was astounded by this woman's courage. He had only an inkling of what it had taken for her to open that door, knowing that inside, her personal hell was waiting to be relived.

He closed the door behind him, smiling nervously at Jasper and Dr Riley. He was a basket case, so fuck knows what Bella must be feeling.

"Good morning, Bella, Edward. Please, take a seat, make yourselves comfortable. Would either of you like some coffee?" Dr Riley waited for their response, his face impassive.

Bella and Edward both nodded.

"The filter machine is on the table in the corner. Because of the way we'll be steering this session, please feel free to get up for coffee whenever you want to."

Bella jumped up and poured cups for her and Edward. She took her seat next to him, her leg bouncing nervously. Edward put a hand on her knee and she looked down at it and then up at him, her expression caught somewhere between thanks and irritation.

"Bella, I know you and Jasper have already talked about how this session is going to run, so there's not a lot for me to add other than this: you can stop if it gets unbearable. I hope you won't do that though. We want you to work through the pain; it's why Edward is here: to give you extra support.

Our aim here is to give you the fullest picture we can get, from when you left the Board meeting, to waking up here in the clinic. The fullest _unbroken_ picture. We'll be filling in blanks for you, and if necessary, we'll use hypnosis. Jasper and you already have a trust relationship with hypnosis, so he'll steer that." He cleared his throat. "Any questions yet? Edward? This is new to you. Do you have anything to ask?"

"Only one: how will we know when Bella has reached 'unbearable'?"

"We don't." Jasper answered. Edward was appalled.

"But Bella will. Edward, this is going to get rough, but you need to let Bella go through whatever she's going through. Give her credit for knowing her limits. It's not going to help Bella if you jump in to rescue her. I'm aware of how deeply you care for her, and it will be torture at times for you to see her in pain, but you are here as support, not a life jacket."

Edward's jaw clenched. He was aware that it was going to be tough watching Bella in pain, but it occurred to him now that he was about to experience a whole new dimension of hurt. He nodded: after all, what was there to say?

"One more thing, Bella: we're going to give an edited transcript of this session to the police. They need your statement for charges against Tyler."

"Okay, Bella. Get us going. What happened at the Board meeting?"

Bella took a breath, squeezing Edward's hand gently, giving him support. He squeezed back, trying to somehow get an 'I love you' into it. He shook his head: _she_ was giving _him_ support.

Edward watched as Bella seemed to change before his eyes as she related the conversation with Caius. It was something he recognised: he did it all the time when filming, dropping in and out of character. The facade cracked, though, as she related the ultimatum that Caius had given her. She loved that hotel, and she bled at having it taken from her. His heart ached that he'd been the cause of it.

"Bella, I'll fill in this section. You still strong?" asked Jasper. She nodded.

"As best we can tell from Angela, you reached your office in a state of shock. She wasn't able to elicit any response from you, so she called Alice. They agreed that getting the hotel doctor would be a good idea, but that you weren't to be left alone. Tyler arrived and offered to sit with you while Angela searched for the doctor. Are you able to take it from there?"

"Tyler offered me a glass of water, or at least, I thought it was water. It was vodka. I tried, oh God, I tried to put down that glass," Bella began crying, "I knew, the second I tasted it on my tongue, I knew I couldn't put down that glass. I'd like to think that at another time, I would have been stronger, but I doubt it. I was already thinking that my life was in the toilet anyway, so why not?" Jasper and Dr Riley sat patiently, watching her.

Edward didn't know if he was allowed to comfort her, and he looked at Jasper, desperate for direction. Jasper caught his eye and shook his head slightly. It was possibly the most difficult thing he'd ever been asked to do: to watch a distraught Bella and be told he couldn't comfort her. He could feel his anger building, but bolted it down. This was not his space.

Bella took a sip of coffee, tears dripping into her lap. "Tyler gave me the bottle of vodka and took me downstairs to a taxi. I didn't hear the directions because I already had my head in the bottle. When we stopped, the driver opened the door for me, because by that time I was pretty hammered, and pointed out the door to me.

It was a two bedroom – that much I am sure of. There were two beautiful, new bottles of vodka on the kitchen table. After that, I don't remember much. I can recall getting up to use the loo, and again to be sick; and trying to take a shower. I couldn't undo my blouse, so I guess I gave up. I remember people talking; at some point I think there were quite a few people in the flat."

"I remember a conversation with Tyler..." She began to shake, her breaths coming in gasps. She looked at Edward in agony.

_Screw the rules. She needs me._ Edward shuffled across the sofa and put his arms around her. She leaned her head against him wearily. Edward looked up at Jasper defiantly, but Jasper just smiled a little, and nodded.

"The words he used..." her voice failed and she turned her face into Edward's chest. "He called me 'My Bella', like Edward..." She began to cry again. "The words were Edward's, but the voice was wrong... He held my head and poured more vodka down my throat... Oh God, Edward, I'm so sorry."

"What?" Edward looked at her in shock. "Why are you sorry, love? He forced the alcohol down your throat. He kept you drunk deliberately. Why are you sorry? Bella, love, he listened to us at the penthouse. He knew exactly which words to use."

Bella's pupils dilated with shock. "He WHAT?"

"Bella, Edward is right." Jasper glanced at Edward. "I'm going to try fill in some gaps for you here, information we've only been able to get recently.

"Bella, you've said before that Tyler is fond of you. The truth is more disturbing: he was completely obsessed with you. He watched you all the time. The bedroom we found you in was covered in photos of you, Bella; he made the bedroom a shrine to you."

Bella began hyperventilating, her body going into shock from the appalling information she was hearing. Edward was way beyond caring about the rules, and pulled her onto his lap.

"Bella, love, you need to breathe. Come, put your head on my chest. Listen to my heartbeat. Try to breathe with it, feel it. Feel me holding you. You're safe, love. Nothing will harm you while you're in my arms, I promise." Edward continued crooning to her until slowly, So, so slowly, he felt her relax, felt her breathing slow down, her tears soaking his shirt.

"Do you want to take a breather, Bella? Can I bring you some coffee?" Jasper stood, putting his hand on Bella's shoulder.

She nodded, and he walked over to the coffee pot. "Edward? Do you want some?"

"Yeah, that would be great, thanks Jasper."

Bella sat quietly on Edward's lap, sipping her coffee. She seemed deep in thought, and he was reluctant to break into her reverie, so he settled for smoothing her hair, long soothing strokes from the nape of her neck to the small of her back. She sighed, putting her cup down.

"We might as well get on with this. Thanks for the breather." She smiled up at Edward, kissing him on the nose. "Thank you."

He tried to smile back, knowing it was probably mangled, as mangled as his heart.

Jasper dove straight back in, keeping the momentum of the session going.

"Tyler was aware of your and Edward's involvement immediately. He was also aware of your alcoholism. It's not surprising, really, considering how closely he watched you. What neither of you were aware of is that he reached a... let's call it a 'critical mass'... when he found out that Edward had fired Jane.

"It tipped his behaviour, and his sanity. How he and Jane cooked up their plot, I doubt we'll ever know. We can infer though, that she manipulated his behaviour out of revenge. Jane manipulated Caius with the information of your affair and told him about your drinking problem. Tyler went along with it because for him, it was only possible for you two to be together if you were no longer GM.

"They had already rented the flat, although they used your money to pay the deposit and rent. I'm not clear on how he knew to find you in your office, and certainly couldn't have known you would be in shock. It is too improbable that he would happen to have the taxi waiting. It's not relevant in this instance, beyond mentioning that the police are looking for the taxi driver." Jasper paused. "Bella, this is where it gets tough."

Bella slid off Edward's lap but clung to his hand. "Okay, Jazz. Let me hear it."

Her bravery was paper thin, and they could all see it. Everyone in that room was awed by her courage, and refusal to be beaten down. Edward watched her, heart in his eyes, silently promising her that he'd keep her safe for every single day for the rest of his existence, and beyond.

"Bella, Jane made an accusation." He cleared his throat, trying to find the right way to say it. "She claims that she sold your body to pay for your alcohol. Tyler indirectly confirmed it when he said he made her stop hurting 'his Bella'."

Edward felt Bella freeze. He slipped his arm around her, but she remained rigid, staring at the wall behind Jasper.

"I knew..." she whispered, "I mean... I wondered why my body was so sore, and I mean... look at me. I'm covered in bruises." Her voice hitched and broke. "My thighs..."

Bella began to shake, so badly that her entire body seemed to spasm. She shot off the sofa, fists clenched, tendons standing out in her throat as if she was holding back a scream.

"I'm going to kill her. I swear to God, I'm going to kill her with my bare hands. Where the fuck is she, Jasper?" Bella's pupils were dilated, her teeth bared as she glared down at Jasper.

"She's dead, Bella." The bald statement seemed to take a while to reach Bella. She stood in the middle of the room, chest heaving.

"She's what?"

"She's dead. She was shot during a struggle to get a gun away from Tyler."

Bella did scream then: peal after peal of deafening fury and rage. Edward sat still on the sofa, frozen by the primitive emotion pouring from Bella. _Dear Lord. How much more of this can she take?_

Bella's voice became hoarse, but she kept screaming. Eventually, she was screaming silently, her voice completely gone. She turned, looking for Edward, and collapsed.

-j-

"Dr Riley, are you out your mind? You cannot expect her to continue today. No way. I don't give a fuck about your clinical analysis that this should be done in one sitting. Look at her! She's unconscious, for fuck's sake!" Edward snarled, leaning protectively over Bella, ready to attack.

Jasper looked at Dr Riley. "Eric, I agree with Edward. It would be irresponsible and damaging to get her to cope with more today."

Dr Riley looked unhappy. "She's leaving for LA in two weeks, Jasper. We discussed this. We decided together that we needed to give her those two weeks to begin processing the big picture."

"And I now believe I made an incorrect clinical judgement." Jasper stood up. "Edward, we're done here. I'll help you carry her back to her room."

"Don't you dare touch her," shouted Edward. "You've done enough damage already."

Jasper blanched. "I'm sorry, Edward."

"Don't apologise to me: apologise to Bella." Edward gently scooped Bella up and walked out.

-j-

Edward sat on the chair next to the bed, holding Bella's hand, trying to get the memory of her screaming out of his mind. He shuddered and wiped the tears from his cheeks.

"May I come in?" Edward tensed at Jasper's quiet request, then shrugged.

"Edward, I came to tell you how well you handled the session. Not many people could have sat through what you did. You must love Bella, very much." He paused. "I also came to apologise to you, and maybe to thank you too.

"I love Bella too, Edward, and I'm grateful that you stood up for her when she couldn't stand up for herself. And I'm especially grateful that you helped me convince Dr Riley that he was wrong. He can't shoulder all the blame: I agreed with him that a single session would be the best route. But he definitely made the wrong call by pushing to carry on."

Edward didn't reply, unwilling to give Jasper any kind of absolution.

"I'll come see Bella in the morning. I've known her for a long time, Edward, and been her therapist for as long. Just so you know, and be prepared, she'll probably be very quiet tomorrow. Give her the space to be quiet, but watch for any physical reactions like excessively brushing her hair, drumming fingers... Bella can be unpredictable, so try to be hyper aware of anything out of the ordinary."

He paused at the door, "Sleep well, Bella. Edward, try to get some rest." He closed the door quietly behind him.

Edward laughed without humour, doubting he'd get much sleep; every time he closed his eyes, he saw her, screaming. Bella began to whimper in her sleep, her eyes flickering under her eyelids. He climbed onto the bed, curling around her. She quieted down and eventually, he fell asleep with her head on his chest.

-j-

Edward woke up with the blankets tucked neatly around him, but no Bella. Fear flickered through him, easing when he heard the shower running. He wondered how long she'd been in there – was this one of the things he should be noting? He ran his hands through his hair in frustration. As much as he hated to admit it, he really did need Jasper. What the hell did he know about adverse reactions to therapy?

The door opened and Bella walked out in clean pyjamas with a towel wrapped turban style around her head. The smell that was quintessentially Bella wafted out with her, making Edward smile and open his arms. She walked straight into them and he leaned down to bury his nose into the crook of her neck, breathing deeply.

"You smell good enough to eat, Beautiful."

Bella laughed a strange husky rasp that went straight to his dick. She laughed again, feeling his erection between them, which of course, made it worse.

"You're enjoying this torment, aren't you, love? I'm keeping score, you know, and I'm going to make you pay for each and every tease, look and feel you've given me. That voice is screaming 'Fuck me'."

She tried to reply, but with no voice, she soon gave up and walked to the bedside table where a stack of post its lay, with an bunch of pens.

**Keep counting, lover boy **

"Let me guess – the post its are from Alice?"

Bella nodded.

"You know, this could be fun," he grinned.

**?**

He climbed on to the bed, patting the space between his legs. "C'mere."

She held up the **?** post it again.

"Well, come here and find out, silly girl. Let's play twenty questions, with a twist." He grinned.

**? ? ?**

"I'll explain, but you need to come over here."

She smiled, bounding on to the bed and snuggling into him.

"Okay, here are the rules: I ask a question and you have to write Yes or No. Each time you write a Yes, I get a kiss. Every time you write a No, you get a kiss."

**R u sure u got the rules right there?**

Edward pretended to think deeply. "Yep, I think that's them. Tell you what – if they don't work, we'll make up our own. How does that sound?"

**Sounds good 2 me. **

**YES, YES, NO, NO, NO, NO**

"I don't think you've got the gist of this game, love, but, as I'm a man of my word, I'll honour the post it." He leaned over her shoulder and tilted her lips up to his, kissing her gently several times.

**Uh-uh, u've short changed me! U owe me 1 still.**

"It's good to have something in reserve, beautiful." Edward grinned. "Let's get this game moving, shall we? Hmm. First question. Do you eat brussels sprouts?"

Bella laughed that husky, sexy-as-hell laugh. **NO**. She leaned back, puckering her lips for her kiss.

"Okay, let's move on to question 2. Do you like banana milkshakes?"

**Hey, u now owe me 2 kisses. NO.** Bella shook the towel off her head and pulled her damp hair over one shoulder.

Edward buried his nose into the crook of her neck, inhaling deeply. Between the kisses and the smell of her, his jeans were becoming very uncomfortable.

She tapped him on the arm. **Question 3?**

He looked up, to see Bella looking at him with a devilish smile. "You did that on purpose, didn't you?"

She kissed him.

"I guess that was a yes, then."

She kissed him again.

"Ah, another yes. I really, really like this game."

She wriggled back against him, deliberately rubbing his erection between them.

"Bella, you can't keep doing that, sweetheart. I'm going to end up with a very damp crotch and an embarrassing mark on my jeans if you carry on."

**That, sir, is NOT MY PROBLEM. Will stop if u pay up the kisses u owe.**

"With pleasure, love, believe me when I say with lots and lots of pleasure." He turned her around so that she was sitting across his lap and taking her face gently in his both his hands, he kissed her. She flung her arms around his neck, burying her fingers in his hair and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. The kiss had an undercurrent of urgency that had their tongues dancing together. Bella nibbled on his bottom lip and he groaned into her mouth, straining to get closer.

A slight cough at the door made them pull apart, looking at each other, panting. Another cough broke into their cocoon and they looked guiltily at the door. Each caught the guilty expression of the other, and they burst out laughing. Or at least, Edward did. Bella did the husky, gravelly thing she had going that talked directly to his dick. He groaned again, quietly, into her hair.

"Morning, Bells. You seem to be in a good mood." Jasper's words were tentative and questioning. "Did you sleep?"

Bella smiled at him and scribbled on a post it and held it up. **Hiya.**

She scribbled some more. **Slept well, thank you.**

"How are you feeling?" Jasper watched her carefully, assessing her behaviour.

She shivered slightly as she wrote the next one. **I want 2 finish up yesterday's session.**

Edward had to bite his tongue to stop himself from telling her that there was no way he was letting her do that; this was Bella's therapy, and he was beginning to realise that Jasper was right: Bella did know her own limits.

"Okay, Bells, if that's what you want. It could be tricky if you can't speak though," Jasper smiled slightly, "I don't think Charades will be a good idea."

Bella held up another post it. **Jazz, don't need 2 talk. Know what u have 2 tell me. Just need 2 listen. & maybe cry.**

"Okay, let's go through to the consulting room and get started." Jasper moved towards the door.

"Jasper." Jasper turned his head to Edward.

Bella was holding up another post it. **Do it now. Here. Please.**

"Bella, are you sure?" He pulled a chair up so that he was sitting next to the bed.

Bella nodded: _yes, I'm sure._

Edward's entire body was resisting the coming discussion. _Bella wants to do this. Bella needs to do this. _Over and over, the words went through his mind until he relaxed a little. Bella turned back so that she was leaning against his chest, and he wrapped his arms around her, dropping a light kiss on her temple. She leaned into the kiss slightly, then smiled up at him. _Thank you_, she mouthed. He smiled back at her, and whispered, "I love you," in her ear.

He felt nauseous, and wondered how Bella must be feeling. _This woman in my arms is without doubt, the bravest person I know. When I think of courage, it has her face._

"Are you ready? This will be brutal, Bella, so please, stop me if you need to." Jasper watched her closely, acknowledging her nod.

"I'm going to pick up from just before we found you, and move on from there." Jasper sat back.

"We were running out of options when Edward suggested that we hire a PI, Alec Garrett. It's Alec who found you, who found the flat where Tyler was keeping you. We watched the flat, waiting for Tyler to leave and Emmett, Edward, Alec and his partner Felix went in to get you. Edward found you in one of the bedrooms; you had been chained to the bed."

Bella shuddered, tracing the healing sores around her wrist.

"Jane was in the flat when they entered. She became... abusive... particularly about you.

"When Tyler returned to the flat, he was armed. It was clear from his behaviour that he was no longer rational. He truly believed that keeping you chained was keeping you safe and he was taking you somewhere else where you would be 'safe'.

"Felix struggled with Tyler to get the gun; a shot went off and it struck Jane. She died instantly." Jasper wiped an unsteady hand across his forehead.

Edward released a breath he didn't know he'd been holding: how quickly the tale was retold. What had been a lifetime of agony for him was summed up in a few short sentences. This was the end of the agony for him, but only the beginning for Bella. He kissed the top of her head, trying to send his love to her.

Bella began scribbling quickly. **Was anyone hurt?**

"No, everyone is fine. Emmett and Felix were arrested, but released less than twenty four hours later. I doubt he mentioned it, but Edward was almost arrested too. Between Alec, Dr Riley and I, we convinced the police to allow him to accompany you to the clinic with a police guard. The case against Tyler is tight, Bella, so all the charges against us were dropped quickly and any... inappropriate... actions have been discretely overlooked by the PD."

Edward felt guilty at the look of relief on her face: she had suffered so much more, and yet she was still concerned for her friends and family.

"When we brought you to the clinic, you were in pretty bad shape." Jasper's face twisted. "You've seen the cuts and bruises all over your body, so you know how bad it was. There was some concern about internal bleeding, but luckily, there was none." Jasper took a deep breath. "A rape kit came back positive."

Edward felt Bella flinch and tightened his arms around her. He wanted to hit Jasper for causing her pain, he wanted to find each and every bastard that had hurt her and kill them slowly.

Bella held up a post it. **Be blunt. How bad?**

Edward's breath caught. Was there no end to this woman's courage?

"They were able to pick up at least four different sperm samples, one of which is a match to Tyler."

"Have they identified anybody else?" He didn't recognise his own voice, so tightly wound was the rage inside him. He felt Bella's hands trying to unclench his fists, and realised that they were balled into the bed linen on either side of her.

She scribbled another post it. **No point. Can't convict. Consentual?**

"Your blood alcohol level when you arrived at the clinic was so high that you must have been comatose. There is no way that you would have been able to consent to anything. Bells, if we can identify any of the samples, they can be charged with rape."

Edward noted that Jasper had called her 'Bells', and it struck him that Jasper always called her 'Bella' in a therapy setting. 'Bells' and 'darling' only came out when they were interacting as friends. Edward watched Jasper as he was talking, saw the pain through the professional facade and felt his heart break: for Jasper, for himself, but mostly for Bella. He didn't try to stop the tears that slid down his cheeks and into her hair: they were a tribute to her and her extraordinary bravery.

Bella wrote another post it: **Tyler?**

"Tyler has been charged with kidnapping and assault, and will probably be charged with Jane's death too. He is currently undergoing psychiatric assessment."

Bella began to shiver and Edward pulled the blankets up over both of them, holding her in his arms, taking on the shivering as his own. Bella looked up at him wordlessly, then across at Jasper.

"Jazz, Bella says 'thank you'."

"You're welcome, Bells. I love you, darling. I'm leaving you and Edward now, but I'm on the end of a phone if you need me, Alice too. Well done, Bells, I salute your bravery, darling."

Bella clung to Edward for the rest of the day, breaking only for a shower at midday. When she took another in the middle of the afternoon, he called Jasper.

"It's a normal response to rape, Edward. It's a way of purifying herself, of cleaning it off her body and mind. Leave her for now; let her get it out of her system. If it continues to be obsessive, I'll intervene. She needs to grieve, and this is a common way for rape victims to react."

Edward lay back on the bed, waiting for Bella to finish showering, thinking about his life. He flinched at how empty and meaningless his life had been till he met Bella. He'd witnessed her come face to face with horror, had witnessed courage that defied belief and she was still standing, still fighting, still able to find a smile and a kiss for him.

He thought about what he was going home to. Alice would have her work cut out for her to deflect attention from his unexplained absence, not to mention soothing the very ruffled feathers of an understandably irate director who was waiting for him on set.

He loved acting: it was the only reason he could tolerate the constant intrusion into his life. Weighed on a scale against his love for Bella, though, he realised just how puerile it was.

He was still deep in thought when Bella came out the bathroom. She smiled at him, a smile that lit up her face and brought an answering light from within him. She crawled into bed and he snuggled down next to her, breathing in her scent as they fell asleep wrapped in each other.

**AN: The part about the non-consentual sex and rape charge is true, at least, it is under South African law. I held the hand of a friend who went through this. It was not pleasant.**

**Hope you're enjoying it so far. Please leave a review, good or bad.**


	16. Chapter 15 Bid Goodbye

Chapter 15 Bid goodbye

Edward tugged at his beanie, trying to make it cover his ears, partly to avoid attention, and partly to keep them warm. He'd been living in LA for so long that he'd forgotten how cold London could be in late November. The scarf swathed around his neck probably did a better job, both as a disguise and as an ear warmer than the beanie anyway. At least the beanie covered his ridiculous hair, and the scarf covered his very recognisable square jaw. The thick horn rimmed glasses completed the disguise by hiding his eyes. He grinned at the thought, remembering Bella telling him he looked like a sexy librarian.

He was late to see Bella and since the traffic was snarled, he decided to catch the tube. Unfortunately, it was hot as hell on the tube, so he suffered in silence, sweating stoically, unable to remove any protective clothing. He had forgotten the dubious pleasures of catching the tube – the squash and the general discomfort of someone standing on your foot while your nose was buried in an un-deodorised armpit.

He arrived at the clinic, signing himself in as E Masen and made his way to Bella's room. The clinic was doing really well at keeping his identity a secret, for which he was eternally grateful, and he'd been able to come and go undetected for the last ten days. That in itself was something of a miracle – to have stayed under the press's radar for so long was no mean feat.

What he was not so grateful for, was the clinic's refusal to allow him to stay with Bella on a semi permanent basis, as he'd done for the first week. Bella had agreed to attend the group sessions and activities in the two weeks before they all left for LA, and it was very intensive. Besides the alcohol dependency programme she was following, she was also receiving rape counselling and although he had argued, he knew it was something she had to commit to one hundred percent, without any distraction from him. An unpleasant thought occurred to him: would it be like this in LA? What if someone, maybe Jasper, or her new therapist, decided he could only see her on some kind of timetable, like Mondays and Thursdays or something? He sighed, knowing that he would obey: as long as it was beneficial to Bella, he'd agree to anything. At least he was allowed to visit her in the evenings, and stayed till she fell asleep. He'd then get the last train home to Jasper and Alice's.

He knocked gently on her door, paused, then walked in. Unsurprisingly, Bella was in the shower. She was still prone to obsessively cleaning her body, but the councillors seemed happy with her progress. He wished he had studied psychology instead of acting – at least then he'd be better equipped to deal with the reality that was Post-attack Bella.

After the initial days when Bella had clung to him, she'd begun to pull away, trying to find a way to stand up for herself, by herself. It hurt him, more than he let on, but again, he would obey any instruction that was beneficial to Bella's wellbeing. She was no longer overtly affectionate as she had been. She would still touch, or kiss or cuddle him, but the contact no longer carried any sexual message at all. He had to be very careful how he touched her too, which was not easy: his body still responded to hers, but if she felt his arousal, or glimpsed the lust in his eyes, she would withdraw. She didn't cry, or scream: she would freeze like a deer in the headlights and it broke his heart to see her reaction to him. He knew he was being unreasonable, but he felt rejected, just the same.

Bella walked out of the bathroom, wrapped only in a towel. Edward froze, watching the expression on her face. Surprisingly, she seemed okay, or at least, hadn't freaked out.

"Oh, you're here! Have you been waiting long?"

"Hello, beautiful. No, not long at all – just arrived, in fact. Let me leave the room so you can get dressed." He stood up to go.

"Edward, what the hell are you wearing?" The laughter in her voice made his heart leap and his face grin.

"Shh, love, I'm _incognito_!" he unwound the scarf and removed the beanie. "It was such a good disguise that I was able to catch the tube," he said proudly.

"I love the glasses, babe. Did I mention that you look like a seriously sexy librarian?" she pretended to leer at him.

Edward froze again. This was as close as she'd got to this kind of banter in ten days, and he had no idea how to react, so he took his direction from her.

"Yes, actually, you have. I'll wear them for you, any time you want, beautiful." He leered back, deliberately making it over the top. "Now get dressed – I don't want you to catch pneumonia."

She looked down at herself, seeming to realise for the first time that all she was wearing was a towel. "Oh, yeah. I forgot my pyjamas on my bed." She walked over and scooped them up, standing still, indecision on her face.

"You don't need to leave, Edward. It's okay. You've seen it all before."

Edward was seriously confused and concerned. "While I love your body, and would fight to the death to get to look at you, I need to get coffee. Do you want some?"

"Yep, that would be good, thank you." She looked away, looking forlorn and very alone.

"Bella?" he took a step towards her, unwilling to get too close to her when she was so vulnerable. "Honey, I adore you, and I adore your body. Don't rush yourself, love." He leaned towards her and gently kissed her forehead.

"Okay, Mr Librarian, see you in a bit." She smiled at him and he was relieved that the shadows weren't there.

He came back with the coffee and found Bella already sitting in bed, reading. She put the book on the bedside table, watching him as he pulled the chair up next to the bed.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?" he looked up, and caught his breath at the beautiful smile on her face, the smile for _him_.

It's going to take me a long while to get back to some kind of normal, but it's something I've been working on with my therapist." She grimaced slightly at the last. "So, I'm asking you, so that you don't get confused like this evening, to please work with me. I know that you are who I love, and if I keep that in my sites, I don't think I'll go wrong."

"The knowledge of the depth of my trust for you is still in my heart. My memory of how my body felt with yours is imprinted on my skin. I've been fighting to get it back, but I was wrong. It never left. When I feel that I'm dirty, damaged beyond repair, when I can't bear the thought of my own body, I remember you, of how you have fought for me. I'm going to trust in my memory of us. You are the talisman I keep in my heart when I despair."

Edward's heart swelled, leaped, danced a happy dance around the room before settling back to quietly glow, a glow that reflected on his face and shone in his eyes. He stood up and placed his hands under her hair on the nape of her neck, tilting her head back slightly and gently, slowly, kissed her lips. She tentatively returned his kiss, relaxing slightly towards him. He broke away first, resting his forehead against hers.

"I love you, Bella. Always. You are as beautiful today as the day I met you. I'll love you when you're old, grey and wrinkly." They smiled at each other. "Okay, so budge up."

She laughed, and shuffled across the bed to make room for him. He snuggled in next to her and they lay together on the bed, discussing leaving London, missing London, the upcoming move, what was good about LA, what was not, the filming he was going back to, the script Alice had given him. At some point, as gently as angel's wings, her eyelashes fluttered closed and she fell asleep. He lay there for hours, watching her, listening to her breathing and feeling the familiar weight of her head on his chest.

* * *

"I thought the clinic had said no sleep overs?" Jasper's voice woke Edward. He looked down to see Bella, still fast asleep with her head resting on his chest.

"Shh... you'll wake her up. What time is it?"

"It's just before seven, you lazy bugger." Jasper stage whispered. "She's going to wake up in about three seconds anyway when she smells the coffee..."

On cue, Bella's eyes opened. She blinked to see Edward and then wrinkled her nose. "I smell coffee. Thank you, you gorgeous man." She kissed his chest and then his chin. "You spoil me."

"Huh, how 'bout that? I bring the coffee, and he gets the credit. Be honest, Bells, is it because he's better looking than me, or more famous, and a good deal wealthier?" Jasper was trying to look offended, but his face broke out in a broad grin.

"Jazz? Oh, sorry. I didn't even see you there. Um... do I still get my coffee if I say yes to any or all your questions?" she grinned.

"Sorry, Bells, that's how it is. If he gets a yes, you don't get your coffee."

"Well in that case... Edward, you know I love you, but right now, I Iove the coffee more. Sorry, babe, you've been bumped."

"Bloody hell, this is a tough life. I'm about to get detention for an illegal sleep over, the love of my life has thrown me over for coffee, and my best mate didn't bring _me_ any coffee. 'Woe is me!'" he put the back of his hand on his forehead theatrically.

"I hope you're not planning to make a living as an actor, Edward." Jasper sniggered, he and Bella burst out laughing. "You're in luck, mate, I actually do have coffee for you. One of the night nurses called me to tell me... wait for this... she couldn't bring herself to wake up Mr Cullen because he looked so adorable sleeping. She asked me to come in before the shift change at seven to get your sorry arse...correction... your adorable arse out of here."

"Oh, okay, I'll get my adorable arse out of here... once I've drunk my coffee." He took a sip. "Bella, you know, Costa really is better than Starbucks."

"At last," exclaimed Bella. "I've helped him find the light. He is SAVED! Halleluiah!"

"On that happy note, I am delighted to inform Mr Cullen and Ms Swan that they will both, in fact be getting their adorable arses out of here."

Bella carefully handed Edward her coffee and launched herself at Jasper. "You, sir, are a gentleman and a scholar," she paused, "and the bestest friend in the world!"

Jasper pretended to fight her off. "Bells, to be serious for a minute – we're leaving in two days and we want you at home with us. You have one more session tomorrow morning with your therapist, but I thought that maybe Edward could use my car to drive you up for that?" He raised an eyebrow at Edward.

"Yeah, no problem. Just remind me again? Should I drive on the left or right hand side of the road?" The look on Jasper's face was priceless. Bella and Edward clung to each other, tears streaming down their cheeks.

"Bastard."

"Bella, Jasper's calling me names."

"Jasper, go sit in time out." Bella grinned. "Come on Edward, make yourself useful and help me pack. Alice has been heavily involved in my stay here, so I doubt everything will fit into my case."

"What, and that's more important than finishing your coffee?" asked Edward.

"Good point. It can wait a bit."

Even with the best will in the world, they couldn't leave immediately. They had to wait for the offices to open, and processing Bella's discharge papers took hours. Edward had already settled the bill.

They eventually piled into Jasper's 4x4, Edward insisting on sitting in the back with Bella.

"I feel like a bloody chauffeur."

"'Home, James, and don't spare the horses'."

"Bastard."

"Bella, he's doing it again."

"Really, children, enough or I'll take away your Thomas the Tank Engine."

"She plays tough, mate, best we behave."

"Agreed."

"Bells, I thought you might like to see Angela tomorrow afternoon to say goodbye, and, if you're up to it, Mike too?"

"Jazz, that's a great idea, thank you. Although what the fuck I'm going to say to Mike, I have no idea." She hesitated, sounding unsure, "How much do they know?"

"Angela knows the basics – that you disappeared with Tyler and that you were drinking. She knows none of the details of the abduction or anything related to it. Mike only knows that you fell off the wagon. It's not my story to tell, so they were only told the bare minimum. It's your call, Bells."

Edward watched the emotions play across her face, wishing he knew what she was thinking. He surprised himself at the instinctive antipathy he felt towards Mike, feeling a bit ashamed of his caveman reaction, and his need to mark his territory. He snorted at the image of himself peeing in the corners. He wrapped his arms around Bella, kissing her temple.

She smiled at him, snuggling into his chest. "I think I'm going to leave it like that, Jazz. Angela knows I'm okay, well, maybe not okay, but safe, and Mike," she paused. "I doubt he'll come anyway. I was terrible to him and I doubt he's forgiven me."

"They've both already said yes, Bells."

"Oh. Shit. That's going to be awkward. Where am I meeting them?"

Jasper grinned. "Where else? Costa, of course, the one near the hotel. While you're on the subject of awkward, keep in mind that Edward will be with you. One of us needs to be with you when you go anywhere during the transition from here to LA, until you're back in a recovery programme,"

"This just gets better and better." Bella groaned. "Why don't we just invite Caius and complete the torture?"

"I doubt that Caius will be keen on meeting you. Edward had a little 'conversation' with him to make sure he kept his mouth shut about you. I imagine he's licking his wounds in some nasty lair with the rest of his coven."

"What did you say to him?" Bella looked more interested than horrified.

"In a nutshell, I told him that if he leaked our relationship or your alcoholism to the press, I'd make sure that Hollywood would avoid his hotel. I might have also mentioned that the Metropolitan's poor confidentiality would keep away any A listed actors."

"That's my hotel, Edward!" Bella looked furious.

"Not anymore, Bella. Caius took it away from you." Edward immediately regretted his blunt words as her face crumbled.

"It's just an hotel, it's just an hotel" Bella chanted to herself in misery.

"Sorry, love. I just..." Edward sighed, "Needed to protect you, to remove the threat he'd made."

"I get it, Edward. It's just difficult to get my head around the fact that it's not mine anymore." Bella was quiet for the rest of the journey home.

Alice was waiting outside when they arrived, a huge grin on her face. "Belly, I've missed you. Come inside, it's bloody cold out here. Do you want some tea?"

Bella allowed herself to get carried along with Alice's enthusiasm, finding herself ensconced at the kitchen table with a mug of tea in front of her. The kitchen looked strange, almost forlorn with most of their stuff packed for the move. Alice followed her gaze. "It is a strange feeling, living in a house that's partially empty. It's..." she paused, looking for the right words. "Unnerving. I'm impatient to go now, to finish up here and start fresh on the other side. Do you know that we're staying with Edward for the first week until our containers arrive?"

Bella shook her head, feeling a little lost. Alice was right: it was unnerving. Right now, she had no home, no belongings... only a few sentimental things and those had fitted into a few boxes. It was a depressing thought.

Edward and Jasper were in the lounge, watching the Man United vs West Ham game. There were an awful lot of yells, cheers and groans coming from the men. It occurred to Bella that this was the sort of event that would usually be accompanied by copious quantities of lager.

"Bells, don't feel guilty. They're adults, and they have made their choices." Alice leant across the table to squeeze her hand.

"And there you do it again, Ali. How did you know what I was thinking?"

"The expression on your face was not difficult to read, Bells." She changed the topic mid stride. "You're staying in the Blue room with Edward, since all the furniture in the other rooms is packed. Jasper didn't think it was a good idea to set the scene with you and Edward sharing, so if it's a problem, he can sleep on the sofa."

Bella considered this for a moment. Despite the discussion she had had with Edward last night, she still felt anxiety at the thought of sharing a bed with a man. "I'll play it by ear, Ali. I should be okay, but Edward and I had a clearing session yesterday, so he'll understand my reaction, whatever it turns out to be." She shook her head: the flip-flopping of her emotions was frustrating and unsettling

"Honey, what's for lunch?" Jasper walked into the kitchen and flopped down in the chair next to Alice.

"I gather from your sudden need to eat, that your team came second?"

Edward appeared at the doorway. "Second, Ha! They came at least third, or maybe fourth. West Ham kicked the shit out of Man U. Really, Jazz, your team shouldn't have bothered to show up today."

Jasper showed him the finger. "Please, Alice, don't even ask the score."

"4 – 0, ladies. It was a whitewash!" Edward helpfully provided.

"Well this calls for commiseration and congratulation. Let's get pizza," said Alice, reaching for her mobile. The guys wandered back to the lounge, dissecting the game, kick by kick. "You know, Belly, it couldn't have worked out better. Those two are falling in love. You know what that means, right? It means that we can do girly stuff together without any gripes from them." She and Bella hi-fived.

"Jazz, this is yours," Alice passed him the pizza box, smiling innocently at her husband.

"Thanks, babe," Jasper opened the box and groaned. "Alice, you are a cruel, cruel woman." In the middle of the pizza was a big 0 – 4 made from red pepper.

The rest of the afternoon passed quickly, the four of them chatting in the kitchen and drinking copious quantities of tea. By evening, the left over pizza had been grazed too, and they were all in a mellow mood.

"Guys, I'm off to bed. I need a good night's sleep to cope with a session with my therapist as well as Mike tomorrow." She kissed them all good night and headed upstairs. She showered and changed into her pyjamas, grabbed her book and jumped into bed. She looked thoughtfully at Edward's case, before getting out of bed again. She opened it, taking out his pyjamas. She folded them neatly on the end of the bed, ready for him.

She woke to pitch darkness, the demon roaring inside her. She was sobbing, scrambling out of bed to look for her clothes. She had one leg in her jeans when the door banged open, Edward looking wild eyed around the room. He flicked on the light, taking in Bella frantically getting dressed.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Fuck off, Edward. It's got nothing to do with you. I'm getting out of here," Bella snarled.

"Jasper!" Edward bellowed.

Jasper appeared in the doorway, taking in the scene. "Where are you going, Bella?" His voice was calm and measured.

"I'm getting out of here. I've had enough of your shit, and I'm leaving."

Edward looked from Jasper to Bella, completely bewildered.

"Bella, you know that I will not allow you to leave this house." He paused. "Are you looking for a drink?"

"That's got fuck all to do with you. You can't keep me here against my will. Are you going to chain me to the bed to make me stay, like Tyler did? You fucking bastard, who the hell do you think you are?"

"Bella, I can and I will keep you here. It's called an Intervention. Fight, Bella. Not with me, or Edward. Fight the demon, Bella."

"Fuck you, Jasper. Don't you dare come near me." She pulled a shirt on and tried to dart out the door. Jasper stepped aside, but Edward stayed where he was. He caught Bella's wrist as she took a wild swing at him, and then the other as she took another swing.

"Edward," Jasper's quiet voice was the only source of reason in the madness exploding around him, and he clung to it. "Let her go."

Edward looked over at Jasper, anguished, horrified that he was restraining her, terrified of letting her go. Jasper nodded at him and he released Bella's wrists and stepped back. She responded by slapping him across the face, so hard that his neck snapped back, before running down the stairs to the front door.

He and Jasper followed her down the stairs, Jasper making straight for the kitchen. Completely out of his depth, he followed, where Jasper, still as calm as can be, began making tea. Edward flinched at the volley of profanities coming from the door, listening to Bella bang on the door, screaming to be let out.

"Jazz, what the fuck is going on?" Edward was shaking so badly, he could barely speak.

"She probably had a drinking dream. It's an unique form of torture for an alcoholic, where they dream about having an actual drink. It's completely realistic – they can taste it, feel it, experience it, and then wake up to a dry reality. There isn't much we can do, except make sure she doesn't get out the house. Getting her to sit down with a cuppa helps too. This is a fight she has to win on her own, Edward. Are you okay?"

Edward didn't know what to say. Freaked out, terrified, heart broken... he shook his head.

"Let's have a cuppa and wait out the storm."

It felt like hours, sitting in the kitchen, listening to Bella, not five yards away, screaming. Eventually, she began sobbing and hiccuping.

"Go get her, Edward. Just lead her in here and I'll have her tea waiting."

Edward reluctantly got to his feet, terrified of Bella's reaction. He slowly walked up to her. She looked up at him, and his heart ached at the desolation in her face.

"I'm sorry, Edward," she whispered.

"It's okay, love." Edward held out his hand. "Come have a cup of tea."

She hesitated, then grabbed his hand, allowing him to haul her to his feet. They walked together into the kitchen, where Jasper handed her a mug.

She huddled over it at the kitchen table, shuddering occasionally. Jasper watched her, assessing her mood and body language.

"I had the dream, Jazz," she said at last.

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

"No, I don't think so. It was too real, without reliving it by talking about it. It was one of the worst I've ever had." She shivered.

"What would have made it the worst you've ever had?"

Bella stared down at her mug, absently swirling the contents. "I think I became a bit complacent. I feel so safe with Edward," she looked across at him, "that I forgot about constant vigilance." She caught Edward's horrified expression. "It's not your fault, babe. Please, don't stop being you, being there for me. _That_, I don't think I could cope with."

"But, Bella, it can't be a good thing if I'm distracting you from drying out."

"You're not. One of the challenges of drying out is that it has to be done in the middle of normal life. It doesn't help to achieve sobriety in an artificial world with no risks, because the minute you step back into the real world, you have no defences against life's curve balls. You make it, or not, in grim reality."

"I'm going to go back to bed." She looked up at the men. "Thank you, guys." She looked at Edward. "Were you sleeping on the sofa?"

He nodded.

"Would you come sleep with me, please? I want to feel your arms around me."

He nodded again, standing up and taking her outstretched hand. "Let's go to bed, love."

Bella fell asleep quickly, exhausted by the outpouring of emotion. Edward lay awake for hours, watching the woman in his arms, thinking about the constant threat alcohol posed to their future. He was aware of the sacrifices he would have to make to his lifestyle, and had willingly accepted them. He wondered, though, about other sacrifices further down the road. Would they – could they – have kids? He had always had a vague idea of a family with kids in his future, and he was unsure of his feelings about the possibility being removed. He shook his head. There was no use speculating about something that he and Bella were nowhere near entertaining. _One shit storm at a time, Cullen_.

* * *

They were woken by the smell of coffee percolating. Edward grinned to himself, fairly sure that Bella could sniff out coffee in a fertilizer factory.

The journey to the clinic was quiet, the atmosphere relaxed with each caught in their own thoughts.

"What do you think Mike is going to say about you leaving? Any idea what his reaction will be?" Edward asked, as nonchalantly as possible. He was still fighting the urge to pee, on Bella's leg if need be, to mark his territory.

"You know, I have absolutely no idea. Isn't that dreadful? I was with the man for four years, and haven't the first clue of what he'll be thinking or feeling. I ought to... I don't know... feel a bit more? But I don't. If I was to hazard a guess, I'd say he's going to be pissy."

They pulled up at the clinic.

"Are you coming in with me?" Bella asked.

"No, love, I've got a couple of errands to run. I'll meet you back here in an hour." He leaned across to kiss her. "Be safe, beautiful."

"You too. Actually, be really safe, Edward. The last thing you need is to be 'discovered' wandering around London."

"My trusty beanie and scarf are on the back seat and my sexy librarian glasses are in my pocket." He patted his shirt, grinning.

He had only one errand to run: he wanted to find Bella a charm bracelet. He remembered his mum having one that, by the time she passed away, was full. His dad would buy her a charm for each memorable occasion in their lives, and he loved the idea of slowly filling it with Bella. Sappy fool that he was, he wanted to find it himself, rather than getting Alice to do it.

He sat in the car after Bella went in, surfing the Net for a decent jewellery store in the near vicinity. He had a wide choice that included Tiffany and Cartier, but having no idea which would be best, he called Alice.

"Hello, Agent mine, how're you doing?"

"Hello, Client mine, I'm fine. Why are you buying jewellery?"

"Bloody hell, Alice, Bella wasn't kidding! How did you know that, and are you aware that it's a bit creepy?"

"Har har. I assume you want somewhere close to the clinic, so you've got a wide choice."

"I want to get her a charm bracelet. According to my trusty mobile, Tiffany & Co and Cartier are on Sloane Street, and since I know nothing about jewellery, please tell me which would be best."

"Tell you what; I'll call both of them to let them know you're coming. That way you can make sure you get to see a range, and it will be discrete. Sound good?"

"Yeah, thanks, Alice. I'm leaving now."

"Edward, leave the car at the clinic and take a taxi. Parking is a bitch around Sloane Street. I'll do that too."

"Will do. Thanks."

Ten minutes later, the taxi pulled up and Edward climbed in, dutifully dressed in scarf, beanie and glasses. Reaching Tiffany's in minutes, he asked the taxi to wait and walked straight in. Alice had done her job, and he was led to a private room where he pored over bracelets, trying to decide which would be best. Nothing seemed right, so he asked to see their charms. He found exactly what he was looking for – a miniature of the St Edward Crown, complete with little diamonds with beautiful purple lacquer representing the fabric. He paid for the charm, then walked briskly to Cartier. He found the perfect bracelet on his first look.

With minutes to spare, he made it back to the clinic and was in the car, waiting for Bella, when she walked out.

Edward watched her walking towards him, noting the slight slump of her shoulders. She looked exhausted, and wondered if he should insist that she cancel Angela and Mike. He snorted: right, like she was going to listen to him. He grinned. Pussy whipped – that's what he was – pussy whipped and loving it.

"And that smirk on your face?" Bella smiled, leaning over to kiss him.

"Just thinking about your pussy, dear." He burst out laughing at her expression. "Kidding! I'm breaking the Venerable Order of the Brotherhood of Men here, but I was thinking about how I'm loving being pussy whipped. Please, don't tell anyone with testicles or I'll get black balled."

She burst out laughing and he replayed the last sentence and started laughing too.

"Come on, you. Let's go meet Angela and the delightful Mike."

They were still chuckling when they arrived at Costa, choosing an outside seat so that Edward wouldn't have to remove his disguise.

"It's good to hear you laughing, Bells." Bella jumped, turning around to see Angela standing behind them.

"Ang! First things first. Coffee?"

"Now, that, Bells, is a daft question. I'll get it though – we wouldn't want to risk giving your man here over exposure." She grinned. "Sorry, but I'm still a bit star struck. Can I get you anything, 'Donald'?"

"Mocha for me, please, in a bucket if they'll agree."

Angela raised her eyebrows, "You've converted him, haven't you?"

Bella nodded, a solemn expression on her face. She raised her fist to her heart, "I am glad to report that we have one more soldier in our fight for salvation." She grinned. "Same for me, please."

Angela came back with their drinks, and they sat chatting amiably, avoiding any sensitive issues. Eventually, though, the hotel became the elephant in the room, and Bella couldn't resist asking how it was doing.

Angela was quiet for a moment, then said, "Bells, this is probably not going to make you happy, knowing how you love the hotel, but you should know that the staff joined in solidarity at your peremptory dismissal. They don't know the full story – hell, I don't know it, and don't want to – but they know enough. Most of the key people in your team resigned in protest and have joined the competition." She smiled slightly. "You trained us well, and the competition is only too happy to have us on board."

"Caius offered me the GM position." She took a sip, glancing away.

"Congratulations, Angela. You know I mean it when I say you deserve it." If someone had to take her hotel, it should be Angela.

"I turned it down, Bells, and resigned."

"You what? Are you mad? That job could make your career!"

"I know, but I couldn't, for a number of reasons. One is Ben: he is adamant that he doesn't want me working for Caius. The second is loyalty to you, and the third is that I'm pregnant. We can live comfortably on Ben's salary, so I'm going to try be a stay at home mum."

Bella gaped at her. She and Angela had become close working together for so many years, but never once in all that time, had she ever heard Angela mention anything that sounded even vaguely maternal.

"I'm happy for you Ang, although right now you're not looking very happy. Let me guess – you were worried about my reaction?" she smiled. "You've been a damn good friend to me, Ang, so my job is to be a damn good friend back. If you're happy, I'm happy. Hey – I wanna be a godmum."

"No problem, consider it done."

Edward wondered if either woman would mention the other elephant in the room, Bella's drinking. Maybe they were waiting for Mike to arrive, so that it would only need to be said once. As if on cue, a male voice said, "Bella. You look happy."

Bella twisted in her chair, looking up. "Mike, hi. Come take a seat."

Mike pulled out a chair, sitting down. He greeted Angela and then looked across at Edward, eyes narrowed. "Are you going to introduce me to your... friend?"

Before Bella could respond, Edward leaned over to shake his hand. "Hi, Mike, I'm Donald Eider. Nice to meet you." Angela coughed to cover a laugh, while Bella picked up her coffee to hide her grin.

Edward held on to his hand for a little longer than necessary, instantly disliking him.

Mike turned towards Bella, clearly trying to ignore Edward. "Jasper tells me you're leaving? I would have thought after four years, you would at least be decent enough to tell me yourself."

The table was silent, all eyes on Bella as she went white, then red. "See? I was right. I said he'd be pissy." Angela and Edward both let out a startled laugh. Bella would be fine.

"It's not quite as clear cut as me up and leaving, you idiot. You know that I fell off the wagon, thanks for asking how I was doing, by the way. You were with me when I dried out last time – you know how important it is to have support. Are you offering me yours while I dry out this time?" Bella didn't sound angry or sad; she sounded matter-of-fact.

Mike looked away, his answer clear in his response.

"I didn't think so. In any event, Mike, you and I are over, and have been for a long time before I left. I said my sorries in the letter, Mike. So really, there isn't much else to say, except perhaps goodbye, and good luck."

"That's it? That's the best you can come up with? You bitch."

Edward surged to his feet, leaning over the table and grabbing Mike by the collar of his shirt. "You have two choices here, Mike. You either walk the fuck away, or I throw your arse on the pavement."

"Bella, call your pet goon off me. You owe me money, and I'm not leaving without it."

Bella stood up, putting her hand on Edward's arm. "Calm down, babe. This is what Mike does – he throws his toys out of the cot when he doesn't get his own way. Don't get pissed off with him. Let him go."

She turned to Mike. "What money do I owe you, Mike?"

"Our joint account, remember? I tried to access funds yesterday, and the account is empty."

"Oh, shit. Sorry, Mike. It got cleared out while I was drunk. Right now I don't have a penny to my name..."

Edward interrupted. "How much do you claim she owes you, Mike?"

Mike sneered. "What, are you offering to cover the debt? On clerical wages? It's £8,000."

"What?" shrieked Bella. "You'd already taken out a good deal to furnish your new place and..."

Edward pulled out his cheque book and wrote out a cheque, handing it to Mike.

"Is this a joke?" Mike sneered. "How stupid do you think I am? I'm going to waltz to a bank and hand them a cheque for £20,000 and have them laugh at me when it bounces? Fuck you."

Edward stood again and walked round the table. "The cheque is good. If you would prefer, I can transfer the money directly into an account of your choice right now, while you wait, but to be honest, I really don't want to have to see your face again. If you doubt my word, give Alice a call. She can arrange a direct payment for you. Now please fuck off and leave Bella alone." Gently, but firmly he steered Mike away from the table, giving him a less than gentle little nudge onto the pavement.

"And there I thought the glasses made me look like a librarian, but it's seems it's 'clerical'," he said cheerfully.


	17. Chapter 16 Wave Hello

Chapter 16 Wave Hello

Bella put the last of her things in her case and closed it. She sat on the bed looked around the empty bedroom, remembering how many times she'd stayed in this room, drunk and sober. She couldn't count the number of times she'd been supported by Alice and Jasper, been given this room as her own. She would owe them for the rest of her life.

_LA, here I come_. She wondered if it would become more real when she was on the plane, because right now, her life felt completely surreal. In the space of less than two months, her life had fallen apart. She was putting the pieces back together, but the picture that was taking shape was very different. Part of her welcomed the change, but a larger part was absolutely terrified. If there's one thing that an alcoholic hates, it's change. Change meant new curve balls, new pressures on their sobriety, new dangers to look out for.

Which brought her thoughts round to Edward. She knew he loved her – she couldn't doubt his sincerity: after all, he was still here, even after the horror they'd been through. It just didn't make sense though. Why would he choose to hitch his wagon to her sorry life? She snorted at the appropriate metaphor. She wondered when he would reach breaking point, when the reality of being involved with an alcoholic would outweigh the love. At some point, it would, of that she was quite sure. Not many relationships could survive alcoholism and the pain that came with it.

The love she felt for him was a tangible force, hopefully strong enough to anchor her to sobriety. She had never had so much to lose, but in her experience, the demon was the strongest force in the universe. Which was why she needed to find strength beyond her love for him – it was a bad idea to build one's sobriety on another person, because, no matter how intense the love felt, emotion is brittle, unable to bend or shift under pressure.

"Hey, beautiful. Have you finished packing?" She looked up at Edward leaning against the door jamb.

"Yeah, all done. I've been thinking, sort of saying goodbye and wrapping up this part of the story of my life."

"Change can be a good thing, Bella."

Her mouth twisted. "Not always for a drunk. Sometimes it can be a new set of dangers and pitfalls."

"Do you doubt us?" His blunt question, coming so close after her musings, took her by surprise.

"I don't doubt that you love me, or that I Iove you. I doubt that it will be enough."

"Well I don't. You told me once that there can't be an 'us' if you don't focus on sobriety, so that's what you're going to do. If you keep that in mind, we'll be fine." The confidence in his voice, the _faith_ it contained brought a lump to her throat. That is something else an alcoholic hates – faith. It made the failure so much worse when you let people down.

"Come on, love, it's time to go." He walked over to the bed, kissing her forehead, picking up her case. "Alice's case weighs twice as much as yours. God knows what she's got in there."

"Knowing Alice, it'll be five pairs of Jimmy Choo's and 10 Christian Louboutin's. In protective wrapping. Of lead."

With Edward's long absence from the public gaze, there was a good chance that the paparazzi would go into a feeding frenzy when he was spotted, so the plan was for Jasper and Bella to arrive at Heathrow early, while Alice went with Edward. It was the perfect opportunity to let the public know that Alice was Edward's new agent. They'd sit together in First Class for the flight and then leave LAX in separate cars, meeting later at his place.

Jasper and Bella watched from a distance as Edward was mobbed by reporters, the masses so thick that he wasn't able to move. Edward remained calm, smiling and talking, but it was clear that they weren't going to get through the throng any time soon. Both Jasper and Bella were beginning to panic, wondering where Security was, when Alice went into action. They weren't close enough to hear what was said, but they watched Alice talking, turning on the charm, making a path open up to the door, like the Red Sea parting.

"That's my girl," murmured Jasper, beaming with pride.

Bella remembered clearly the chaos at the hotel the night they'd got back from dinner, the utter lack of respect for Edward's privacy and person, and wondered, for the hundredth time, why celebrities endured it. It seemed incomprehensible that they would actually enjoy it: there had to be easier ways of making money.

They went through Security ahead of Edward and Alice and met up with them in the first class lounge.

"Are you okay?" Bella murmured under her breath.

"Yeah, I'm good. I haven't had to deal with that shit for a while, so thank God Alice was there. You know, "he looked across at Alice thoughtfully, "I am going to appoint her my Personal Fairy Godmother too, if that's okay with you."

"With Alice, there's more than enough to go around." Bella laughed. "Make the most of it, cos she loves it."

Maintaining a cordial distance, they waited for their boarding call, relieved when they were finally able to relax the pretence when they were in their seats.

"Sorry, Belly, but I'm going to need your man for most of the flight. We've got a shit load to cover before he lands." Alice handed Edward an inch thick folder. "That is your life for the next two months, Client Mine."

"Sorry, Jazz, looks like you're stuck with me." She winked at Jasper, before looking at Alice with a mournful expression, pushing her lip out in a pout for good measure.

"Don't try that on me, Belly – I invented that look, so suck it up. It's a long flight, so you'll have plenty of time to canoodle." A thought occurred to her. "And best you canoodle discreetly, do you hear me?" She glared from Bella to Edward. Both shook their heads dutifully.

"Still want her as a PFG?" whispered Bella.

"Yeah, but she's actually my NPFG," sniggered Edward.

"Huh?"

"Nazi – PFG."

Bella snorted and swopped seats with Alice.

Several hours later, she was able to move back to her seat next to Edward.

"Hey, you. You know, I could get used to this." She waved her hand.

"What, first class?"

"Yeah! I've learned a valuable lesson today: when getting on an airplane, DON'T TURN RIGHT**"**

Edward looked at her blankly. "I don't get it."

"Cos cattle class is to the right when you walk in. Keep left, and all is well."

Edward doubled over laughing, tears running down his cheeks.

"Hell, Cullen, it wasn't that funny."

"Yes it is. Prima Donna Bella is a new one on me."

"Edward? What's it going to be like in LA? I mean with you and me? Do you think we'll be able to keep us a secret?"

"Not indefinitely, but if we're careful, we should be able to manage a few months. You'll be staying with Alice and Jasper, and even if the paps follow me to their place, which they will, it's perfectly reasonable for me to be at my agent's house. It's to be expected that I'll spend a good deal of time with her, since she's new and still taking the reins.

I do want you with me permanently eventually, Bella. I want to live with you, wake up with you, go to sleep with you. At that point, it will be impossible to keep us a secret anymore. I would like you on my arm at Premieres, functions, that sort of thing, too, but we'll need to be cautious with that one."

She looked at him, shocked. Co-habiting had not even figured in her future plans – the few that she had made – and she didn't know what to say.

"Why are you looking at me like I've just run over your pet?"

"Do you mind if we put the living together on hold? I've got a long way to go before I'm steady on my feet."

"How long are you talking here? A few months, a year, or ever?"

"Let's just play it by ear, okay?" She neatly sidestepped his question.

Edward looked like he was about to argue, then stopped and shrugged. "Okay, shelved for later discussion."

Bella sighed with relief. The next few months were going to be frustratingly rigid when she went back into a rehab programme. She would probably be able to work the programme as an outpatient, but nonetheless, she had more rules and curfews than a delinquent teenager. It was one of the most difficult aspects of drying out – having to relinquish so much control of her life.

On the plus side, she could feel her need for Edward returning. The demon had a handle on squashing all desire out of her system, but he had met his match with Edward Cullen. Watching the side of his mouth curl up, even the curve of his ridiculously long eyelashes was giving her tingles. The increase in her libido was inversely proportional to her fear of being touched, which meant that at least the therapy and counselling was working. Truth be told, her trust in Edward had remained untouched when her trust in pretty much everything else had broken. She grinned. Operation Get Laid would begin officially tonight.

"What are you grinning about, Cheshire Cat?"

"I am grinning, aren't I?" She reached over to run her fingertips over his lips, bringing them back to run them lightly over her own.

Edward's eyes widened. "Does that mean what I think it means?"

She just smiled. "I think I'll have a nap." She lowered her chair and wriggled into the blanket.

She looked at Edward from the corner of her eye and almost laughed out loud. He sat, frozen, looking at her with his fingers on his lips.

Surprisingly, she did fall asleep, because what felt like minutes later, Edward shook her awake to tell her they were about to land. She felt anticipation and fear build in her. It was literally a whole new world out there. She took a deep breath, trying to relax.

"Hey. You're not in this alone, love. I'm with you, every step of the way." She leaned across to kiss him.

Her life seemed to be randomly hitting fast forward. From the moment she stepped off the plane everything was a blur. She had a confused impression of answering questions at Passport Control. She must have made sense, since she wasn't sitting in jail. It slowed a bit while she was waiting for Jasper to pick up a car, and then hit fast forward again until they reached a boom across the road.

A security guard asked Jasper for a password, which he gave before being given permission to drive into the complex. Jasper punched in a code and gates opened to reveal Edward's house.

They let themselves in, feeling a little uncomfortable at being in his house without him. Jasper went to fetch their cases from the car while Bella wandered around the kitchen randomly touching things, imagining Edward's hands holding the kettle just so, opening the cupboard like this, reaching for the tea... She couldn't find a teapot, so she had to make the tea with the bags in the cup. She smiled to herself, thinking if he didn't have one, she'd have to buy one. There was no way she was going to live on tea made in the cup. She opened the fridge, not really expecting there to be any milk since he'd been away from home for so long, but the fridge was stocked.

"Bells, tell me you have tea for me?" Jasper called from the front door.

"Freshly made, Jazz. Unfortunately, we have to slum it cos I couldn't find a teapot."

"Snob!" teased Jasper.

"Chav!" They grinned at each other, sipping their tea leaning against the kitchen cabinets.

"This place is huge. Let's split up. Take your mobile with you so I can call you if I get lost." Bella jumped up.

"My what?" asked Jasper.

"Uhh... your mobile?"

"No, dear. You're in the States now. It's a cell phone."

"Ah, Oh wise one. Any other important translations I need?"

"You're going to be shocked. Our Jelly is called Jello here. Jam is called Jelly. And that's just the start, which is why I bought you this." He handed her a book.

"The Oxford Dictionary of American English. So thoughtful, Jazz, thank you. Why didn't you think of a teapot too, dammit? Okay. I'll take the right, you take the left side of this mansion.

Bella wandered down the hall into the play room, laughing at the enormous TV. Her eyes landed on the bar in the corner. "Jazz?" she cleared her throat. "JASPER!"

Jasper came at a dead run. "What? Oh, shit. Turn around Bella. NOW. That's it. You will walk to the front door and sit on the step. Do you understand me? Well done, Bells, you're doing well."

Bella walked slowly to the door, her feet dragging. She concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other as the demon screamed and howled, kicking her stomach. She leaned over and retched. She pulled herself upright, finding herself facing back into the house. She stood for long minute, fists clenched, fighting. Turning back to the door was physically painful. Opening the front door and closing it behind herself was torture. She sat down on the step pulling her knees up to her chest. She locked her arms around her knees to stop herself from moving, rocking herself while tears poured down her face.

A car pulled into the driveway and she raised her head, trying to see through her tears. The car was still moving when Edward flew out the door and had her in his arms.

"What happened? Are you hurt? What happened?" He frantically ran his hands up and down her body, trying to feel for an injury.

"Room... TV..." Bella shuddered. "Bar... your lounge."

"Love, I had all the liquor removed. It's empty. I wanted to have the whole thing removed, but couldn't get it done before you arrived."

The door jerked open, Jasper spilling out in his haste. "Bells, it's empty... Edward... It's empty."

"Alice, thank God you're here." He swept her up in his arms, holding on to her.

"Jazz, what happened?" Asked Alice, bewildered by the drama in front of her.

"Bells and I decided to walk around the house and she walked into a lounge with a bar. I am so damn proud of her, Alice. She froze and called me. She walked away, guys. I told her to wait on the front step, and she did. She was able to walk out of the room." Jasper's face glowed. "That was fucking amazing, Bells."

"Edward... you had all the booze removed before I got here?"

Edward nodded. "Of course, love. The entire bar will be gone soon."

"This calls for a celebratory cup of tea, all," announced Alice, wiping tears out her eyes.

Bella flung her arms around his neck, kissing every part of his face she could reach. Her knees gave way and Edward picked her up, carrying her indoors. "This isn't quite what I had in mind when I dreamed of carrying you over the threshold, love," he whispered in her ear. "Welcome home. Well done. You are an incredible woman. "

She tried to smile, but her body was shaking, still trying to silence the demon that was howling for a drink. Edward kissed her and walked into the kitchen, still cradling Bella against his chest. He watched as Alice hunted through the cupboards.

"What are you looking for, Alice?"

"A teapot."

Ahh... Sorry, I don't have one."

Bella wiggled, trying to get out of Edward's arms. He squeezed her tight before putting her on a kitchen stool.

Much grumbling about the lack of teapot later, they sat around the kitchen island with mugs of tea. The mood was serious, but glad. Bella's achievement was monumental and each saluted her strength and courage. Bella herself was still too shaky to take it in, still fighting to keep the demon at bay. She was dreading the next couple of days: they could potentially be the most dangerous if she became complacent. While locking the front door on the latest temptation, it had a habit of sneaking in the back door.

"I suppose I should give you the grand tour," said Edward, standing up. "It's pretty simple. On the left is the formal stuff that I never use, and on the right is the fun stuff, where I actually live. Across the back is an entertainment centre with a small movie theatre and a music room. Let's start upstairs, so you can settle in.

"Alice, you and Jasper are in here." He opened the door to a large room with an enormous brass bed. The duvet was panelled ivory and gold with matching continental pillows against the headboard, standard pillows leaning against them. A brocade bolster finished the old world appeal of the room.

"The bathroom is through one of the wardrobe doors." He laughed. "I actually don't know which one since I never come in here."

"It's beautiful, Edward, I love it." Alice spun around in a giddy circle and flopped on the bed. "Jazz, please fetch my bags – I want to make myself at home." She said gleefully.

"As you command, dear wife," said Jasper, grinning at her.

Edward opened his bedroom door. "This is my room. Don't tell Alice, but I got a decorator in to do yours and her rooms. They were even more boring than mine."

Bella looked around, thinking that it didn't suit him at all. "Okay, you're right, this is pretty grim. You'd better not invite Alice in here – she'll take you by the balls to make you give her permission to redecorate."

"The only one getting near my balls is you, beautiful."

"Really? So if I do this," she trailed her hand over his crotch, "you won't complain?"

"Not a peep." His eyes darkened, never leaving her face.

"And this?" she popped the button on his jeans and slid her palm inside his jeans, over his erection touching his balls gently with her fingertips.

He groaned.

"I'll accept that as an answer. And if I do this?" She slid both hands under his shirt pulling it up as she moved up his chest. Still no answer.

She pulled his shirt over his head, throwing it on the floor. Kneeling on the floor, she helped him step out of his trainers. Sitting on her heels, she grabbed the waistband of his jeans, pulling them down. She smiled at the tent in his boxers.

"And if I do this?" She pulled down his boxers and sat up on her knees to reach his dick, taking it straight into her mouth.

Edward gasped, his fingers threading through her hair, watching her lips covering his dick, feeling her mouth suck on his tip.

She pulled him into her mouth as deep as she could, sucking, pulling back to lick his tip, stroking with her tongue then sucking his length again. She felt him shift forward involuntarily, forcing himself further into her mouth. Her mouth moved up towards the tip, her hand holding his length and massaging him, up and down.

"Beautiful, I'm not going to last very long."

She looked up at him through her lashes, watching his chest heave. She returned her attention to licking and sucking the tip, while her hands quickened their pace.

Edward was panting with his head thrown back, his legs shaking. She slid her lips over him, lightly dragging her teeth. She gasped when Edward's hands tightened in her hair, holding her head as he thrust himself into her mouth. She felt him harden, then explode hard in her mouth against the back of her throat, his hands still clamped tightly in her hair. Wincing, she swallowed, shaking her head slightly, reminding him he was still holding on to her hair. He let go immediately, pulling her to her feet and gazed at her with so much love in his eyes that her own teared in response. He put a finger under her chin, lifting her face towards him to kiss her deeply, holding nothing back.

"Bella, I want to make love to you."

She didn't reply; instead, she pulled her shirt over her head.

"Are you sure?" Edward's voice was a husky whisper. Again, she didn't reply; she just removed her jeans, leaving her in plain cotton panties and a bra.

Bella stood still as Edward ran his fingers down the sides of her body, fingers skimming over her waist and hips, and back up. His hands slid around her back, unclipping her bra and sliding it over her arms. He palmed each breast, feeling the weight of them in his hand, feeling her nipples pebble as he ran his thumbs over them. She felt yearning coil deeper with every pass of his thumb and she whimpered slightly, leaning into him.

He placed her tenderly on the bed, kissing her mouth, her eyes, her nose... his mouth touched every inch of her body, depositing gentle kisses as his lips moved across her skin. The yearning was growing stronger, pooling between her thighs as his mouth slid over her stomach and down to her belly button. He dragged her panties down so that his fingers grazed her legs right down to her feet, and she shuddered when they traced a path back up the inside of her legs, gently parting her thighs. She lay on the bed, legs open, feeling Edward's mouth lick and suck her centre, feeling his tongue and teeth play gently with her clitoris, lapping up her juices and with every lick, every kiss, she felt her body heal. The pain and the shame were washed away with every touch, each panting breath, by his love for her. He worshiped her entire body, restoring every inch to glory and banishing the shame. Her orgasm welled from deep inside her, a vast wave of pleasure that crashed over her, carrying her safely to shore.

She opened her eyes, aware that tears were trickling into her hair. He wiped at them with his thumb, putting it into his mouth. She gazed up at him, at this beautiful man who loved her and smiled, her joy and love for him flooding through her. He smiled back and laughed when she pulled him down on top of her, wrapping her legs around his waist.

He slid slowly into her, pausing to give her time to adjust to him and she gasped at the intensity of feeling him inside her. She pushed up with her hips, pushing him in deeper, gasping again at the rightness of it, the sense of coming home. He pushed in deeper, brushing her swollen clit. He found a gentle rhythm that locked them together in a cocoon, nobody and nothing existing except for the two of them and the beautiful need building between them. The need became stronger, demanding release and Edward slid his hand down to her clit, massaging and gently pinching until she came, drowning in the intensity of their love making. Edward began to move faster, his thrusts more erratic. She urged him on, dragging her nails across his back to push him over the edge, her name on his lips.

They lay entwined, neither wanting to move, to break their cocoon.

Eventually Edward stretched, laughing at her pout. "Come on, you. We need to get fed and watered. Besides, I still haven't shown everyone the house."

"Slave driver. Edward?"

He paused with his shirt half on, catching the change in her tone. "Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"There are no thank yous needed between you and I, Isabella. I love you, you love me."

"I know, I'm just struggling to relay to you how perfect that was. You were perfect."

He just smiled and held out his hand. "Come on, get dressed. I want to show you _your_ room before we go downstairs."

They crossed the hall, and Edward opened the door. The room was huge and in the middle stood an enormous four poster bed of dark wood , draped in lacy netting. The linen was off white with a deep maroon coloured throw folded along the bottom of the bed. The carpet was deep pile with an unusual swirling pattern in earth colours. On one side of the room on either side of a dark wood table, were two overstuffed chairs covered in a pale clay colour and maroon stripe.

"The door leads to the loo, and one of the wardrobes opens into a walk in closet. Do you like it?" Edward looked at her uncertainly.

"I love it! It's beautiful. Can we sleep in this room, please?" Bella's eyes shone. "It's a fairy tale bedroom. Alice is going to be so jealous."

"No problem, sweetheart. I'll move my clothes across when you start unpacking." Edward gathered her into a hug. "Just to be sure: you want us to share this room, as in permanently?"

"I'm sure." She reached up to kiss him. "Okay, now I'm ready to see the rest of the house."

They walked downstairs hand in hand, following the voices into the playroom.

"It's a bit belated, but welcome to my home, guys." Edward looked around. "This room is christened the playroom, and is where I spend most of my time when I'm in LA. Have you been outside yet? It's what sold me on the house in the first place." He opened the doors and stepped aside to let them walk out in front of him.

"Now this is how I expect the Rich, Famous and Obnoxious to live," Bella grinned. "It's fabulous."

Alice was in a trance, looking around with blatant lust in her eyes. "Edward," she moaned, "Tell me you actually entertain here, please? It's a crime to not fill this gorgeous deck with gorgeous people."

"Sorry to disappoint, Alice, but I'm rarely here long enough to entertain. You're right though, it's a great spot for barbequing with friends. Rose and Emmett come over and there are a couple of actors I've worked with who've become friends, so we all get together here when I'm around."

"I've seen the formal side of the house, and frankly, Edward, it's disgraceful. We're going to have to do something about that because I don't want to live in those dreadful rooms. I grant you, the chandelier in the dining room is nice, but the rest..." she shuddered dramatically.

"Babe, you do know that we'll only be here a week or so before our place is ready, right? You won't be here long enough to live in those 'dreadful' rooms."

Bella watched Alice and Jasper, warmed by their camaraderie. It was obvious to anyone who met them that they adored each other. This realisation was usually swiftly followed by relief that it was Jasper's job to handle the extremely volatile Alice. The reality was that Jasper kept Alice's heart grounded and safe while she flew.

It was a few minutes before she realised that Edward had gone very quiet. His hands were clenching and unclenching by his sides and his expression was so miserable that it caught at her heart.

"Edward? What's wrong?" she put her arms around his neck, stretching up to whisper in his ear.

He responded by putting his arms around her, pulling her so tight against him that she could barely breath. He buried his face into her hair, shocking her when a sob broke out.

She glanced at Alice and Jasper, who were still talking animatedly and led Edward back into the house. "Edward, what is it? What's going on?"

"You'll be here a week, Bella. One week and then you're gone for fuck knows how long. You avoided my question when I asked when you'd move in permanently, so I have no fucking idea how long my life will be on hold, waiting for you to be ready.

"I love you and I want to be with you. I'm in a holding pattern, waiting for you to get on your feet. I'll wait as long as I have to, but Bella, I need you. I need to be with you. You love our room? I already hate it because I know that in a week, I'll be sleeping alone."

"But... Edward, we can be together at Alice and Jasper's."

"It's not the same, and you know it. I'm prepared for the next two months, but what about after that? What happens then?"

She looked at him and then at Alice and Jasper standing outside. "Let's take this upstairs."

They walked up the stairs and into his old bedroom in silence. The second the door closed, Bella turned on him.

"I don't know what happens after two months, Edward. You know I can't answer that. You know I have no idea how stable I'll be and you know that I can't make any commitment to you yet. Why are you pushing me now?" Bella was getting angry. Why was he suddenly throwing all this at her?

"Because I want you with me!" he shouted.

"And I want to be with you. I just can't afford to make any mistakes.

"Edward, you have no idea what it means to live with a recovering alcoholic. I will turn your entire life upside down, just by being in your space!

"I can't kiss you hello when you get in from a couple of pints with the guys because the taste of your mouth can have me running for an off licence. I have to check the ingredients of everything. No romantic champagne breakfasts in bed. No office parties. Definitely no Awards after parties! Fuck, I even have to check hairspray!

"Is that what you want your life to be? A constant lookout for alcohol? Take it from me – our entire world revolves around alcohol." Bella's eyes filled with tears. "It would be selfish of me to ask you for this magnitude of sacrifice."

"Bella, don't treat me like a child! I've done the research, I know what you face. I love you, and I want to face it with you. I want you. If that means I have to adjust my lifestyle, then I will do so, fuck, I'm doing it already. I understand that we have to be careful, but for fuck's sake, what about what I want?"

Bella did not doubt Edward's sincerity and commitment. It was there in his eyes, along with the love, but she needed to get through to him just how unpleasant the reality of living with alcoholism is. Picking up a waste paper basket, she took his hand.

"Let's start in the bathroom for this little experiment." She opened the cabinet, removing the mouthwash and throwing it in the bin. "Contains alcohol, so I can't use it." Next was the hand sanitiser. All 3 bottles of cough and flu medication followed. She glanced around the room looking for any other offending products. "Sorry, your favourite aftershave needs to go. It's not a direct problem, but I can't take chances."

"Let's go for the big one, shall we?" She dragged him down the stairs to the kitchen. More hand sanitiser made its way into the bin.

"Do you notice how empty your fridge is without the beer and wine bottles? What are you going to do when you get home from a rough day filming, or a long haul flight, and all you want is a beer – and are not "allowed" to have one?

"You love having guests over for a barbeque, and it's a perfectly reasonable assumption that they will drink. In principle it sounds great, but the reality is that I will have to clear out until all the bottles are gone. I'm nowhere near ready to be near booze, Edward. I don't know if I ever will be. All I can do is work the Steps and hope that Steps work for me. I'm fairly certain that you will end up resenting me and that, that right there, will kill me quicker than the booze will." They stared at each other, chests heaving with tears poured down their cheeks.

Edward moved first and pulled her into his arms. They clung to each other, offering support and love, receiving it and giving it back.

"Oh, God, love, I'm so sorry," whispered Edward. "I'm being a selfish prat."

"To be an alcoholic is to be a permanently selfish prat, babe." She looked up at him. "Please, we can work something out. I promise you," she paused, "I promise you that I will move in here with you permanently as soon as humanly possible."

"I can live with that. Jasper had just better agree to our Rule 9 – Unrestricted sleep over permission."

Bella laughed shakily. "Deal."

**AN: I got the idea of 'rededicating' her body from a fabulous author Jacqueline Carey. She's written 2 trilogies, Kushiel's Legacy and Treason's Heir. They're a beautiful blend of lemons, S&M, D&S and a sort of alternate historical romance – really good writing. A must read for those who love their lemons! She's so good at writing in the first person.**

**Thanks, all who've added my story to your lists. Please would you also leave reviews? I haven't got a beta, so would love some feedback.**


	18. Chapter 17 Talking Turkey

Chapter 17 Talking Turkey

Despite Bella's reluctance, Jasper was adamant that she meet her new therapist and begin rehab immediately. Edward was ambivalent: he desperately wanted Bella with him for the week prior to the move into Alice and Jasper's house. He wanted to wake up next to her, watch her sleep – he wanted to _live_ with her before they were forced into a separation that had no end in sight.

Equally, he wanted her to start rehab as soon as possible – the sooner it started, the sooner it finished. He was torn and painfully aware that he was being selfish. He'd been shocked to his core by the co-habiting incident and appalled by his insensitivity.

That Bella understood didn't ease his sense of guilt at all and he found himself in the uncomfortable position of arguing with Jasper (against his better judgement) by supporting Bella's request / decision to wait the week before starting rehab. After much argument, some of it very heated, Bella and Jasper settled for meeting her new therapist immediately and to plan rehab with her. He won the point, but it didn't fill him with elation. A Pyrrhic victory indeed.

"Hey, babe. I woke up to a cold bed – not nice."

Edward turned around, watching Bella walk towards him, still in her pyjamas, cup of coffee in hand.

"Morning, beautiful. I woke up early and couldn't go back to sleep. I didn't want to wake you up so I came out here. It's soothing to sit here while the world wakes up."

"Are you still stressing about the week off issue?" She frowned down at him.

"Yeah. I'm feeling like a selfish bastard and guilty as hell." He pulled her down onto his lap, loving the feel of her snuggling into him. He buried his face into the crook of her neck and pressed his lips to her warm skin. "Maybe I should have woken you up to 'chat', but those damn elbows of yours – they're worse than a weapon of mass destruction."

Said elbow jabbed him in the ribs. "I like the idea of 'chatting'. Wake me up next time. That was a pretty pathetic attempt at changing the conversation though." She cupped his cheek in her hand. "Edward, don't feel guilty. It's something we both need, something to cling to when things get choppy. Trust me when I say I'd never have been able to talk Jasper around unless he understood that this week together is needful. It's a therapy of its own in a sense."

"I hadn't thought of it that way." Edward turned the idea around in his mind. "You know what? We've made the decision and I'm not going to spoil this time by second guessing it." He beamed at her, his indecision melting away. "It feels good to participate in a decision about us, to be included in your planning."

"That's exactly how it should be. I didn't realise how out of the loop you've been with my recovery. Some of it makes sense: this is the first time you're dealing with this sort of shit, and some of it is simply that I've never wanted someone too close to it. It's why I've leaned so heavily on Jasper in the past." She kissed his cheek. "I love you, and that means accepting that you'll be in every part of my life." She paused. "Except perhaps using the loo."

He burst out laughing. "You know, I love the way you can make me laugh, even in the middle of a heavy conversation. I love you too, Isabella. Always.

"You know, I think we should plan the next two months. I think it would give us both a sense of security," he stopped, "give _me_ a sense of security." He amended.

"I'm not sure of all the details either, but I can give you a basic outline," offered Bella. "I'll probably have daily sessions with my therapist. The rehab programme at most alcohol dependency units is a minimum of six weeks. You're usually required to stay in the clinic for the duration and visitors are restricted for the first two weeks." She smiled at his horrified expression. "Don't worry – I'm going to be attending on an outpatient basis. I might have to overnight on occasion, but it won't be the norm."

"I've already done ten days of the six weeks," she laughed at the beam that lit up his face." Not so fast, sailor. I might have to start again from scratch, depending on what my therapist says, and the clinic's assessment. By the way, I'm seeing her this afternoon."

"So, to sum up, I'll be out of the house for at least six weeks every day. Weekends are iffy, so we'll have to play those by ear. They don't like to send recovering drunks home on weekends – it's just asking for a relapse, but in my case, I have full support at home.

"That leaves a couple of weeks or so of the two months at Alice and Jasper's. At that point, I think all four of us, maybe my therapist too, should sit down to decide the best way forward." She suddenly smiled. "Would you come with me this afternoon, please? It would be really helpful if you get to know her, too."

"Of course, love. If you want me there, I'll be there." Edward picked up a strand and began twirling it round his fingers.

"Your turn now. What will be going on in your life for the next two months? Besides pining, I mean."

"This week is pretty busy," he grinned at her. "I'm going to be much occupied making you scream my name all day. Then the week after that, I have to focus on making you scream my name all night. After about six weeks of multiple orgasms, I can focus on doing it – doing you – all day. Then you move in here and I need to find a way to get food into the bedroom so we don't need to leave." He sat back grinning. "How does that sound?"

"Sounds good, although don't worry about the food in the bedroom – we can just move to the kitchen." She smirked at his expression. "Ah... does that turn you on? Are you imagining me lying back on your beautiful counters, wrapping my legs around you... or maybe leaning over them while you fuck me from behind..." She burst out laughing when he scrambled out of his chair and picked her up, running for the bedroom. They passed Alice and Jasper on the stairs, yelling a garbled good morning before making it to the bedroom.

"It's not the kitchen yet, beautiful, but I did promise to make you scream my name..." He pulled off his track bottoms, pulling her against him. "Do you feel how turned on I am? Feel me, babe." He gasped when her hand closed around his length, massaging his length, her thumb running across his tip. He pulled off her pyjamas and pushed her onto the bed. He made straight for her clit, sucking and stroking with his tongue, plunging again and again into her opening until he felt her muscles tighten.

He flipped her over so she was on all fours, momentarily losing focus at the sight of the curve of her bottom in front of him, looked over her shoulder at him, her eyelids heavy with desire.

He knelt behind her gripping her hips tightly to pull her opening up and slammed in, making the bed rock. She met every thrust by pushing back, using the headboard for support. He could feel his release bearing down on him like a heavy hand, pushing him deeper into her.

She was close, her whimpers and panting growing louder. "Touch yourself, Bella; rub your clit while you feel my dick slamming in to you. Feel me deep inside you."

Her hand slipped between her thighs, rubbing her clit with increasing speed, looking for release. He lifted her slightly, reaching a different angle, hitting the spot that abruptly made her come. She muscled clenched around him so tightly he could barely move. He gritted his teeth and slammed in harder, deeper, dragging her orgasm out longer. He exploded so hard he saw stars behind his closed lids, continuing thrusting, making his own orgasm last. He collapsed on top of her, rolling them over so that they were spooning.

They were both breathing heavily, trying to catch their breath. Bella began to laugh. "God help the kitchen!"

He laughed breathlessly, "and the playroom, and the deck, and the dining room..."

"Oh, really, babe? Do you have the stamina for that?"

Edward didn't answer, just rolled her onto her back and settled between her legs.

* * *

Edward's heart purred contentedly watching Bella walk out to the deck in front of him. He burst out laughing when she pretended to limp a little, grinning at him over her shoulder. That made him think of earlier, her face flooded with desire looking at him while he took her from behind. He paused to adjust himself and followed her out.

"Hey, guys." Bella flopped down in a chair, propping her feet on the table.

"Now that's what I call a freshly fucked look," Alice looked from Bella to Edward and laughed. "Or were you just 'talking'?"

"We did some talking, I think," answered Bella, completely unruffled. "I'm not sure if moans are classified as actual speech. "Harder, please" definitely does though."

Jasper howled with laughter while Alice pretended to cover her ears, "TMI, Belly, TMI."

"Serves you right, you nosy PFG. I'm happy to give you a blow by blow, hang on, make that stroke by stroke account if you like?" Bella raised an eyebrow at Alice, who shook her head frantically. "At last, everyone! I, Bella the Magnificent, have found a foolproof way of shutting Alice up."

Edward couldn't decide if he wanted to piss himself laughing or hide. Since Bella was brazening it out, he settled on looking smug.

"I'm going to the kitchen. Can I get anybody anything?" Alice stood up, not proof against the joke.

"Yeah, coffee, please Ali, and don't you dare spit in my cup." Bella grinned at her.

"What she said," said Edward.

"What he said," Jasper grinned.

"Jasper, I'm going with Bella to her therapist this afternoon. Anything I should know before we get there?"

"Wow, Bells, you really are letting him in," Jasper looked across at Bella. Bella just smiled. "No, Edward, nothing special. Carmen will want to handle Bella's therapy in her own way, so just go with the flow."

"What's Carmen's surname?" asked Edward. "Is she a doctor?"

"Carmen Benjamin. She's a psychiatrist, so yes, she's a doctor. Bells, I've given her your case history so that you won't be starting from zero. I'm sure you'll like her – I do – but if you don't feel a bond, you don't have to continue with her."

Bella just nodded, her head back. "Can you believe it's winter? I could really get used to this climate."

"Either the climate or the climax is working for you, Bells. You are very relaxed, considering you're meeting your therapist in a bit and going into rehab." Jasper's eyebrows disappeared under his hair.

She gave him the finger. "Bit of both. And the fact that the love of my existence is not two yards from me."

Edward beamed. "Love you too, beautiful. I'll prove it too – what can I get you for breakfast?"

"Now that is true love for you, Jazz." Bella opened her eyes to look up at Edward. "Whatever you have, babe."

"I must warn you – when I'm in LA, I'm usually filming so it's all about diets, power shakes and no red meat. I have to work hard to maintain this panty dropping physique, you know."

"Babe, just so you know – others are allowed to refer to you or parts thereof as panty dropping: you cannot, I repeat, cannot use the term when referring to yourself. That's just... weird." She thought for a moment, "And, so you know, I may well take umbrage to others using the term. The only knickers being dropped are to be mine."

"I'll have Alice release a statement to that effect, love." Edward laughed, standing up to get breakfast. "I don't know what's in the cupboard, so I'll bring whatever's there."

This was a side of Bella that he'd seen only briefly and he adored it. Playful Bella – funny, sexy and _his_.

He met up with Alice on his way to the kitchen, carrying the coffee outside. "Have you and Jasper eaten? I'm about to get Bella and I some cereal, so if you want some..."

"Yeah, we're good, thanks. We need to sit down today and do some work, Client Mine."

"Okay. I'm not sure what time Bella's appointment is, so we'll work around that."

"It's at three, so we can get a few solid hours in before you go." Alice clearly was not going to let him off the hook. "Wait, what, you're going with her?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Why, he asks me. Because it means going out in public together, you numbskull."

"Oh. Shit. Can you take her, please Alice, and I'll drive myself there."

"I guess that could work," she conceded. "This is exactly why we need to do some work, Edward. I need to know what's going on."

"Sorry Alice. I guess I really do need to let you earn your salary." Edward sighed dramatically, "but right now, I need to feed my girlfriend." He grinned at her and went to get the cereal.

* * *

"Edward, that was divine. Why don't we have it in the UK? It was worth moving here just for this," Bella put her spoon down. "What is it?"

"Lucky Charms. It's a major food group here."

"Edward!" Alice's dulcet tones rang through the house.

"That's my duty call, love. Got to do some work." Edward jumped up when Alice shouted again. "Bloody hell, she's not very patient is she?" He bent down to kiss Bella before scurrying inside.

Edward tried to concentrate on the year planner in front of him. Alice had pinned it to the board in the office and was busy filling in what looked like an awful lot of stuff to him. "Alice, do you remember me telling you that I want to leave the industry? This looks like you've got me working for the next decade."

"You haven't made the decision yet, Edward. Like I said, until you tell me you're not acting anymore, I will continue to market you." Alice carried on writing. "Besides, this is just an overview. Once the next twelve months are sketched in, we'll begin on actual engagements, filming, that sort of thing."

"Alice." She turned to him at his tone. "Do you think it will be possible to have both? I mean, can I have Bella and acting in my life? Because if I can't, I choose Bella."

Her expression softened. "I honestly don't know, sweetie. I've been giving it a lot of thought, and still don't have any answer. You know, there are actors in Hollywood who are acknowledged alcoholics. Some have stayed dry, some not.

"Despite what you say, I don't believe that LA is more alcohol saturated than any other place. Also, remember that Bella _was_ dry until Tyler tricked her into drinking. She'd panicked at dinner with you, but held strong. I imagine all the great sex distracted her somewhat, but that in itself is telling.

"Bella's strong, Edward. She also has something she's never had before: you. She loves you and I think that may be a deciding factor." Alice smiled slightly. "She's got Jasper and I too, and now you have me. If anybody can make it all work out, it's our team."

Edward looked at her for a moment, in awe of the woman in front of him. "You're amazing, Alice."

"I know. Now let's start on filling the diary."

Alice had not been able to salvage the screening that Edward had missed while in England. That in itself had caused turmoil, requiring damage control. The studio had already put money behind the project; commitments from backers had been secured on the strength of the Edward's fame. By breaking the agreement, he made himself very unpopular with the studio and the director. Reputations could be crushed in the industry by letting down directors like Edward had done.

He and Alice discussed the best way of recovering, although there weren't many options available. One option was to play the sympathy card, citing a family crisis. It was very close to the truth, but they decided not to go that route and risk exposure for Bella. It was relatively well known that Edward's only living family was Rose, and it could impact her career.

It didn't leave many options other than a personal crisis card. It was a dangerous option, because the tabloids would have a field day speculating on the nature of the crisis. Burn out would be interpreted as rehab, exhaustion would be interpreted as drug use, unhappiness would be built into depression and suicide.

The third option was to speak to the director one-on-one. It was unlikely that he would leak information – it was an unwritten industry rule that you don't squeal on your colleagues.

They brainstormed some ideas, giving Alice enough material to work up a press release and Edward planned how the conversation with the director should go.

"Edward..." Alice was uncharacteristically hesitant. "What about if we invite the director here, so he can meet Bella? The risk of exposure for her is minimal, and everyone loves Bella when they meet her."

"NO!" Edward shot to his feet, furious. "I will not use Bella to save, salvage or further my career, Alice. I will not pimp her!" He walked out the room, slamming the door behind him.

"Are you guys finally finished... Babe, what's wrong?" Bella stood up.

Edward could feel his heart thudding painfully in his chest. He was so damn angry, he wanted to punch something. He looked down at Bella, his anger easing at her concern. "It's nothing. Alice and I had a... creative difference... of opinion."

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

"Edward, run the idea passed her. Let her tell you what she thinks." Alice's voice was quiet, subdued.

"Forget it, Alice, I will not do that to Bella!" He wrapped his arms protectively around her.

"Wait a minute, Edward, what's the idea? I'd like to hear it, please?" Bella snuggled against his chest and he felt the panic ease. When she was in his arms, he could protect her from everything.

"If you don't tell her, I will," said Alice.

"Alice, I don't suggest you do that, because I _will_ fire your arse."

"Whoa, what the fuck is going on here?" Bella pushed him away to look at his face.

Edward was silent.

"Edward, just tell me, for fuck's sake. If you don't, I'll ask Alice, and then if you fire her, I'll be seriously pissed with you."

Edward sighed. How the hell could he explain to her how strong his need to protect her was? The thought of putting her in harm's way for something as trivial as winning points with a director made him nauseous.

"We've been brainstorming some options on handling the fall out of me being dropped from the film when I missed the screening. Alice thinks it's a good idea to have the director over here to explain what happened, and to meet you, because, quote, everyone loves Bella when they meet her unquote. I got... a little angry. I will not use you to salvage my reputation." He looked down at her to see she was watching him carefully.

"I think it's a great idea," said Bella.

"What? Are you out of your mind? No, no way." Edward's heart contracted painfully at the thought of hurting her and he gathered her up in his arms again.

"Edward. Love, let me go." He reluctantly loosened his arms, but couldn't bring himself to let her go completely. He settled for tucking her into his side.

"It's not a bad idea. It's because of me that you stayed in London, and I'd like the opportunity to give back some of the love and support you gave me. I certainly don't think you're using me for your career. That's just daft." She twisted, trying to see Alice around his body, but he held her too tightly.

"How big is the risk of exposure? It can't be bad, or Alice would never have suggested it. Besides, I'd like to meet one of your colleagues. I'm going to be living under a rock for several months, so it would be really nice to actually do some entertaining with you."

Edward studied her face, looking for... what? All he could see was love, and maybe a little excitement.

"Are you serious?" He finally let her go, but quickly took her face in his hands. "Why, Bella? You don't owe me anything; there's no debt to pay. Alice is right that the risk is minimal, but I will not use you to smooth a relationship with a director."

"Oh, stop being so dramatic, Edward. It's an excuse for a dinner party – there's a reason for you. Stop over thinking it. Please can we have him over?"

Edward looked from Alice to Bella and back. Alice had an enormous grin on her face, no doubt already planning a 10 course meal. He looked down at Bella, who also had a huge smile. He sighed; he didn't stand a chance against a vagina club. "Fine."

"Thank you, dear."

Edward pretended to frown at her. "You know that I don't like this, right?"

"Yes," Bella shot straight back.

"Oh. Okay then." Edward smiled sheepishly at her. "Sorry. I guess I've just gone all caveman again, haven't I?"

"Yeah, but it's really sexy." She grinned at him, pretending to leer.

"Alice? I'm sorry for being a boorish pig."

"That's okay, Client Mine. We in the industry expect our World Famous Panty Dropping Actors to have temper tantrums."

Bella cleared her throat loudly.

"Yeah, about that, Alice. I have strict instructions from Bella that you have to put out a press release restricting the use of term 'Panty Dropping'. It needs to include reference to Bella's knickers being the only ones allowed to drop."

Alice burst out laughing. "Good luck with that, Bells. You're dating a man who is probably the hottest Y chromosome on the planet. You're going to have to deal with lots and lots of panties."

_Bugger me_, _this vagina club is unbelievable. I think I'm blushing._

"Just so I'm clear here. I began with a flat refusal and ended up with a definite yes, an admission of caveman-ism and a blush. Whatever you women use, you should register it with NATO. It's a dangerous weapon." He picked up Bella and swung her round before kissing her soundly. "I love you, monster."

"If you really love me, please let me organise the dinner, not Alice," she whispered in his ear, "Unless you want a 10 course dinner with a butler."

Edward looked at her, horrified. Just how big did she think his balls were, for God's sake? Alice was going to have them hanging from her car's rear view mirror. He began to laugh, knowing exactly how to pay her back.

"Alice, the lady of the house has specifically indicated that she will be in charge of the dinner in question..." he was interrupted by a wail from Alice.

"You, my love, are going to regret saying that later tonight," said Bella punching his arm.

He put his head in his hands, knowing he'd lost.

* * *

Edward sat in Dr Benjamin's waiting room... waiting. For Bella. God knows what Alice was doing with her, but surely it shouldn't take them so long to get here? He ran his hand through his hair and pulled out his mobile to call when Bella walked in the room.

"Where the hell have you been? I was starting to worry." Edward pulled her into his arms, feeling himself relax when he put his arms around her.

"For fuck's sake, Edward, get over yourself! So we took a while getting here. I wasn't abducted by aliens, I didn't stop for a drink and I didn't pick up a quick screw. What the hell did you think I was doing, for God's sake?"

He took a step back at the anger in her voice. "Hey, don't go off at me! I was worried. I'm allowed to worry about my girlfriend, aren't I?"

"Yeah, but don't go all stalkerish, for fuck's sake. I may have a drinking problem, but I'm not five and you are not the Nanny!"

Edward glared at her, pissed as hell that she was pissed with _him_, when he was just concerned.

"That's uncalled for." Edward's voice was getting louder.

"Don't fucking shout at me!" Edward was shocked by the rage crossing her face, her eyes narrowed, lips pursed.

They were interrupted by an amused voice saying, "And you must be Bella Swan."

Edward and Bella's heads swivelled together to glare at the voice. A tall, curvy woman laughed out loud. "When you kids have stopped throwing your toys at each other, I'd love to meet you." She stepped forward, putting out her hand. "I'm Carmen."

Bella took her hand and tried to smile. "Hi, Carmen. Yes, I'm Bella and this... Neanderthal is..." she was interrupted by Carmen.

"Yes, I and forty million women know who he is. What I want to know is why he's throwing a tantrum in my office." The smile in her voice took the sting out of her voice.

"He's an overprotective..."

"She's a stubborn..."

"Na-uh," Carmen interrupted again. "I know why he's here. I wasn't asking for answers, I was aiming at getting both of you to shut up."

Edward was too pissed off at this point to find anything amusing. Getting told off like he was five – twice, was beyond annoying.

"Come into my office, people. Really, you are both ridiculous." With that, she turned on her heel and disappeared through a door.

Edward watched Bella follow, wondering if he should go too. Bella looked back at him and stopped.

"Do you still want me to be here?" He was seething and her pissed off expression wasn't helping.

"For God's sake, Edward. Of course I want you here. Get your arse here, now." She held out her hand, and he was tempted to pretend he didn't see it. _Oh for fuck's sake. Now I _am_ behaving like a five year old._

They walked into Carmen's office together and sat on a big squashy sofa. The office was nothing like Edward imagined a psychiatrist's office would look. It was... homely. A threadbare Persian covered the floor and pictures hung at odd intervals on hunter green walls, some framed kid's scribbles, some certificates. A small desk stood against the far wall in front of a window with a beautiful orchid on the sill. A bookshelf lined one wall, packed none too neatly. The room was dominated by the sofa they were sitting on and the reading chair Carmen was sitting in.

"Satisfied?" Edward looked at Carmen properly for the first time. Her features were vaguely Spanish, with liquid, almost black eyes surrounded by laugh lines. Her dead straight shoulder length hair was black too, with a beautiful blue tone when it caught the sun. A dimple nestled in each cheek, deepening when she smiled.

"It's nice. I like it." Edward smiled at her. She pretended to swoon.

"Oh, that smile. How do you bear it, dear girl?" She grinned and then looked straight at Edward.

"Here's the thing: you're not my patient, she is," she pointed at Bella, "so I don't have to be nice to you. I don't want to know what all that BS outside was, but understand me very clearly, Edward. Behaving like a caveman is not helpful. Please try to understand that that kind of behaviour disempowers Bella. If I describe it as emasculation, will you get what I'm trying to say?

"Your job, homework if you like, is to find a way to love and support her without controlling her. I can tell, even from that preschool display that you two put on out there, that there's love. Just don't confused and make it protection. Protection is what you need when you walk down a red carpet. Support is what you get when you go home at night."

Edward's jaw dropped. This feisty woman had in one conversation, outlined his dilemma. He wasn't hearing something he didn't know. He was painfully aware that his desire to protect Bella was excessive. He'd seen Bella in action and knew she was a strong woman. Except for the drinking.

"Carmen, that's kind of the point. I _know_ she's strong, I _know_ she doesn't need protection. Except when she's drinking. When she's drinking, she's on the red carpet and needs protection. While she's drying out, surely she needs some kind of protection?" Edward felt his throat close at finally articulating his terror.

"Edward, you've answered your own question. She's not on the red carpet anymore." Carmen grinned again. "Right, that's you sorted." She turned to Bella.

"As for you, Bella." Bella was grinning at the telling off that Edward was getting. "What a great idea – having a shit fit at your strongest support structure." Bella had the grace to look ashamed. "Great way to make yourself safe. You're drying out. It doesn't give you a pink slip to behave like a prima donna. You know how this works, Bella - trust your support structures." She laughed. "I think you might find him a bit more manageable."

Edward leaned back, trying to get his head around the situation. His head was spinning, his equilibrium completely off kilter by her no-nonsense approach and insightfulness. _Just like that, _he mentally snapped his fingers_, she highlights, underlines and bolds the issue that has been eating at my heart for weeks. Bella's in good hands._

He focussed back on the conversation, listening to the way she and Bella were interacting. Her approach was completely different to Jasper's. She interacted verbally more, listening with compassion, quick to call Bella on any BS. Edward smiled to himself to see the slightly shell shocked look on Bella's face.

At last, Carmen held up a hand. "We're done for now, Bella. Just to let you know, I'm okay with you having this week off. Can't say I blame you, having seen him in the flesh. Next week, you go into rehab on an outpatient basis, unless you hit a pothole, and with my assessment from today's session, I doubt you'll need to be there for six weeks." She smiled at Bella, then laughed out loud when she saw Edward's expression.

"My daughter is going to be so jealous when I tell her I met you." Her face fell. "Oh, shit, I can't – you're a client."

"Um, Carmen? You rather bluntly pointed out to me that I'm not your client."

"Oh, I did, didn't I? Super!"

**I made a mistake way back in chapter 3. Jasper's a psychologist, so he wouldn't be Dr Whitlock. I suppose I could have laboured the point that he'd done his doctorate, but it seems like a stretch, so I hereby acknowledge the error!**


	19. Chapter 18 Making Amends

Chapter 18 Making amends

Bella woke up wondering why she was cold. It took a bit of time to filter into her sleep fogged mind that Edward was not in the bed. She looked at the bedside clock – half eleven. She climbed out of bed, knowing exactly where he would be: in the music room, probably on the floor surrounded by books. It was fascinating watching Edward create a character; it was like watching two men get introduced.

He had tried to explain a process that he didn't fully understand himself, and, not surprisingly, it had come out a bit garbled.

"Love, try to imagine yourself speaking these words," he vaguely waved at the script. "When I step into his words, his mind becomes clearer. I can feel his dialogue, feel what he wants to say. As the 'relationship' grows, he reciprocates – I feel him doing the same to me, reading my thoughts, my life."

"What does he think of me?" She smiled. "Sorry, that was juvenile, but what you're describing is unnerving. You've got two people walking around inside you."

"That's where the acting skills come in." His face was thoughtful. "I'm trained to drop in and out of character as needed. But you're right – the initial 'introductions' are intense and do sometimes get blurry."

"Is this the script that Alice found for you? The one about the alcoholic?"

"Yeah. It's a fabulous script and I intend to fight like hell to get the part."

"Would you like to invite that director over too? Maybe I can work the legendary 'Swan' charm on him too."

Edward frowned at her and she felt a bit guilty, knowing he found nothing remotely funny about her comment. "Don't go there, love. You know I'm not thrilled about dinner with Josh."

"Well, I guess that's tough shit then, cos I'm already sorted." She batted her eyelashes at him, trying to lighten his mood. "Come on, babe, relax. It was a stupid thing to say, I was kidding. Have you called him yet?"

"No, I'll do it in the morning."

"Come to bed. It's half eleven." She held out her hand. They walked upstairs together, Bella watching his face. His expression was remote, as if he was listening to a quiet voice. _He probably is_, she mused and shivered. It really was a bit creepy. Presumably this was an occupational hazard of dating an actor.

She was already asleep when Edward climbed into bed after a shower, unaware that he lay awake with his arms behind his head for several hours.

-j-

Bella woke before Edward. She watched him sleep for moment, looking at his face. The vulnerability of his mouth was offset by a strong jaw. The long eyelashes resting on his cheeks hid eyes that were surprisingly gentle below heavy brows. It was a face of contrasts, she mused, indicative of the man himself.

No wonder he was such a good actor when he had so many contrasting aspects to him – vulnerable, tender, gentle, protective (she snorted at that), aggressive. All these characteristics added up to a whole greater than the sum of its parts. She leaned over and gently kissed his forehead, light enough to not wake him, but hard enough to enter his dreams. She smiled too when the corner of his mouth curled up.

She wandered into the kitchen, started the percolator and got herself a bowl of Lucky Charms. _It's official: I have a new addiction_. She winced slightly at the word, then shrugged. _Lucky Charms do it for me._ She ate her breakfast while the coffee brewed then poured herself a cup and went outside.

_Edward's right._ Her thoughts were idle. _It is soothing out here._ Her mind wandered to Carmen, making her smile. She'd shocked the shit out of Bella, but she already adored her.

Her thoughts drifted to Jasper's comment about how relaxed she was; as usual, he was one hundred percent right. Her head was surprisingly clear considering that she'd only been dry for two weeks. She winced as the demon roared at being acknowledged. She compared her current headspace with the previous drying out ordeal, wondering at the difference. Fear. The major difference was fear. She _was_ afraid at the moment, but it wasn't debilitating. _What's different about the fear?_ The answer wasn't difficult to answer. She was better equipped this time round. She knew what to expect and she had 379 days of sobriety under her belt. That was no mean achievement.

And Edward. Her heart leaped at the thought of him. Loving him as much as she did forced some of her focus from herself to him. She frowned a little at that. Was that a good thing? She'd repeatedly told him that all her focus must be on herself. She turned the idea over in her mind, wishing Jasper was with her to toss the idea around. _No_. Her thoughts became emphatic. _It's not a bad thing_. He's not a distraction from the demon. She absentmindedly showed it the finger when it roared. He created another facet to her life, a facet of strength and beauty, something worth fighting for.

She found herself impatient to get on the programme, to work on getting well so that she could have her happily ever after. She gasped a bit at that, but wasn't really shocked. Edward and her had always been about forever, right from the start.

"Hey, beautiful."

She looked up and smiled, sure her face was glowing with the joy of her realisations. It must have, because Edward caught his breath.

"Isabella, do you know that you are literally breathtaking?"

She smiled again and put her arms up for a hug. Truly, just holding him was therapy.

"Thank you love. I took your advice about sitting on the deck in the morning. You were right – I had a number of epiphanies, the main one being that I love you, and _will_ love you forever.

"The second one is that us," she gestured between them," will not get in the way of recovery. It's a help, helps me and gives me even more reason to survive."

"Wait here." He shot up and dashed inside, Bella looking at his back in confusion.

He must have run the whole way, because he was panting slightly when he sat next to her.

"This is for you. I've been waiting for the right time and well... now is the right time." He placed a narrow box on her lap.

Bella opened it, tears forming in her eyes when she saw the charm bracelet with its single charm. "Edward, it's exquisite. Thank you so much." She handed it to him. "Put it on me."

"Love, there's a story that goes with it. My dad gave my mum one when they got married, and for each event in their lives, he would add a charm. They were married for thirty five years, so it was pretty full when she passed away. Rose has it now. I wanted to do the same for you, to give you something that reflects the passage of our lives together." He clipped it on her arm.

Bella's heart swelled, tears spilling down her cheeks. She didn't think it was possible to love someone more than she loved him right now. She got up to sit on his lap, snuggling into him. They gently kissed, a kiss full of love and hope, a seal on their commitment.

She looked at the charm of St Edward's crown, admiring the detail. "Thank you, Edward," she said again. "It's beautiful. I love it, I love you."

They cuddled on the chair, feeling their bond strengthen and settle into their bodies.

"What do you think the next charm will commemorate?"

"That's easy," said Edward. "When you say I Do and move in here. And after that, when you marry me and say I Do. And the one after that will be when you give birth to our first child. That takes care of the next four..."

"Are you nuts?" Bell interrupted. "If you want that many, you can have some of them. This here," she waved down at her girly parts, "it's an erogenous zone, not a baby production line."

She laughed a little, making Edward's eyebrow go up. "I had a discussion with Jasper, not two months ago, where I declared emphatically that I would never have children, and here I am, telling you where to stick some of the 5 we're having." She paused, becoming serious. "I'm still not one hundred percent sure about it, Edward. I clearly don't have good genes to pass on to your kids. Let's approach it with caution, okay?"

"I did kind of dump that on you, didn't I? One day at a time then." He stood up. "Do you want some more coffee?"

"Yeah, please, that would be great." She lifted her arm, watching the sunlight catch the diamonds on the crown. _It would be nice to pass it on to my daughter._ There was that thought again. She shrugged and mentally shelved it for another day.

Edward came out with a cup of coffee in one hand and his mobile in the other, pressed to his ear. He passed her the cup and mouthed, "Josh" to her. She nodded.

"Josh, hi. It's Edward." He listened to Josh's reply, wincing slightly.

"That answers my first question – you have seen the press release. Listen, you know the industry – the press release was fluff. I owe you the truth and a personal apology." He listened again, nodding. "I don't know if you'll accept the apology, but Josh, I'd appreciate the chance to at least tell you what was going on. You deserve to know the truth."

Bella watched him pace, running his hand through his hair until it was standing on end.

"Thanks, man, that's great. Can you make dinner tomorrow night? It's not formal. It'll be Alice, my new agent and her husband Jasper, my girlfriend and I, and you." Edward frowned slightly. "Uh... yes, actually. You're right, it directly involves her."

Another pause that brought a smile back to his face. "Yeah, I can give Rose and Emmett a call. I'm not sure if they're in town though."

Another pause. "No, don't bring anything at all. We'll see you tomorrow, half seven. Cheers." Edward exhaled loudly.

"Oh, God, what if he brings a bottle of wine with him? Most people do." He looked panicked.

"Then you lock it in the pantry and give it back to him when he leaves. The whole point of the evening is for him to realise that only something truly serious would make you break a commitment. As bizarre as it sounds, I'm proud to be your 'truly serious'. Bella reached up to kiss him. "It'll be fine, babe. What's the worst that can happen? He thinks I'm a drunk, which I am, and that you're a nutter, which I'm fairly sure of."

"I love this Bella." Edward leaned over the chair to nuzzle her neck.

"This Bella would love you more if you had another cup of coffee in your hand for her." She swatted his bum.

"Ah, I get it. You want me to be your personal man servant, fetching, carrying and general all purpose bitch." Edward straightened a mock pout on his face.

"Yep, that's about it. Well done, Edward, you're hired." Bella blew him a kiss as he walked away.

That raised a good question. She wondered what the hell she was supposed to do with herself. She had worked her entire adult life, weekends too more often than not, and here she sat like Little Lady Fauntleroy.

She decided she'd wait to see what Edward had planned, and if it was nothing, she'd ask Alice if she needed help. On the other hand, sitting in front of the TV with popcorn and a movie sounded good too... She giggled. _I've become a Rich, Famous and Obnoxious Wannabee._

"And that giggle?" Edward's voice interrupted her train of thought to hand her her coffee.

"I was thinking that maybe I'd have a bash at being a Rich, Famous and Obnoxious Wannabee."

"Have you given any thought to what you want to do when rehab's over?" Edward sat down next to her. "You know, love, I have more money than I know what to do with, so you don't have to work if you don't want to."

"Uh uh. Thank you, but no thank you. I have to do something with my brain and body."

"Well, I can keep your body very busy, if it's some form of occupation you're requiring? "He leered at her.

"Nice. You've just told me to become a whore."

"I'm sure it's only whoring if it's with more than one person." His expression was innocent.

"Tell you what. Come with me and I'll give you a freebie. You know, a test drive before purchase." She laughed at the glee in his face and took off into the house with Edward chasing behind her.

"Oh, God, not again," wailed Alice as they raced passed her.

They closed the door, grinning at each other. The playful atmosphere abruptly becoming heavy with tension and need.

Edward was stripped by the time they reached the bed, already so hard his dick brushed against his stomach. Bella pushed him lightly on the chest making him sit on the end on the bed, feeling him watch her take off her clothing. She took her time, revelling in the tension tightening between them, pooling between her thighs. She kneeled between his knees and running her fingertips over his tip, dragging her fingernails lightly down his length. She leaned forward to take the head of his dick into her mouth, sucking hard, her lips moving up and down over the edge, circling back to swirl her tongue over the tip.

"Fuck, Bella, you're killing me." Edward was already breathing in short hard gasps, bucking his hips to get in deeper. He groaned as she slid down, taking as much of him into her mouth as she could, still sucking and licking. She felt him grow hard and stepped up the pace, licking and sucking harder.

He gently pushed her away, picking her up and putting her on the bed where he had been, falling to his knees between her legs. He slid her forward slightly, at the perfect height for her to slide on to his dick. With her bottom just on the bed, she could rock her hips as he thrust into her while on his knees.

She'd never felt that angle before and she felt the bands of her orgasm building, tightening around her clit. She was vaguely aware of someone talking, begging and looked up at Edward. He was watching the connection, watching him slide into her. She slid a finger over her clit, pinching slightly. Edward's groan of pleasure at watching her touch herself snapped the bands of her orgasm and she came hard around him. His eyes rolled slightly as her clenching muscles milked him, forcing his orgasm.

They leaned against each other supporting each other while they caught their breath. The mood was ruined a bit when Edward started laughing, "I've just remembered why this position isn't a good idea – I've got carpet burns on my knees."

They fell back on the bed together howling with laughter.

-j-

Alice had stayed mad at Bella, annoyed beyond endurance that she planned to feed the 'leading director in this town' something as prosaic as roast chicken.

"Ali, we're not wining and dining him – we're having him over to – and don't you dare tell Edward I said this – suck up. If you don't want to help, then go bug someone else." She had shooed her out the kitchen, only to have her wander in a few minutes later.

"I've been shooed by everyone," she said forlornly.

"Surely you have work to do? What about the script you gave Edward? He told me he intends to fight to get the part. Go work your hypnosis or spells or torture or whatever it is you do to get your own way."

"Good idea, thanks Belly," a visibly brighter Alice left and Bella groaned with relief.

"Was that groan related in any way to Alice?" Edward's hands slid around her waist. "Why'd you send her to me, woman? Oh, and you're in deep trouble, my darling."

"Yes; sorry; and, oh, no, why?" asked Bella in order.

"I heard your 'don't you dare tell Edward I said this' comment."

"Shit." She looked up at him, studying his face to get an indication of what he was thinking. He was frowning, but he didn't seem angry. "Sorry?"

"If you don't give a shit about him coming over, drunks and nutters included, then why should I?" Edward smiled _that_ smile. "So, what can I do to help?"

"Did you get hold of Rose and Emmett?"

"Oh, didn't I tell you? Yeah, they'll be here."

"Edward!" she wailed.

Edward went white. "What, what's wrong?"

"I need another chicken, damn you. Emmett will eat one on his own." She was seriously pissed off and frantically thinking of an alternative for dinner.

"I'll get you another one, love. Sorry, um, shit... this is me on my way out the door." He picked up his keys and bolted out the house.

She breathed a sigh of relief, feeling a bit bad – it wasn't _that_ urgent.

Edward was back in record time, and judging by his expression, he'd run into a few fans. Bella's heart fell. Shit. _Bloody selfish bitch._

She walked around the counter and put her arms around him, "Babe, I'm so sorry. It was really selfish of me. I could have gone..." She stopped. She wouldn't have been able to go anyway. "Oh, hell. What a fucked up situation. I made you go out, you get mobbed by fans..." she was almost in tears.

"What? What fans?" His expression cleared. "No, you daft woman. I didn't run into any fans. I was in and out the store so fast that the card barely had time to register. I'm pissed off because I think I got chicken goo on my car seat."

Bella doubled over with laughter, tears pouring. When she could finally speak, she said, "And there I was going all angst-y, and it turns out to be chicken goo. You know, Edward, you and I have the weirdest life on the planet."

He chuckled, laughing more at her than the situation and plonked the chicken in her hands. "It's all yours, sweetheart."

He pulled up a stool while she cleaned the chickens and prepared them for the oven. "Do you know if Josh has any dietary needs?"

"None that I know of," said Edward blithely.

"Great." Bella rolled her eyes. "Guess I'd just better play it safe then."

"I'm quite a good cook, you know," commented Edward.

"Good, you can peel potatoes, please."

Edward humphed: "Tell you what: you make the stuffing and I'll make the Yorkshire pudding batter. I wonder if Josh has ever had a Yorkshire pud?"

The conversation flowed gently back and forth while they prepared the meal together.

"It's times like this that I miss a drink. Not the raging burn for a drink, but the camaraderie. It's normal to have a glass of wine while you're cooking, you know?" Bella was quiet. She was aware that Edward was concerned. She was also aware that he was holding back, consciously not reacting. She leaned over to kiss him.

"What was that for?" Edward looked surprised.

"It was for what you're _not_ doing, i.e. going into a tailspin. Please know that your effort is noted and appreciated."

"It's early days, yet, and I'm fairly sure I'll have more caveman moments, being a Neanderthal and all," he tweaked her nose, "but it's easy at the moment, Bella. You're calm, clearly strong," he paused. "I know it won't be like this all the time, so I'm enjoying it while it's here. Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Because, love of my life, you are a gift from the Gods and you know what they say: never look a gift god in the mouth."

He burst out laughing, as she had intended, restoring the calm.

"What's for dessert?" Edward looked over expectantly.

"Oh shit." Bella went bright red. "Shit. Fuck. Bugger. Damn. I forgot dessert."

Edward was already half way out the door. "Ice cream and chocolate sauce okay?"

"Thanks, babe," she shouted after him.

Mentally kicking herself and swearing on every holy relic she could think of that Alice would never find out, she went upstairs to shower.

She stood under the water, thinking about the evening, wondering if they should have prepared some sort of game plan. She was getting nervous, although she'd rather lose a limb than admit it to Edward. She knew that he'd fight to cancel it if he thought it would harm her.

"You look like you need company." Edward's arms slid round her, pulling them both under the water. She turned in his arms to rest her head on his chest.

"I'm getting nervous," the words blurted out before she could stop them.

"I figured you would be. You've made jokes about it, but it's still a big deal." He kissed the top of her head.

"You're not going to fight with me to cancel?" Bella's mouth hung open.

"No. You created the situation, so you need to find your way out of it. If it gets 'choppy', Jasper's there. And me."

His calm words tripped a maelstrom and she threw her arms around his neck, pulling his head down to her lips. Her tongue surged into his mouth, wrestling for dominance with his. Edward pushed her against the shower wall, his tongue and mouth running down her neck, nipping and biting, hard enough to leave marks, making his way back up to her mouth. He took her bottom lip in his teeth, sucking and nibbling while his hands cupped her breasts, thumbs rubbing on her nipples. They instantly pebbled, making him add more pressure.

Bella's hands slid down to his dick, massaging and tugging gently on him. He gasped into her mouth, his hands dropping to her arse to lift her up. She guided him to her opening and he slammed her against the wall, her legs wrapping around his waist. He surged into her again and again, savage thrusts that made Bella scream with pleasure.

"I can't last much longer, sweetheart." The rhythm they'd set was intense, pushing them hard to climax. She nodded and felt him come deep inside her. Her insides rippled and she clenched her legs around him as she came.

"I love you." He murmured in her ear. "We should get going."

"I love you too." She clung to him with arms and legs, reluctant to let him go.

"Come on, spider monkey." For all the teasing words, he carried her gently from the shower to the bedroom and draped a towel over her.

He was dressed in seconds – jeans and a collared shirt and sat on the bed watching Bella, in only a bra and knickers, look for something to wear.

"Babe, will jeans and a blouse be okay?" she glanced at him when he didn't respond. "Hey, you. You're drooling."

"Am I?" He wiped his lip. "Was not!"

"Serves you right for sitting there eyefucking me instead of actually fucking me." She grinned at him. "We'll save some for later."

"It's a date. I'm going downstairs to make the chocolate sauce." He stood up. "Jeans and a blouse will be fine, beautiful."

Ten minutes later, Bella was downstairs, dressed in black jeans and a deep blue jersey knit rolled neck shirt.

"You look nice," commented Edward, looking up.

"Yeah, well the blouse I'd originally intended to wear didn't hide these," she pulled the neck down to display a line of small bite marks along her collarbone and a big hickey in the crook of her neck.

"Mine!" Edward leered at her.

"Neanderthal." She responded.

"Don't recall you complaining at the time." He grinned. "In fact, I remember you screaming lots of things, but, 'stop Edward' was definitely not one of them."

She showed him the finger. "Right, Gordon Ramsay, or are you Jamie Oliver? Show me this chocolate sauce and all will be forgiven." She tasted some directly from the saucepan, her eyes going wide. "Fuck me, that's good. What's in it?"

"Two bars of chocolate, a tin of condensed milk and a tub of cream." He started laughing, his voice mock serious, "Bella, move away from the sauce."

She looked up guiltily, another spoon on its way to her mouth. "One more? Please?"

He took the spoon away from her. Bella considered mutinying, but Edward scuppered that option by picking her up bodily and carrying her out the kitchen. "No, dear, we need to set the table."

Bella stepped out on to the deck and gasped. Little tea light lanterns lined the edge of the deck and hung from the eaves. The table was already set with an ornate brass candelabra in the centre.

"When did you do this, Edward? It's beautiful!"

"Hmff..." Bella turned to find Alice pouting at her. "Surely you recognise my work?"

"Sorry, Ali." She hugged her tightly. "It looks lovely, well done."

"Oh, you know, we all help where we can." waving a nonchalant hand. She held the pout for second, then gave Bella a hug. "Glad you like it, Belly. Let's hope Josh likes it too."

Edward had already lit a space heater next to the patio table, keeping it warm. It was a beautiful evening, perfect for eating outdoors.

The gate buzzer sounded, and Bella froze. _Ohshitohshitohshitohshit._

Edward kissed the top of her head and walked inside to answer it. Minutes later, Bella heard Emmett's voice booming through the house.

"No, man, I'm not interested in man hugging you, where's Belly Button?"

Bella laughed and walked towards the house. Emmett bound through the door and swept her up in a hug, lifting her clean off her feet. He carefully put her down before putting his hands on her shoulders, turning her from side to side. "You'll do, I suppose." He laughed and picked her up again. "You look great, Bella, really, really good."

"Thank you, Em. It's good to see you again. Is Rose here?"

"Yeah, she's inside. We've got some news." He grabbed her hand and dragged her with him into the kitchen.

"Bella! You're looking great! How're you doing?" Rose hugged her tightly.

"I'm good. Loving the climate." She glared across at Edward when he snorted. "You're looking so well, Rose. How the hell do you LA babes manage this glow?" she waved her hand up and down Rose.

"Oh, for God's sake, Emmett, just say it." Emmett was jumping up and down with excitement. Bella had to laugh – he looked like a super-sized Alice.

"We've got news, guys. We're pregnant!" Emmett looked like he was about to burst, while Rose stood next to him, a huge smile on her face.

Edward and Bella looked at them in shock before breaking out in squeals, giggles and hugs.

"Congratulations, guys. This is so great. I must say, Em, I think you're beginning to show already." Edward's grin was wicked.

"You know, babe, maybe I should get one of those men's pregnant stomach things to..." he got no further because Edward, Rose and Bella were screaming with laughter.

"Dear, that's very sweet..." Rose dissolved into laughter again. "Oh God, I have to see that. I'll buy you one tomorrow." She sat down on a stool holding her side, tears streaming.

Edward pulled out his mobile. "I'll go one better – I'll order it now online. What the hell do you think they're actually called?"

"Emmy-teddy's? Or maybe Temmy's. Wait, I've got it: Preggie-Emmie's." She managed to choke out through the laughter. "Ah, babe, we're just kidding." Emmett was pouting, which sent them into fresh gales of laughter.

"Hey, guys," Jasper stood with Alice, looking at the hilarity flooding the kitchen.

Emmett's face lost the pout and beamed again. "We're pregnant!"

"Yay! That's super! Congrats, you two. How far are you, Rose? When are you due?" A steady stream of questions poured out of Alice as she dragged Rose off to the playroom, leaving the men and Bella in the kitchen.

"Sorry about that, Emmett. Alice is getting broody..." Jasper shrugged.

"What? Why don't I know this?" Bella's jaw dropped.

"It's a recent development, Bells, don't worry, you didn't miss anything." Jasper smiled wryly.

Bella was shell shocked, to say the least. She had somehow never imagined Alice with kids; Jasper, maybe, but Alice? She had a mental picture of Alice breastfeeding while wearing her Jimmy Choo's. It was like imagining a faithful Jude Law or a virgin Britney Spears – theoretically possible, but extremely unlikely.

The gate buzzer went again. Bella chickened out and joined the girls in the playroom. She heard Edward open the door and greet Josh, and then some muffled noises that sounded like Edward taking his coat.

Edward appeared at the door with a tall, skeletally thin man with black rimmed glasses perched on his nose and thick blond hair reaching his shoulders. It looked as if all the nutrition in his body was directed to his hair. Bella swallowed a laugh and stood up.

"Josh, this is my girlfriend, Bella Swan. Bella, meet Josh Collin." Bella held out her hand, shocked when he bent over it and kissed it, for all the world like a toff. She glanced at Edward nervously, who just shrugged.

"Good evening, Bella. It is wonderful to meet you." Bella nearly swallowed her tongue: his delivery was straight out of an Austen novel, but the tone was so camp it practically had squatter rights.

"And you, Josh. We're so glad you came for dinner tonight." She walked over to Edward and slid her arm around his waist. She looked up at Edward, knowing he'd see the laughter in her eyes. His mouth quirked and he dropped a quick kiss on her forehead, then turning to introduce Alice.

"Josh, this is my new agent, Alice. You've just met her husband, Jasper, in the kitchen. I dragged her, kicking and screaming, from London to come look after my sorry arse here in LA. Alice, this is Josh Collin."

"Yes, I've already talked to Josh on the phone several times, haven't I, Josh?" Alice smiled at him. "Josh?"

Josh shook his head then raised her hand to be kissed. "Forgive me, dear, I am just speechless. I imagined you to be a six foot Amazonian warrior with plaited armpits. And here I find you, tiny, little thing."

Alice blinked.

"Dear, that is what you sound like on the phone." His eyes twinkled at her.

Edward and Bella had to laugh, because really, that was a pretty good description of Alice when she was on a roll.

"Josh, stop messing with my girl." Rose stepped between them, her finger in Josh's face. "Pick on someone your own size, like me."

"Rose!" Bella could swear that he was louder than Alice. She glanced at Alice, who looked impressed.

"My favourite woman in the whole world. How is the most beautiful woman ever to grace this planet?" The over-the-top flattery, for all that it was funny, was sincere – he clearly adored Rose.

"I'm very well, Josh. It's so good to see you again. How is Quil?"

Josh's face dropped. "We've split up, Rose."

"No way, what the fuck happened? You guys have been together forever." She gently led him to the sofa, holding his hand on her lap.

Bella looked, bewildered, at Edward, who shrugged. "You're the one who said our lives are the weirdest on the planet, love. Come on, let's get the dinner finished so we can eat before this gets more bizarre."

Emmett and Jasper sat on the stools chatting while she and Edward got dinner ready to be served.

"Emmett, please go tell Rose that dinner is ready." Bella was too scared to enter the playroom, certain some drama would be unfolding.

"No, way, Belly Button, nice try though. I know what happens when Rose and Josh get together – there's so much oestrogen my balls shrivel."

"Jazz, please?" she pouted for good measure.

"Bells, I'm married to the woman who invented that face. I'm immunized."

"Edward?"

He glared at her and stalked off to call everyone.

"Pussy whipped," Emmett called after him.

Everyone seemed surprisingly calm, although Josh's eyes did look suspiciously pink. Bella breathed a sigh of relief – maybe things would settle down a bit.

"Josh, please help yourself," she handed him a plate. "We're going to eat outside since the weather is mild."

Josh snorted delicately. "Dear, you are British. To you, this is mild. To native LA'ers, this is bloody freezing."

Bella couldn't but laugh. _I reckon I could like Josh._

Everyone was eventually seated and eating. Aside from a deafening squeal from Josh when Rose told him she was pregnant, it was a relaxed, fun meal. The only real awkwardness was when Josh automatically looked for a wine glass. Edward quietly diffused the situation by saying they weren't serving alcohol with the meal. Josh seemed to take it in his stride and Bella breathed another sigh of relief.

"Edward, I would appreciate you explaining your actions to me." Josh came straight to the point, shocking everyone at the table. "Shall I connect the dots? For the first time in your career, at least, of which I am aware, you break an agreement. That in itself was extraordinary. You then release a statement citing personal issues, possibly the most dangerous course of action to take in this industry. You tell me that Bella is involved. You do not serve alcohol at table." He looked across at Bella. "Dear, is this your story to tell?"

Bella felt her throat close, shocked by his perception and bluntness. She looked down and reached for Edward's hand.

"Josh..." Edward began.

"No, Edward, he's right, it is my story to tell." She looked at Josh, surprised by the compassion in his eyes. "You have connected the dots correctly. I am an alcoholic." She took a deep breath. "Edward and I met in London and..." she smiled quickly at Edward, "fell in love, pretty much at first sight.

"A chain of awful things happened," she couldn't repress a shudder, grateful when Edward squeezed her hand. "To cut a long and very ugly story short, I lost 379 days of sobriety and if not for Edward, Jasper and Emmett, I would have lost my life too. Edward sacrificed his time to stay with me until I was strong enough to travel," she swallowed a sob, a tear sliding down her cheek.

"No one has ever done as much for me. That's why I wanted to meet you, you see, to explain how selfless..." her throat closed completely. She felt Edward's arm around her pulling her into his chest, heard him whisper over and over again, "You're safe, love, you're safe, I'm here", until he felt her relax a little. She wiped the tears from her face and looked straight at Josh.

"I'm sorry to be emotional, Josh. It really wasn't my intention. I guess I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry, sorry that I wrecked your project."

Josh looked at her for a long moment, and Bella caught her breath at the compassion and understanding in his eyes. "Bella, you are incredibly brave to share something so personal with a stranger, and I salute you. Please, do not distress yourself further. I understand, possibly better than you realise. We do not know each other very well, but I would like to change that." He smiled at her so warmly that she smiled back, feeling the tension drain off her.

"Right, I'll get dessert." Bella's voice was still a little shaky, but she felt... okay.

"Oh, no you don't," broke in Edward, standing up. "It won't make it out the kitchen. You stay put, love, and I'll get it." Bella burst out laughing, a clear, joyous sound that loosened the atmosphere at the table. By the time Edward returned with the ice-cream and chocolate sauce, conversation was once again flowing around the table.

Much to Bella's disappointment, the chocolate sauce was a hit; she'd been hoping to have some left to scoff all by herself, but alas, it was not to be.

Edward brought coffee out to the deck and Bella curled up next to him, too tired to contribute much to the conversation, content to listen to the others.

"Edward, have you looked at the script for 'Drowning'?" Josh looked across at him, an eyebrow raised.

"Yeah, I have. I love it. Alice and I are going to work our arses to get that role. Do you know who's directing, Josh?"

"Yes, I do. Me."

"You're kidding me. What about "Last Chance", or whatever the working title was on the one I screwed up?"

"Let us just say that I had a creative disagreement with the Studio's choice of leading man, so I pulled out." Josh looked away.

Bella looked at Edward, surprised: he looked speechless.

"Who would you refuse to work with... Oh God. They cast Quil, didn't they?" asked Edward quietly.

Josh nodded, staring down at his coffee.

"Jesus, Josh, I'm sorry."

"Don't fret, Edward." Josh smiled tightly. "I now get to work with you on 'Drowning'."

Bella felt Edward go rigid.

"Please tell me I understood you. Are you giving me the role?"

"Yes. You were top of my list when I read the script. It is perfect for you. I will smooth over any... hesitations the studio may have." Josh smiled at him. "Please breathe, dear, thank me, and tell me how wonderful I am."

Edward laughed, "Fuck, yes, Josh, thank you and you are fucking fabulous!"

"Alice? Did you hear that? We got the part!"

Alice rushed over to Josh and threw her arms around him.

"Dear, you may be tiny, but you have the strength of the previously mentioned Amazonian." Josh straightened his glasses.

Everyone laughed, except Alice, who burst into tears.

"Ali? What's wrong?" Bella scrambled out of her seat to hug Alice.

"Nothing's wrong. I'm just so damn happy. Sorry."

"Don't apologise, dear. Your life is good when all your tears are happy ones." Josh patted Alice's shoulder.

"I have another bombshell for you, Edward. Industry gossip is that you are going to be nominated for 'Purgatory'." Josh looked smug.

"Jesus, Josh, you're Father Christmas tonight. I wonder if it will come through, though. War movies don't usually get nominated."

"You will definitely get the nomination. The Oscar is iffy." Josh's face was serious. "Edward, war movie or not, that movie is, in my opinion, your finest work to date."

Bella excused herself and went upstairs to fetch a hair band, leaving them excitedly discussing the possibility of an Oscar nomination. Alice and Josh were already strategising with Edward on how to court the right people to tip the decision in his favour. She sat on the bed, looking at her bracelet, smiling to herself. After the I Do moving in charm, an Oscar charm was due.

Edward found her half an hour later, curled up on top of the covers, fast asleep. He smiled, took off her shoes and pulled the throw up over her.

**AN: I'm not too happy with this chapter, but every time I tried to edit, it seemed to make it worse. So, sorry for the laboured text.**

**I don't have a beta, so would appreciate some reviews, please!**


	20. Chapter 19 And Action

Chapter 19 And Action

Edward was woken by banging on the door. He glanced across at Bella, still fast asleep with her hand tucked under her cheek. A glance at the clock just pissed him off – half seven was not a reasonable time to wake someone up. The only person he knew with big enough balls to do it was Alice.

"Alice," Edward opened the door, glaring at her.

"Good morning to you, Client Mine." Alice was dressed and primped, clearly raring to go.

"Shh, keep it down: you'll wake Bella up." Edward continued glaring. "What the hell do you want so early in the morning?"

"It may only be seven thirty in LA, Edward, but the day has already started in other parts of the world." Alice was supremely indifferent to his annoyance. "Now get your lazy arse moving."

"Edward?" He looked over to see Bella sitting up in bed, rubbing her eyes. His heart soared at the sight of her – she looked adorable. There was something about her sitting there stretching, something somehow pure and sexy at the same time.

"You see? You woke her up, Nazi." Edward frowned at Alice.

"Stop giving me grief about it, Edward. She needs to get up anyway if she's going to make her nine thirty appointment with Carmen."

Edward turned back to the bed when Bella laughed.

"She's right, I need to get my arse out of bed." Her expression became horrified. "Oh, shit. I flaked last night. I'm so sorry, Edward."

"Don't worry, love, it really wasn't a big deal. I think everyone understood how exhausted you were from such an emotional evening." He laughed a little. "Josh adores you. You're up there with Rose in his personal Pantheon. Little Squirt here is well on her way to a pedestal, too."

Edward's turned his head towards Bella as his grin turned wicked, watching Alice out the corner of his eye. "Well since we're awake, love, what say you we bring in the day with a bang?"

"Edward!" Alice moaned. "Please, please, stop doing this to me. I don't want to be nauseous for the rest of the day, dammit!"

"Serves you right, PFG. Now vamoose, and I'll see you downstairs in a bit." Edward gently closed the door in his face before breaking into laughter.

"You were right, love: it's a foolproof way of shutting Alice up. You know, I feel a little guilty for pulling that." His eyes widened when he looked back at Bella, who was now lying back on the bed, completely naked except for a smile on her face. "Okay, scratch that last."

"Stop standing over there with your tongue hanging out, babe, and come get breakfast." Bella's smile got wider at his expression, giggled quietly.

"Let's go shower. I quite enjoyed our session yesterday, and if I recall correctly, I was promised another session last night, which you didn't deliver on." He pretended to frown at her, "It's payback time, sweetheart."

Bella shot out of bed and was in the shower before Edward had removed his pyjama bottoms. He followed her into the shower, laughing. He stopped abruptly, gazing down at her.

"Isabella, do you know how beautiful you are?" His hand reached out to glide down the curve of her cheek and down her neck. "Your skin," he paused, "Is soft as silk, as delicate as gossamer." He touched the hickey, trailing his fingers over the little bit marks on her collarbone.

"My body," he briefly looked down at his erection, "wants to make you mine, stamp you as mine for the world to see, but my heart," he touched her breast above her heart, "wants to love you and make love to you, softly as a whisper, to cherish you and keep you safe forever."

He ran a thumb across her cheekbone, tilting her head up to his to kiss her. She responded, opening her mouth, accepting his tongue in a languorous dance, unhurried and full of yearning. Her hands slid up his chest and around his neck, pulling him closer to deepen the kiss. Every movement was unhurried, a gentle dance that built passion slowly until they were aching for release.

Edward lifted her, holding her against the wall with his body, one hand holding her arse while the other guided his dick into her. They both sighed at the feeling of him filling her and paused to look into each other's eyes, glorying in the feel of each other.

She wrapped her legs around his waist, silently pleading for release. They sighed again as he started moving, slow, steady strokes that built the slow fire into a raging furnace. Edward watched Bella's face as she came, pleasure washing across her face as her head fell back. He felt her muscles contract around him, making him come in deep spurts so intense he was riveted to her. His forehead touched hers and they leaned together, neither willing nor able to move.

"Edward?" He looked down to meet her gaze. "Thank you for your words. They were beautiful." A tear ran down her cheek. "I love you."

"And I love you, Isabella." He gently wiped the tear away. "Always."

They walked down the stairs together, hand in hand, smiling at each other. Edward smiled to himself at just how blissed out he felt. _Surely life doesn't get better than this?_

"Would you like something other than Lucky Charms for breakfast, love? I'm in the mood for an omelette if you want one?" Edward scratched in the fridge for eggs.

"That would be super, thanks. Will I have time, though? I have to be at Carmen's for nine thirty." She frowned, clearly not happy at the prospect of missing an omelette.

"You should have time," said Edward, checking his watch. "I'll be quick."

"You know," Bella tilted her head. "I might just prefer you slow."

"Good to know, love." His expression was caught between amusement and seriousness. "This morning was..." he waved his hands vaguely, "I don't actually have words to describe it."

"Magical?"

"Magical describes it perfectly." Their eyes snagged, full of emotion too deep to express.

"Morning, guys." Edward pulled his gaze away to look at Jasper.

"Hi, Jazz. I'm making omelettes for Bella and I. Do you want some?"

"That would be great. Today's my first consulting day at the practice, so a good breakfast is a good idea," He smiled at Bella. "Will you be ready? I'm taking you with me for your nine thirty appointment with Carmen."

He and Bella had been so caught up in each other, he'd forgotten that Jasper was starting a new job. "Jasper, I feel like a complete shit. I completely forgot it's a big day for you."

"Me too." said Bella, looking guilty. "Sorry, Jazz. I'm a seriously crap friend. Not only that – it didn't even occur to me to worry about how I was going to get to the appointment."

"Uh uh, you two. Remember this week was a form of therapy?" he smiled slightly,"If you hadn't been so involved in each other, I'd have pulled the plug and sent your arse straight to rehab."

Edward listened to Bella and Jasper chatting while he made the omelettes. It was fascinating to hear them interact. It was obvious that Jasper loved Bella, very much, and it was just as obvious that she adored him. Their conversation was lively but substantial. It wasn't idle chit chat – it was stimulating, stretching and challenging each other to think. It was a mental workout.

Edward put the omelettes in front of them, still listening. He'd always known that Bella was a keenly intelligent woman, but hearing her spar with Jasper gave him a unique insight into her mind. He thought about their light hearted conversation about finding an occupation for Bella, grinning to himself at the outcome of that conversation. Humour aside, Bella was spot on – there was no way she'd cope with being idle. He wondered if she'd want to go back into hotel management. Fuck, he'd happily buy her a hotel, if that's what she wanted. At least she wouldn't have to deal with fuckwits like Caius. He flagged the thought for later discussion.

"Love, please give this to Carmen." He handed her a folder, feeling a bit self conscious. "It's for her daughter."

"What is it? May I look?"

"Yeah, you can look. It's some press stuff, posters and what not. I signed them for her." Edward grinned at the expression on Bella's face.

"You are such a sweetheart, Edward, she's going to love this. It's so thoughtful." Bella batted her lashes at him. "May I have some too, please?"

"Now why would you want that when you have the real thing, right here in front of you?" He leaned over the counter to kiss the tip of her nose.

"Well, you know, to keep me warm on the nights you're not there."

Edward smiled at her to cover the ache in his heart. If he continued acting, he _would_ be away, sometimes for long periods of time.

After Bella and Jasper left, Edward cleaned the kitchen to avoid the emptiness of house. The house seemed soulless again, the way it had felt when he got back from London. He flinched at that memory, pain and anguish stabbing through him. Just recollecting that day, reliving the horror of Alice's call, made him nauseous. His complete physical collapse terrified him; the memory of powerlessness, the total loss of control would stay with him for the rest of his life.

He wondered if that was how Bella felt about alcohol: powerless. He knew that he would make sure that he never had to go through that again and his sympathy for her increased exponentially – if that was what she faced on a daily basis, it seemed incredible to him that she was still standing. What was even more astounding was that she was so willing to be vulnerable, commit to him so wholeheartedly.

"Hey, Edward. You seem deep in thought. You okay?" Alice's voice interrupted his train of thoughts.

"I'm good, Ali. Would you laugh at me if I told you I'm missing Bella?" he looked away when the words came out without the humour he'd intended. He gave an unconvincing laugh. "Totally pussy whipped as Emmett would say."

"Edward, I'm not sure what it is you need to hear," she held up her hand when he opened his mouth to interrupt, "So I'll tell you what I see, looking at the two of you from the outside. I see a depth of passion I've never seen before. I see a love so profound it's almost profane to watch. And I see a man in physical pain at the thought of the woman he loves in pain." Tears filled her eyes. "Edward, you are a good man, who deserves someone as magnificent as Isabella Swan." She walked around the counter to put her arms around him, and he hugged her back, blinking away the tears.

They pulled away, wiping their eyes and smiling at each other. "Come on, Agent Mine, let's go do some work." Edward put his arm around her shoulders, walking to the office.

"About bloody time, Client Mine. I'm expecting the screening schedule from Josh's office this morning, but in the meantime, we need to thrash out a few plans to wine and dine Oscar nomination decision makers, and I'm fairly sure you're not going to like some of the things you're going to be doing."

Edward grinned at Alice's tone. It was all the more emphatic for being completely matter of fact. Resistance was futile.

He lost his grin before Alice reached half way through her Operation Oscar Nomination plans.

"Alice, I am _not_ attending a shit load of dinners and premieres with the express reason of sucking up to people who don't give a shit about my movie, me or the actual nomination. The decisions have probably been made already, anyway." He scowled at Alice, who didn't even acknowledge him.

"We need to find you a partner for some of the dinners, and all of the premieres, Edward. I'll attend some with you, and Rose can do one, but the rest are a problem. Your co-star can go with you to one, but since he's male, it can be only one. We don't want the world thinking that Panty Dropping Smile Cullen is gay." She passed a list to him. "Choose a name off that list."

"You're kidding me." Edward's eyebrows shot up into hair. "A third of the women on this list are vapid airheads, a third are in steady relationships and are not going to rock the boat. The remaining third are tabloid fodder, willing to fuck anything with a wood and a wallet. I'm not choosing one, forget it." He threw the list on the table. "Do you really think I'd do that to Bella? Rock up on a red carpet with a random bit of arse that will cause headlines for weeks to come?"

"Why, O Lord, "Alice raised her eyes to the heavens, "is it my bitter task in life to find a date for the hottest man on the planet? What a chore." She suddenly smiled. "Fine, don't choose. I'll give the list to Bella and she can choose."

"You wouldn't." Edward's jaw dropped. "Why would you do that?"

"Because, Client Mine, I know Bella. She won't give a shit which piece of tail is on your arm."

Whatever angle he tried to make work, he couldn't find a solution, so eventually gave in to Alice's suggestion that Bella choose. "I'm betting you a hundred dollars that she'll throw the list back in your face."

"Done," said Alice promptly.

"Alice? Edward?" Jasper's voice sounded through the house.

"Ah, that will be Jasper, dropping off Bella." Alice stood up. "I'm going to have a quick cuddle with my husband, and then you and I, Mister, have more plans to finalise."

"Why did Jasper drop her off? I thought he started work today?" Edward looked up at Alice, confused.

"She needed a lift back home after her appointment, and since Jasper's schedule isn't full yet, he said he'd do it."

"Aw, crap, Alice, I could have fetched her..." he stopped at her expression. "Oh yeah, I couldn't. Shit. Now I feel worse." He walked out after Alice.

"Hey, babe." Bella's head came out of the fridge, a bottle of water in hand.

"Hey, love, how did it go with Carmen?"

Bella nodded, "Good. More of the same. You know, that woman terrifies me sometimes?"

"Me too." He slid his arms around her, pulling him to his chest. "I missed you." He dropped a kiss on her hair.

"I wish I could say I missed you, Edward, but Carmen kept me very occupied. My arse feels fried." She put her hands on her bum.

"I can always check that out for you, if you want?" He leered down at her.

"Come on guys, not again!" Alice sounded pissed.

They both looked up at Alice and laughed. She was standing next to Jasper, who was at least a foot taller than her, hands on hips. She still managed to be the largest person in the room.

"Hi, Jasper. I'm really sorry about the not sorting out some sort of travel arrangements for Bella's sessions. I feel like a complete idiot - again."

"Don't you start, too, Edward. I've had it from Bella the whole way there and the whole way back." Jasper looked at his watch. "It really wasn't a problem. It will be if I don't leave now though." He paused, "Guys, please don't worry about it. It fitted in my schedule. If I wasn't able to do it, I'd have let you both know." He kissed Alice, "Cheers, all, I'll see you later."

"Oh, shit, I forgot, "Jasper turned back. "Alice, the agent said we could move in on Saturday."

"You forgot?" shrieked Alice, then for reasons best known to Alice, jumped up and down. "Yay! Jazz, try to come home early if you can, please? We've got a move to discuss!"

Jasper rolled his eyes and walked out the door.

"Edward, let me go. Edward?"

Edward looked down at Bella, who was pushing at his arm futilely.

"You're squeezing me to death, babe."

"Fuck, sorry, love." He loosened his hold on her, but didn't let go. Edward could hear his breath rasping in his throat. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"What's wrong? You look terrible."

"Alice and Jasper are moving out on Saturday." Edward gazed at Bella, studying her face. All he could read there was concern, and the beginnings of panic. Finally, realisation dawned.

"Oh. Fuck. Edward, I'm sorry."

"Don't be, love. It just took me by surprise." He tried to laugh. "I think I've been suppressing the whole thing." He gathered her close again. "I don't want to let you go, Bella. I want to hold you like this forever." He closed his eyes against the pain.

"Edward, look at me." He opened his eyes, looking straight into Bella's concerned ones. "Sweetheart, it's not that long. When it's over, it's done." She stretched up to kiss him. "Then it's our forever."

It was exactly what he needed to hear, made the panic recede at the feel of her kiss.

"Come on, babe." Bella tugged his arm for him to follow her. She led him to the deck, sitting him in a chair before crawling onto his lap.

They sat on the deck together for hours, sometimes chatting, sometimes snuggling, but mostly just being with each other, quietly. Edward felt as if he was stocking up memories, for use at a later stage. _Like next week and the following five._

"Isabella?" Edward was startled by the hoarseness of his voice.

"Yeah?" She didn't move, except for the smile he could feel against his chest at him calling her 'Isabella'.

"Marry me."

"What?" Bella sat bolt upright. "Did you just ask me to marry you?"

"Yes, I just asked you to marry me." He ran a shaky hand through his hair. "I don't mean let's run off to Vegas. I mean, marry me at some future time, maybe... you, know, when you're... Shit. I'm screwing this up." His voice caught in his throat. "Isabella, I love you. I want you with me for the rest of our lives. We can end up never getting in front of a priest or whatever... I just want to give you a binding promise that my heart and my life are yours.

"It's not a knee jerk reaction to you moving out, truly it's not. You know how I feel about you, what I would like to build in our future." He tried to breathe through the tears choking him. "When you were out this morning, I experienced what it will feel like when you're not with me, and Bella, it crippled me. It made me realise that without you, I'm half a man. You are the other half of me, Isabella. So please, please say you'll marry me."

He looked at Bella's face, watched her expression change from shock, to fear, to love... He held his breath, afraid to move, breathe, speak, just waiting for next expression on her face... and felt the world release a breath with him.

"Yes, Edward, of course I'll marry you. I'd be honoured to be your wife."

**AN: Sorry it's a bit shorter than usual. Inspiration is coming in fits and starts at the moment. **

**I don't have a beta, so would be very grateful for some reviews, please!**


	21. Chapter 20 Falling In

Chapter 20 Falling In

After much discussion, Bella and Edward decided to keep their decision to themselves. Bella was certain that Jasper would have a shit fit. Whatever Alice's reaction was, it was bound to be over the top.

"Will you tell Carmen?" Bella sat on Edward's lap while he twirled a lock of hair around his finger. He watched her weighing up the pros and cons.

"Yes," she said at last. "She's my therapist – it's not something that I can, or should, keep from her." She pretended to shiver. "I'm shitting myself, though. I feel like a teenager, getting caught with a boy in my bedroom."

"Would you like me to go to that session with you?" Edward offered.

"No, thank you for offering, but I'll be fine." Bella put her head back on his chest.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"I want you to know that, married or not, you have my heart. I love you and nothing is going to change how I feel: not Carmen, not Alice or Jasper and not booze."

"I love you too, sweetheart." He kissed her hair. "I guess this makes us engaged. It should feel weird, but it doesn't. It feels perfect."

"What are we going to do today?" Bella's voice was muffled by his shirt.

"I don't have any specific plans. I need to spend some time with Alice. Is there anything you want to do?"

"No, not really. I just feel like a sybarite sitting around doing nothing."

"Would you like to read lines with me? Also, I'd like to make dinner for Jasper to make up for being a self absorbed git."

"That sounds good," she laughed. "Let's make it formal, get some brownie points from Alice."

"Talking of Alice... we have a bet of a hundred dollars riding on your reaction."

"Reaction to what?" She sat up to look at him properly.

"Alice has me on the dinner and premiere circuit to suck up to Oscar decision makers. Uh..." he ran his hand through his hair. "She insists I have a date." Edward felt like a schmuck discussing a date with his fiancée.

"And did you find one?" Bella voice sounded... unsteady.

"No! That's what we're arguing about. She handed me a list of women as long as my bloody arm and told me to choose one. I refused point blank, so she upped the ante by saying she'd ask you to choose." Edward was getting annoyed just thinking about it, and to make matters worse, Bella didn't sound happy at all. His jaw dropped when she burst into peals of laughter.

"I'm sorry, babe," she gasped between laughs. "It's just really that Edward Cullen, Hollywood's darling, can't get a date."

"That's what Alice said," said Edward despondently.

"Tell you what." Bella had an evil gleam in her eye. "Let's find someone not on the list, I'll approve, Ali will be happy once she gets over handing over a hundred dollars, and all will be well in your world."

"You are an evil monster sometimes, love." He grinned at her. "Deal." His face fell. "But I still have the original problem – I don't have anyone to ask."

"Oh, come one, babe. You must have someone you can ask. You must have met thousands of people in your life – surely one of them will be suitable." She began counting on her fingers, "High School sweethearts, college friends, sisters of college friends, grocery store check out girls..."

"Tanya!" he interrupted. "Emmett's sister. She'll be perfect. I don't know how her partner Irina will feel about it though."

"Give her a call. Fuck, I hope this works. Ali's reaction will be priceless." Bella jumped up to get his mobile. "Here, call now." She sat back in his lap. "This is a call I have to hear."

Edward paged through his contacts, grinning, and pressed dial.

"Hey, Tanya. How you doing?" There was a pause while she answered.

"I'm good too." He stopped, obviously interrupted.

"Yeah, life has been a bit of a shit storm lately. Thank you, by the way, for the name of the PI in London. I'll owe you for the rest of my life for that." He kept his tone light, checking for Bella's reaction. She just smiled and nodded.

"Listen, T, I have a favour to ask. It's a biggie." He turned the mobile so that both he and Bella could hear her.

"Let me hear it." Tanya sounded cautious. "It will be legal, right?"

"Of course!" Edward was offended.

"Well, spit it out then."

"I need a date, T. Please would you be my date for a bunch of dinners and premiere appearances I've got coming up?"

"That doesn't sound too bad, I mean gorgeous clothes, good food. I reckon I could force myself to do it." Tanya's voice had a smile in it.

"It won't cause shit with Irina, will it?" asked Edward anxiously.

"Why would it bother her? Last time I looked, you were a man, a very loudly heterosexual man. Besides, she'll love the clothes too."

"T, thanks, I owe you big time for this."

"I should ask you if it will cause shit with Bella if I go with _you_." Tanya didn't sound concerned: she sounded amused.

Bella took the phone from him. "Tanya? It's Bella." she looked a bit uncomfortable.

"Oh, hey, Bella. Nice to finally talk to you. Welcome to LA." She paused. "Were you listening to the conversation?"

"Uh... yeah, sorry. It was just too good an opportunity to miss, witnessing Cullen asking someone out on a date."

Edward rolled his eyes.

Tanya burst out laughing. "You and I are going to get on just fine. So you're okay with me being your man's date?"

"Rather you than some skanky B lister. Of course, knowing you won't be remotely interested in groping my man helps too." Bella was openly laughing at him, making him want to go hide somewhere nice and dark.

"Tanya, hang on a sec." She held her hand over the phone. "Let's score some more brownie points with Ali and ask her to dress Tanya."

Edward nodded. "Tell her I'll pick up the bills for anything she needs." He winced. "Maybe we don't tell Alice that bit."

Edward watched Bella, thinking how beautiful she looked. Her entire face was lit with mischief. It was so easy to love her.

"Earth to Edward."

Bella's voice snapped him out of his reverie.

Tanya says to tell you super, she'll make sure you regret it, and she'll see you soon." Bella's evil grin was back. "Now let's go set up Ali."

The discussion with Alice went exactly as predicted – smug that Bella had no problem with Edward having a date, and then pissed off that it wasn't someone off her list. He and Bella howled with laughter when Alice reluctantly handed over the hundred dollars.

"That, sir, is mine." Bella neatly plucked it out of Edward's hand. "I was, after all, the mastermind behind our diabolical plan."

"You bastards!" Alice was not impressed. "You set me up!"

"Aw, Ali, don't be too pissed at me," Edward stroked her arm. "You got what you wanted, after all."

Alice was having none of it. "Both of you are on my shit list now, until further notice."

"Ali, if I told you that I know something you'll love, something that would put me on your Christmas card list forever, would you believe me?" Bella's tone was wheedling. Edward just hoped that he'd get some of the credit – the thought of permanent residence on Alice's shit list was a bit scary, to be honest.

"I," Bella jerked her thumb, "have arranged for you to dress Tanya. You get full and unrestricted to..." she paused dramatically, "the BLACK Amex."

Alice's jaw dropped. "Please, please tell me you're not teasing me." She pinched herself. "Ow, dammit. So I'm not dreaming?"

"No, Agent Mine, you're not dreaming. To prove it," he picked up his wallet, "here it is. Please be gentle with her – she's still a virgin." He handed her the card, trying not to laugh at the rapture on Alice's face.

"Edward," she cradled the damn card. "I'll show her such a good time that she'll never want to go back to you, as nice as it is for her to rest against your arse in your back pocket."

"So are we forgiven?" Edward asked nervously.

"Completely and forever." She stopped, "Well, at least until next time."

"And if I tell you Bella and I are going to cook a _formal_ dinner for Jasper tonight?" Edward couldn't help smirking.

"Oh, alright, you're approaching forever." Alice beamed. "May I do the table settings?"

Edward glanced at Bella, who shrugged.

"Knock yourself out, Agent Mine."

"Guys, you're in spitting distance of forever." Alice was still beaming. "Now off you go. I have a wardrobe to plan."

Bella and Edward sat at the kitchen counter going through a menu for the evening. Unfortunately, Bella wouldn't agree with the menu he wanted to do.

"But, Bella, I make the best cheese soufflé in LA." He was getting huffy. "Why are you being so stubborn?"

Because, Edward, with this menu you'll barely be at the table. Please choose something else."

Eventually they settled on Vichyssoise soup, a starter of Smoked Salmon pate with dill cream and farmhouse bread and Lamb crown roast with baby potatoes.

Dessert was a problem.

"I make a mean zabaglione – how does that strike you?" Edward tucked a strand of hair behind Bella's ear. "What?" he panicked, alarmed by the expression on her face.

"You twit. List the ingredients, why don't you?" Bella was more matter of fact than angry.

He ran the ingredients through his mind, and winced when he reached the Marsala wine. "Oh, fuck. Shit. Sorry." He was furious with himself for making such a basic mistake.

"Hey, don't get upset, babe. This is all new to you," she took his hands in her own. "It will take you a while. Give yourself a break."

"I still feel like an insensitive git." He stood up to put his arms around her.

"Shall I prove to you that you're anything but insensitive? In fact, I'm fairly sure that I can show you just how sensitive you are." Her voice dropped, becoming seductive, making his dick twitch.

She slipped her hand down the front of his jeans, running her fingers along the top of his boxers. His body reacted to her touch, and he gasped when her hand slid lower, taking him in her hand. She gently caressed him, running her hand up and down his length, slowly increasing her grip and the pace.

Edward felt his head fall back, all sensation going directly to his dick. He could hear his breath coming in gasps, stuttering to a stop when she abruptly stopped.

He looked down at her, his hips automatically flexing to continue. She just looked at him and put her fingers to her lips. He doubted he'd be able to. Without warning her, he scooped her up off the chair. "Why don't you 'come' have a Jacuzzi with me, love? I don't think you've been in there yet?"

She grinned up at him, just jerking her head in a 'let's go'move.

He removed the cover and turned it on, turning up the temperature.

"There are towels in the guest bathroom. Get some for us?"

He looked up when Bella came back, becoming almost painfully hard. She was wrapped in a towel, her clothes in one hand.

"Fuck, Bella, you're hot. Give me a second." He dashed into the bathroom, stripped off and was back so fast Bella giggled.

"Come here, you tease." He stepped in, sinking down so that he was on the bottom seat. She followed him, straddling him.

"Uh uh. We'll get bust like that." He lifted her up and turned her around so that she was leaning back on his chest. Holding her hips, he slid straight into her, hissing at the feel of her around him. The bubbling water created a little white noise that covered their panting. He could feel his orgasm building, wanting to thrust deeper, holding her hips as still and tight as he could.

"Edward?" he froze mid stroke.

"We're outside, Ali, in the Jacuzzi." Edward was thankful that Bella responded – he very much doubted he could speak. Bella leaned back casually, resting her head against his shoulder. What Alice wouldn't see is that she was clenched around him, so that he could barely move, refusing to let him slip out of her.

"Oh, bugger. I wanted you to sign some press stuff." She came around the corner holding a pile of paper. "No mind, you can do it later. That looks nice." She looked at the Jacuzzi, then walked back into the house.

"Shall we continue, Mr Cullen?" Bella licked the edge of his jaw.

He didn't reply, just grasped her hips again, thrusting into her. He slid a hand between her thighs, flicking her clit. He grinned when she startled, then pushed down hard. He continued rolling his fingers over her clit as he felt her come, stretching out her orgasm. Her head fell back onto his chest, her own chest heaving.

"We should have another couple of minutes," he whispered as he lifted her up to face him, feeling smug when she whimpered, and slid her down onto him, holding her hips. She braced herself on either side of his head, holding herself steady as he thrust up. She tried to keep still, but her hips kept bucking, trying to match his rhythm, sighing with frustration that he held her hips too tightly for her to move.

"Do you want to come again, love?" He slid a finger over her clit to tease her.

She nodded, breathing hard.

"How badly?"

"Make me come, Edward, make me come so hard I forget my own name." Her voice was gravelly.

"Come with me, Bella. Can you feel me, can you feel how hard I am, how hard you make me? I'm in so deep, I can feel you all down my length." His strokes faltered at the surge of feeling through his body and he rubbed her clit harder so that they could come together.

"I'm coming, sweetheart. Come with me." He tried to slow down, to give her time, but the sensations running through him pulled him over the edge, making him come in heavy jerks.

He tried to catch his breath. "Shit. Sorry, sweetheart. I couldn't hold on. Come here." He sat her on the seat and pulled her legs over his legs, spreading her wide. He slid a finger into her opening, then another, curling them to find _that_ spot. His thumb stroked her clit, gently at first then faster and faster. She came hard around his fingers, her hips bucking, whispering his name.

"That's my girl. Feel good?" Bella nodded vaguely, still panting.

"Still know your name?"

She just smiled.

"Hmm... that didn't work out quite how I intended. I'm going to have to try again." He burst out laughing when her eyes went wide and she looked down at his dick. "He's ready, but maybe your girly parts need a rest?" He was a bit disappointed when she nodded.

They jumped out as fast as they could, grabbing towels and clothes and running for the guest bathroom. Bella closed and locked the door.

"I believe you said you were going to try again?" She kissed him and stepped away to lean over the vanity. She looked over her shoulder at him. "Best you keep your word, Edward, or you'll have to be punished."

His thoughts blurred for a second, imagining being punished by Bella. He shook his head to look at the beautiful arse in front of him. He slid a foot between hers, pushing them apart slightly. He looked up to see she was watching in the mirror. Her pupils were dilated with lust that rushed straight to his dick and he pushed straight into her. She felt so tight around him as she rocked back to meet his thrusts. He lost himself in the feeling of her, the sensation of the pull on his dick. She began to squirm, trying to find extra friction. He slid a finger over her swollen clit, feeling her entire body jerk. He slid it back across, waiting slightly between strokes, feeling her body become tighter and tighter.

"Tell me what you want, Bella. Shall I stop?" He paused stroking.

She whimpered and shook her head.

"I want," she was panting, barely able to speak, "I want to feel you on my clit, Edward. I want to feel your dick slam into me."

He resumed stroking, picking up the pace and thrusting hard. Her body abruptly shivered then went rigid. He felt her orgasm down his length, milking him, making him come.

Bella's legs gave in, Edward catching her before she hit the floor. He slid to the floor anyway, his own legs shaking, with Bella cradled to his chest. She put her head against his chest. He felt her lips curve in a smile.

"What's funny?" He kissed her hair.

"I'm going to have bruises on my hips."

"Mine."

"Neanderthal"

"Am I still a Neanderthal if only you and I know they're there?" He teased.

"Hmm...I'll have to think about that one." She pretended to ponder. "Given that I won't be able to wear a costume for a while, I'm afraid the answer is probably going to stay 'yes'." She stood up. "Come on, lover boy. Your agent's going to want you, and we need to get dinner ready."

Alice seemed to be immersed in wardrobes and house moving, not noticing their extended absence.

"You know, I can't wait till it's just you and I. I feel daft sneaking around in my own house." Edward pulled Bella into his arms.

"You do realise that you will be in charge of food, don't you?" She sidestepped the question. "You're the Gordon Ramsay of this family." She frowned, "Well, without the unfortunate coke habit. One addict in a family is enough."

Edward beamed. "Family. I like the sound of that. Come on, love, let's get this dinner on the move." He kissed her and picked her up to sit on the counter. He stepped away, looked at her and went back to take her off the counter and put her on a stool.

"What was that all about?" Bella raised an eyebrow. "I feel like a Barbie doll."

"Just remembering our discussion about kitchen counters and the like." He grinned. "Too tempting."

They worked together making dinner, chatting amiably about nothing in particular. It was peaceful and soothing. Of course, it was interrupted by Alice.

"Edward, I still need you to sign the stuff for the press kits," she looked at Edward, up to his neck in ingredients. "Okay, maybe later."

"I'm on my way out to the new house to take measurements. I might stop to look for some furniture, since we won't have beds to sleep in until our container arrives. Can you believe that I wasn't able to make the shipping company to deliver on Saturday? Apparently it still needs to clear Customs." She shook her head at the many evils that are Customs. "See you at dinner, chickens. The table's done."

Edward groaned as the door closed behind her. "Now? She decides to leave now after we've already had to sneak around like horny teenagers?"

"I'm more interested in how she's managing to organise a wardrobe for Tanya, relocate a house to another country, look after you AND set the damn table. I swear that woman has more arms than Lakshmi." Bella shook her head.

"Who's Lakshmi?" asked Edward.

"She's a Hindu deity, usually portrayed with at least four arms."

"Ahh. Very appropriate. Does She hold a black Amex in one of her many hands?"

Bella snorted.

"Did we ever decide what we would do for dessert? I think we got distracted." Bella grinned at Edward, who smiled back seraphically.

"Even allusions to sex with you makes me horny, Bella. I can see I'm going to be doing a lot of jerking off in the shower while you're gone." He pouted, then frowned in concern when she didn't laugh. "What's wrong, love?"

"Nothing," she wiped a tear away. "I'm just going to miss you so much."

"Me too, love, me too." He put a hand on her cheek. "As you said, it will be done, and we can get on with our forever."

"I think I'll make chocolate mousse for dinner." He tried to distract her. "I'll make extra – it makes the most amazing body paint."

Bella smiled weakly. "Excuse me a minute, babe. There's something I have to do."

"Okay." Edward blinked, confused, as she left the kitchen. He heard her go to the playroom and then talk on her mobile.

The mousse was made and in the fridge setting by the time Bella came back to the kitchen with a huge smile on her face.

"Guess who I was talking to?" She looked like she wanted to jump and down a la Alice.

"Brad Pitt?"

"Like I'd want him when I have you," she scoffed.

"Angelina Jolie?"

"As much as I'd like to jump her bones, no." She grinned. "I might get her number though, for when we have the five kids you want."

"You'd like to jump Angelina Jolie's bones?" Edward's jaw dropped. "Now _that_ is hot."

"Come on, guess again," She waved her hand impatiently.

"Bella, I have absolutely no idea who you were talking to."

"Carmen." Bella's face looked set to split with the size of her grin. "You know Alice and Jasper are moving on Saturday, right?" she began.

"As if I'm likely to forget," Edward interjected.

"Well, you know how there won't even be furniture until the container arrives?"

"Bella, I'm dying of old age while you tell this story." He shook his head. "Get on with it already."

"I spoke to Carmen to get her opinion of your readiness to deal with a recovering alcoholic, and she thinks you'll be fine provided you go to Families of Alcoholics support meetings. She doesn't approve of the very cautious approach we've been taking with my recovery. She feels it's not realistic and will make the shock of returning to normal life bigger. She thinks it'll be fine for metostayherewithyou." She couldn't contain the bounces anymore.

Edward stared at her, trying to make sense of her words. He thought he'd understood, but was too afraid to assume in case he was wrong.

"Edward? Did you hear me?" Bella's face was caught between a beam and a frown.

"You're..." he whispered. "You can stay?"

She nodded frantically.

"Forever?"

She nodded again.

Edward swept her into his arms, swinging her round till they were both dizzy. They both had tears on their cheeks when he put down. He tried to collect his thoughts, but everything was smothered by one realisation: Bella was staying, living with him, forever. Today, this second, was the start of forever.

The initial buzz wore off a little, enough for them to discuss the implications it had on her time in rehab. There was a list of To Do's to finalise before Monday, including transport to and from the clinic. Bella didn't want to push her luck with unrestricted access to a vehicle.

Possibly most important of all was formulating a game plan if something did go wrong, if Bella did drink. They decided to get Jasper's feedback on that one.

"Love, what do you think Jasper's going to say?" They were cuddled up on the sofa in the play room.

"That's a tricky one. He's probably going to be seriously unimpressed. He'll say what he thinks is best." Bella nibbled on a lock of hair. "Ultimately, though, he'll give the advice we ask him for."

"And Alice?" Edward gently pulled the lock of hair out of her mouth.

"Again, tricky." Her brow furrowed. "I think she'll be happy for us. As opinionated as our Alice is, she's not a professional and doesn't try to make judgements on something she's not equipped for."

"I think I'm going to make an appointment to see Carmen myself," Edward looked at her. "Do you think it would be helpful?"

"It can't hurt. Remember though, Jasper specialises in addiction therapy. He can probably give you all the info you need." She stretched up to kiss him. "Do you mind if I have a snooze before dinner?"

"Go for it. I've got a couple of things to do and I'll join you." Edward stood up, pulling her to her feet. "I'll see you upstairs in a bit." He slid his hands under her hair, tilting her head back. He kissed her gently. "Thank you, Isabella."

She smiled. "I love you."

"I love you too." His heart turned over at the joy and love in her smile.

He walked quickly to the office to boot up his laptop. He'd promised her a charm for the moving in I Do, and it was now due. He knew exactly what he wanted, would commission it if he had to. He wanted a figure eight, the symbol of infinity.

Feeling like a seasoned hand, he logged on to the Cartier website. Nothing. His browser picked up BVLGARI, so he had a look at that too. Still nothing. He waited impatiently for Tiffany's website to load and sucked in his breath at the beautiful rings on their home page. Eternity Ring. He immediately loved the idea. So what if it was supposed to commemorate however many years of marriage? He'd give her another one then too. He loved the idea of getting her a ring that symbolised, for them, the _start_ of forever.

Smiling to himself, he pulled out his wallet to place the order. _Fuck. Alice has my card._ He picked up his mobile and called her to get the details. Alice was so preoccupied with the house that he didn't face a barrage of questions. Sighing with relief, he hung up and placed the order.

Now the charm. And there it was, also from Tiffany's – a beautiful loop of diamonds. Feeling a bit smug that he managed to successfully navigate the jewellery sea, he placed the order for that too. Shutting down his laptop, he wandered upstairs with a big grin on his face.

* * *

"Alice, the table looks lovely. Thanks for doing it for us." Bella gave her a quick hug.

"You're welcome, Belly," She grinned, "and Client Mine."

"Bella?" Edward called from kitchen.

"Yeah? Coming, babe." She wandered through. "What can I do for you?"

"You can remind me again that Jasper isn't going to hang my balls off his rear view mirror when we tell him." Edward was starting to panic, belatedly remembering how protective of Bella Jasper was. "Stop laughing! It's me he'll kill, not you." He now sounded aggrieved.

"He'll be fine, Edward," she tried to stop her giggles. "He's not going to overreact. Surely you know him well enough by now to know he's always calm?"

"Bella, you didn't see him in London when you were missing!" Edward regretted the words the moment they left his tongue when she went white. "Oh, shit, fuck, bugger. Sorry, love. That was beyond insensitive."

"It's okay." She shook her head. "I've been avoiding thinking about it, so I got a bit of a shock. No need to apologise for the truth." She put her hand on his cheek. "Edward, relax. It will be fine."

She took a deep breath and changed the subject. "I'll be waiter tonight since you did all the cooking."

"That'll leave me alone in there with him!" Edward wailed.

"You sound like Alice. Just relax." She patted his cheek. "I'll tell them dinner's ready."

The table really did look lovely, if somewhat over the top. Alice had covered the table with a deep crimson shot silk table cloth crossed by a gold damask table runner with matching placemats. Each place setting looked like a little archipelago with rows of cutlery, anchored in place by glasses above the knives. A beautifully folded napkin rested in the middle of each setting. In the middle of the table were two ice buckets with a bottle in each.

Jasper poured soft drinks into the wine goblets.

"Hey, Appletizer! I thought I was the only one in the whole damn country who knows about this stuff. Where'd you get it?"

"We get creative with decent tasting alternatives to alcohol. There isn't much out there that's non-alcoholic that you'd want to serve at a dinner party."

Alice interrupted, "I mean, who wants to sit down to a formal meal with a glass of Coke?"

Jasper carried on serenely. "There's an outlet here in LA that's importing it. The range is extending too, to non-alcoholic 'adult' drinks."

"Bella? We need to stock up, love." Bella walked into the room carrying soup plates up her arms.

"Please, sirs and madam, take your seats." Bella hammed it up a bit, grinning at them.

"Your soup today is Vichyssoise." She placed each plate in front of them with a little flourish before sliding into her own seat.

The conversation was mostly around Jasper's first day of work and Alice's house. Alice was in her element, talking nineteen to the dozen about drapes and swags. At that stage, Edward stopped trying to follow and just nodded where it seemed appropriate.

Bella cleared their plates and cutlery, coming back with starters.

"Edward, this is really good, you weren't kidding that you're a good cook. Where'd you learn?" Jasper was demolishing his smoked salmon paté in short order.

"Helping my mum in the kitchen. She was a Michelin three star chef."

"Your mother was Esmé Cullen?" Alice asked.

"Yeah."

"That's amazing. My mum had one of her books." She looked sheepish. "I've no idea which one – my cooking's terrible, so I avoid that sort of thing." She cocked her head, looking at him. "I'm trying to remember the photo on the back of the book to see similarities. She had hazel eyes, too, didn't she?"

"Yeah. Rose and I both look a lot like her, although the height is from my dad. I have a photo of them in the play room."

"Edward, that's the first time I've heard you talk about your mum," Bella commented quietly.

"I don't talk about either of my parents much. It was self protection at first – in this town, people will use anything for leverage, and then it became habit, I suppose." Edward leaned back in his chair. "She was an amazing mum."

There was a slight silence around the table, giving Edward a little space.

"Mains is on the way, people." Bella jumped up to do the clearing thing again.

Edward watched Bella walk into the room carrying the Crown roast. Perhaps it was because they'd been discussing her, but he was struck by how many similarities Bella and his mum shared. They were both petite, neither clearing 5' 3". They were both passionate about those they loved, and both bubbled with life and happiness. The thought didn't make him melancholy at all; rather, it reinforced the feeling of _rightness_ he and Bella shared.

The contemplative mood stayed with him while he carved and served the roast. He smiled to himself, thinking that if he wanted to choose a marriage as a role model for his own, he could do a lot worse than his parents'. He caught Bella's eye, smiling at her and mouthing 'I love you'. His heart leaped when she blew him a kiss.

"Jasper, Edward and I have something to discuss with you." Bella's voice yanked him out of his reverie. Oh fuck.

Jasper looked at Bella, then Edward.

"I had a long talk to Carmen today," Bella clutched Edward's hand. _Hmm – not as sanguine as she claimed_. Bella continued. "and she supports my decision to not move out with you and Alice. I'm staying here with Edward."

Edward watched Jasper, trying to read his expression.

"I know." Jasper laughed at their expressions. "Close your mouths, guys. As Alice says, 'flies, remember'."

"Carmen and I also had a long talk today, Bells. She told me about the discussion she'd had with you and wanted me to know why she supports you in this decision." He paused. "I'm not one hundred percent happy about it, but I understand her reasoning. She does have a point – it won't help you to wrap your recovery in cotton wool." He grimaced. "That's Professional Jasper speaking. Friend Jasper is shitting himself."

"Jasper, Bella and I plan to ask your advice on how to handle a relapse or emergency." Edward glanced at Bella. "I will take... no... _we _will take every single precaution we can to keep her safe."

"I know you will, Edward. Believe me, I'd put up a much bigger fight if I wasn't convinced of that."

Alice looked around the table expectantly. "So, am I allowed to congratulate you yet?"

It broke the tension and they began to laugh, an odd combination of nerves, joy, fear and love.

**AN: I had to slip in the bit about Appletizer. I have no idea if you can get it in the States, but if you can, try it. Appletizer, Grapetizer and Peartizer. **

**I don't have a beta, guys, so please review?**


	22. Chapter 21 Treading Softly

**AN: I somehow managed to lose the last page of the chapter when I posted it. This is the full one. **

Chapter 21 Treading softly

"Jasper, move it a little towards the wall." Alice motioned with her hand to illustrate her request.

Jasper sighed and did as he was told.

"No, it looks wrong there. Shift it against the other wall, please."

Alice was on top form, directing Bella, Edward and Jasper with an iron fist.

"Ali, if I didn't love you so much, I'd have to hate you." Bella helped Jasper push the sofa as directed. "If you _ever_ move house again, I swear to God, I will be on the other side of the planet, or fake an injury." She glared at Alice. "In fact, I'll give myself the injury just to make sure I can't help."

"I thought you were unpacking the crate?" Alice ignored Bella's comments.

"I took a break." Bella tried to feel strong and confident, but really, when Alice was on a roll, she steamrolled over everyone. She threw a beseeching look at Edward, who looked horrified. _Wuss._

"Alice, let's all take a breather. I'll order some take away and we can chill for a bit." Bella bit back a laugh at Edward's tentative suggestion.

Alice looked at the three of them with irritation. "Fine. But let's keep going until the food arrives."

"Edward? Would you help me in the kitchen, please? I... um..." Bella scrambled for a plausible reason. "I can't reach the top shelves." She had to bite back another laugh at the relief on his face.

They walked into the kitchen, sagging against the counter with relief.

"What do you need me to put away from you?" Edward looked around resignedly.

"Nothing. I'm done." Bella laughed at his expression. "I thought you might need a break."

"You, love, are amazing. I might just keep you forever for saving me from that hyperactive Nazi out there." He put his arms around her, pulling her against his chest. "Oh, hang on – I've already promised that, haven't I?"

"Can you think of a way of saving Jasper?" Bella put the kettle on for tea. "Poor bastard could really do with some saving."

"Jasper?" called Edward, grinning down at Bella. "Please give me a hand with this... cupboard."

"Jesus, Cullen. You too?" Jasper appeared in the doorway and sighed. "Where do you need me?"

"I don't. Bella thought we could all hide out in the kitchen for a breather from Alice the Autocrat."

"God bless you two." Jasper grinned.

Edward pulled out his mobile to order Chinese while they stood in the kitchen drinking their tea and chatting as quietly as possible.

Half an hour later, Alice walked into the kitchen. "And what do you three think you're doing?" She scowled at them. Before anyone could reply, the doorbell rang.

"That's the food." Edward all but ran out the kitchen.

"See? Break time." said Bella cheerfully. She wondered if Alice would have her hanged, drawn and quartered if she and Edward skipped. Maybe Edward would come up with a good enough excuse for them to leave._ Damn. Can't do that to Jasper_.

Alice continued scowling, but at least they had an excuse for a break. Alice raced through her food, jumping up to carry on unpacking; Edward, Bella and Jasper ate as slowly as humanly impossible, trying to put off the inevitable.

"Bella?" Edward looked nervous. "I need to go home. I'm waiting for a delivery."

"Oh, no, lover boy. You're not getting out of this, at least, not without taking me with you." Bella was not amused.

"What about if we promise to come back later, or maybe tomorrow?"

Bella wanted to laugh at Edward's frightened expression, but couldn't because she felt the same way. "It's worth a shot." Bella gave herself a mental pep talk, trying to think of the best approach.

"Let me try," Edward offered. "I just might have a plan that will work."

Bella and Jasper stared at him, impressed at his bravery and not a little afraid for him. He went to find Alice, coming back minutes later with a huge grin on his face.

"She's letting us go?" Bella asked incredulously. "How the hell did you get that right? We need to add it to the "The Dummies' Guide to Alice."

"I'll explain later." Edward started laughing. "I wish you could see your faces, guys." He looked at Bella, his face changing to apprehension. "Hurry up, Bella, get your coat in case she changes her mind."

Five minutes later, with endless apologies to Jasper, they were out the door and on their way home.

"What did you say to her?" Bella was impressed and as curious as hell.

"I told her what the delivery is." Edward giggled.

"Cullen, you just giggled." Bella couldn't help giggling too.

"Did not. Giggling's not manly." He pretended to be affronted.

"Did too."

"Did not."

It was only when they got home that Bella realised he'd successfully avoided telling her what the delivery was.

"I've just been played, haven't I?"

"Yep."

The parcel was waiting at Security when they arrived. Edward signed for it, ignoring Bella's attempts at finding out what it was.

"I'm going to take a shower," said Edward. "I'm sweaty from moving."

"Fine." Bella pouted. "I'll open the parcel while you're in there."

"Oh no you won't. You're showering with me." Edward swept her up in his arms, heading for the deck.

"Do you realise that this is the first time you and I are alone in the house?" asked Edward.

"Does that mean I can give you a blow job on the deck if I want to?" Bella's stomach tightened in anticipation, watching Edward's eyes dilate.

He set her on her feet. "You can give me a blow job anywhere you want to, love."

"Well then..." she undid the button on his waistband, tugging down his boxers with his jeans. "Sit on a chair, Cullen."

Bella knelt between his legs, licking the inside of his thigh. He smelled of sweat and sex and Edward. Grasping his length firmly in her hands, she massaged and pumped him, watching as a pearl of moisture collected on his tip. She licked it off, licked around his head, her tongue flickering around the tip.

Edward's breathing grew deeper until he was panting, his hips bucking for her to take him in her mouth. She slowly ran her tongue down the underside of his dick and back up before taking him in her mouth and sliding down his length, taking as much of him into her mouth as she could.

Edward groaned, then groaned again when her mouth started pumping him. She looked up at him, watching him watch her.

"That's it, God that feels good." His voice mumbled, barely coherent. His hands slid into her hair to move her mouth faster and she brought her hand up to his base so that he was covered completely. She felt him go rigid and his hips bucked as he came, hard, in her mouth. She grimaced slightly, then swallowed. Love, indeed.

Bella rested her head against his thigh, listening to his breath return to normal, luxuriating in the feel of his hands smoothing her hair. Her body was throbbing almost painfully, but sitting in front of him as they were, she felt at peace and cherished.

"I think I need to return the favour." Edward's voice was husky. He stood up, lifting her in one move and gently sat her in the chair. "Your turn, sweetheart."

He spread her legs wide and she shivered slightly at the cool air on her clit, gasping when his warm tongue slid over and around it. He sucked gently, holding her hips steady as they lifted involuntarily towards his tongue. He pulled back immediately, blowing softly on her clit, before sucking again. He pushed her almost to the edge, pulling her back slightly with the cool air, setting a pattern with the warmth of his mouth and his cool breath. The feeling was indescribable, pushing her harder and higher to orgasm than she had ever experienced, the wave of pleasure breaking over her again and again. Edward covered her mouth with his hand to stifle her screams and she bit down, barely conscious.

She drifted down to reality, her body purring. "Edward, that was..." she shook her head. "I don't have words to describe it."

"You definitely found the words, love." He lifted his bitten hand ruefully. "You very definitely found the words."

"I did that?" She looked at his hand in shock. "I'm so sorry." She tried to remember. "I don't even remember biting you."

"Don't apologise, love. Making you come is very high on my list of 'Best Things in My Life'." He grinned. "Come on, let's go take that shower." He pulled her up.

"What else is on your list of 'Best Thing in My Life'?" Bella picked up the soap to wash him.

"You are number one. And number two. And number three." He took the soap and began washing her.

"What's number four?"

"Making you come." He smiled when she started laughing.

"Where does acting fit on this list?"

"I honestly don't know anymore, love." He frowned. "It used to be at the top, but it's slid way down."

"Have you given any more thought to quitting?" Bella wasn't sure how she felt about it herself.

He looked at her for a moment, indecision plain on his face. "Not really. I've been focussing on the next six weeks. But Bella?" He hesitated. "Whatever decision is made needs to be made together. It affects your life as much as mine."

Her heart swelled with love for this man and she stretched up to kiss him. Mere words couldn't convey her feelings for him, the intense feeling of _right_ that this, right here, was where she was supposed to be.

"I love you, Edward."

"I love you too, Isabella." The emotion in his voice matched hers and reinforced the knowledge that they were meant to be together.

"May I open it, pleeeeaaaasse?" She was getting seriously frustrated with him. "I feel like a kid on Christmas morning, dammit."

"Oh, alright then." He smirked at her.

She ripped open the parcel, gasping when she saw the Tiffany's box. She opened it slowly and stared at the charm. "Is this the 'moving in I Do' one?" She tried to steady her voice, but the tears bled into it.

He nodded.

"Edward, it is absolutely beautiful and absolutely perfect. I love it and I love you." She walked around the kitchen counter and straight into his arms, tears sliding down her cheeks. "I never imagined that my life could be this perfect."

"Nor me, sweetheart, nor me."

Monday morning came too quickly, leaving Bella feeling unprepared and emotional. She'd clung to Edward the night before, desperate for reassurance, trying to bolster her courage. He'd stayed awake with her, gently soothing her, holding her safe in his arms. It hadn't really worked, because she knew she would be facing the next day on her own.

"Sweetheart, I've made you some toast for breakfast." Edward called from the kitchen.

Her stomach clenched and she ran for the loo, retching miserably.

"I'll take that as a no," said Edward from the doorway.

Bella smiled weakly, grateful for his attempt at making her smile. She tried to recapture the calmness she'd felt before about entering rehab, re-running her reasoning at the time: she'd done this before and had won; she had a man she adored and who adored her, representing something she was not prepared to lose; she had a forever that gave purpose to her life.

She shuddered when the gate buzzer went. She brushed her teeth again, took a deep breath, and listened to Edward greet the driver. _I can do this_. Squaring her shoulders, she kissed Edward goodbye and left.

The clinic's grounds were beautiful. The building was Colonial, painted a pale peach colour with fretted decorations on the window bars. Directly in front of the door was an enormous _ficus_ tree that shaded the front of the building and grounds. The lawns and flower beds were beautifully manicured with benches here and there surrounded in a jumble of colours. Thanking the driver and confirming a collection time, she made her way to Reception to register.

The paperwork was completed quickly, and she was handed over to head therapist, Helen, to go over the clinic programme and schedule.

"You've already missed the first session, Bella, but you can slot in with the second one. We have two sessions of an hour and a half each in the morning and then two sessions after lunch. We try to finish up at three thirty, but the last session is group sharing, so it can run late.

"You'll be assigned a one-on-one therapist, who you will meet with every day for half an hour." She smiled. "I'm afraid you're stuck with me on that one."

Bella smiled cautiously; she liked Helen, but trusting her would take a little longer, so she just nodded.

"In that enormous pile of paperwork you've just signed, was an agreement that you will attend all sessions, therapist meetings and any other activity that the therapists may decide will be beneficial to your recovery. Please keep in mind that you signed a permission form for us to prevent you from leaving the clinic if we deem it necessary." Helen paused. "You're a bit unusual since you're here as an outpatient, but you'll still get homework. Attending the AA meeting each week is also obligatory."

Helen opened a door, standing back for Bella to walk through. "We're in here for this session." Helen's smile was gentle, obviously understanding Bella's hesitation.

Bella glanced around the room, her first impression a blur of shapes and faces. She sat in the closest seat, waiting for the inevitable introduction she'd be asked to make. She was pleasantly surprised when Helen just announced her name to the group and left it at that.

The session kicked off immediately – a lecture by Helen on how to watch for triggers that could cause a relapse. Bella watched Helen, more than listened to the lecture and her sense of trust grew. She had a round, motherly face, at odds with an angular, trim body. Her hair was long, almost to her waist, held back with enormous butterfly shaped clips that didn't quite suit the slightly edgy clothing she wore. She was an unusual mixture of contrasts, and Bella decided she was going to enjoy getting to know her.

Bella used lunchtime to learn the faces and names of the people in her group. It was a light hearted meal and surprisingly cheerful. She couldn't help laughing at how fascinated they were by her accent, so she volunteered a little information, describing London, confirming that she had never met the Queen, reassuring them that it didn't rain all the time in Britain, that no, men did not wear bowler hats to work, although they did all carry umbrellas. They were a motley crew, but they were her motley crew for the next six weeks.

The session after lunch was euphemistically called 'Dance therapy', but really, was any kind of movement and very light hearted, a manufactured environment for the 'inmates' to laugh at themselves and each other. Almost everyone walked out of the session with a bit more spring in their step.

The last session of the day was group sharing. Helen steered the group, an open session for people to talk about what they were going through, get help and support, or just get 'stuff' off their chests. Helen occasionally asked questions, gently leading or reflecting their responses back at them. Bella was caught off guard when Helen focussed on her.

"Bella, it's the end of your first day. Are you comfortable telling the group about yourself, or is there anything you want to share?" Helen waited quietly for Bella's response.

Bella tried to think of something to say, or more accurately, to choose what to say. There was so much to choose from and some things that couldn't be discussed, like Edward. She settled instead on a short synopsis of her past with alcohol.

"It's awkward to start in the middle and maybe if we get time, to move to the beginning." She took a deep breath. "I started drinking heavily in University," she grimaced. "We were typical students, so we spent a good deal of our time pissed anyway," she smiled when a couple of people laughed.

"It was after my mother died, that a very wonderful friend called Alice made me look at my drinking and first labelled me a drunk. It took almost two years of relentless pressure from Alice and her equally wonderful husband for me to accept the label and go to rehab. I had 379 days of sobriety until..." her voice died. "until..." she shook her head at Helen.

"Thank you, Bella." Helen's voice was soothing. "We'll end the session there and I'll see you all tomorrow."

Bella waited till everyone had left so that she could have some alone time to get herself back in control. She ran over her words in her mind and flinched at the same point, worrying it like a loose tooth. She didn't realise she was crying until a hand passed her a tissue.

"Bella?"

A quiet, gentle voice said her name and she latched on to it as a point of reference, frantically shaking her head to clear the terror roaring through her. She heard her name again and slowly opened her eyes. She was cowering against the wall, Helen standing several feet away from her, arms by her sides.

"I'm sorry that I scared you." Helen's voice soothed her, bringing her back to herself and the room. "You're safe here." Helen waited.

Bella's panic ebbed and she looked around. "I..." she cleared her throat. "I didn't expect to react like that."

"That was intense," Helen agreed.

"Helen, it's a horrible story." Bella shuddered, tendrils of fear clutching her heart.

"Which you can decide if, or when, you want to tell me." Her voice was gentle and matter of fact. "I wanted to let you know that you were incredibly brave earlier."

Bella nodded, trying to smile. "Bye, Helen, I'll see you tomorrow."

The driver was waiting, ready to take her home. She gazed out the window, trying to get a handle on the fear, but it was too brutal and too big. Bella mechanically wiped the tears from her cheeks, overwhelmed by her terror of Tyler and what he had done to her. A small, clinical part of her brain was surprised that even the demon fell silent in the presence of this terror.

She didn't realise she was already home until the car door opened and Edward leaned in to pick her up. He didn't say a word, just hugged her against his chest and carried her inside. He walked straight to the deck and settled into a chair with Bella on his lap. She sighed with relief, listening to his heartbeat, her life's compass.

"Would you like a bath, love?" His breath tickled her cheek.

She nodded. "Will you bath with me, please?" She was appalled by the terror in her voice. When Edward's body froze, she knew he had heard it too.

"Of course I will. I'll run it for you."

"NO!" Panic shot through her and she began sobbing. "Please, don't leave me."

Bella felt him lift her up again and snuggled into him, trying to get under his skin where she knew she would be safe. She sat on the edge of the bath while he turned on the taps and scratched through toiletries for bubble bath, watching him absently, mentally cataloguing how beautiful he was. She felt her heart beat a little stronger and some of the fear retreated.

He gently undressed her and then himself and climbed into the bath, holding her hand as she stepped in after him and slid down to lie against his chest between his legs. Bella rested her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat again. His arms held her loosely and she sighed, relaxing into him. _I'm safe._

She had no idea how long she lay in his arms, and Edward didn't speak beyond an occasional 'I love you' in her ear. Eventually though, he stirred.

"Do you think you can eat anything?" His voice was gentle, held no expectations.

"Yeah, that would be good." She nodded. "Shall we get take away?"

He shook his head. "I cooked for us – nothing fancy, just chicken soup."

"Sounds great." She smiled a little. "Aren't you supposed to give chicken soup to sick people? I'm feeling pretty under the weather right now, so good choice."

Draped in a bath sheet, she sat on the edge of the bed watching as Edward found their pyjamas. He helped her into them before picking her up again to take her to the kitchen.

"This is fabulous, babe." She sighed. "I might just make it through tomorrow if I know I'm coming home to something like this."

"Do you want to talk about today?" Edward's expression was calm, not fooled by her attempt at light heartedness.

She shook her head. "No, not really. Suffice to say that Tyler..." her breath hitched. "Tyler bit my arse harder than any booze demon ever has." That small, clinical part of her brain spoke again, observing how much easier it was to say with Edward next to her. She decided to tell him that.

"Wait here for a minute – will you be okay?" He stood up, waiting for her response.

"Yeah, I'll be okay." She nodded.

He was back within a minute, handing her a small box.

"More Tiffany's?" She opened the box and looked up at him, eyes wide.

"It's beautiful! Please put it on for me."

Edward picked up her right hand and slid it on her ring finger before raising it to his lips.

"It's an eternity ring, love. I wanted something that signified our beginning of forever. You and I and forever, circular, like this ring." He smiled at her. "Maybe, when things get rough tomorrow or the next day, or in thirty year's time, you can look at it and know that you have a piece of me, wherever you are."

Bella felt sobs building in her chest, then bubble over. A stream of anguish and pain spilled out, flooding her body and mind. Edward held her, rocking her back and forth, lending his strength and protecting her with his body. The flood and the pain receded and she remained, strengthened by her love for Edward, and his for her. She fell asleep in his arms, not waking when he put her in bed and crawled in behind her.

-j-

The days at the clinic blurred in Bella's mind, the experience becoming demarcated by pain or fear or loss or conflict, rather than day and night. Some days had a clarity about them, like those she spent with Carmen working through her mother's illness and death. Others were fraught with fear. Those days were the sessions with Helen and the memory of Tyler. She came to realise that she'd never be wholly free of him and focussed instead of learning to live with it. Some wounds simply can't heal, and you must learn to live with the pain.

Bella was constantly amazed at how strong the human spirit is: even those who had lost everything to alcohol were there, in the clinic, fighting to regain their lives. She was awed and inspired by the councillors and therapists who put their all into helping the human flotsam and jetsam that landed on their doorstep. Each person was treated with dignity. For many, dignity was something they'd lost in the bottom of a bottle a long time ago. But everyone, even in a tiny way, regained something in the process.

People entered rehab all the time, so the programme ran on a more or less continuous loop. It meant that at any one time, the group would have some 'veterans' and some 'rookies'. It kept a strong dynamic.

It was common for a new person to freak out; they were sometimes hours into getting dry and the pressure and pain is excruciating, so it was with sympathy that Bella watched the new girl, Bree, drumming garish fake nails against her bouncing knee, muttering under her breath. She recognised the DTs – they all did – and was not surprised when Bree suddenly shot up and turned to the door.

"Bree." Helen's voice was calm. "You know that if you walk out that door, I won't stop you, but if you try to leave the building, you will be. Where are you planning to go? Please, sit down. Give yourself a chance."

Violent twitches ran through Bree's body, making her entire body shake. The group sat quietly, respectfully, watching Bree fight for control. With a sob, she fell back into her chair, her face in her hands. Badly dyed red hair fell in waves around her face, ending in an abrupt bob around her jaw. Bella reached over to put her hand on Bree's knee, silently offering support. She took Bella's hand in hers, clutching it tightly. They sat like that, hand in hand, for the rest of the session.

"Bella, please would you show Bree where the coffee and tea is?" Helen looked at from the one to the other. Bella nodded. "Thank you. I'll see you both in the next session."

Bella led her to the Patients' Lounge where a trolley with an urn with the usual tea, coffee, sugar and milk stood, Bree still clutching her hand.

"Would you like some tea, Bree?" She gently pulled her hand out of Bree's grasp. She didn't respond, so Bella made her a cup anyway, handing it to her. She accepted the cup, but kept her face turned away from Bella. Bella didn't try to make conversation – in rehab, people volunteer information or they don't: you don't ask, so they stood in silence, drinking their tea.

She gasped involuntarily when Bree's face turned slightly as she lifted the cup to her mouth. Her bottom lip was cracked and puffy; an enormous bruise spread down the entire left hand side of her face, swelling her left eye shut. Fresh stitches snaked across her forehead to her right eye, its whites completely red.

The arm holding the cup was covered in scar tissue, some old, some new. A fresh bandage covered her wrist. Bella glanced at her other wrist, confirming a second bandage. Bree caught her look and flicked her sleeves down to cover them. They walked to the next session together, still in the silence that is a hallmark of friendships made in rehab.

Bree very rarely spoke in group sessions, intimidated by the attention. She tried to leave the grounds several times and fought the orderlies with surprising strength when she was stopped. It was after another attempt that Bella found her sitting on the grass. She was huddled into herself, arms wrapped around her knees and her chin tucked tightly against her chest, staring at the tree. She was shivering slightly, whether from cold or DTs, Bella wasn't sure.

"Bree? Are you cold?" Bella sat down next to her.

Bree just nodded.

"Why don't you put on a jumper?" Bella looked at the girl, realising that she must be cold, because her lips were slightly blue.

"I don't have one." Bree sounded younger than she looked.

"Here, take mine." Bella shrugged out of hers. "Being British, this weather barely registers as winter to me."

Bree slipped it on.

"Thank you." Bree continued staring at the tree, then blurted, "You're very kind to people."

Bella wasn't sure how to respond to the non sequitur, so she kept silent.

"I watch you in sessions. You're strong." Bree continued staring at the tree. "People love you."

Bella hesitated. "Should I get us some tea? It'll warm you up a bit."

Bree shrugged, so Bella took it as a yes. Bree was in the same spot when she returned with their mugs. Bella handed it to her and sat down again.

"I'm sorry about your mom." Bree rested her cup on her knee. "My mom's dead, too."

"Do you miss her?" Bella took a sip, careful not to look at her.

"No. She's why I'm here." Bree's voice was matter-of-fact. "Thank you for the sweater." She stood up, walked a step then turned back. "Thank you for being kind to me."

Bella watched her go back inside, trying to imagine Bree's world where a simple act of kindness was noteworthy, a world where a girl wouldn't own a jumper. She was fairly sure that the thin cotton peasant skirt that Bree was wearing was the same she'd had on when she arrived.

Bella tried to make sense of it: the clinic wasn't cheap, so the patients were generally comfortably off or had a relation or similar to pay the fees. Either way, even if they had no money personally, they still had the basics. Bree didn't even have a change of clothes. She wondered if the clinic would allow her to give Bree something new and clean to wear. She would be seeing Helen in half an hour, so would ask her then.

"Helen, I realise you're going to tell me to focus on my own rehab and not on anyone else," she paused, waiting for Helen to agree. She didn't respond, so Bella continued. "I chatted to Bree yesterday outside. She didn't have a jumper, so I gave her mine."

"I know. The staff are keeping a close eye on Bree. We saw you talking to her." Helen didn't elaborate, so Bella plunged in. "The thing is, Helen, she doesn't even seem to have a change of clothing. Would you allow me to give her some stuff? I don't know what the clinic's policy on this is."

"Bella, I cannot discuss another patient with you," she hesitated and continued slowly. "You are the only person that Bree has said anything to. I mean absolutely anything. I'm going to bend the clinic rule slightly in this case, because it isn't directly relevant to her recovery.

The clinic keeps two places open at all times for State or Charity cases. Bree has one of them. The clothes on her back are all she has. We have contacts with various charities that could have given Bree clothing and essentials, but she refuses to speak to anyone." Helen hesitated again. "I will take responsibility for this as head therapist: if you want to approach Bree with your offer, then I will allow it." Helen leaned forward. "But understand this, Bella. If this impacts in any way on your own recovery, I will step in. You are not here to take someone under your wing."

Bella nodded.

"Bella, I'm only allowing this because she talked to you." Helen sighed. "I haven't found a way in to Bree yet, so no, I can't offer any advice. The staff will be keeping tabs on her, but please let me know if she opens up to you. I will not allow you to be her therapist. Support, yes, therapist, no."

"Could you organise for her clothes to be laundered?"

"No problem." Helen nodded, then smiled. "It's a wonderful thing you're doing, Bella."

On the way home, Bella mentally ran through her wardrobe to find something suitable for Bree. Bella grimaced: what are essentials to someone who has nothing? Bree was a little taller than Bella, and a slightly bigger build too, but stretch fabric would be fine.

She'd need underwear. Bella had some knickers that hadn't been worn, a bra, though... The only solution that came to mind was a gym bra. A pair of stretch jeans and a couple of t-shirts; yoga pants and one of Edward's t-shirts could double as pyjamas.

Shoes were a problem. She decided on slipper socks for the meantime. If Bree accepted the clothes, she would get her shoe size later. That left toiletries, which was easy.

Edward was waiting for her outside when the car pulled up, once again picking her up right out of the car.

"Hey, you." He kissed her forehead. "How are you doing?"

"I'm good." Bella looped her arms around his neck and kissed him. "I'm much better now, though."

"Are you hungry?" Edward put her down on a kitchen stool.

Bella nodded.

"How 'bout we go super-British and go with bangers and mash and mushy peas." Edward stood at the fridge waiting for her reply.

"Edward, I may be British, but mushy peas are an affront to the human race." Bella pretended to shudder.

"What? And you call yourself British?" He began to laugh. "Bella, mushy peas is a national dish."

"A revolting national dish, only slightly better than haggis."

"Fine." He pouted. "I'll make some for myself then."

Half an hour later, they were sitting at the kitchen island eating dinner.

"Love, I wanted to talk to you about Alice's hamster wheel of dinners and premieres." Bella had to smile at his obvious distaste. "Would you mind staying at Alice and Jasper's for those nights? I don't want to leave you here alone."

Bella considered this for a minute. It wouldn't be a problem, but still, she hated the idea of not having Edward with her. "Okay, I guess. I don't really have much choice, do I?"

"Well, you could overnight at the clinic on those days?"

"You wonderful man. That's a brilliant idea." Bella beamed. "When is the first one?"

"Tomorrow night. I've told Alice that if you're not happy about it, I will cancel." He grimaced a little, and Bella grinned: she could imagine how well that went down with Alice. "I've also told her that even if you are okay with it, if you have a bad day, I'm cancelling."

"I love you." She pulled him down to kiss him. "You spoil me."

"I love you too." He kissed her again. "And it's not spoiling if it's motivated by love."

"I guess I should pack a bag then." Bella paused. "What's the schedule?"

"There are two this week that are all nighters that will mean you have to stay at the clinic. The others end at a reasonable time, so you can stay home with Alice, or even give Rose a call."

"Girly nights?" Bella grinned. "Yeah, man, bring it on."

"That was a terrible American accent." Edward responded, speaking with a perfect one.

"You're showing off."

"I am an actor, after all." He looked smug.

"Okay, Oh Modest One. Thank you for dinner, babe. I'm going upstairs to pack."

Bag packed for herself and Bree, she sat on the bed, mulling over the best way to give Bree the clothing. Edward found her, a half hour later, fast asleep. Deciding she needed the sleep more than a shower, he tucked her under the covers and went downstairs to work on Josh's script.

Bella woke, several hours later, sweating and shaking, the demon roaring for a drink. Edward wasn't with her and she began to panic, screams clawing at her throat. She clenched her fists, fighting with all she had to control the uncontrollable demand for alcohol. A ring dug into her flesh painfully... a ring... Edward's ring... worth fighting for. The words ran like a litany through her mind making her sob and she tried to focus on the words, excluding everything else.

"Bella?" Edward stood in the doorway and she looked up at him, unable to speak. The relief when he put his arms around her was instantaneous.

"Did you have the dream?"

With her head on his chest, she felt the words rather than heard them and nodded.

"Well done, love. Well done for fighting." He continued to whisper reassurances until she fell asleep in his arms.

**AN: Thank you, Gracie Mac 96 – you are single handedly keeping me afloat! **

**I hope the tongue in cheek answers that Bella gave her group didn't come across as patronising to Americans – it really wasn't my intention. It's just intended as a bit of light relief.**


	23. Chapter 22 Taking Risks

**AN: Lauren, this chapter is for you, babe. Wherever you are, I hope you're still fighting your beast.**

**James Frey: may you rot in hell. You and your Million Little Lies caused more damage to more people in rehabs across the world than a million doses of H.**

* * *

Chapter 22 Taking Risks

"Bella, what the hell do you have in this bag?" Edward plonked it down at the bottom of the stairs. "You do remember that you're only staying at the clinic for one night?"

"I packed some extra stuff for a friend." Bella didn't want to tell any more than that, and was relieved when Edward dropped it.

"Come here, you." He pulled her into his arms, holding her tight. "I'm going to miss you. Can I call you during the night?"

"Please do. I'm going to miss you too." Bella nudged him in the ribs. "You won't have time to miss me when you have a beautiful woman on your arm," she teased.

"The only woman I want on my arm... in fact, on my _anywhere_, is you." He lifted her right hand to kiss the eternity ring.

"Even though you must be suffering from terrible DSB? I mean, I haven't exactly been in the headspace for sex since I went into rehab." Bella tried to make light of it, but didn't pull it off very well.

"Bella." He lifted her chin so that he could meet her eyes. "I have no interest in sex. I do not feel horny or lusty or anything else you want to call it, for any woman other than you. I love you. That means it's us and maybe my right hand, but no one else." He kissed the tip of her nose. "What's DSB, anyway?"

"Dreaded Sperm Buildup." She nodded frantically. "It's a serious condition, you know!"

"You daft woman. C'mere." Bella sank into his embrace, trying to stock up on the smell and feel of him to get her through the next two days.

Holding hands, they walked out to the car. They stood quietly in each other's arms before Edward kissed her gently and helped her into the car, closing it softly behind her. She watched him as the car pulled away, feeling a tug on her heart.

-j-

Bella was shown to her bed at the clinic. She was in a dorm with five other women: Bree and Debbie from her rehab programme and the three others from other addiction rehab programmes. The thought of sleeping in a dorm made her laugh a little – it was another level of intimacy to get used to.

She unpacked quickly and sat on the bed with Bree's clothes on her lap. If she had been resisting help, Bella had no idea how she would react to the clothes. She didn't know how to give the clothes to Bree, either – should she hand over one item at a time? She shook her head. That wouldn't be helpful – the girl needed all of it _now. _She eventually decided to leave them folded on the bed with a note, and leave it at that. If she decided to dump them, there was nothing Bella could or would, do. The decision made and the note written, she went downstairs for the first session of the day.

Keeping her word to Helen, Bella did not take extra note of Bree, other than to notice that she was wearing the jumper. It was a difficult day, made emotional by the role playing they'd done in Dance Therapy that left the group very fragile. Because of it, group sharing that afternoon was intense and she was grateful when it ended. She made herself a cup of tea and went to sit in the garden, needing to process the day in quiet.

"Why did you do that?" Bella jumped and looked up to see Bree holding a t-shirt.

"I thought you would like some new things..." Bella didn't know what to say – would Bree be offended that she'd noticed her dirty clothes, insulted and angry? She decided on blunt. "Bree, you don't have to accept them. You need some basics, and that's all they are." Bella looked away deliberately, effectively ending the conversation. Bree stood there for a minute then walked away.

* * *

Bella wasn't familiar with the evening routine at the clinic, so was quite happy to go with the flow. In this case, it was sitting in the patients' lounge watching TV. She had to laugh when the consensus was to watch E! News, specifically, the premiere that Edward was attending with Tanya.

She watched a steady stream of the Rich, Famous and Obnoxious get interviewed, answer the same, boring questions, smile at the cameras and then walk into the venue. At last, her man appeared with a drop dead gorgeous blonde on his arm. She was wearing a killer frock, floor length with a split to her thigh. She turned slightly to reveal a completely bare back, except for Edward's hand splayed protectively against it. Her hair, so pale it was almost white, was twisted into a complicated loop at the nape of her neck.

Judging from the men's' comments, Tanya was all that is fuckable in a woman. Bella giggled to herself, wishing she could casually drop into the conversation that Tanya was gay. The women were bitchy about her, agreeing unanimously that he deserved someone better. She shushed them so she could hear the interview.

"Edward, are we going to find out where you've been hiding for the last couple of months? Everyone is speculating that you're planning to leave Hollywood, possibly with Ms Denali?"

"Edward laughed and ran his hand through his hair. The noise level behind them sky rocketed with chants of his name.

"It's been a couple of months for you, and an _eternity_ for me." Bella looked down at her ring, then kissed it.

"So can you confirm that you're leaving acting? How _does_ Ms Denali feel about your decision?"

Tanya's face came in to shot. "I'll support Edward no matter what he decides to do," she cooed, fluttering long lashes over ice blue eyes. "That's what _good_ friends do."

"Ms Denali, how do you feel about the pictures taken of Edward with a mystery brunette at the Metropolitan Hotel in London two months ago?"

Edward's face remained calm, but Bella knew his face, better than her own. His expression settled slightly into a mask, losing all animation. She held her breath, suddenly very, very afraid.

But Tanya was a trooper, not fazed in the slightest by the question. "Edward's been very busy in London, working on his new project. I'm beyond happy that it's working out so well for him."

The reporter clearly realised that the questions were being fielded by a professional, so the next question was probably deliberately intrusive.

"Edward, we heard about the tragic death of your assistant, Jane Arnold. We've been dealing with your new agent, Alice Brandon."

Edward's expression splintered at the name, then arranged itself into one of sadness. "Yes, very tragic. I've been very lucky to have Alice take over on such short notice." He smiled, then leaned over to say something to Tanya, and they walked away.

Bella sat frozen in her chair, cup of tea in her hand. What the fuck? Was the reporter shooting in the dark, or had someone been speaking to the press? Her mobile beeped and she knew it would be Edward.

_**Can I call now? **_

**Yes.**

Bella stood up to leave the lounge. He called before she'd reached the door.

"Sweetheart, we might have a problem." Edward's voice sounded slightly hysterical.

"I know. I was watching. Edward, what are we going to do?" Bella could feel the tears pricking her eyes. "Do you think the reporter knew something?"

"I don't think so – it felt like she was shooting in the dark." Bella relaxed slightly, hearing Edward use the same phrase she had. "But I'm not taking any chances."

"Do you..." Bella cleared her throat. "Do you think it could be Caius?"

"I'll fucking kill him if he did." She could hear him take a deep breath. "Love, don't worry, at least not yet. Alice and I will chase this down tomorrow."

"Tell Tanya I said hi. If I'd known how beautiful she is, I might not have approved her as your date." Bella tried to tease him, but he knew her too well.

"Isabella. Listen to me. We will sort this out. Do not get upset." He paused. "Did you hear my message to you?"

"The 'eternity' comment?" She asked.

"That's the one." She could hear the smile in his voice.

"Very smooth, Cullen." She became serious. "I love you."

"And I love you, with all my heart. I'm being called, love. I'll text you later."

"Night, love."

"Night, babe."

Bella couldn't face going back into the lounge, so she made her way up to the dorm. Grabbing her toiletries, she walked to the bathroom. The door opened as she reached for it and Bree stepped out, dressed in the yoga pants and Edward's t-shirt. A small glad voice in Bella's heart gave a hi-five and punched the air. Nothing was said by either woman.

* * *

Bella was up and on the phone to Edward before breakfast. The most startling news was that Caius had taken it upon himself to contact Edward to reassure him that he was not responsible for any leak. It meant one less avenue to worry about, but it was a long way to go before they were out of the woods.

"Alice has been on the phone to her London contacts and it's clear that someone noticed us together, but at this stage it doesn't look like anyone has investigated it any further than cursory interest in a possible 'Cullen conquest'." His voice was grim at the last. "In retrospect, it is strange that no one followed up on the Jane's death. If someone was going to connect the dots, that would be the side from which they could do it."

"Edward, maybe we should start planning for the worst." Bella was hesitant, not sure how he would react.

He was silent for a long time. "Bella, Alice has already started."

"Shit." What more, after all, was there to say?

They began throwing out random ideas in the hope that brainstorming would prompt a source for the leak.

"Do you think that Mike could be involved?" Edward asked.

"I don't see how. He doesn't know who you are." She gasped. "Edward, you gave him a cheque. The cheque has your name on it."

"Hang on a second, let me tell Alice."

Bella heard him relaying the info to Alice, who began swearing, a steady stream of invective that made her laugh.

"I'm guessing you heard all that," said Edward wryly.

"I think Mike heard it in London. At the very least, he probably felt his balls dive for cover." She thought for a moment. "Ask Alice what she thinks about me giving him a call." Alice's response was immediate and unprintable. "Okay, tell her I won't." She looked up to see Helen tapping her watch. "Babe, I have to go. I'm late for the session. I'll call you when we break for tea. Love you."

She walked across to Helen, who raised an eyebrow. "This is the first time you've been late for a session, Bella. Is everything okay?"

Bella hesitated, then realised she'd have to tell her some of the truth. "Helen, I have a bit of a shit storm brewing at home." She thought about what to say and settled on a brief outline. My... boyfriend..." she stumbled over the word, "is quite well known and it looks like someone may have told the press about my alcoholism."

"How well known is 'well known'?" Helen's eyebrows shot up.

"Well known enough that the information could damage his career." Bella reluctantly answered.

"Bella, you should have let me know." Helen raised a hand when Bella tried to interrupt. "It's a serious threat to your sobriety, a potential trigger. I don't need to know who he is, but I do need to know what you will be walking into when you leave rehab." She frowned. "Also, everything you tell me is in complete confidentiality."

"Helen, it is not my secret to discuss." She thought for a minute. "Let me speak to him and his agent and hear what they have to say." She smiled when Helen's eyebrows went up again at hearing 'agent'. "I did tell you he's well known."

"Yes, you did." She studied Bella for a minute. "Please let me know as soon as possible."

"I'm calling him at tea time. I'll discuss it with him then."

It turned out exactly as she expected: Alice was adamant that she didn't share Edward's identity, and Edward was equally adamant that she did.

"Sweetheart, nothing is more important than your recovery. If this will help, then you must do it. Besides, Carmen knows."

"No way." Alice was emphatic. "It's another potential source for a leak. We can't risk any more exposure."

"Alice, we all know that Bella's and my relationship will not remain secret for very long. People are going to dig into her past as soon as it's out there. If Bella tells Helen, there's the extra protection of the clinic's confidentiality obligation.

Both were stubborn, but perhaps Alice should have realised that nothing would change Edward's mind when it came to Bella's health and safety, because she finally caved.

"Fine," she snapped. "Do you need help with what to say?"

"No, Ali, I'll be fine." She paused. "Edward? Are you sure?"

"Bella, I'm sure about you. The rest is just niggly details."

"Okay, guys. I'll let you know how it goes." Bella hung up and began planning what to say.

* * *

The discussion with Helen was... uncomfortable. Bella shifted in her seat, watching Helen struggle to maintain a professional demeanour. "Bella, I'm glad you told me. The clinic needs to be prepared in the event that we have the press camped on our doorstep." She frowned. "We have to ensure the privacy of all our patients, and a melee outside will not make them feel safe. Will you keep me in the loop on this, please?"

Bella agreed. The whole thing was starting to piss her off – how many more times would she have to go through the explanation? It felt like she had a peeping Tom, watching every facet of her life. She excused herself and made her way outside, pausing for a second when she saw Bree sitting on the grass again. She was wearing the jeans and t-shirt Bella had left for her, and somewhat incongruously, the slipper socks.

"Hey. May I sit with you?" Bella tilted her head, waiting for Bree's response.

Bree nodded, so she sat down on the grass next to her.

"Thank you for the clothes," Bree said quietly.

"You're welcome." She hesitated, unsure how Bree would react. "Do you like them?"

Bella gasped when Bree beamed. It was the first time she'd seen her smile, and she realised that Bree was a very attractive woman.

"They're great." The enthusiasm in Bree's voice was also new. "I've never had designer label anything. Are you rich?"

Bella was taken aback by Bree's blunt question. "Not really. I used to be a senior manager, so I earned a decent living."

"What did you do?" Bree was getting a bit personal, but Bella didn't want to discourage her, so she answered.

"I was the General Manager of a hotel in London."

"Will you go back to it when you're out of here?" She jerked her head towards the building.

"I don't know." Bella sighed. "Probably not, but I don't have any idea what I should do, if not that. Besides, my life has got a lot more complicated since then. It would be... difficult to go back to the hotel industry. What do you do for a living?" She asked curiously.

The friendly expression on Bree's face died immediately.

"Shit, I shouldn't have asked. I'm sorry, Bree." Bella mentally kicked herself.

"It's okay." Her laugh was grim. "I didn't do anything, other than drink. And sold my body for money to buy booze." She watched Bella closely. Bella didn't react – she could empathise completely with her.

"When I started drinking again..." she paused, not sure if she could continue. She looked up at the tree, sorting through her words. "A very cruel woman sold me to cover the costs of the booze she was buying to keep me drunk. I think I can understand a little. If it wasn't for my fiancé, I would be where you are now – filled with self loathing. He made me realise that 'drunk Bella' is not the real Bella.

"Bree, you and I both know what alcohol can make us capable of doing. Alcohol makes monsters out of us. Without the alcohol, we go back to being who we really are." She glanced across at her, shocked to see tears pouring down Bree's face. She put her arms around her and held her while she sobbed, deep, wracking sobs that shook her entire body. Bree's tears soaked into her shirt, but Bella didn't move. It was a release that she needed, the first of many if she gave herself and the programme a chance.

Finally, Bree cried herself out and pulled away. "Bree? Talk to the therapists, sweetheart. They're here to help you. They're not the enemy." She sighed with relief when Bree nodded. "Come on, let's get some tea."

The afternoon flew by and before she knew it, she was in the car on the way home. Edward was waiting outside for her, as usual, opening the door and leaning into the car to pick her up.

"Hey, you." She rested her head against his chest, smelling him, feeling his arms around her.

"Hey to you too, beautiful." He squeezed her. "How was your day?"

"Surprisingly good, actually, considering the shit storm that's brewing." She smiled. "And I think I helped someone today who really needed it. It feels good."

"Hang on to the feel good feeling, love – everyone and their dog is here."

"I noticed the cars. Is this a gathering of the Clans?" She recognised Alice and Jasper's cars, but not the other bright red MX5. "Hey, that's my car, dammit!"

Edward looked around, confused. "Your car?"

"I have a red MX5 somewhere in England that belongs to me. I'll ask Jasper what happened to it."

"I can picture you in that car..." He nuzzled her neck. "Sexy as hell, top down..."

The door opened before they reached it. "Will you two stop sucking face like teenagers and get in here, please?" Alice stomped her foot.

"Ali, did you just stomp your foot?" Bella and Edward started laughing. "Even for you, that's a bit precious."

"Isabella Swan, stop giving me grief. Either hug me or..." she paused. "Oh, hell. I haven't seen you for ages. Edward, put her down so she can hug me."

Edward obliged, and Bella was immediately swept into the Nazi's arms. "I've missed you, Belly. Are you okay?" She pulled back a little, checking Bella's face. She nodded slightly and gave her another hug. "Clearly LA, Edward or rehab or all three is working for you. You look great."

"High praise indeed," said a voice behind her.

"Tanya! Let me introduce you properly to Bella." Edward was beaming at the two women.

"Hi, Bella. Good to put a face to a name." Tanya smiled. "And don't worry, I'm taking good care of your man."

"I watched the interview last night, so I've already put the face to the name." Bella grinned. "You fielded that obnoxious reporter's questions like a pro!"

"Honey, I'm really, really good at fielding – how do you think I've managed to keep that I'm gay from Hollywood for so many years?"

Bella had to smile at that. Tanya may look fragile and waiflike, but she was clearly tough as nails. A good person to have on your side. She felt Edward's arm snake round her waist.

"Are you hungry, love? We're having a barbeque later, but if you want something now?" He kissed her temple.

"I'm good, I'll wait." She glanced up at him. "There's something I want to talk to you about, though. I'll go say hi to Jasper and be right back."

Jasper's smile lit the room when he saw her. "Hey, darling. How you doing?" He looked at her closely, much like Alice.

"I'm well, Jazz." She laughed. "Do you know, Alice just did the same thing to me – that look that sees right through me. I've missed you both." She pulled away. "I need to speak to Edward, but I'll be back in a bit and we can catch up."

"No problem, darling." He shooed her. "See you in a bit."

She walked back to Edward and, grabbing his hand, walked upstairs to their bedroom.

"What do you need to talk..." is as far as he got. The door was barely closed when Bella launched herself at him, their lips slamming together. He didn't respond for a second, shocked by her sudden attack, and then his mouth was on hers. She fumbled with the buttons on his shirt, finally giving up and tugging it up. His lips left hers for a second to pull the shirt over his head, then returned to hers, making her sigh into his mouth.

Bella's fingers slid to the button on his jeans, her movements becoming frantic as she tried to get them down. Eventually they pooled at his feet and he kicked them off. Edward slid her jeans down, and she stepped out of them off her feet before pulling herself up around his neck. He put his hands under her bum and spun her round, pushing her against the door.

Without warning, he slammed into her, forcing her head back against the door. She gasped at the intense pleasure coursing through her body, spiralling around her clit. She gave in to the pleasure, barely aware of her surroundings, revelling in the sensation of Edward's body slamming against hers, the feel of him thrusting deep inside her. Her breath came in pants, whispering to him, urging him in harder, deeper and abruptly, she exploded, seeing stars behind her closed eyes. Edward groaned moments later, her orgasm milking him and pushing him into oblivion.

They stood together, still joined while their breathing normalised. Edward laughed softly. "You still have your shirt on."

She looked down. "Um, yes, well, I had other things on my mind."

"Let me try stay on your mind for a bit longer," he grinned down at her, carrying her to the bed. She flipped over onto her hands and knees, feeling her clit respond to his groan.

"Isabella, do you know what it does to me to see you like that, on all fours, for me?"

"No, no idea. You'll have to show me." She purred, glancing over her shoulder at him. She laughed in triumph when he leaped at her, sliding himself straight into her slit. He held her hips tight pulling her back on to him at every stroke.

Her hand slid between her legs, and began rubbing gently on her clit. She became wetter and wetter and could feel Edward get harder in response. This orgasm was slower and deeper, building on itself until, with a spasm, she let go, falling gently. Edward's strokes became erratic as he got closer. He stiffened as he came deep inside her and fell forward over her body, rolling them onto their sides.

She shuffled around so they faced each other, both still panting. Edward started laughing quietly.

"What's so funny?" They were both whispering.

"If this is a side effect of DSB, maybe it's not too awful." He rolled onto his back, rolling her with him so that she lay on his chest.

"Hmm..." She was drifting gently on the buzz of her orgasm, running her fingers through the hair on his chest.

"Come on, love. We need to get going or we'll have Alice the Autocrat banging on the door again." He laughed when she pouted. "I would normally be quite happy to ignore said Autocrat, but I did offer to feed everyone."

Still pouting, Bella and Edward got dressed and made their way downstairs.

"Well, fuck me, if that isn't a freshly fucked face, then I don't know what one looks like." Tanya smirked.

"Damn," said Bella under her breath. "I hoped we'd escaped the inquisition."

"Actually, Bella, it's your inside out shirt that gave you away, although you do have a deliciously fucked look on your face."

Bella looked at her shirt in mortification and sprinted to the loo to fix it. Hearing Tanya's gleeful laugh did not help.

Several hours later, they all sat down to dinner on the deck. The conversation centred around damage control as they plotted strategies and next steps, trying to minimise the impact it would have on Bella.

Bella listened to the conversation, not having much to contribute. It was such a huge beast they were trying to control that it seemed pointless. Was it such a huge beast though? _What would happen if we simply acknowledged it? _ She turned the idea over in her mind, looking for weaknesses and ramifications.

"Are you okay, love? You're very quiet." Edward lifted her hand to kiss the eternity ring.

"I'm fine. I'm thinking about the pros and cons of the situation." She leaned over to kiss him.

"Alice, how big a shit storm are we talking about here?" asked Bella.

"A big one, Belly. You would be splashed across the front page of every tabloid. Even the decent press will pick it up." Alice frowned. "Belly, what are you thinking?"

Bella had to laugh. Alice was always two steps ahead of everyone else.

"Guys, what if we don't fight the shit storm?" She glanced around the table at the confused faces. Only Alice didn't look confused – she had already guessed where Bella was going with this.

"What I mean is, why don't we just tell the truth? Surely it will be easier, not to mention more dignified, if we control the release of my alcoholism? If we dictate the pace and the how and when, it doesn't need to be a scandal of epic proportions. Fuck, we might even be able to do some good.

**AN: And some more big thank you's, Gracie Mac 96!**

**Please, please leave a review? **


	24. Chapter 23 Fence Sitting

Chapter 23 Fence sitting

Previously:

"_Guys, what if we don't fight the shit storm?" She glanced around the table at the confused faces. Only Alice didn't look confused – she had already guessed where Bella was going with this. _

"_What I mean is, why don't we just tell the truth? Surely it will be easier, not to mention more dignified, if we control the release of my alcoholism? If we dictate the pace and the how and when, it doesn't need to be a scandal of epic proportions. Fuck, we might even be able to do some good._

* * *

Bella's giggle filled the deathly silence.

"Sorry, guys, I didn't mean to laugh, but your faces are a picture."

She looked around the table again. Jasper looked thoughtful; Alice looked like she had toothache; Tanya's expression was difficult to read: Bella took a guess at surprise. Edward, ah... Edward was smiling at her with so much love and pride in his eyes that her eyes pricked.

It was the calm before the storm: Bella's words unfroze everyone. Alice started speaking, but so quickly that Bella couldn't make sense of her words.

"Ali, enough!" Bella banged on the table to get her attention. "The first person's opinion I'd like is Jasper's." She looked at him. "What do you think, Jazz?" She watched Jasper lean back, taking his time as he chose his words. He knew she wasn't asking about any backlash: she wanted his opinion on her ability to cope.

"Bells, I don't think any of us know exactly how big or ugly it will get, whether you keep it under wraps and then deal with fall out, or if you release the information pre-emptively." Jasper glanced at Alice, before looking back at Bella. "I think what you're asking me is if I think you'll be able to handle it?" He smiled when Bella nodded. "Well then, my answer is yes, I think you will handle it just fine, with one proviso." He looked at Alice again. "You need to get finished with rehab, Bells, and have as many days of sobriety under your belt as we can get you."

Bella smiled at him and moved on to Edward. "Babe, what do you think? You have a major say in this as it will impact on your career."

"You, Bella, are what's important to me. My career is a good deal less important to me than you are, and way, way less important than your sobriety." Edward brought her hand to his lips to kiss the ring. "Sweetheart, I love acting, but I love you more." He glanced at Alice. "I asked Alice if it was possible to have you and acting in my life. She wasn't sure. I am sure, though, that if there's a choice to be made, I choose you, every time, without hesitation, question or doubt." He suddenly smiled, "You can close your mouth now – you know what Alice says, 'remember – flies'."

Bella tried to focus on Edward through the tears welling in her eyes, her heart brimming with joy and love. To be so loved, so cherished, is a beautiful thing. She smiled at him, then jumped up. "Fuck it – I'm not close enough." She climbed into his lap, covering his face with kisses.

"Do I get a turn?" A very disgruntled Alice glared at Bella when she turned to look at her.

"Ali, yours is the hand on the reins. You are above such plebeian things as 'turns'." Bella grinned when Alice showed her the finger. "Jokes aside, Ali, I mean it. I thought that maybe Tanya could give some advice on the fine art of misdirection that you could use, but to all intents and purposes, you will be the captain of this ship." She giggled to herself at the garbled mixed metaphors. It work though, because Alice seemed to be glowing.

"So, people, all those in favour say 'Aye'."

Four 'Ayes' sounded and everyone laughed.

"I officially announce the inauguration of Operation..." Bella thought for a second. "Operation: Get Real!"

"And to commemorate the moment, Edward and I bid you good night. You can show yourselves out, I'm sure." Bella grinned at everyone. She pulled Edward out of the chair towards the Jacuzzi. "You get the Jacuzzi, I'll get the lights."

"Um... I think she means right now, people." Jasper's voice sounded more amused than embarrassed.

"Gross, Belly. I don't live here anymore and you're still doing my head in." Alice's voice disappeared as Jasper tugged her out the door.

"Bye, guys. Speak to you tomorrow, Edward." Tanya's laugh echoed. In the silence, the water began bubbling.

Bella switched off the lights, leaving just a patchwork of dancing shadows from candles that were guttering in a slight breeze.

They stripped their clothing off, leaving it in a pile on the deck. Bella ran her hands gently up Edward's arms, into his hair and then down over his nipples. A ghosting of goosebumps followed her fingertips, making him shiver and step closer. He slid his hands into the hair at the nape of her neck and tilted her head back to kiss her. Her head fell back as his lips moved down her neck making a trail of little kisses down to her collarbone.

A bubble enclosed them entirely, excluding everything except each other, all yesterdays, all tomorrows ceased as their lips met, then tongues, their bodies yearning to be closer. She felt Edward lift her, his mouth never leaving hers as he stepped into the bubbling water, seating himself with Bella straddling him. His erection pushed against her slit and she reacted instinctively, grinding herself onto him. His hands cupped her breasts, gently massaging and flicking her nipples, making her arch towards him.

She reached down to grasp his dick, directing him to her slit; he pushed up slightly to breach her opening and she slid down his length, taking all of him in. She watched his eyes, watched them become pools of black in the darkness, watched the beauty of his face as he felt her around him, watched the ripples of pleasure as she began to move up and down on him.

"I love you." As soft as a breath and as gentle, Bella felt time stretch and warp around them so that there was no end, just endless undulations of love and passion between them. Edward held her hips, letting her float weightless in the water as he moved for them, up and down. Their orgasms where as inevitable as the tide, washing through them, leaving peace in its wake.

Bella was mostly asleep against Edward's chest when he carried her upstairs, carefully towelling and tucking her into bed before climbing in next to her. She turned towards him instinctively, snuggling into his side. He fell asleep watching her breathe.

-j-

Bella woke up the next morning with wisps of dreams swirling in her mind. She lay still, trying to recapture the memory, but it remained a confusing jumble of snapshots: Her and Bree talking on the bench at the clinic; Edward and Alice at a function, dressed in eveningwear; Tyler's face, contorted with anger. She wasn't able to piece them together in any way that made sense: the harder she tried, the more fragmented the snippets became. Sighing, she gave up and went to shower.

Edward was in the kitchen in front of the stove, wearing only jeans. She paused, looking at him, wondering if she would ever get used to the physical beauty of the man. Her body reacted to his, craving his touch and she stepped forward to put her hands on his shoulders, placing a kiss between his shoulder blades.

"Good morning." She slid her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek to his skin, smelling him.

"Good morning, beautiful." He turned around in her arms and hugged her to him. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah, thanks, like a baby." She stretched up to kiss him.

"What, you mean waking every two hours, crying for a bottle?" he teased.

"Ha ha." She lightly smacked his chest with the back of her hand.

"Actually, you were very restless last night, love. I couldn't decide if I should wake you up or not."

"I can believe that," she thought about the dreams. "I woke up this morning with weird bits and pieces of dreams floating in my mind."

"Love, I wanted to ask you..." Edward looked worried.

"Ask away, lover boy." She had to laugh at his expression – he looked like a little boy who was expecting a bollocking.

"It's Christmas coming up and..." he paused again. "What do you want to do? I mean, are there traditions and that sort of thing that you do?"

Bella had completely forgotten about Christmas, which, given how crazy life was at the moment, was not that surprising. A picture formed in her head of her and Edward sitting in front of a Christmas tree in their pyjamas, drinking mugs of hot chocolate.

"I didn't realise it was so close." She considered it for a moment. "I don't really have any Christmas specific traditions, except getting to open one present on Christmas Eve, and the usual ones of putting the tree up twelve days before and taking it down twelve days after. The last few years, I've spent with Jasper, Alice and Mike. Do you have any?"

He shook his head. "Much the same, my side. I usually go to Emmett and Rose if I'm in town." He grimaced. "I've spent lots in various hotels around the world though."

"Should we invite everyone here for Christmas?" Bella smiled at the thought of a house full of friends.

"Can I cook?" Edward's face lit up like... well, like a Christmas tree.

"Sure, as long as I can help." She hesitated. "Rose and Emmett might not be keen on a dry Christmas though." She shrugged. "It is the time of year when everyone drinks, pretty much all the time."

"And it's late notice. If they can't, then you and I can spend the entire day in bed making wild, passionate love." He grinned, "Celebrate Christmas with a bang, so to speak."

"Our first Christmas together." Edward squeezed her. "I'll give them a call today, see what they say."

-j-

Bree spoke for the first time at the group sharing that afternoon. It was a small comment, a quiet "you're very blessed" to a woman describing her family. It startled the group, though and without direction, everyone began clapping. Bree blushed and let her hair fall to cover her face. It was a start, though, everyone sensing that a threshold had been crossed.

Bella was sitting outside waiting for the driver, thinking about Bree's breakthrough. As if on cue, Bree walked out of the clinic towards her, two mugs in her hands. She felt a smile form on her face, and smiled more when she got a tentative one from Bree.

"I thought..." Bree held out the mug to Bella. "I thought you might like some tea."

"Thanks, Bree. I'm British, remember? Tea is a cure for all ailments and worries." Bella patted the grass next to her. "Sit with me?"

"Are you sure?" Bree's uncertainty, the complete lack of faith in herself brought tears to Bella's eyes and she nodded.

"You did really well today, Bree. I know it's not my place, but I wanted you to know that you should be proud of yourself." She looked at the tree, deliberately avoiding making Bree uncomfortable by looking directly at her. _Perhaps when her face heals up?_ But Bella wasn't so sure – the type of reserve that Bree maintained was deeper than embarrassment over a beaten up face. It was bone deep, indicative of someone who had no sense of her own worth.

"Proud?" Bree's voice broke on the word.

"Yes, proud," said Bella firmly. "It's a start, Bree. Give yourself a chance to heal." A thought struck her. "Bree, what are you doing for Christmas? You'll be more than half way through the programme, so you would probably be allowed to go home for the holiday."

"I don't have a home." Bree's voice was flat and final.

"Oh. Would you like to spend Christmas with us?" The words popped out Bella's mouth before she could stop them.

"No." Bree stood up and walked away.

_Well, that went swimmingly. _Bella smiled ruefully. _Maybe it's for the best anyway. I don't know how she'd react to Edward._

She thought about her invite to Bree on the way home, trying to imagine a life with no home. Even when her drinking had been at its worst, she had had a roof over her head and the support of friends. She shivered – it was a cold, bleak existence.

Edward was waiting for her outside, following what was now their ritual – picking her up right out of the car, cuddling, then going to the kitchen for dinner. It made Bella irrationally happy – the making of rituals and memories seemed to solidify their relationship, a tangible expression of love and happiness.

"I talked to Rose about Christmas today." He was grinning like a little kid. "They would love to come."

"That's great!" Bella was grinning right back at him. "And Jasper and Alice?"

"They're in too. We have a full house!" Edward did a little jig on the spot before sweeping Bella into his arms.

"Babe?" Bella was debating whether or not to mention her invite to Bree.

"What's wrong?" Edward looked alarmed. "You look... nervous."

"Nothing's wrong." She hesitated. "How would you feel about someone from the clinic joining us for Christmas?" She watched his face carefully. "It's just... Her name's Bree. She has no home, no family. I asked her to join us and she said no, but I'd really like her to be here." The words came out in a rush.

"No problem, love." Edward looked untroubled.

"Aren't you worried that she'll... I don't know... Sell a story to the tabloids or something?"

"Do _you_ think she'd do that?" asked Edward.

Bella was quiet, thinking it through. "I don't know," she said at last. "Alcoholics can be unpredictable. But Edward, I can't even imagine how awful it must be to have no home, no family, no friends – nobody wants her, nobody cares."

"Love, it's Christmas – the time when we're supposed to be filled with goodwill. Ask her again."

"Yeah, I think I will." Bella laughed. "I'll probably have to run it passed Helen first, which is like an interview with Hitler. Still, I'd like to try."

"More people to cook for," Edward beamed.

-j-

First thing the next morning, Bella approached Helen about having Bree with them for Christmas.

"I don't think it's a good idea." Helen shook her head firmly. "Bree is only just starting to open up, Bella. I can't in good conscience let her leave the clinic yet."

"It's a while to Christmas yet, Helen." Bella countered. "Can we consider the possibility that she'll be in better shape by then?"

Helen frowned. "I'll concede that she has some time, but I'm not going to promise anything."

"What about if we use it as an incentive for her to open up and work the programme?" Bella persisted.

"Bella, I don't like this. You're getting emotionally involved with Bree."

"Helen, caring about a fellow human being, a person in need, is not wrong." Bella was getting irritated. "The girl has no one. She has a chance here to build a support structure, a structure she's going to need when she leaves the clinic. Surely you can't deny that sending her back out there, on her own, is going to have her back in here in no time – if she's able to come back at all."

Helen looked at her, lips pursed. Bella looked straight back, refusing to give an inch. She wasn't sure why, but this seemed _necessary_ and right, and she was damned if she was going to give up without a fight.

"Fine." Helen shook her head when Bella smiled delightedly. "No, don't jump to conclusions. By 'fine' I mean I'll consider it if we see real progress with Bree."

It wasn't a definitive answer, but she would take what she could get. _Now to tell Bree_. Bella laughed at herself – if Bree still refused, she would have upset the apple cart for nothing. She thought about the best way of approaching her, wondering when she would relax enough to hear her out. The only place that came to mind was 'their' bench, where Bree seemed to feel safe.

Bella went looking for Bree at lunchtime, figuring that the sooner she presented the incentive, the sooner Bree might be coaxed into sharing. Luck, or serendipity, was with her, and she found Bree on their bench with her lunch.

"Hi. May I sit down?" Bella waited for a response.

She just nodded.

"I wanted to talk to you about Christmas, Bree..." She was interrupted.

"I said NO. Are you deaf?" She glared at Bella.

"No, I'm not deaf, so you don't need to shout at me." Bella took a deep breath. "Look, I've talked to Helen about my invite. She will consider allowing you to come to us for Christmas if she feels there's been progress with your therapy.

"Bree, every one of us in there has a story to tell, of varying degrees of awful. I doubt though, that anyone else has no one at all, and no home." Bree was glaring at the tree. "Everyone in there wants to stay sober so that we can get our lives back. You've got it harder because you don't have a life to get back – you're going to have to build it from scratch. I'm not implying you can't do it. What I am saying is you're going to need help to do it. I'm offering you mine with no strings attached. I don't want your body, I don't want your life. I don't want anything from you except possibly for you to say yes to Christmas, and yes to therapy." Bella's eyes pricked. "Will you at least consider it?"

"Why would you do this? Why do you care?" Bree's tone was part aggressive, part bewildered.

"Let's just say 'there, but for the grace of God, go I'." Bella reached for her hand. "Please at least think about it."

Bree studied her for a long minute before nodding brusquely.

"Is that a yes, you'll come, or a yes, you'll think about it?" Bella held her breath, waiting for Bree's response.

"Bella, I don't know. I've learned a lot in my short life, and the one thing that has kept me alive, is not relying on anyone." She looked at Bella with tears in her eyes. "I'm scared, Bella. I'm scared of leaving here, I'm scared to stay. I don't want to keep fighting." She tried to laugh. "The Short Life of Bree Tanner: it is a tale / Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, / Signifying nothing."

Bella was startled by the quote, not expecting something like that from her. "You know Shakespeare?"

Bree nodded. "I made it as far as first year of a BA."

"Then we have something in common! I majored in English Lit." Bella couldn't curb her enthusiasm at this delicate bridge that was forming.

"Bella, why do you think I can relate to you? I relate to your life, I've been there – I am still there." Bree's breath caught on a sob. "Except that you're lucky enough to have people who care about you." She got up and walked away.

Bella watched her go, her heart aching. Bree was right – she _was_ lucky to have people who loved her: she had Edward, who had seen her at her very worst, and loved her in spite of it; Alice and Jasper who always had, and always would, look after her. She thought about Rose and Emmett, who'd accepted her into their lives without reservation, had opened their hearts for her to be part of their family. She sighed: compared to Bree, her life was dead easy. She shut down that thought immediately – no one's rehab or life story was worse than another's – you played the hand you were dealt.

-j-

The group sharing was winding down when Bree spoke.

"Does anyone mind if I say something?" She face was filled with fear - afraid of rejection, afraid of condemnation.

"Bree, we all would like to hear what you have to say." Helen's voice was gentle and encouraging, her words reinforced by a chorus of agreement from the group.

"I'm trying to be... brave? I don't know, maybe I can find a way to not be scared." Bree began crying. "I'm so, so tired of being scared. I don't want to live anymore if I have to live in fear all the time."

The group waited silently, holding the space for Bree to let down a barrier. Every single one of them had sat where she was sitting, trying to find a way out of the blackness of terror into the light of a life. It became clear, though, that she had reached the end of her courage for that day, and they quietly left the room, leaving Bree with Helen.

**AN: Another short chapter *hides her head*. I got caught up reading belladonnacullen's story The Practice of Love, so ended up neglecting my story.**

**Thanks Gracie, Aussie33 and Lala Dee (hmm...) for the reviews! **


	25. Chapter 24 Choosing life

Chapter 24 Choosing life

* * *

All hell broke loose at the clinic the next day. Bella first realised something was going on when Helen was called out of the session, and a strange buzz of energy filled the building. The staff were clearly perturbed and shortly after, an ambulance arrived, taking the frenetic energy with it when it left.

With the session cut short, Bella made herself tea to take outside to the bench. Her thoughts were drifting idly, thinking about the dreams that had peppered her sleep last night, thinking about the Metropolitan for the first time in weeks, thinking about what she would do when she left rehab. The last thought pricked her a little, and she paused to examine it closer. She had no real experience outside of the hotel industry, but the thought of returning to it made her shudder. She smiled a little at the thought of herself swanning around Edward's house all day, perhaps drifting out for a manicure, or lunch with Alice. It would be great for a while, but she'd be climbing the walls all too soon. Edward had been clear that he had no problem with her staying home, but she honestly couldn't see herself settling in to a life as a housewife.

"Bella?"

Bella turned in her seat to smile at Helen. "Hiya. You caught me woolgathering. I'm toying with the idea of becoming a domestic engineer."

Helen didn't smile back, and the smile slid off Bella's face. "What's wrong?" Even as she spoke, she knew.

"Bree cut her wrists this morning."

Bella felt the blood drain from her face and caught hold of the bench for support. "Is she okay?"

"She won't die, if that's what you mean." Helen's face was dark with... what? Bella couldn't read her expression. She didn't seem angry, nor did she seem particularly distressed.

"She's asking for you. The clinic director has given his approval for you to go the hospital to see her. Would you be prepared to go?"

Bella was already picking up her mug and handbag, pulling to a stop. "Fuck. I don't have a car. I'll have to get the driver..." She pulled out her phone.

"I'll take you, Bella. Can you get your driver to collect you from the hospital?" Helen's expression still had an elusive quality that Bella couldn't pinpoint.

"Yeah, no problem. Can we go now?"

Helen just dangled her keys from her hand.

The drive to the hospital was uncomfortable, to say the least. Bella tried to get more details from Helen, but she couldn't, or wouldn't, give her any information. "Helen, there's something you're not telling me, dammit." Bella was exasperated. "Just spit it out!"

"I don't know an easy way to put this." This time, Bella noted the anger in Helen's voice. "Bree asked me this morning if I would give the okay for her to spend Christmas with you." Her voice hardened. "I said no."

"But why? You haven't given her a chance yet!" Bella glared at her, furious. "You said, quote, "Fine", unquote, subject to her progress."

"I know what I said." Helen's voice bounced around the car. "It is still my opinion that she shouldn't go. No, Bella," she raised a hand from the steering wheel when Bella opened her mouth. "This is not just about Bree's wellbeing. There's yours and your family's safety at stake here too. Are you going to risk them, risk exposure of your 'well known' boyfriend?"

"Helen, that is _my_ decision to make. I've already discussed it with Edward, and he's okay with it." Bella's hands were shaking with anger. "If we had continued the discussion, I could have told you that my best friend is a psychologist, specialising in addiction. He will be with us most of the time, and is on standby 24/7 for me anyway. She will be safe, Helen, safe as she'd be in the clinic."

"It's a moot point now, anyway." Helen's voice was disapproving.

"Moot because you're flatly refusing?" The sheer injustice of it took her breath away. "This is not a bloody Kafka novel, Helen."

"It's moot because Bree threatened to cut her wrists if she wasn't released."

"She _what_?" Bella whispered, shock whipping through her.

"Unfortunately, she went through with the threat after I said no." Her voice was emotionless.

"Unfortunately?" Bella's voice rose to a shriek. "Unfortunate that a desperate girl, who is offered a glimmer of light in her desperate life, is denied the opportunity, and you say 'unfortunately'? What the fuck, Helen." She tried to keep her voice steady, but her rage and sorrow was difficult to keep in check. "Why did the director say I could go to her today, if I'm such a risk to her recovery?" Her sarcasm fell flat.

"He, it seems, agrees with you. He has asked me to reconsider." She threw a hard glance at Bella. "Understand this, Bella: I don't think this is a good idea. But despite what you think, I'm not a heartless bitch: I can see the change in Bree beginning, and I recognise that you've played an instrumental part in that." She took a deep breath. "So I'm going to say yes. I'm going to say yes because I looked in that girl's eyes and saw hope dying. I'm here to nurture hope, not snuff it."

The silence was deafening. Bella didn't know what to say: she felt no sense of victory – a girl trying to kill herself was in no way, shape or form a victory, but she did feel a little gladness blossom.

"Thank you," Bella wiped the tears from her eyes. "For Bree's sake, thank you."

"You – and Bree – are welcome." Helen's voice was thick with emotion. "Bree is going to have to work really hard, though, Bella. That's why you're going to the hospital. Between the two of us, we need to convince her to give a one hundred percent commitment to her recovery." Helen glanced at Bella, her expression thoughtful. "I'm taking Bree out of group therapy sessions, except Dance therapy. I'm going to work one on one with Bree for the rest of her time at the clinic."

"I'm glad," said Bella simply. "She deserves it."

"You have a good instinct, Bella, and a knack for seeing passed defences. It's an essential part of being a good therapist." Helen smiled wryly. "Maybe you should consider becoming a therapist rather than a domestic engineer."

"Yeah, right: 'Hi, Joe Blogs, I'm your therapist, oh and by the way, I'm a recovering alcoholic'. Like that would work." Bella laughed.

"Who better to understand than someone who's been through it and living it?" Helen asked, her voice matter of fact.

Who, indeed? The idea blazed through Bella's mind, searing itself into her consciousness: who, indeed.

Her thoughts were interrupted by their arrival at the hospital. Bella bounced impatiently while they were signed into the Psych ward and she all but ran to Bree's room. She cautiously popped her head round Bree's door and was greeted by the most beautiful smile she had ever seen on her face.

"Bella, you came!" Tears rolled down her cheeks and she lifted her hand to wipe them, displaying three inches of bandages around her wrist.

"Yeah, sweetheart, I'm here." Bella pulled up a chair and sat down, holding Bree's hand in hers.

"Bella, I'm sorry I let you down. I just... for the first time in so long, I was looking forward to something and..." her voice died.

Bella glanced at Helen, looking for direction, but Helen just looked on impassively. She sighed, realising that she'd have to get this right on her own.

"Bree, listen to me for a minute." She brushed her fingertips over the faint bruise lingering on Bree's cheek, waiting until Bree met her eyes. "You didn't let me down, sweetheart, not at all. You let yourself down. And even that we could have supported you with." She didn't look at Helen, although the temptation to glare at her was strong.

"We do have some good news for you, something for you to look forward to." Her heart broke at the wariness in Bree's eyes. "The clinic has agreed that you can come to us for Christmas..." she laughed at the beam that lit Bree's entire face. "Not so fast, cowboy. Like with everything in life, you're going to have to work for it." Bella studied her face, making sure that Bree understood, realised that this was an attainable goal that she would have to strive for. "You're going to have to work really hard, Bree. I'm not sugar coating this, because it's going to be bloody hell, but it's a chance to make something of your life, maybe one of the last chances that you will allow yourself to have." She looked over at Helen and inclined her head, indicating that she should take over.

"I know how you struggle with group sessions, so I'm rearranging your programme slightly. You'll be doing one on one's with me for the rest of your stay at the clinic." Helen laughed too at the relief that flooded Bree's face. "You'll still do Dance therapy, and you are still welcome to attend any group session." She smiled at Bree's dubious expression. "You feel that way now, but I'm fairly sure that once you're a goodly way down your recovery path, you'll feel differently."

"But Bree?" Her expression became serious as she picked up her other hand. "You can't do this again. We can show you how precious your life is, too precious to risk like this. Can you give me that commitment?"

She nodded, crying too much to speak.

Helen smiled at Bella and took her hand. The three women laughed gently as their hands formed a triangle.

Bella and Helen sat with Bree, chatting about nothing much. Bella watched Bree relax, more than she'd ever seen before. It was beautiful to see, and Bella couldn't wait for Edward to meet her.

"Oh, shit, I forgot to phone the driver." She checked her watch. "Bugger. I'd better call Edward too. I'll be back in a second, sweetie." Bella had to leave the ward to make the calls. She decided to call Edward first because... well because she loved him more than the driver, really.

"Hey, love. Are you running late tonight?" Edward's silky smooth voice slid over her.

"Kinda. I'm at the hospital..." she didn't finish the sentence when Edward interrupted.

"What happened?" She could hear him walking towards the door, then the jingle of car keys.

"Nothing happened to me, I'm fine." She kicked herself mentally for giving him a fright. "I'm here to visit a... friend... Bree, actually. Sorry, babe, I didn't mean to scare you. That was really thoughtless of me." She heard the door opening. "I forgot to tell the driver to collect me here instead of the clinic, and called you to let you know I'd be late."

"Do you think it would be okay if I picked you up?" Edward's voice calmed a little, but was still a little stressed. "I'm closer to the hospital than the driver is."

"That would be great!" Her heart soared, just knowing he was on his way. "Hang on, what will Alice say? Maybe it's not such a good idea."

"We're already assuming that the information will be out there, Bella. And quite frankly, my heart just stopped beating and it won't start again until I know you're safe, preferably in my arms." She could hear the smile in his voice.

"Super. I think you should let Alice know though, just in case." Bella did not want to face a pissed off Alice on her own if this went sideways.

"Hmm. I'll give the driver a call on my way over. See you in a bit." The phone went dead.

She walked back to the ward, unable to hide the grin on her face. "Edward's picking me up himself, so no driver today." She laughed at Helen's expression. "Helen, he may be 'well known', but he really is just a guy, albeit a very gorgeous one."

"Bella, may I meet him?" Bree sounded so young, looked so vulnerable lying there in her bed.

Bella glanced at Helen, raising an eyebrow. She was well aware of the courage it must have taken for Bree to ask to meet a stranger.

"Uh uh, Bella. That's your call, and your risk." Helen smirked. "The entrance to the Psych ward is separate and more private for obvious reasons." She shrugged.

Bella thought it through, trying to weigh the risks. Finally, she shook her head. "Sorry, sweetheart, not today. But you'll meet him at Christmas." She leaned over to kiss her cheek. "I'll see you back at the clinic tomorrow."

Bella left the ward and made her way to the front entrance. As she stepped out the door, a poppy red MX5 pulled up. Edward pushed open the passenger door, frantically waving her into the car. He was wearing his trademark beanie and horn rimmed glasses, but without a scarf to cover his jaw, he was fairly easy to identify.

"Tell me that this is mine," pleaded Bella before her bum hit the seat.

"And if I said, no, it isn't?" Edward's eyes sparkled.

"Then I will offer you blow jobs in perpetuity if you will only say it's mine." She burst out laughing at the expression on his face.

"It's yours." Edward smirked. "It was your Christmas present, but I'm happy with the payment terms we've reached – for the rest of forever, need I remind you – so I'll have to find you something else."

"Edward, I suggest you cover your ears." Bella squealed, really, really loudly. "Okay, babe, you can uncover your ears."

"That was impressive, even when compared to Alice." Edward shook his head slightly.

"You've just made me realise that we haven't got anyone presents yet, and I'm going to be at the clinic right up till Christmas. How about you and I sit down on our deck with the laptop and do some Festive Season surfing tonight?"

"It's so good to hear you say '_we_ haven't got presents' and '_our_ deck'." Edward smiled at her. "Sounds like a date, love. I'll get a bottle of w... Oh fuck." Edward looked at her, distraught. "I'm so sorry, love."

"We've had this conversation, Edward. It's going to take you a while." She leaned over to kiss his cheek. "Relax."

Edward was quiet while making dinner, clearly not concentrating on the tomato he was dicing for the salad, clearly still beating himself up for his slip.

"Hey, put the knife down – you're inflicting cruel and unusual punishment on that tomato. Edward!" She grasped his hands to still his frenetic movements. "Stop it. Don't punish yourself for your bottle of wine slip." She tugged him towards her, sliding her arms around his waist and gazing up at him. "Babe, _I_ still slip. I still find myself thinking what wine to buy to go with a meal. Please, accept that it's going to take you a while."

"I want to be your safe place, Isabella." Edward's voice broke on a ragged breath. "I want to be the one person in this world that you can trust implicitly. I..." His voice failed.

"You are that already." She held his face between her hands, running her thumbs over his lips. "You mean more to me than anything else in this world." She took a deep breath. "Try to accept that, please. I've dried out before and it is a painful, soul destroying process. Except that this time... _this time_ ,I have you. The pain is excruciating, but my soul... my soul is safe and protected by your love."

Bella put her head against his chest to listen to his heart. "While I hear your heart beating, I am safe. The demon has no voice, has no power. You, Edward, have made me understand that I am worth fighting for. Even if you leave me tomorrow, and I never see you again, you have shown me that I have the strength to fight for myself. I will keep fighting, for you and for myself."

Edward's expression eased a little and he pulled her into a tight embrace. They stood, holding each other, acknowledging the love that bound them together tighter than any knot.

"Are you okay?" Bella looked up at him to study his face.

"Yeah, I'm okay." He smiled. "While you're okay, I'm okay."

"Let's take our dinner to the deck and do some shopping then." Bella stretched up to kiss him.

"Who do we need to get presents for?" asked Edward.

"I usually buy separate presents for Alice and Jasper, so that's two, plus Rose, Emmett and Bree." Bella counted them off on her fingers. "We also need to send one to Angela in London... I think that's all, other than you, which I shall do later."

"What should we get Bree?" Edward tugged on a lock of hair. "I don't know if jewellery or something like that is a good idea – if she does drink again, it's something of value that she can sell for booze."

"Babe, listen to what you've just said," she leaned over to kiss him. "_That_ was more insightful than anyone I've ever heard. You really are a safe place, and I love you."

"Thank you, love, for saying that." He sighed. "It's good to know."

Several hours later, everyone's presents had been purchased: diamond studs for Alice, golf clubs for Jasper, a huge gift voucher for Baby's R Us for Rose and Emmett, and a Macy's voucher for Bree. After much debate, they bought Angela an Amazon gift voucher.

"Is there anything specific you want for Christmas?" Bella snuggled into Edward while the laptop sat on the table in front of them.

"This is going to sound cheesy, but I truly have everything I've ever wanted right here in my arms." His lips brushed her temple.

"Well, I want to get you something; after all, I have a bright red MX5 with my name on it." She smiled at him. "I love it, by the way. Thank you."

"You are welcome. However... you and I have payment terms in place for the car, so it's not your Christmas present anymore." His eyes sparkled. "Talking of which..."

"Are you asking for the first instalment?" Her hands slid down his chest, slipping into the waistband of his jeans.

"Hmm... maybe. Let's get out of the cold though, and move this party inside." He jumped up and swept her into his arms, making her burst out laughing.

"One instalment on perpetuity coming up!"

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**I'm in two minds about completing this story. Let me know if you think it's worth wrapping up.**

**Thanks Gracie, Aussie33 and Lala Dee for the reviews! **


	26. Chapter 25 Righting wrongs

**AN: Sorry for the long delay in posting – RL is a bitch!**

**Warning: this chapter contains references to child abuse. Please don't read further if this offends or upsets you.**

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Chapter 25 Righting wrongs

Edward switched off the light in the study and made his way upstairs. It was way past midnight, but he couldn't sleep. His mind was full of his character, fleshing him out, making him 3D. The deeper he went, the more the character spread out into his own psyche in return. He could feel the character in him, begging for the chance to speak.

This role, Alistair Brady in The Broken Memoirs of a Drunk, resonated deeply in him. It was giving him an insight into Bella that he both appreciated and feared: appreciated because he understood better the demon that Bella fought on a daily basis, and feared because he understood how precarious the victory could be.

It deepened his love and awe of the woman, but raised a very real fear of what alcohol could do to her, to him, to them. He finally understood Bella's reluctance to drop her guard and let him in. Although he tried to suppress the fear, it continued to creep up on him. It frightened him to realise that there was something that could pull them apart and destroy them. He was sickened by the realisation that he couldn't protect her and keep her safe from what she called 'the demon'.

Bella seemed to be aware of the turmoil in him and responded to his distress by giving him space. He was grateful that she understood his fears and had faith enough in him to reach his conclusions by himself. He wondered if she was afraid that the new insights would make him walk away. He winced at the thought and was blown away by her integrity by giving him the opportunity to reach decisions without interference.

He stood in the doorway watching her sleep. She was curled around his pillow, one arm holding it against her and her other hand tucked under her cheek. Some of the fear leaked away to see her in their bed, to know that she trusted him and loved him enough to take the risk of loving him and committing to their relationship. The thought of losing her made him shudder. He examined his reaction to the idea of her not being in his life. No matter what the risks inherent in their relationship, he'd rather live with the fear than live without her. The thought was comforting and gave him the perspective he needed to accept the fear that the character of Alistair was raising.

Minutes later he was in the shower feeling the water wash away the turmoil that had been running through his mind. He felt calm again, filled with love and confidence that they would face the demon together and win, every time. His musing was interrupted by the door opening.

"Hey, babe. You okay?" Bella's voice was thick with sleep but still laced with concern.

"Sorry I woke you up. Would you like to join me?" Edward's body reacted immediately.

"That's an invitation I can't decline." Her voice changed, the sleepiness replaced by a smile.

She stepped into the shower and his arms. His lips met hers and he smiled against her mouth when he felt her tongue brush against his lip. He ran his tongue down her neck when her head fell back, his fingertips dancing down her chest and round her nipples. He smiled again when Bella's breath hitched as his fingertips continued down, over her stomach and slid their way into her lower lips.

He could smell her arousal, the beautiful scent he loved surrounding them in the steamy shower. He knelt down in front of her and lifted her leg over his shoulder to give him access to her sex, his tongue immediately sliding over her clit.

"Do you like that, Isabella?"

She didn't answer, her panting giving him all the answer he needed as her hips flexed to get closer to his mouth. He gave her what she asked for, licking and sucking her swollen nub. He could feel her body vibrating as she bucked under his tongue. His tongue slid into her opening, lapping her juices, returning to her clit when she whimpered. Her orgasm shuddered through her and he continued sucking and nuzzling to drag out the pleasure washing through her body.

He lifted her slightly when her legs gave way so that she was clinging to him, her body twitching.

"Edward, I want to feel you in me."

The begging in her voice exploded a raging need in him and he switched off the water and scooped her up to carry her to the bed. Their bodies were wet from the shower, and their skin slid together. The sensation was so sensual that Edward's cock hardened till it was almost painful.

Bella crawled up the bed and he followed, kneeling between her knees. Without warning, he plunged into her, the sensation of her muscles gripping his length forcing a hiss from his lips. Bella's eyes were closed, her mouth open slightly as her chest heaved. With each thrust, her eyelashes quivered and her panting quickened.

"Babe, I'm going to come." Her words came in gasps.

"Come for me, Isabella. Open your eyes so I can watch you come." His breath caught at the love and lust in her eyes, her pupils dilated. "Come with me. I can feel you, can feel how close you are. I can feel you quivering around me. Let go, love."

She let go and he felt him tighten in response, welcoming the intense pleasure that roared through him, grounding inside her as he came in hard spurts.

Edward rested his forehead on hers, their breath mingling while their bodies drifted down from their lovemaking. He opened his eyes to look at the woman underneath him, their bodies still connected.

"I love you." His voice was quiet, barely a thread of sound in the silent bedroom.

"I love you too." She stretched up to kiss him. "For the rest of my life, I will love you."

He rolled over and she snuggled backwards into his chest. They drifted off to sleep, content and connected by their love.

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-j-

Bella and Bree were sitting on their bench in the gardens at the Clinic, idly discussing Christmas.

"I hate that I can't buy presents." Bree looked up at the tree. "Do you know, I've never bought anybody a present?"

"That's so sad, Bree." Bella's heart ached at the insight this gave into the desolation of Bree's life. "But please don't worry about it. We want you there because you're you. No one cares that you can't buy gifts." She paused, wondering if she should give her some money so that she could buy some gifts.

"What are you thinking, Bella? You have an odd expression on your face." Bree looked at her curiously.

"I was wondering if I should give you some money so that you can." Bella hesitated. "I don't think it's a good idea though, Bree. You're still shaky and having money in your purse might have you at the off licence."

"Thanks for considering it, Bella, but I would have turned you down anyway." Bree touched her hand. "I have something to ask you though."

"Let's hear it." Bella smiled at her, but it faded when she saw the fear in Bree's face. "What is it, Bree? I'm not going to judge you."

"I know you won't." She took a deep breath. "I'd like to bring someone with me."

Bella was silent, trying to think through the implications and dangers that having a stranger in the house could have.

"Bree, I don't think it's a good idea. I've sort of avoided the topic, but you need to know that Edward is well known. Having a stranger in the house could threaten his career, which in turn could impact on my sobriety." She took Bree's hand in hers. "I'm sorry, but I have to say no."

"It's not like that, Bella." Bree's mouth twisted and she looked away. "It's my daughter."

"You have a daughter?" Bella's mind was blank with shock. "Why haven't you mentioned her before?

"Yes. She turns one next month." Bree wouldn't meet Bella's eyes.

"Where is she now?" Bella's mind was reeling, knowing that Bree had no home, knew no one who would look after her while she was in the clinic.

"A friend is looking after her." Bree stood up, then sank back onto the bench.

"A friend?" Bella was sceptical. "Is she safe?"

"No, not really." Bree's shoulders shook slightly.

"Bree, that's not okay." She tried to keep the anger out of her voice. "Can I call Edward to arrange for her to be collected? She can stay with us."

"I can't ask you to do that," Bree's whispered. "It's too much to ask."

Bella reached for her phone, trying to get control of the rage that coursed through her. The thought of a little girl, somewhere out there, probably in danger made her sick to her stomach. Her hands shook as she dialled Edward.

"Hey, babe."

"Hey, beautiful." Bella relaxed slightly at the sound of his voice.

"I need to talk to you about something, and it can't wait till this afternoon."

"Is something wrong? The fear in his voice made her heart beat painfully.

"Yes, something is very wrong." Her throat closed and she forced her voice passed it. "Not with me, Edward. I need you and Alice to do something for me," she paused, glancing at Bree. "And for Bree."

"Anything, love, just ask."

"We need to collect a little girl, Edward. It's Bree's daughter, and she's not safe."

"What do you mean, 'not safe'?" He interrupted and she flinched at the anger in his voice.

"There's a good chance that she's not being taken care of properly." She listened to silence. "Edward?"

"I'm here, Bella. I'm trying to keep control of my temper." The implacable calm of his voice told her all she needed to know about his reaction to the situation. He was as appalled as she was.

"Where is she?"

"I don't know the details. I'm with Bree now, I'm going to put you on speaker phone." She pressed the button.

"Bree?" Edward's voice was flat.

"I'm here, Edward." Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"Are you okay with me getting your daughter? She can stay with us for as long as necessary." He took a breath. "We cannot leave her in that situation."

"Okay." Tears streamed down her cheeks. "Thank you."

"There's no need for thanks." His voice softened. "This is not about you, or Bella, or me: this is about the safety of a child. Where is she?"

"She's at a commune." Bree's voice cracked. "It's where a woman I know from the streets lives with her..." her voice failed completely.

"Give me the address, Bree." Edward's voice shook and Bella's heart missed a beat at the anger, shock and fear in it.

Bree gave him the address and Bella heard him catch his breath.

"It's a slum neighbourhood with an awful crime rate, Bella. I can't ask Alice to go there." The frustration in his voice was obvious.

"Edward, take Emmett with you." She thought for a minute. "It's actually probably better if Emmett and Alice go anyway."

"Yeah, good idea, love. Alice is here, so I'll give Emmett a call after I speak to her." He sighed. "Bree, we'll get her today. I'll call Bella when I have her." He waited for a response from Bree, but she just nodded at Bella.

"I'll keep my phone on, babe." She looked at Bree. "What's her name?"

"Imriel. She has black hair and blue eyes."

"Okay, love, I'll talk to you later. I love you." He paused. "This is the right thing to do, Bella."

"I know. I love you too. I'll wait for your call." Bella ended the call and looked at Bree.

"Are you sure you're okay with this, Bree?" Bella tried to meet her eyes, but she just looked away.

"How could I not be, Bella? You're looking after my baby when I can't." She finally turned to meet Bella's gaze. "I trust you to do the right thing." She stood up and walked away without another word.

Bella sat outside waiting for Edward's call. Realistically, she knew it could take hours, but she couldn't bear the thought of missing his call. Her mind churned, trying to process this latest curve ball. Her overwhelming emotion was anger. She was furious with Bree, with alcohol, with life that could allow a child to be exposed to danger in this way.

The logistics of looking after a child shook her. Neither she nor Edward had experience with children, none of their friends had children either. Bree would have to come home with her at night, she decided and stood up to find Helen.

Bella found Helen in her office and knocked on the door.

"Helen, do you have a few minutes for me, please? I have something urgent to discuss with you."

"Of course, Bella. Come in." Helen gestured towards a chair. "Take a seat. Your expression tells me that this is another biggie that you're going to want me to agree to."

"You're right." Bella sat down and took a deep breath. "And once again, it involves Bree."

Helen's eyes narrowed and crossed her arms. "Let's hear it."

Bella briefly ran through the morning's events and the decision that she and Edward had made to look after Imriel.

"Helen, I need for Bree to come home with me at night." She held up her hand when Helen wanted to interrupt. "Let me finish. Her place is with her daughter. Edward and I have a strong support structure that is more than capable of dealing with any fall out that Bree or I can't deal with. This is not something you should deny, Helen. This is about a baby, and caring for that baby is the most important thing right now."

"Bella, give me some time to process this." Helen scowled at her. "Give me till the end of the day. Does Bree know about your request?"

Bella shook her head.

"Please don't mention it to her yet. " She shook her head. "I need to discuss it with the clinic director as well."

Bella's phone rang, startling them both.

"It's Edward. I'll put him on speaker."

"Hi, babe. I'm with Helen. You're on speaker. Do you have her yet?"

"I do." The rage in his voice made her heart thump uncomfortably.

"Is she okay?"

"No. Bella..." His voice choked with tears. "Bella, she's in pretty bad shape. Alice has contacted Dr Gerandy, my GP. He's coming over to examine her." He began to weep. "Bella, she's skin and bone. Love, she's filthy and it looks like someone burned her with a cigarette. I hate to ask this of you, but can you come home?"

"Of course, Edward. I'll call the driver." She wiped away her tears. "Edward, I'm with Helen because I want Bree to come home with me. She needs to be with her child."

Silence filled the room, before Edward's sigh echoed in the office.

"Okay. But please don't wait for her. We can send the driver back to fetch her. Can you stop at a baby store on your way home? We have nothing for her here and there was nothing at the squat either. Love, this child has nothing." The pain bled into his voice.

"Edward?" Helen's voice was quiet.

"Hi, Helen."

"I'm going to speak to the director right away and I'll get back to you and Bella as soon as I can."

"Thank you." Edward's voice was barely recognisable.

"I'll call the driver now, babe. I'll see you in a bit. I love you." Bella ended the call and looked at Helen.

"Do you understand now?" She sighed with relief when Helen nodded.

* * *

-j-

The car arrived within half an hour of her call.

"Good morning, Ms Swan. Ms Brandon has contacted me already to ask me to take you to get supplies for a baby." He smiled slightly. "I have three children, so I'm sure I can help."

"Thank you, please call me Bella." She smiled gratefully, then frowned. "I'm so sorry, but I don't even know your name. You've been driving me for weeks and I've never asked your name."

"I'm Kyle." He smiled again. "And you don't need to apologise, Ms Swan. I understand completely." He opened the door. "Let's go find the baby some essentials."

Two hours later she and Kyle pulled into the driveway, the car's boot full of baby paraphernalia. Edward met them on the stairs and rushed to take her into his arms. She held him, feeling the stress in his body relax slightly.

"Are you okay?" She pulled back slightly to look at his face.

"I am now that you're home." His voice was muffled as he buried his face into her hair.

"I'd like to meet Imriel." She kissed him on the cheek.

"She's beautiful, Bella." He all but dragged her into the house. They walked into the playroom where Alice was gazing at a small bundle on the sofa surrounded by pillows.

"Ali! How are you?" Bella startled when Alice turned and frowned at her, putting her fingers to her lips.

"Shhh, Belly, Imri is sleeping."

Bella put her arms around her and they looked down at the sleeping child. Bella couldn't help the smile that pulled at her mouth. Imriel was beautiful. Inky black curls framed a thin face, her skin so pale it seemed she could see the blood moving beneath the surface. Thick lashes curled like small waves, so long that they cast a shadow on the soft skin of her cheeks. Her mouth made a natural little pout that moved slightly as she breathed.

A closer look revealed deprivation. Her cheekbones stood out in a face that was too thin for a child. Even asleep, her little shoulders seemed to hunch slightly, emphasising her too prominent shoulder blades. Bella held her breath as Imriel sighed and rolled over. She stretched and yawned, her eyelids flickering then opening to reveal the deepest blue eyes that Bella had ever seen.

Bella knelt down next to the sofa and gently touched Imriel's cheek, her heart contracting at the petal softness beneath her fingertips. Her heart expanded again when little hands shot up, asking to be picked up. Bella sat on the sofa and pulled Imriel into her lap. She immediately snuggled into Bella's body and tangled her little fist into Bella's hair. She yawned again and her eyelashes fluttered closed.

Bella's mind was calm, almost blank as she leaned back with Imriel in her arms. She was stunned by the depth of emotion that this little person made her feel. The instinctive protectiveness surprised her a little, but not much: it was a completely rational response to the thought of this innocent child being hurt or harmed. This thought finally broke through her gentle musings, and fury smashed across her mind. That this small person had been neglected and hurt made her want to lash out and hurt the culprit in turn. Her arms had instinctively tightened and Imriel shifted, a little mewl escaping her pouting lips.

She looked up into Edward's eyes and tried to smile. She read the same outrage in the hardness of his jaw and the glitter in his eyes.

"Love, Helen just called." His eyes became flat and cold. "She's given permission for Bree to stay with us."

"That's great." Bella looked down at the child in her arms. "Did you hear that, Imri? Your mum will be here just now."

"Bella." Edward's tone made her look up. "Bree has refused to come. She's staying at the clinic."

"What? Why?" Bella's voice startled Imriel awake and she rocked her gently.

"She wants to do extra sessions with Helen to make sure she copes with Christmas."

She looked down at Imriel again, trying to understand Bree's decision. It took an enormous amount of strength to do that and part of her acknowledged Bree's determination to get better for her daughter. A large part, though, was appalled that she would choose to stay away from the beautiful baby in her arms. She sighed a little and smiled at Edward.

"I guess we'll just have to manage on our own till Christmas Eve. It's only two nights, and you have a function to go to tomorrow night. I'll be here for Imriel."

"Belly, I think it would be best if Jazz and I stay the night tomorrow." Alice interjected quietly.

"Thanks, Ali, I appreciate that." She smiled up at Alice.

"Edward? Please would you call Kyle to let him know he doesn't need to fetch Bree?" She stood up carefully.

"He's still here, helping me put together all the equipment. Emmett tried to help, saying he needed the practice. He took fright halfway through and scarpered." He chuckled. "Do you have any idea how complicated that stuff is? "

The bewilderment on his face made Bella and Alice start laughing, which woke up Imriel. She looked around curiously and smiled, a big open grin that showed little teeth peeking out her gums. All three adults caught their breath at the beautiful sound of her giggle.

"Are you hungry, Imri?" Bella kissed her forehead. "I bought you bottles and formula and baby food and teething rusks and every good thing for munchkins. Let's see if there's anything you like."

She settled Imriel on her hip and walked through to the kitchen. The high chair was already assembled at the counter, so Bella slipped her in and did up the buckle.

"Right, munchkin. Let's see..." She picked up the closest bottle. "Pureed carrots and broccoli. Does that sound good?" She opened it. "Bloody hell! It smells revolting. How can they expect a child to eat that? Do you want to try it, Imri?"

Imriel grinned at her and stretched for the bottle.

"Well, okay, if you insist, but don't cry if it's nasty – I did warn you." She scooped some up in a spoon and held it out for Imriel to open her mouth.

The contents of the bottle disappeared into Imriel's mouth and down Bella's blouse in short order after Imriel made a grab for the bottle, flicking carrot and broccoli puree all over herself, the high chair and the floor.

"Nice, Imri." Bella looked at her dripping blouse. "Now you, me and the floor need a bath."

Edward and Alice kept a safe distance, laughing as Bella tried to wipe the goop out her hair.

Kyle walked into the kitchen and stopped, looking from Bella to Imriel, then to Edward and Alice before bursting into howls of laughter.

"Love, I wish you could see your face." Edward reached for a cloth to wipe Imriel down.

"You should see the look of horror on yours and Alice's faces – Ali looked like she was going to have a coronary." Bella pretended to glare at him.

"Bella, you're a natural at it." Kyle's voice was gentle. "Just a word of advice – give her something to hold while you're feeding her. It'll keep her hands busy so she doesn't grab for the spoon or bottle."

"Kyle, your words are gold." Bella took Imriel out of the high chair. "Any advice for bathtime?"

"Yeah, in fact I do – don't wear your nice clothes." He grinned at Bella. "Actually, the same applies. Just keep a steady supply of bath toys available."

"I'll go run a bath for this little angel." Alice popped a kiss on Imriel's head, carefully avoiding her flailing hands. "Where's that thermometer thingy I saw?" She picked it up, along with some clothes and went to the bathroom.

"Kyle, thank you for your help. You've been amazing."

"No problem at all, Bella. Nappy changing can be horrific the first few times." His nose twitched. "Unless I'm much mistaken, you're about to have a baptism of fire with that."

She laughed and stepped forward to hug him, then stopped when she realised she'd cover him in goop too.

"Welcome to parenthood, Bella." He smiled at Imriel and left.

Fifteen minutes and several retches into the toilet later, Edward and Bella had Imriel cleaned up and ready for her bath. Bella kneeled next to the bath and lifted Imriel into the water. Edward sat on the loo and she leaned back against his legs as they watched Imriel play in the water.

"Edward, what did Dr Gerandy say?" Bella's voice was strained.

"She seems to be okay – there are no broken bones, her eyes and ears work just fine and she seemed alert." He took a shuddering breath. "But she's malnourished and dehydrated and has more than one sore on her body that looks like it was made by a cigarette. She had been fed all kinds of junk, none of it suitable for a baby. Dr Gerandy says we need to watch it carefully as she could have digestive problems over the next few weeks. He thinks she's falling behind milestones because she isn't able to crawl very well. He says it's probably because of the malnutrition.

"Bella, I hope I never, ever see anything like that again. She stank, love. She was in clothes so dirty they were stiff. Did you see the rash on her bottom and legs?" He looked down at her, his face frozen in a grimace.

"Yeah, I saw. I thought it was nappy rash." Bella leaned over to pass Imriel a duck.

"She wasn't wearing a nappy. It's caused by faeces, love. The child was left in her own faeces, probably for days." His hands were shaking.

"Bella." His tone was furious and he waited till she looked at him. "Bree cannot take this child."

"Edward, we have no right to take her baby from her. She's working damn hard to get her life back on track so that she _can_ become a mum for Imriel." She lifted her hand to cup his cheek. "We have to believe that she can do it."

He didn't reply. She looked up again to see him gazing at Imriel with tears in his eyes.

"Guys?" Alice's head popped round the door. "I need to get home. I'll talk to Jazz tonight about us staying over tomorrow night, and I've already checked with Tanya that she can take my place as your date."

"Goodbye, baby." She ran a hand over Imriel's wet curls. "I'll see you tomorrow. Hang in there for a day, Imri. You'll only have to slum it in the clothes your Aunty Belly chose for a little while longer. Your Aunty Alice will bring you some proper clothes tomorrow."

She kissed Edward and Bella on the cheeks and pulled them into an awkward hug. "You two have done a wonderful thing. I love you both. I've sterilised all her bottles. They're on the counter already filled with boiled water. All you need to do is put the formula in the bottle and shake."

"Thank you Ali. As usual, you're an angel in disguise." Edward leaped to his feet and lifted her clean off her feet. "Have you got any more pearls of wisdom?"

"Funny you should ask... I've left a pile of documents on the kitchen counter. I looked for the basics like what our baby should eat, when to sleep... Make sure you read the bits about what to do if she gets a temperature." Alice stopped, then grinned. "I've left Dr Gerandy's number on the fridge door. Have fun guys." She waved and disappeared.

"Okay, Imri." Edward leaned over to take her out the bath. "You're sparkly clean now."

Bella passed him a hooded towel to wrap her up in and they put the changing mat on the floor to get her nappy on. By the time they got it right, they were in fits of laughter, partly at themselves and partly at the delicious giggles coming from Imriel.

"Come on, baby. It's bottle and bed time." Edward carried her to the playroom while Bella went to the kitchen to make her bottle.

As promised, Alice had prepared several bottles that now stood on the counter, sealed with the teat inside. Bella carefully measured out the scoops of formula and walked to the playroom shaking it vigorously.

Edward sat on the sofa with Imriel on his lap. Bella watched as she reached up to pat her palm on his chin, giggling when his stubble tickled her hand. The expression on his face brought tears to her eyes. He was gazing at Imriel as if she was the most precious thing in the world, enthralled by her smile and giggle.

He looked up and smiled when Bella handed him the bottle, which he handed to Imriel. She tried to take it from him but couldn't keep hold of it. Edward took it back and held it for her to drink. She began sucking immediately, snuggling herself into his body, her head resting on his forearm. Her eyelids soon drifted closed.

Bella curled up on Edward's other side and they both watched Imriel sleep.

"She's beautiful." Edward's voice was filled with awe. "How could anyone harm anything so precious?"

"Her life will get better now, Edward." Bella didn't know if she was trying to convince herself, or Edward. "Bree will be able to take care of her now. And we will be there to help too."

They stayed there for hours, just watching the little girl sleep, tensing when she became restless, relaxing when she did.

"Babe, I don't think I'm going to the clinic tomorrow." She looked up at him. "I don't think I'm going back at all. I'm strong, Edward. I want to carry on sessions with Carmen, but I'm done with the clinic. Would that be okay with you?"

"Bella, you know better than anyone if you're ready or not. I don't know enough about this to give you an informed opinion." He stroked her cheek. "I would be happier if you talked it through with Jasper or Carmen before you make a final decision. Would that be okay with _you_?"

"Yeah, that's fine with me." She stood up and stretched. "Where is our little princess sleeping tonight?"

"Kyle put the travel cot in our room so that she's near us. I'm worried that we won't wake up if she's in another room." He gently handed Imriel to Bella so that he could stand. "Shall we go to bed, love? I'm knackered."

"Sounds like a good idea. I'm exhausted too." They walked up the stairs together ,Bella hugging Imriel to her chest. The camp cot was purple and pink with net sides and draped in swathes of mosquito netting. Edward pulled it aside so that Bella could put Imriel down. The second her back touched the mattress, her eyes flew open and she began to cry. An hour later, Imriel still cried when she was put in the cot.

"Babe, go shower and I'll hold her. I'll jump in when you're done and can take her." Bella smiled at him. "Go on, we'll be fine."

Edward dashed through a speedy shower and was out the bathroom and in his pyjamas in record time. Hiding a smile, she passed Imriel to Edward and went to shower.

Bella could vaguely hear Edward singing over the sound of the water running. Watching him today with Imriel was a precious thing in itself and she knew he'd be an amazing father. They'd discussed kids, but she harboured deep reservations. Bella was genuinely frightened that she'd pass on her addiction to her children and was absolutely petrified that she'd fail them as a mother if she started drinking again. It relieved a deep seated anxiety to know that Edward would protect their children from anything and everything, even if it was herself. Maybe it was time to open the discussion again.

Bella walked out the shower and chuckled. Edward and Imriel were fast asleep on the bed, Edward's chin resting on Imriel's curls. Even in his sleep, his arms protected her. She switched off the lights and snuggled down on the other side of Imriel. Her last waking thought was pity – pity for Bree, and what she was missing.

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**AN: thank you to everyone who has added me to story alerts. I'd be super chuffed if you left a review too?**


	27. Chapter 26 Writing Wrongs

**AN: I'm sorry for the long delay. I've had a really bad case of writer's block. I've also been completely absorbed in some awesome stories out there at the moment. More on those at the bottom. Also been beta'ing a fuck awesome story by Bee1982 - Playing with Fire - check it out!**

**Warning: mentions child abuse.**

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Chapter 26 Writing wrongs

Edward woke up, confused by an unfamiliar scent. He hovered between waking and sleeping, wondering if Bella had changed any of her body products. No, he could always smell Bella's natural scent under any artificial smells. A non-Bella squirming next to him shocked him, and his eyes flew open. Deep blue eyes gazed up at him, a beautiful smile lighting Imriel's face when their eyes met. Her little hands shot up to touch his face.

Unfamiliar emotions churned in his chest – protective, sorrow... and fury. Imriel's smile faltered, her bottom lip quivering. He pulled her against him, smoothing her curls while whispering nonsense into her ear. He glanced over at Bella, still sleeping with her hands under her cheek. Imriel giggled and Bella's eyes shot open, concern flooding her expression. Edward smiled at how she immediately relaxed when she saw Imriel smiling and snuggling up to him.

"Good morning, love." Edward cradled Imriel so that he didn't lean on her as he leaned across to kiss Bella.

"And a good morning to you." Bella stretched.

"Imri must be hungry, love. I'm going downstairs to get her a bottle." He slid out of bed, settling Imri against his chest. "I really never thought I'd say this, but hips would be really useful right now."

"Do you want me to carry her, since I have the hips in our relationship?" Bella teased.

"Nope – Imri and I are just fine. I could use help to make her a bottle, though?"

They walked down the stairs together, both of them coo-ing and talking to Imri. They decided they'd give her breakfast first, laughing at each other as they fussed over the baby porridge, trying to decide if they'd got it right. Either Imri wasn't fussy, or they'd got it right, because she wolfed it down.

Edward met Bella's eyes met over Imri's head, the pain in her eyes breaking his heart. Her expression told him that she saw the same pain in his eyes. It was unfathomable to him how anyone could treat this small person with anything other than adoration. Perhaps Bree wouldn't get dry so that Imri could stay with them. He shook himself, ashamed of the thought. Never did he expect to find himself actively wishing someone harm. He looked down at Imriel's arm, seeing the dressing covering the burn on her arm. Rage exploded, eclipsing his vision. Imriel's sobbing broke through his fury and he blinked, realising he was breathing heavily. Bella had picked up Imriel and was cradling her, offering her a bottle.

"Sorry, love." He drew in a shaky breath, releasing it in a gust. "Is she okay?"

"She was frightened, I think." Bella's tone was noncommittal.

"May I hold her? I can't..." Bella passed her over to him. Edward smiled at Imriel, marvelling at her miniature perfection.

"Sorry, Imri. I didn't mean to scare you, honey. I just want to keep you safe." Edward kissed her cheek, sighing with relief when Imriel beamed at him.

"Edward..." Edward looked up, his heart thumping painfully. He knew exactly what she was going to say.

"Babe, we need to be careful. She's not ours, Edward."

"I know, but, Bella..." He sighed. There wasn't anything to say, so he changed the topic. "I have the damn premiere tonight. I don't think I've ever wanted to attend a function less than this one. I'd much rather be here with you and Imri."

"I know, babe, and I wish you were here too. Maybe you can leave the after party early? Tell them the baby sitters need to get home?" Edward smiled at her mischievous comment. "Actually, I was talking about my baby sitters – Alice and Jasper, remember?"

Edward's smile slid from his face as he stared at Bella. "I'm so sorry, love. I've been so caught up with the Bree and Imri situation, that you've not been my first priority. I promised to be your everything and I've already fucked it up." Tears formed in his eyes, falling before he could blink them back.

"Babe, let's put Imri down for a nap in the playroom. We need to talk." Edward followed her, smiling as she fussed with pillows, making a cosy nest for her. He gently put Imriel down, watching as her lids blinked, then stayed closed.

"Edward, please understand that I am not hurt at all that you've been worrying about Imriel." She put her arms round his neck. "It is beautiful; it shows the wonderful, compassionate man that you are; it shows me that you understand priorities. Right now, Imri needs our attention. I signed us up for this without discussing it with you first, and you've been more than amazing.

"I think a part of you is holding its breath, waiting for me to drink, afraid to relax and drop the ball. You can't live like that, Edward. It's not healthy for you, and will stop our relationship growing. I trust you implicitly. I don't need or want to be your only priority. I love you and would never want to smother you. I certainly don't feel slighted by your need to protect Imri – I feel the same way.

Edward pulled her to him, feeling her heart beat against him. Once again, Bella had blown him away with her insight and selflessness. The right words had been spoken. She had realised that a clearing was needed, was brave enough to meet it head on and strong enough to handle whatever the outcome was.

"I love you, Isabella."

"And I love you, Edward."

"Bella, I can't bear the thought of losing Imriel." Edward tried to keep his voice steady, but failed miserably.

They clung together, drawing strength from each other to face the heartache that was coming.

-j-

"Love? I think Bree's arrived. Can you get the door, please? I'm up to my eyeballs in butternut and corn baby food." Edward smiled at Imriel. "Hear that, honey? Your Mum's here!"

He straightened up, realising that Bella hadn't answered. "Bella?" He pulled Imriel out the high chair and settled her against his hip, reaching the door as the doorbell rang. He opened the door to see Kyle holding a small suitcase.

"Good afternoon, Mr Cullen." Kyle's eye's crinkled. "I see you use the tactile approach to feeding the little one."

Edward glanced down at himself and Imriel, and started laughing. "Tactile, huh? That's a tactful way of saying I get more down my front than down Imri's throat."

"She's looking so much better, Mr Cullen." He cleared his throat. "Miss Tanner is in the car. I suspect she's a little overwhelmed, sir."

"Ahh... Would you hold... on second thoughts, don't worry. I was going to ask you to hold Imri, but you don't need butternut and corn down your suit." Edward walked down the stairs to the car, holding Imriel in one arm and opening the car door with the other.

"Welcome to our home, Bree. Bella and I are so glad you're here." Edward paused while she clambered out the car. He wondered if she wanted to take Imriel, unconsciously tightening his hold on her. Imriel whacked him on the cheek in protest, giving him a wide grin. He grinned back, popping a kiss on her curls. He looked at Bree, who was looking from him to Imriel and back.

"Would you like to hold her?" He immediately felt like a tool – Imriel was Bree's daughter, and he was basically giving her permission to hold the child. He shook his head slightly, remembering a comment Bella had made about situations not covered by one's mother's etiquette lessons. This was definitely one of them.

He studied her for a second, seeing the fear in her eyes. She looked shell shocked and ready to bolt. What wasn't clear was if it was because of him, the house, or Imriel.

"Let's get inside so I can clean up your little angel." He offered gently. "Go right in - I just want to thank Kyle." He and Kyle watched her step tentatively over the threshold.

"Sir, I realise that this is highly inappropriate..." Kyle took a breath. "Is she this little one's mother?"

"Kyle, it's not inappropriate that you're observant, and yes, she is Imriel's mum." Edward hesitated. "Kyle, is there something you want to say? As odd as it sounds, I trust your judgement."

"She's not able to care of a child, Mr Cullen."

"We know, Kyle, that's why Imri's with us, until Bree is able to take care of her herself."

"No, Mr Cullen. What I mean is that she will never be able to look after a little one. I've seen someone like her before. She's too far down to ever get back. Be prepared for that, Mr Cullen. Have a merry Christmas, Mr Cullen."

"You too, Kyle. To you and your family."

Edward walked slowly into the house, more shaken than he cared to admit by Kyle's observation. Imriel broke into his thoughts by smacking his cheek.

"You monster." He pretended to eat her fingers, making her shriek with laughter. "Let's get you clean for your Mum, honey."

"Edward?"

He followed Bella's voice to the kitchen. She and Bree were sitting at the counter, each holding a mug of tea. He grinned when Bella passed him a mug too, hastily putting it down when Imriel reached for it.

"Bree, this little munchkin needs a bath. Do you want to do it, or would you like me to?" Bree looked at Bella, her face stark with fear.

"Babe, would you mind bathing her? I really want to spend some time with Bree." Bella's voice was even, but Edward knew her well, could hear the anger underlying her words. Bree's relief was obvious.

"No problem, ladies." He kissed Bella. "See you in a bit."

Edward tried to sort through his thoughts while he watched Imriel splash in the bath. The most disturbing was the fear Bree showed when asked to care for her daughter. Kyle's comments resounded in his head, too – he wasn't exaggerating that he trusted Kyle's judgement. He wrestled with the information, trying to find a way to protect Bella and Imriel from the world of hurt awaiting them all.

"Imri, this is obviously an X chromosome thing. I can't get you into this damn outfit. Choose, honey – which one do you want to wear?" He held up two garments, sniggering when she pouted. "What about this?" He held up a plain white baby grow. He sniggered again when she lit up. "Your Aunt Alice and you are going to have words, my baby – those were her clothes you vetoed." He slipped her into the baby grow and carried her downstairs.

"... make plans for Imriel, Bree. Where do you going to take her when you leave the clinic?"

Edward paused in the hall, wanting to hear Bree's response.

"I don't know yet, Bella." Bree sounded annoyed and... evasive?

"Do you want to stay with us for a while? It will give you a chance to be with Imri, with lots of support." Bella had obviously spotted the evasion in her tone too.

"Um... Bella, would you mind showing me where I'm sleeping? You know how exhausting the clinic can be."

Edward stepped into the kitchen before Bella could answer. "Here's your daughter, Bree, all sparkly clean."

"Thank you... um... I just want to settle in. I'll be back in a minute."

Bella stood up to take Bree upstairs, meeting Edward's eyes as she passed. He read the same thing in her eyes – growing anger at Bree's refusal to interact with her daughter.

Edward looked up when Bella walked into the playroom, the smile dying on his lips at the expression on her face.

"She's not coming down, is she?" His voice was flat, his question not really a question. He shifted so that she could curl up next to him, putting Imriel on her lap.

"No, she's tired. She's probably asleep already." The exhaustion in Bella's voice made his anger flare.

"Bella, we need to discuss this. You are my family, my heart, Bella. I cannot stand by and do nothing when something threatens to hurt you." He hesitated. "Love, the longer we have Imriel, the more determined I'm becoming that we can't let Bree take her. Not now, not ever."

"I'm feeling the same way, Edward." Bella looked down at the sleeping baby, brushing a curl off her forehead. A tear splashed on Imriel's cheek and she wiped it away before wiping her eyes. "I still can't justify taking her daughter from her."

"Love, I don't think she wants her daughter." Edward kept his voice gentle, reining in the anger that threatened to explode again.

"Come on, let's put up the Christmas tree." Bella forced enthusiasm into her voice. He didn't comment, just fetched the bags of decorations Alice had left.

A couple of hours later, the tree was done, and so were they.

"Let's go to bed, babe. I'm exhausted." She held Imriel tightly while Edward helped her up.

"I'll prepare her bottle, love. You go put Imri down. I'll be up in a bit." He kissed her, then leaned down to kiss Imriel's cheek. "I love you... both of you."

He switched off the lights, leaving the Christmas light on. His first Christmas with Bella. Another first, another charm for her bracelet. He opened their bedroom door, his heart swelling at the sight of Bella curled around Imriel, both fast asleep. There was no way he was letting his baby go.

-j-

Bella stretched gently, mindful of the little girl curled next to her. She was still tired – Imriel had woken up in the early hours of the morning, crying. It had taken a good hour and an entire bottle to settle her. Bella had fallen asleep in the chair, Imriel clutched against her. Edward must have picked them up in the night and put them both back to bed. She smiled at the thought.

"Good morning, love. Merry Christmas." Edward stretched over Imriel to kiss her.

"Merry Christmas to you too, my love." Bella grinned. "Thank you for putting Imri and I back to bed."

"No need to thank me, love. I look after my family." Their eyes met, perfectly understanding each other. Bella nodded, Edward acknowledged it: they were going to fight for Imriel.

"Since you were up with munchkin, I'll make the coffee." Edward kissed her again. "Before I do that, though, I want to give you your Christmas present."

"Another one? I know the car wouldn't fit under the tree, but really, another one?"

"Oh, no, we have a different payment arrangement on the MX5 – blow jobs in perpetuity, remember?" Edward grinned.

"Oi! No bad words in front of the child!" Bella pretended to cover Imriel's ears.

"Sorry. Lots to get used to, right?" Edward handed her a Tiffany's box.

Bella opened it and laughed. A Christmas tree charm nestled on the black velvet. Little gems – sapphires, rubies, emeralds, topaz and diamonds – sparkled like little lights against the green enamel.

"Babe, it's beautiful. I love it, thank you so much." She pulled him closer to kiss him. A giggle sounded below them and they broke away to look down. Imriel was gazing up at them, a beautiful smile on her face.

"Good morning, angel. Are you ready for breakfast?" Bella laughed at Imriel's giggle. "Come on, let's all go downstairs. We'll give you breakfast, then maybe we can wake up your mum."

An hour later, baby porridge mostly down Imriel's throat, rather than all over the kitchen, they got dressed.

"Edward, please take Imriel. I want to take some clothes to Bree."

Bella went through her wardrobe, trying to find something smart for Bree to wear and feel good in for the holiday. Settling on a wrap dress and cardigan, she knocked on Bree's door. There was no answer. Hesitating for a second, she opened the door. She didn't understand what she was seeing. The room was empty. She was sure Bree wasn't downstairs.

"Edward?" Bella called from the top of the stairs. "Please check if Bree is in the playroom or on the patio?"

"Not here, love. Why?" Edward called back.

Bella walked back into the room, realising the bed was made. She opened a drawer of the dresser, knowing it would be empty. Fear was clawing at her, writhing in her stomach. She opened the door to the en-suite, cringing. Nothing. She stumbled backwards, bumping into the bed. There, on the bed next to her, was a note. She lifted it, numbly aware of how badly her was shaking.

"Edward?" She cleared her throat. "EDWARD!"

He appeared at the door, Imriel clutched under one arm. "What? Bella, what's wrong, love?" He looked at her, confused, taking the letter she thrust at him. He read the first sentence and sank on to the bed next to her.

_Bella –_

_You are the best person I know. I have made so many mistakes, made so many wrong choices and trusted so many untrustworthy people. But you – you and Edward – I trust._

_I'm giving you Imri. That sounds awful, doesn't it? Giving her away like a gift. It is a gift – a gift to her and the only good thing I can give her._

_I thought that my baby would be enough to keep me sober. As if the responsibility was a guaranteed key to not drinking! I knew, I knew that I would fail. But Imriel does not deserve failure. She deserves the very, very best, and you, Bella, are the very best._

_I knew when I met you that you would be perfect for my baby. I have no shame that I manipulated you and the clinic into becoming my friend. Your invitation to share Christmas with you and your family was proof, to me, that I have made the right choice. _

_You're too good to hand her over to the System. Please, I beg you, don't do that. I'm the way I am, a failure as a person and a mother, because I lived in the system for so many years._

_I was handed over to the system when I was Imriel's age. I was in foster care for years, moved in and out of homes until I was ten. That's when hell started. The kindly couple that adopted me. Oh, God, how do I describe it to someone like you, who is surrounded by love? _

_I was his punching bag until he discovered that he liked girls. What is there to say about a man who fucked a ten year old? What do you say to the fourteen year old girl who was forced to have an abortion – twice? _

_I escaped by working my tail off in school to get a scholarship to a university as far from him as I could find. I should have realised I'd never escape. I walked out of his trap into an alcohol trap. I only managed to finish first year before I was kicked out because I couldn't keep my grades what with being drunk all the time._

_I don't know who Imriel's father is. I sold my body to anyone who would give me booze and didn't even know I was pregnant until I felt her move in me. I managed to stop drinking for the rest of my pregnancy, and even a few months after she was born. It wasn't enough to keep me from drinking again. _

_She's been living in a squat with me and a few 'friends'. I find I can't look at her. I don't want to see how thin she is. I don't want to see that she doesn't light up for me, because I'm not her mom. Moms love and protect their children, they'll die for their children. The best I can do for her is to give her to someone who will protect her and love her._

_Bella, you and Edward are the most beautiful people I know, the kind of beauty that matters. You are the kind of people who understand what is important in life and what is worth fighting for. I know that you will not abandon her or harm her and that you'll make her part of your family. _

_I feel no shame in manipulating you because it is the only thing of value that I can give my – your – daughter. She will grow up in a home full of love, laughter and light. All I can offer her is a life of darkness and fear._

_Life is just too damn hard, Bella. There is no way out for me, no happily ever after like you've found. Only good people get the good stuff. _

_I have no right to ask anything, but I am asking anyway: please don't tell Imriel about me. Tell her she's your biological child or adopted or anything, but please don't saddle her with the knowledge of the failure that her mother was. I don't want her life poisoned by me and the only way that can happen is if it is as if I never existed. She deserves better._

_Bree_

* * *

**So, the stories I'm loving at the moment:**

**The Handcuff bracelet: Lykosdracos - hands down the most layered Edward ever. So good, I'm inspired to get some more ink.**

**Don't stand so close to me: Elyse Gaines**


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